The Kakashi Chronicles- The Story about that Lightning Cutter
by TheHollowWorld
Summary: Konoha is unstable. The Hokage is dying, and that damn Uchiha kid has gone rogue. They say a Sannin will help save the land. Meanwhile Kakashi has this hunch that things will get even worse than ever before. /Story based on Naruto/N. Shippuden. Loyal to the main ideas, with just a little extra twist.
1. I Am An Outsider

_**Au's Note:**_ Lyrics taken from Three Days Grace songs.

Story is dedicated to everyone who likes KakaxTsu smut and angst, + especially to Hansolo's butt. Obrigada for everything, Buttface.

Please review! I want your opinion!

 _ **"I'll show you a world that you can understand."**_

* * *

Strange fancies surged pell-mell about his mind while he waited next to an open window. Outside, some blackbirds whistled in the shrubberies across the lawn. The ninja could smell the earth and trees and flowers, the perfume of freshly mown grass, and the bits of open heath land far away in the heart of the woods, even from the little window of the crowded café. The summer wind stirred very faintly through the green leaves and only the weakening rays of heat portended the fattening clouds of thunder.

"I am sorry to be late, Kakashi." Not long was he left in wait when a woman's sweet silhouette came into his sight. "The papers you've requested are here." She said and with a single motion handed the documents over to the silver crowned man.

"Thank you, Rin." Kakashi nodded and pulled the papers nearer to his sight. He did not mind the waiting, for it was not too long he had arrived, and most importantly, solitude soothed him.

Rin smiled and seated herself in front of the shinobi. Today seemed like a busy day here at the Tsubai-Momochi Café and Restaurant. Presumably, several ninjas –including them- discovered this place after Yakiniku Q was badly damaged in the last fight.

Thirsty, she ordered up a freshly made strawberry lemonade and a cup of coffee for her friend. "So I've heard that Kazune's got engaged... I must admit, I thought it would happen to Seara sooner." She began to speak on her jolly tone and smiled with the warmth of the sun's rays.

"Right." Kakashi muttered and glanced up only when his coffee was served. The strong, spicy smell hit his senses like lightning and he carefully moved it up to his lips. He then became mute again.

"I uh..." Rin bit upon her lip when beyond doubt it was obvious that the documents interested him more than their usual conversations touching ordinary matters. Of course, there were times when a simple discussion wouldn't suffice, however, those usually ended in a change of atmosphere for the worse.

During the time whilst he read, chilly silence fell over the whole atmosphere. Over and over did he search amidst the phrases, but answers he seemed to find not. By the way he looked sideways out of the window at nothing, it was obvious that he was disappointed with the information presented to him, but to the other's surprise, he did not comment even then. At length, he laid the papers down and kept his dark eyes upon the street where the mist from the river afar drew mournful perspectives into view. The coffee was getting cold.

"Anything wrong, Kakashi?" was all she could think of to say at the moment. She sipped from the strawberry lemonade and noted to herself that the ice cubes had melted away too swiftly. The shinobi in front of her meanwhile has grown quiet for too long, and that silence she knew well.

"I read them too...We couldn't have done anything more. And, it wasn't Sunagakure's fault either. They couldn't have known it was a trap." She spoke at length in this way because the shinobi still made no answer. Rin saw his tired eyes gazing into the dreariness of the streets and felt a pang strike through her. After a pause, in which again Kakashi said no word, she added; "Things will be better from now on, we just have to stay positive and patient."

Rin's final comment was the thought upon which Kakashi returned at length to the things of practical life. He broke from the incumbent thoughts invading his mind and traveled his dark gaze at her. "This was only the beginning of something, Rin. Something for which we were not quite prepared and now, Konoha is even more fragile. Orochimaru has only just begun, and taking into consideration the sudden increase of murders all over the lands,...What I am trying to say is, that I have this hunch, Rin, that _there are way worse things ahead of us_." He had italicized the last phrase.

"We-well, we can't be su-sure everything is connected..." Their eyes met, as she stammered in her attempts to avoid expressing the thought that hid in both of their minds. "And...And even if it is...Kakashi..." Before she could have finished, her body was driven to motion by unconscious impulses. Her soft, little palm landed on the shinobi's hand and squeezed at it with a firm, afflicted grip. She stopped short. Their eyes now made pretence impossible, for the truth had slipped out inevitably, stupidly, although unexpressed in definite language.

"Us jounin must work little extra, if you'd like to put it that way. But it is inevitable." He endeavor

red to speak on a lighter tone, and squeezed her hand back gently as for comfort.

"Konoha has so many experts, Kakashi. Trust me, fight is not the only way." was what she answered as affectionate as she could manage to squeeze past the torpor. The remark, thus, displeased her, making her feel uneasy. This passion of his for wars was of old a bone of contention, though very mild contention. It frightened her. That was the truth. Never once could she appertain it to a real cause, for it rose within him over a day but seemed to last too long. Her best friend during these years could never alter that instinctive dread she had. He soothed, but never changed her.

She liked the life destined for them, perhaps for its common joys and experiences, but she could not, as he did, love them.

And on weekends after lunch, on the meadow under the amethyst crown of the Livistona he read aloud from The Shinobi News which the post had brought, such fragments as he thought might interest her. The custom was invariable except on Sundays, when, to please his friend, they read at the library and went grocery shopping as their mood might be.

She drew the green foliage that looked over them while he read, asked gentle questions, told him his voice was a 'soothing reading voice,' and enjoyed the little discussions that occasions prompted because he always let her win them with "Ah, Rin, I had never really thought of it quite in that way before. But now you mention it I guess, there's something in it..." For Kakashi Hatake was wise. It was short after the tragedy with his closest friend Obito Uchiha, during his months of loneliness spent with practice and sweat, his friend waiting at the little apartment they rented together, that his other, deeper side had developed the strange passion which she could not understand.

And after one or two serious attempts to share it with her, he had given up and learned to hide it from her. He learned, that is, to speak of it only casually, for since she knew it was there, to keep silence altogether would only increase her pain. Thus, from time to time he skimmed the surface just to let her show him where he was wrong and think she won the day.

It remained a debatable land of compromise. He listened with patience to her criticisms, her excursions and alarms, knowing that while it gave her satisfaction, it could not change himself. The thing lay in him too deep and too true for change. But, for peace's sake, some meeting place was desirable and he found it thus.

"What is it Kakashi?" She asked it suddenly, taking her hand away so abruptly that her lemonade almost fell off the table.

For the silver-crowned shinobi had uttered a sharp exclamation of surprise and rose from his chair in a single glimpse. "Look outside!"

For the space of a hundred seconds there was silence, such as might have existed before the birth of sound. It was followed by a long quivering shriek of terror as if it came from some human throat, which rang out into the day, and ended in a short gulp before it had run its full course. It was at this point that the atmosphere, surcharged all day with the electricity of a fierce storm, found relief in a dancing flash of brilliant lightning simultaneously with a crash of the loudest thunder.

For several seconds, every item in the café was visible to the two shinobi with amazing distinctness, and through the windows they could see the tree trunks standing in solemn rows. The thunder pealed and echoed across the village and among the distant lands, and the flood-gates of heaven then opened and let out their rain in streaming torrents.

The fat drops fell with a swift rushing sound over the paved streets and pattered on the dust-clogged leaves of the maples and the roof of the Tsubai-Momochi. A moment later another flash, even more brilliant and of longer duration than the first lit up the sky from zenith to horizon and bathed the premises momentarily in dazzling whiteness. Both could see the rain glistening on the leaves and branches outside. The wind rose suddenly, and in less than a minute the storm that had been gathering all day burst forth in its full fury.

For a brief moment they watched mute the shaft of lightning that fell from the black vaults of heaven and wondered at the futility of human strength against Nature. The strokes of thunder sounded like a big hammer when an even louder sound flashed through the benumbed brains; the café's door opened and a dreadful pair of eyes lit up in the darkness.

His legs trembled for an instant, and he caught his breath as the door shut behind his figure. "Hell into this weather." He was tall, dark and recently so thin as though having left off his flesh, like others leave off their thick underwear during summer. The man with great square jaw, deep eyes, heavy cheekbones and copious hair those gloomy figures of prodigious personality bear tirelessly, walked straight to his comrade's table and dropped the soaked jacket off his shoulders.

"Any news?" He asked and lit up a cigarette. For a simple person, the shinobi's somber dignity forbade any familiarity. Herein lay the essence of that horror he wished so excessively to conceal; that the responsibilities of his clan weighed now on his own two shoulders only.

"Uh...No..." Rin sighed as if it was her own fault that no new information could be shared with the Sarutobi. Driven by such sentiment, first she shot her gaze upon the lemonade and upon second thought, she returned her gaze at the man and asked, "How is your father, Asuma?" Of course, she was aware of the sensitivity of that inquiry, however the fact that the grave diggers couldn't be seen for a few days let it assume death not yet lurked around the hospital's room.

"I haven't seen him for three days." He said with noticeable vexation in his voice whilst he smoked. "The Council said it is the 'Hokage's wish'" and he quoted with a disgust so tangible, Rin felt her stomach turn. "I heard there'd been another raid not so far from us. Twenty deaths, if I'm correct. Three jounin and other villagers."

"It is true. I don't know much of the whole, though. " Kakashi nodded in positive and handed his friend the coffee which he struggled to finish. "But what truly upset people was the fact that only two raiders'd been seen, in black cloaks, I believe. That wasn't Orochimaru's work, but he might very well be connected to it. Somehow."

The two men had been friends for longer than they could count. Their relationship differed from any other, for it had been built on truth and discipline. Kakashi never hid his heart's most innate and darkest desires for the other did not abate them, but assisted him in their fulfillment. They lived and breathed on queer missions and reveled in the soothing sensation brought by their fulfillment.

To a pure, innocent love as Rin's was, this sort of bond was terrifying and nonetheless incomprehensible. None of them were single-minded murderers. Not more noble a heart could have beaten amidst a ribcage than of Kakashi's or Asuma's and still, peace seemed like a distant tune none of their souls sang anymore.

"There've been rumors about some secret organization of which the snake could be part of. Or was part of...Hell knows." Reflected the dark-haired shinobi and Rin noticed that his cigarette had gone out. "We must look into it, when things calm down in Konoha."

"I agree..." Kakashi assented.

"And about Sasuke-kun, the Council is not quite convinced either." Continued the dark-crowned shinobi on a decisive, cold tone while he relit his cigarette. "He won't make it, Kakashi. The kid is going to be too much trouble, too soon."

"I know." Kakashi remained reserved as he uttered such horrible truth. "He's aware of the power of the curse mark... "

"All that ungovernable pain..." Asuma rejoined. And then he added gravely; "One day it just breaks forth."

By this time outside, the evening was still and warm. Not a breath of air was stirring, not a flash of lightning raged over the horizon; the waves of waters were silent, the trees grew motionless, and heavy clouds hung like an oppressive curtain over the heavens. The darkness seemed to have rolled up with unusual swiftness, and not the faintest glow of color remained to show where the sun had set. There was present in the atmosphere that kind of ominous and overwhelming silence which so often precedes the most violent wars on earth and above.

For a minute or two none of them made reply or comment. They stared through the window in silence.

"We don't have enough men." Stated Asuma and assumed a stern and frightening air. "Those raids are getting even closer to Konoha. Sunagakure also lost its leader. We need allies. We need to find the source of evil and eradicate it. I am unsure whether we have enough time left, at all."

Rin's instincts rose in warning, however she did not dare say a word. The three of them sat there in the gloaming and a moment leapt.

"I'd spoken with Jiraiya about similar matters, actually." Kakashi replied on a similarly stern tone. He didn't notice but a habit of his was to fidget with the edge of papers, something he was doing at the moment of speaking. "I cannot train Naruto the way he should be trained. I'm failing with Sasuke; his behavior now only confirms my fears. It is a matter of time until the mark takes whole control of him, against all my efforts." For a brief second he grew silent, stopped his hands over the documents and with a sigh he added; "At some point he reminds me of Obito, you know...At least...Well, at least he couldn't live to be plagued with the Uchiha's curse."

"Sasuke-kun respects and loves you, Kakashi. All your students do." Rin whispered tactfully.

The silver-crowned shinobi ignored the interruption as a thing of slight value he was accustomed to. "We must do better this time, Asuma." He said at last. His words sounded more like a warning than of an advice.

"Kakashi...Listen to me, please."

Rin Nohara, daughter of a Buddhist monk, was a self-sacrificing woman, who in most things found a happy duty in sharing her best friend's joys and sorrows to the point of self-obliteration. Only in this matter of self-destruction she was less successful than in others. It remained a problem difficult of compromise.

At any rate, the way to reach his heart lay within the understanding of ardor to fight. He might be said to love wars. He had loved it before Obito's death and craved it more intensely especially after. He certainly drew a splendid inspiration from them, and the source of a man's inspiration, be it art, religion, or a woman, was never a safe thing to criticize, something Rin knew as well, but her fear was greater than the will to control her own heart.

Thus, she resumed; "We cannot solve everything by shedding blood. It is not only dangerous between lands, but for us shinobi as well. Good forces, you see, always seek to merge, meanwhile evil longs to separate itself. That's why good in the end must always win the day, everywhere. The accumulation in the long run becomes overwhelming. Evil is separation, dissolution and death. To stick together, that is the key." There was no sharpness in her tone. Now it was hushed and quiet. The truth, so musically uttered, muted every shrill objections for a brief moment.

"Rin..." Kakashi sighed and paused. "Konohagakure is not in a situation where it can simply live by. Shall you be reminded of the nights of overwork at the hospital? Your bed was empty for days, Rin. This is not the time for faith." Then he added half to himself perhaps more than to her: "I do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of those I care about. This is what we all try to do. This is how we fight to stay together."

There was a moment's pause before she answered. "I wished to say...Jiraiya-sama and Naruto-kun are away to find the legendary medical ninja. I am certain that she will be great help for us. Konoha will never be alone. There are too many good people here."

"Ah, the last Senju." Sarutobi patted his chin and curious wistful expression danced a moment through his eyes. For a second or two, from Asuma's visage darkness faded as he pondered on things more pleasant than the current state of things. The conversation has been getting rather deep, until now. If it went on any longer, he would not be able to follow. A change of subject might be fructuous, he assumed so he lit up another cigarette.

"One of the most powerful clans ever existed." Kakashi added and nudged his friend for information. "Anything you may know, Asuma?"

"Well, it is only rumors, I guess...But recently while on missions, I've overheard things."

The sound of 'things' in Rin stirred the old subconscious trail of dread, but this time it was different than what she felt whenever Kakashi spoke of battles. "What kind of things, exactly?"

"Ah well... We should order something to drink first. I am tired of this melancholic shit around us." With that very expression of mental images, the dark-haired shinobi beckoned the little waitress to come to their table. Alcohol was always an answer to numb the heart's monstrous waves.

She was swift to take the order of sakes, and within a blink of an eye the nepenthe was served. It appeared that the somber part of the conversation came to an abrupt end, perhaps for everyone's sake.

"So, as I have started... It's rather a curious information about the Senju woman." As he spoke, he opened one cold bottle of sake and poured equal amount into the little porcelain cups they'd been given. "She used to be my father's student, back in the day, but retained her beauty ever since. No one knows her secret, but she is a breath of fresh air to look at."

"A nice med-nin, with skills, you say? Almost like Rin." Kakashi smiled while the first shot of the liquid burned pleasantly at his throat.

"She is one of the Legendary Sannin." Rin corrected before blush mantled her cheeks.

The dusk enveloped them with its damp veil of gauze and a smell of earth and flowers stole in through the window on a breath of wandering air.

"Her skills are unmatched even now, that is why we are so eager to meet her, finally." She reflected in her genuinely charitable heart and took a small sip of the strong beverage. Rin was not quite keen on alcohol, but during the years has grown accustomed to it whenever they spent the night out all together. At least, queer conversations rapidly enlightened and the blunt torment from Kakashi's eyes faded into little lights of joy. She was very talkative for a moment, as subconscious excitement was the cause. "She cannot only train us to become better medical ninja, but we can learn things that may put us in advantage against other lands."

"Don't we have the best med-nins already?" Asuma inquired, interested.

"Unfortunately,no." Rin replied hastily, for the subject beguiled her greatly. "We have truly amazing sensei, however it has been proven just too many times already that certain skills we still lack and not only in healing. Suna seems better developed in this matter, to be wholly honest with you." As she spoke, her sweet face was alive with excitement. There was the glow of genuine enthusiasm around it like a halo. Rin's big maroon eyes shone. A new wave of excitement could be observed on her features. "But this is only temporary now." She smiled.

"Ah...That is quite interesting, Rin. Who would have thought...?" He pondered, extinguishing the cigarette on the collar of the emptied sake bottle.

"I think I will go home." Kakashi put it shortly when the sake was beginning to benumb his brain. Twenty more minutes around his friend and he would be unable to read the documents again, over the night. He must stay focused tonight, he reflected without saying anything loud.

"Oh..Uhm..." Rin mumbled and anxiety manifested in her voice, for she worried if Kakashi was well or some dark thought might had plagued his mood. "Of course... Let's go home. It has darkened so fast. We have to be up early anyway." Instantly, she rose from the table, took the folder of documents into her careful hands and with a generous gesture she decided to pay the bill.

It was within a few short minutes that the trio was out of the café, inhaling the cold fresh air. They passed slowly at the moonlit square and regarded the haunted streets. Neither of them talked much. Slowly they walked along those empty streets of the town. Meanwhile, a bright summer moon silvered the roofs and casted long deep shadows.

There was no breath of wind anymore and the trees in the formal gardens by the sea-front watched them silently as they passed along. Things unworthy to mention flashed across their minds, nothing they wished to share or judged good enough to change the atmosphere. The furtive, noble gloom invaded their spirits as time wore along. First, it was Asuma to say goodnight and he vanished amidst the black walls in the misty street.

"Rin, I will join you later." Kakashi said and his steps slowed down the closer they arrived at their flat.

"Is something wrong, Kakashi?" The girl asked gently and sought his eyes with her own. "You've been strange lately...Is it because of what had happened? With Lord Hokage and during the Chuunin exams? That is the problem, isn't it?"

As they stood there, keeping a curious deep silence, everywhere there was a sense of obsolete occupation, an impression of sadness and gloom. They fitted perfectly into the night, like two willows at the sea-front, reaching with their long arms into the water, longing to become one with the vastness.

A moment later, the silver-crowned shinobi made a tactful reply; "Yes. It is just that. It will pass, Rin. Do not worry." He finished smiling, yet smiling only with his lips.

She seemed to believe his words. "Okay...Okay." The kunoichi repeated with a great dropping sigh of relief. "I will be home. This sake was just a bit too much for me. See you in the morning, Kakashi."

"Good night, Rin." Then, he kissed her tenderly on her cheek, but his eyes seemed to look right through her as he did so.

She waved him softly once more and rapidly vanished in the night-fog.

"Finally." Kakashi articulated on a tone somewhat eased. The echoes of his voice died away quickly outside and in the intense silence that followed he released the tension from his lungs that had been pressing on it.

Afflicted but at least alone, the shinobi wandered towards the cemetery as he would do almost every night. The silence of deep slumber was everywhere; so still, indeed, that every time his foot kicked against a stone he was certain the sound must be heard over in the village and waken the sleepers.

Then, suddenly, with a singular thrill of emotion, he saw the first trees of the ancient graveyard. The pines rose in front of him in a high black wall. Their crests stood up like giant spears against the starry sky and although there was no perceptible movement of the air on his cheek, he heard a faint, rushing sound among their branches as the night breeze passed to and fro over their countless little needles. At length, he entered the garden of stillness with wistful vehemence.

His feet took him to Obito's time-worn stone that the morbidly twisting arms of ivy fought to engulf. Kakashi sat upon the mown grass beside the tomb and dropped his forehead on his knees in surrender. There was silence everywhere.

Thoughts made him angry with pain. All day he was haunted and dismayed, and all day he heard the wind whispering among branches and the water lapping somewhere against sandy banks in the sun, all echoing the same tunes of accursed songs he had long learnt by heart. A note of darkness had long crept in his heart and not even long, suffocating years could ease any of it.

He felt alone ever since _that_ day. When Obito disappeared. When Rin almost died. _If it depended on him, she would be dead too by now. Only an inch further and he would had become the cold-blooded murderer of the kindest living thing on earth._ His fist still tingled, just like the time he pushed it through her chest. Unnamable disgust suffocated him every time he looked at her.

It was not her fault that he couldn't love her the way she secretly hoped to be loved by him _._ He simply could not face himself anymore. That day had changed everything between the three of them and he was unable to open up to her since then. Perhaps he was a coward. Perhaps he was afraid to lose her if he showed who he truly was. _If only he could have told Obito, that she survived. That he was sorry. That he was horribly sorry._

Thus it was that, midway in his repulsive memories, a strange rustle of the greenery could be heard. The silver-crowned shinobi looked up and his listless glance fell upon a certain silhouette whose appearance instantly galvanised him into a state of the keenest possible desire. It took less than a glimpse of an eye and the mournful echoes of his heart sang with a different kind of nervous rhythm.

At first, Kakashi thought he was having a heart-attack, or some sort of failure of that damn organ. But it was not so. He rose on his feet and stroked the edge of Obito's stone. The silhouette moved and he moved as well, not to lose sight of it. Was it the sake playing with his mind? Could it be the alcohol bringing its full power over his body right now?

The hourglass shape attracted him with a subtle vehemence he had never felt before so he considered it some kind of momentary madness of the weary mind. But then, as the shape became clearer, a flash of white light entered his heart and set him all on fire. It was a woman.

A woman in a cemetery. She was dressed in pale green and her soft, silky hair like rain of gold hung over her back. The girl's face he saw clearly, and there was something about her that simply lifted him bodily out of himself and sent strange thrills of delight coursing over him like shocks of electricity. Several times their eyes met and when this happened he could not tear his glance away.

Now both of them were merely standing. Kakashi couldn't quite guess the distance between them, for his whole existence was eagerly focused on the person not so far from him. At first, he noticed those sharp bronze eyes that made his blood run faster. Through her full, red lips, white teeth peered and the shape of her small, softly-curved nose spoke of her mischief.

She possessed him, filling his thoughts with wild woodland dreams, and Kakashi only hoped she did not sense any of that at all. A battle he seemed to have lost even before it started.

Who was she? Was she Death? People say Death is beautiful. That Death is the most enthralling view before the eyes close forever. The thought rose passionately in him, almost the words that phrased it: "I wish I knew her."


	2. Strange Days

_**"When happiness doesn't work, trust me and take my hand."**_

* * *

There was barely anyone on the streets. The first lights of dawn had been uninviting even for the early stirrer to rise from their beds and began their daily routines. The murky sky that foreboded rain had hung over Konohagakure without a break since dawn. The few pedestrians who could not avoid rising indeed went hurrying and shivering along the pavements, disappearing into the gloom of countless little houses.

The wind moaned and sang dismally, catching the ears and lifting the shabby coat of Iruka Umino as he stood outside at the Academy's entrance and forlornly gathered the children together. It was five minutes to six.

Kakashi rose from his bed with no little antipathy against the day but not the weather. In all honesty, the shinobi did favor the gloomy horizon over the painful sunshine, the drizzle that fell invisibly and soothed the dry cheeks and the cold as it was easier to bear the uniform all day.

Unhurriedly he dressed up and brushed the silver locks of his hair whilst from the kitchen the scent of freshly made pancakes sneaked in. With a fickle mind, Kakashi opened the bedroom's door and quiet as he walked he headed into the small kitchen.

"Morning."

"Gosh, Kakashi!" Rin admitted that she jumped. The spoon fell from her hand and onto the cold tiles. The last pancake burnt to crisps. The man was so very close, yet she had not seen him come in and in the eyes, there was such a curiously rapt and appealing expression that it made her anxious. "You scared me."

"Sorry. Uh...The breakfast smelled...Smells nice." He endeavored to slip a compliment into his thoughts and picked the spoon up to wash it by the sink. "What do we have today?"

"Today is Hiruzen-sama's funeral... And also the formal ceremony of the new Hokage's inauguration, I think." She replied a little bewildered.

Evidently, Kakashi was on another planet in mind, these days. How long has it been? 3 days? Perhaps it had already been 4 days since his face wore an unfamiliar expression that made the girl so uncomfortable. Unfamiliar she could not sort into any groups she had mentally created about Kakashi's moods. Calm, dour, bored, those she knew well. This was a whole new mystery and mysteries she did not half like.

"Ah I see." Was all the shinobi wished to reply. Then, as usual, he aided her with the setting of the table. Kakashi took the cutlery and the bowls and plates and mugs in his arms. The living-room was brightly lit by the little lamp upon the television. Upon dropping everything gently on the floor, he seated himself on a faded pillow, crossed his legs, drew up the little round table with the artificial flowers upon it in a tall, thin vase, and set it as it was done in a restaurant.

"Thank you." Rin offered a smile and joined his roommate at the table. She placed the plate of pancake in the middle beside the vase and took one of the little bowls of jam. "Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu." Kakashi echoed and reached for the hazelnut cocoa spread.

For a moment there was complete silence. It was not that kind of quiet when one's occupied with the singular task of eating, it was that curious deep tension that one feels when inquietude brushes the mind.

Thus, by the table a second the kunoichi hesitated. She felt the flash of indecision on her spine as it passed. "'Kashi," she said suddenly; -it was a nickname, stolen from the sweet childhood memories when all there was joy and gaiety- "Is there anything you feel afraid to tell me? Did something happen?" She looked hard at him.

Kakashi pulled himself together with a strong effort, dismissed his foolish thoughts and came sharply to practical considerations. "Forgive me," he said, a trifle thickly, confusedly, "but I- erm...-did not quite realise that there was anything wrong. You desire to talk during the breakfast as we always do, of course. I've had a sleepless night and I guess I hardly realized that it affected me." The clock, as he spoke struck seven. But he did not notice the sound. Through his mind ran another reflection.

Curiosity triumphed yet a vague alarm betrayed itself in the questioning glance she cast at her older companion, whose fine face, on the other hand, still wore an expression that was grave and singularly 'rapt'.

She was listening to his words keenly and for the first time, she felt as if he was not wholly honest. "It's just that you seem different...I only noticed it a few days ago. The last time you, Asuma and me had that sake at the Tsubai-Momochi." She began and cut a piece of pancake with her knife. Her deep eyes glanced down for a brief moment and she looked back at him with the same hardness she first inquired about him. "Where did you go that night?"

"I went to the cemetery, Rin." He gave a short but tactful answer and put another pancake on his plate."I am a little concerned about Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun. I was informed that the new Hokage had already sent a Recovery Team after him, but in all honesty, the fact that we are drowning with work at the office and the missions have already doubled up, it is a little upsetting that I had not had enough time to spend with either of them. Perhaps I could have at least, -if not stop Sasuke-kun from leaving,- prepared the Uzumaki kid better for this mission. He doesn't want to lose his friend. I completely ignored that, until recently. So, what may cause me little distemper, is this." He spoke slowly and honestly.

She looked uncomfortable and ashamed upon hearing him speak earnestly. The color came and went a moment in the cheeks, making the silver-crowned man think of a child detected in some secret naughtiness. "Oh..." She whispered. In the silence that briefly ensued Kakashi could hear her gulp.

"I did not think" her thoughts then hurried on to completion, "about that at all. Of course, it must be a great help for you that Jiraya-sama is here and he knows one or two things about chakra and power, also I still recall how you felt when you were given the task of becoming sensei. And look at you now." Here as she paused a little, she smiled whilst she was thinking. "Times are rather early, Kakashi...I wouldn't say that you failed any of them. Definitely not yet." She sensed that the last phrase edged delicate ground. Kakashi added no word of his own, thus swiftly she sought to dissolve the tangible tension that accumulated in the air.

And they talked then somewhat busily of cheerful things; of the children's future, the excellence of the shinobi schools, of old memories, missions, presentations and exams. Purposefully, Rin led the talk away from mournfulness, and when these subjects were exhausted and coffee was still warm at the table, Kakashi joined and told stories of his own adventures in distant parts of the world, which Rin had already known so well yet enjoyed hearing every time.

After breakfast, the two rose from the table and Kakashi reinstated the furniture. He was at the point of reaching for his boots when Rin interrupted his line of thoughts.

"So, for tonight I invited over Asuma and Kurenai for dinner. I assumed you wouldn't be away, and we could just have a pleasant time."

Kakashi stared. Rin sometimes had this independent way of deciding things. Of course, there followed little argument and explanation, as between brother and sister who were affectionate, but the recording of their talk could be of little interest. It was arranged thus, both of them partly satisfied that the dinner would start some time later than it was originally proposed, and for that agreement, Kakashi would not stay at work tonight.

With that common understanding of each other, at length the two abandoned the little flat and went out into the open. The sky was overcast, yet the day by no means gloomy, for a soft, diffused light oozed through the clouds and turned all things warm. The time was tight to eight. The bells rang their mournful melody and the drizzle fell like little drops of holy tears.

The road to the cemetery did not take long for the two, for both had long been frequenting the trodden path. "Come on, for heaven's sake," Kakashi cried. There was impatience in his manner, but not unkindness.

For some reason yet unknown, Rin lingered a moment, peering into the gloomy sky as if something had vanished from her eyes. At that time she did not know that sensation which had suddenly seized her spirit. Therefore, she did not know where to look either on the first place so she was simply scanning their surroundings with her gaze.

Kakashi repeated himself and a moment later, the two had emerged upon the high road with the village lights about them. For some minutes neither of them spoke, then the shinobi waited for his friend to finally draw up alongside. "What did you see?"

"Oh me? Nothing...I thought I did but not really." Rin replied with a smile. A pause followed, during which she tried to increase the pace. The unknown feeling apparently disturbed her for some reason.

The cemetery was becoming nearer, whilst they walked silently along the gravel path. This time it was Kakashi who's grown quiet, his mind spiraling with former thoughts about the shelter of the dead. He recalled the pale green habiliment and a sudden, new sensation gripped him. "There goes a prisoner," his thought instantly ran, "one who wishes to escape, but cannot..."

Life as now expressed in Konoha was crumpled, dwarfed and emasculated. God's meanings here were crippled, His love of joy was stunted for the day. The whole village shone in a cadaverous light. The village was mourning.

The cemetery's large iron gates were wholly open. Grey tombs lifted their cold marble arms towards the heavenly vault and unheard cries of the damned passed invisibly in the air. Within the neglected garden of the dead and through fantastic shadows of the bending trees the two of them walked rapidly towards the open vault, breathing great draughts of air with delight and exhilaration. The wind shook some leaves from the trees and not another sound disturbed the oppressive stillness.

"Here we go..." Muttered Kakashi to the girl as they reached the crowd.

There were footsteps everywhere and whispers, crying voices, and crowds of figures gathering just around the open tomb. Massive clouds with rounded, piled up edges cannoned across gaping spaces of the grayish sky.

They slipped past the horde of benumbed souls and the two shinobi stepped beside their comrades before the ceremony began.

"When does it start?" Kakashi whispered to his coal-haired companion.

"We are waiting for the Elders and the Hokage." Asuma replied, although for him to compose his voice appeared to be a task almost always unreachable.

"Ah...Okay." The silver-crowned shinobi nodded. Dull thoughts rang in his mind and empty conversations were heard in his ears. He knew he was about to swoon in boredom if something did not happen soon. And as his prayers were usually listened to, something did happen.

The Hokage, at last, came up, followed by tall, grave looking gentlemen from whom one showed the way towards the vault.

It was then, when the shinobi breathed out at ease, when women dried their tears and when children stood with backs straightened as manner required.

Kakashi saw her only for a passing moment, but he had seen her twice and the way she walked on the path to the grave, looking competently about her conveyed the same impression as when he first saw her standing in the darkness in that night. She was fearless, tolerant and wise.

"A sincere and kind character..." Kakashi judged instantly about the woman, although only to himself. She appeared to him as a being whom some intense, queer kind of love has trained in sweetness towards the world; no real hate in her could be detected anywhere. A great deal, no doubt, to read in so brief a glance. Yet her voice confirmed his intuition as she welcomed the crowd around the tomb, by deep and very gentle notes ringing in the air.

He couldn't look elsewhere; she had to be studied from head to toe in the faint daylight. Her face he described to himself as unusual, for it seemed familiar too, as with the atmosphere of some long forgotten dream and while beauty was far from absent, character and individuality were supreme. Implacable resolution was stamped upon the features, which yet were sweet and womanly, and stirred an emotion in him that he could not name and certainly did not recognize from any other memories at all.

The maroon eyes which slanted a little upwards were full of vivid fire and the mouth was voluptuous but firm and the chin and jaw appeared to be the most delicately modeled. The resolution as a whole was the most relentless he had ever seen upon a human visage. It dominated him. He was conscious of his own enslavement, for she conveyed a message that he must obey, admitting compliance with her unknown purpose.

Kakashi Hatake, during that forty-five minutes of time had seen, had felt, had sensed no other thing than the woman who stood and spoke not so far from him. He was wholly mesmerized like a boatman to the enchantment of a siren. It was like a feverish delirium overwhelming his body, of which he had long lost control and perhaps he never quite wished to fight against.

The peculiar glint in the shinobi's eyes was however visible to someone else in the dull crowd.

With a passionate seriousness, he cleared his throat to hide whatever agitated his soul. He had wonderful, delicate ways like that. In ordinary hearts, he could make his fairy nests of wonder. In her own, she knew, he lay closer than any joy imaginable, with his big coal eyes, his queer soft questionings, and his splendid child's unselfishness.

Rin sighed to herself and placed her little hand over her chest as if it burned with some kind of uneasiness. Smiling, yet uneasy, she then stepped closer to his side, as though her body might protect his soul.

He was beautiful to her, in that glow of joy his whole countenance presented, yet the lurking truth that it was not her inducing such sentiment within the silver-crowned shinobi somewhere filled her with defiance. She was too awaken from the bewitchment by the bells' brazen lungs that suddenly shook the earth. The ceremony ended. The crowd dissolved.

"Should we go home then?" Rin whispered, barely audible even to herself and as she was not so for anyone else, her question found no answer. Briefly, she glanced around, how the life-neglected garden was becoming empty again. It was in that moment when the Elders and the Hokage showed up right before her two large eyes.

"Asuma-sama, we are sorry for your loss." Spoke a man whom everyone knew.

"Thank you, Danzo-sama." The Sarutobi replied without emotion evinced in his voice. He stood at Kakashi's other side and stared blankly at the closed grave of his father's. "Is there anything else?"

"There shall be, yes. I would like to kindly request all jounin to appear at the Hokage's Office within 10 minutes." His voice was alternately hard and unctuous. "We have matters we must discuss."

"It cannot really wait...can it..." Kakashi said, half statement and half question, for he knew well what was there to follow. In that moment also, there came an urge barely resistible to glance at the woman beside the man, however, for that occasion he managed to allow duty overcome any possible obstacles in his heart.

"No." Was the sole answer. Upon that instant, the Commanders were gone.

Rin lifted her eyes towards the sky. The fog cleared off, and an autumn sun, although without heat in it, painted the landscape with golden browns and yellows. "Work..." She muttered and walking by Kakashi's side pondering, bathed in the waves of murmurs and half-lost echoes that rose to her ears, muffled by the leaves of the majestic trees.

The whole town and the little valley within which it grew, as naturally as an ancient wood, seemed to her like a being lying there half asleep on the plain and humming to itself as it dozed. She could not estimate the minutes it took for them to arrive, for it seemed as time and her mind melted into one endlessness.

Rin recovered from her maze of thoughts when the scent of the time-worn door hit her senses. The oak had a peculiar scent, which mingled with sanitizer and paint whenever the Residence was reconstructed or more often, renewed.

The shinobi gathered in the Chamber of Discussion. The wind rushed in behind them and slammed the door.

"Thank you for coming at such short notice." Danzo began and dropped his sinister gaze at the warrior in front of him. He stood at the Hokage's right side and leaned his shoulder gently against the leader's chair as if for support. "No matter how great our loss is, there are certain things that cannot wait any longer."

"Here...we...go." Kakashi thought to himself and kept his gaze firmly on the man. He was hoping the whole parade would be short enough to keep his mind focused, although the more Danzo spoke, the irritated he became.

"The Council has already agreed that this time, considering it is a state of emergency..." here he paused and italicized the last part, "we shall have no inauguration ceremony. Lady Hokage has already been introduced to the most of you, and has been catching up with everything Hiruzen-sama'd left behind." Here, he paused for a second and allowed the new Leader to speak.

Tsunade cleared her throat and with an observant voice yet ever so mild, she added to the elder's thoughts; "I know that this situation is as unexpected to you as it is to me. I kindly ask everyone to help me, by talking to me and also I ask you to be patient. Currently, we have dozens of unresolved missions and I know that there are not enough jounin to carry out all of them. This means, that there shall be certain modifications about the Hon no Shihai ."

"This means, that many of your students will also be sent on B or A ranked missions. It is for the greater good and I expect you to accept it. Most of you will be away for weeks, and others will be sent for longer tasks. We need observants, as we presume possible danger towards Konoha. Our town is weakened, there is no time to focus on inside matters. Those will be left to me." He added with a faint sly grin only a few noticed. In spite of this true sympathy with suffering and his desire to help, Danzo was narrow as a wire and unbending as a pillar.

What also upset people who knew him was the very fact that he was intensely selfish; intolerant as a Councilman and founder of his Division, his stygian soul constructed a revolting scheme of heaven that was reproduced in miniature in all he did and planned. Faith was the indispensable condition of salvation, and by 'faith' he meant belief in his own particular view of things. Whoever argued differently was but a dumb animal, unable to notice the true value of things.

All the world but his own small, exclusive 'sect' whom he himself named "The Root Division" must be cherished eternally, a pity, but alas, inevitable. And so he presented these thoughts in every unction and motion of his whole countenance and nobody dared oppose to him. Kakashi knew too, that there was simply no good outcome in even endeavoring that.

"Understood?"

"Yes, Danzo-sama." Was the quick, united reply from the soldiers in the chamber.

Upon hearing that, there flashed a wicked contentment over the old man's face. His back straightened and he flashed a polite smile towards the woman in charge and said; "I believe my task is done here. If there are any questions, we shall discuss it later."

"Alright. Thank you, Lord Danzo." Tsunade nodded to him in acknowledgment and lifted her eyes away from him, back at the crowd. "That should be it. Thank you for being here, and soon everyone will receive the list of the missions. Good luck." With studious eyes, she scanned the group of vanishing shapes and placed her cheek upon the back of her hand. It was a long day, indubitably, even to her.

"Uh...May I?" Came a question from the chamber.

"Yes, Lord Danz-...Kakashi-sama." She rubbed her eyes and directed them at the man in front of her. There was a perfume of earth and woods around her. "I am sorry...What can I do for you?" She inquired on a colloquial manner. There have been dozens of tales about the silver-crowned shinobi even told to children in far, far-away lands. Herself even had heard some of the tall warrior, who was swift as a coursing river, wild as a typhoon and struck like lightning at his enemies. Albeit his actions were, the man himself was not void of sentiment. Kakashi Hatake, the austere shinobi with a soul.

"You...erm...know my name...All right...So...Uhm.." he began lamely, his eyes on her face. Then, remembering something of earthly manners, he added; "I'd like to inquire about what the real deal is here? If I can be bold..." No, Kakashi Hatake did not mean to be bold. It simply happened this way. And the words were already out.

An unanticipated smile blotted over her perfectly chiseled visage. "Honestly, I am not quite sure myself either." Here, she paused and grew dismal. "What happened to Hiruzen was as abrupt news to me as it was a disaster to Konoha. Orochimaru sought me out a few days before Jiraya did so... I am not quite Hokage material, to be frank with you. I am far from what people think when Hashirama Senju's name is mentioned."

"They still chose you, Hokage-sama."

"Well, unfortunately, there was no other option." Tsunade laughed aloud merrily. It surely was the sound of the wind in Chinese necklace poplars. "I will do my best, Kakashi-sama. My ideas may clash with the Elders, sometimes, but as long as we have the same goals, tolerance is what I must learn to do better."

"You don't agree with them?"

"I just don't think we should send anyone else than jounin to missions. I saw what happened to Naruto-kun. I was the one treating him."

"Oh..." Kakashi paused in surprise. When Naruto was brought back to Konoha, he was thin pallid as a ghost, worn and fearfully emaciated. But after days at the hospital, given great care, upon his face and in his eyes were traces of an astonishing radiance, a glory unlike anything ever seen. As his faith recovered so did his body. "Well, I never actually inquired who cured him...I surmised the medical-nin team did the job as usual..."

Her smile seemed to kill the shadows and fill the entire office with white light. "First, I will try and send the more experienced teams out, and if you could help me with supplying the Investigation office with insight about the missions, it would become easier to choose the right people for the right tasks."

"That I can do, I guess." Kakashi nodded after a short moment of meditation. "Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"For what exactly?" She furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, but her softened visage did not perish.

"I don't know. I mean..." He hesitated a little in his speech, unable to find the substantive that could compass even a fragment of his thoughts.

She paused too, similarly inarticulate in front of the surge of incomprehensible feelings. "For everything. I will look forward to the missions." At last, he managed to add.

"One more thing, Kakashi-sama." She said simply and leaned against the back of the chair in which she was sitting. It was not the most comfortable furniture at the office, however the only she was allowed to use as a Hokage. Even things had their proper value and role and an ancient chair was no exception from it. Most probably, it first belonged to her grandfather, Hashirama Senju just as most pieces that surrounded them.

"Yes?"

"Did Jiraiya talk to you? About Naruto-kun?" Her eyes were always on his face as they conversed.

"You mean about his training?"

She nodded in the positive.

"Yes. I agreed... The Akatsuki is a real threat. We do not have too much time..." He offered a slight smile for heaven's know what motive, and albeit the theme was dismal, the gloom did not reach the chambers of his heart. He stared a moment, vaguely wondering to himself with delight.

"Thank you for your time, Hokage-sama." And upon uttering those words he considered it better to leave before words of the boldest, the most irresponsible kind slipped out. Kakashi was beginning to realize that perhaps self-perseverance had to be improved, apart from his ninja-skills, if he wished to remain the person he always thought himself to be.

The door slammed behind him as Kakashi rushed out of the Residence. As he looked around, it all appeared to him as if he was stepping out of a dream. The air was cold. Slowly he walked along the empty streets of the town and a bright fat moon silvered the roofs and cast deep shadows. There was no wind, and the trees observed him silently as he wandered home.

For several minutes it was the burning in his heart that kept his whole countenance warm. It was a desire intense as loathing, to take one short glimpse back at the feeble light emanating from the Hokage's chamber.

He sensed that he was being watched. Was it her, keeping her eyes on him until he vanished in the darkness on the streets? He was longing to know. Thus, Kakashi stopped on his heels. He inhaled the chilly air and did as he was driven to. As he turned, he looked at her, straight up into his face.

"You...You dropped this when you left." Tsunade said. The unusual tremor in her voice conveyed the erratic pounding of the heart.

The surprise on Kakashi's face must have asked the question, for he did not remember saying anything.

"I was just...Well, it seemed quite odd to...Weren't you so deep in thoughts? I assumed it was important so I didn't want to bother." She offered a plausible explanation and handed him the piece of paper she declared to belong to him. "Oyasuminasai, Kakashi-sama." As she said, she turned her head a little, smiling into his face so that the human and the inhuman beauty came over him with an onset that was almost shock.

Neither one nor other feelings he knew were long for him and the vividness of that odd sensation fell upon him with a pang of actual physical pain. The acuteness, the hopelessness of the realization for a moment were more than he could bear, stern of temper though he was and he endeavored to come to his senses when he noticed the vanishing shape of the woman.

"A minute, Lady Hokage!" He shouted after her before she could wholly disappear.

Tsunade stopped on her tracks, unhurried, as if she expected him to cry out, and faced him.

Kakashi closed the few meters of distance between them and stared into the woman's eyes. "I saw you at the cemetery. A few days ago. It was you, wasn't it?" He proposed, albeit the answer has long been formed in his head.

She replied with a nod so casual that it baffled him. The subject was by no means delightful and he assumed that it was not for any of them. Silence was here the truth and so silence they kept for a while. Then, she raised her eyes suddenly to his with an expression that for an instant almost convinced him she was reading his mind all along, and the soul in him stood rigidly at attention, urging back the burning fires.

"I went there for the very same reason as you did."

"That is impossible."

"Not everyone goes there to bring flowers... Some of us are haunted by blood that was shed because of us. I recognized you too. Not because of the way you look. You have that same suffocating guilt in your throat that does not let you sleep at night, nor it allows you to swallow during the day. It was oozing from you at the cemetery."

Even the glare of the street lights could not make her undesirable whilst she spoke so earnestly. But behind the gaze of the slanted golden eyes, another thing looked forth imperatively into his own; it was her soul inviting his own to a dance of painful confessions.

"How could you know? Nobody knows." He caught at her hand as he was unable to control himself, but dropped it rapidly with the same second, whilst she made as though she had not noticed such an action from the shinobi, and forgave him with her eyes.

"Kakashi-sama..." She began softly. "I accepted to be Hokage so I can atone for my sins. Isn't it why you are the best ninja in the whole cursed world? And yet you still strive to improve, while your soul is unable to redeem itself? All this work is for one sole reason only, to finally..."

It was his turn to react. The breeze stirred the golden tendrils about her neck, bringing its faint perfume to his nose. He drew his breath in deeply, smothering back the torrent of rising words he knew were unpermissible. "...Be at peace." He finished her sentence very quietly.

Before he could have said anything else, she took his hand in her own, pressed it very slightly, then released it.

"It is getting late...I'll see you tomorrow at the office. Rest your heart, Kakashi-sama." And with that moment, she was gone.

For a time unknown, the silver-crowned shinobi stood there, with the piece of paper long resting in his hand. It became crumpled unintentionally, as he gazed into the pale moonlight. His deep sunken thoughts which resembled to millions of stars that stood still, yet forever taking new shapes. He tried to see behind them, just like as a child he had tried to see behind the constellations where there was nothing. Slowly, as the moments' enchantment wore out, the shinobi opened his fist at last and observed the thin scrap given.

It was a page from one of his favorite novels. It did belong to him after all and must have fallen out of his pocket when he was so eager to leave the office. With clashing, spinning, and maddening ideas in the mind, he continued on his way home where freshly made dinner and friends were waiting.

* * *

[i] Book of Rules


	3. The New Real

_**"I'm down so low I've got nothing to lose..."**_

* * *

Quiet as death as he walked, Kakashi passed along the abandoned thoroughfare of the town. Bats flitted overhead and big, silent moths whirred softly over the rhododendron blossoms. Solely in the outside was he wordless; within his mind, he busied himself exhaustingly, thus surrounding his brain with mental buffers.

However, this time his meditation was of different nature, the further he reached on the road the deeper he pored over ordinary things to prevent himself thinking of extraordinary things. His surroundings didn't bother him, most surely he did not even notice the few windows that showed lights, whilst others were wholly shut to exclude noise from the outside.

As he wandered, he caught himself longing for the safety of the moonlit square and the cozy, warm conference room he had left an hour or so before. Kakashi couldn't quite tell the time and thus long lost track of it, for he has focused too much on thinking of desultory themes that caused the most common ideas banish from his brain.

"An apple a day...Apple...Red...Flames..." Here, he sighed and pushed the thought away. "Apple...Pleasant..She is pleasant...Apple...Uhm...Leaf...Letters...Flames..Burning...No, she has no idea about what she said..." Then, realizing that these thoughts were becoming dangerous, he thrust them away again and summoned all his energy for concentration on the meaningless.

With a last glance at the moonlit square as he arrived home, Kakashi rubbed his eyes as if hoping such action had any useful outcome, apart from causing the skin to redden. As he still believed, upstairs there was conversation, there was laugh, there were friends. He shan't be so visibly burdened with these thoughts.

"Just act naturally." He told himself and took a look over his shoulder like a robber to make sure he had not been followed. The night was still as the ancient vaults and he went with reluctance up the creaking steps and stopped against his door that fronted him, now as if forbiddingly. The first wave of nervousness had already been upon him and a second wave of uneasiness chilled his skin for a brief elapse of time, enough to make him fumble a long time with the key before he could fit it into the lock at all.

For a moment, if truth were told, he hoped it would not open, for he was beginning to feel as a prey to various unpleasant emotions whilst he stood there at the commonest looking door, at the entrance of his own home, yet feeling as if his brain was splitting into two. Never once he faced such upsettingly odd sensation, as never once Kakashi lost control over his own spirit. His thoughts he could control easily and his body was his most loyal soldier.

Yet, right there and then, he had failed several times to summon ordinary things in his mind and curve a smile on his lips. He was moody. He felt gloom engulf him like a beast's giant palm tightening around him.

The warrior couldn't stop the flood of afflicted memories, meanwhile, the blonde's words kept ringing vividly in his ears. No, no way anyone had an idea about what he had been through. Not one person could comprehend the whys of his decisions. Nobody truly knew him and he was always relieved about that. It was better that way, for him and for did she speak so confidently then? Why did he feel like she understood his crime? She did not seem like a monster. She did not seem like a bloody warrior either. She did seem strong and fierce, but not as a person with unwholesome mistakes.

As Kakashi shuffled with the key, he certainly felt the solemnity of the moment.

It was as if the whole cursed world, for all experience seemed at that instant concentrated in his own consciousness was listening to the grating noise of that damn key. A stray puff of wind wandering down the empty street woke a momentary rustling in the trees behind him, but otherwise this rattling of the key was the only sound audible in the whole village, and at last, it turned in the lock and the door swung open and revealed a yawning gulf of darkness beyond.

Instead of friends, warm food, laughter and light, bare walls, ugly mantelpieces, and empty glasses stared at him. At that moment, there came the realization that perhaps the time had flown too forward and dawn was nearer than evening. His presumption deemed right when from afar his ears caught the sound of the bells as they swung midnight. It was precisely twelve pm.

Everything, he felt, resented his presence as if he was some kind of intruder in a world wholly alien to him, the living-room watching him, as it were, with veiled eyes. Unvoiced whispers followed him and deep shadows flitted noiselessly to right and left. Something seemed ever at his back, watching, waiting for an opportunity to do him injury.

There was the inevitable sense that operations, which went on when the room was empty, had been temporarily suspended till they were well out of the way again. The whole dark interior of the old building seemed to become a malignant Presence that rose up and laughed at him for not minding his own business.

Every moment the strain on the nerves increased in Kakashi. He felt as a stranger in an unknown land with thoughts already eating his soul like starving dogs seeing raw meat to tear at. Was it the fault of the house that he was suffocating?

In the silence, he grabbed a candle and lit it in the room. Then, he looked around. There was manifestly nothing in the external appearance of his home to bear out the sensation of the horror that was felt to reign within. Naturally, it was neither lonely nor unkempt. Even from the outside it stood and crowded into a corner of the square and looked exactly like the houses on either side of it.

It had the same number of windows as its neighbors, the same balcony overlooking the gardens, the same white steps leading up to the heavy front door. Also, in the rear, there was the same narrow strip of green, with neat box borders, running up to the wall that divided it from the backs of the adjoining houses. Apparently, too, the number of chimney pots on the roof was the same; the breadth and angle of the eaves and even the height of the dirty area railings. And yet, this house in the square, that seemed precisely similar to its other ordinary neighbors, was as a matter of fact entirely different...Horribly different, in the mind of Kakashi.

As if running away from the pandemoniac atmosphere, he rushed to the bathroom and locked the wooden door after placing the candle upon the shelf. Kakashi took a deep breath and divested himself. His thoughts ran restless, the nerves were burning with heat and the brain was excessively overworking.

" _Not everyone goes there to bring flowers...For the very same reason you did.."_ Thoughts dangerous as these kept playing in his mind like a neverending vinyl. Over and over they rushed through him like the drops that fell as he was standing in the shower. He could not mute them as he could not unfeel the water's cold caress. _"...The Very same reason...Some of us are haunted by blood...Shed...Suffocating guilt..._ "

Kakashi did not know for how long he had attempted to wash away the voice in his mind, and it seemed that night time had little importance, for things buried crept back and the past and present swirled within a deadly waltz. They seemed like lovers, dressed so meticulously admiring, from head to toe enchanting. Hand in hand, the Past and the Present, they skimmed the floor with noiseless feet like spirits dancing.

They danced ever swifter and swifter, past the shadows beneath the conscience, under the motionless hanging guilt and out into Kakashi's heart. The walls of denial were behind them. They were off their feet and the wind of sorrow was in their hair. They were rising, rising, rising towards the soul. "I'm so sorry...Dammit...It is...But I'd tried. I'd tried so hard. Fuck. Fuck!" Kakashi's bare fist smashed against the tiles for he knew the battles he had won so far may have had no use after all. The war was lost. "...The bloodshed...Father...Obito..."

In the bedroom, the shinobi put the barely burning candle on the edge of the cupboard and left the door a few inches ajar.

He knew that no sleep would come to him. In very fact, he did not desire it, albeit there was absolutely nothing he could do until the morning, apart from desistance. And he realized that the facade he so minutely cultivated was futile. He lay awake all night thinking, wondering, praying, until at length with the chorus of the birds and the glimmer of the dawn upon the dusty blind came the relief of a new day.

And then it was, as the gray dawnlight crept past the blinds, that the sharpness of his pain and the keen flight of his stirred imagination, projecting itself as by these forced marches into new, untried conditions, bore a fruit yet invisible for even to himself.

He rose from the sheets and vested himself into his casual attire and without the need for company he vanished from the house as if he had never come home last night. This time he could not trouble himself with an ordinary conversation, a casual argument that would rapidly end in compromise, or a reprimand for acting differently than it was expected from him.

As Kakashi stepped out of the building, he inhaled the cold fresh air and filled his fatigued lungs with some life. It was one of those mornings in autumn, when even the streets of Konoha ran beauty. The dawn, passing through the sky with clouds of flying hair over the orange horizon, touched everyone with the magic of its own irresponsible gaiety, as it alternated between laughter and the tears of sudden upcoming showers.

The shinobi walked without a planned destination; everything has already been decided in his spirit. Today, perhaps, after over a decade, it was his soul pumping will into the veins.

The air held a certain sharpness as the morning slowly came and the sun swam slowly through the dazzling blue spaces with bursts of almost summer heat. And a wind rushed straight from the haunted south and laid its soft persuasion upon all except him, bringing visions to the habitants too fair to last, long thoughts of youth, of flowery meadows, blue waters, waves on yellow sand and other pictures innumerable and enchanting.

The walk to the Hokage's Residence did not last long. Time has long lost its importance to him, and thus he could only trouble himself with the passing light above him, the sun's strengthening power and the cool air of the wind. It was presumably a sweet autumn day, but for Kakashi it was the thick clouds of unstrung nerves and chilly breeze on the skin that nested in his perception. What he would ask, he did not know. He merely hoped that by an exchange of gazes and a shared atmosphere would do the talking instead of him. If she knew him so well, she would thus understand.

A few minutes later he stopped before two tall gates, ancient and ugly in shape and painted in dingy green. The Hokage's Residence was older than time could tell and money was invested in it only at times when it became inevitable. The strengthening of the village's walls, the building of schools and hospital were of higher significance even for the Council.

As he walked upstairs to the second floor, he passed beside streaks in the wall and cracks in the paint of the forlorn building, and meanwhile his thoughts made him afflicted.

The door appeared to be open and with a single knock upon the wood, Kakashi entered the leader's chamber.

To his utmost surprise, instead of one pair eyes, it was two looking at him. Tsunade was not alone.

"Look who we have here..." Asuma spoke and the warriors exchanged a word of greeting.

"Am I uh...Is it a bad time to talk, Hokage-sama?" he asked feebly, yet irritably.

"No...Of course not." Tsunade shook her head and beckoned him to step closer.

Kakashi submitted to her mute order and her perfume of earth and woods lingered into his nostrils.

Then, the silver-crowned shinobi noticed a glimpse of hesitation upon the woman's features. She seemed to be thinking hard how to pronounce a question that wouldn't sound too nonsense at the moment. To require simply the matter of his presence rang as silly in her ears as in his own, but she could not think of other ways. Her mind was slowly alternating between the things she longingly wished to know and desultory matters she was obliged to say as her title demanded it so.

The two stared at one other. Kakashi noticed that her lips moved and formed words of unimportance, and even heard, as if a whisper from far, far-away lands, that something was indeed said. But his mind began to wander to other things, and the effort to recall any thoughts of the present became harder with each digression. Concentration was growing momentarily more difficult.

Her eyes were talking to him only. He shan't look at her sweet, full lips, whatever they were phrasing.

Tsunade's whole being deemed a disturbing influence on him, for physical fatigue never had so grave of an influence over him. His mind was unusually alert, and in a more receptive condition than usual. Kakashi made a new and determined effort to blink himself back into activity, and for a short time succeeded in giving his whole attention to the subject. "So...Erm...A mission...Papers stolen." But in very few moments again he found himself locking his sight to hers and ending in a long pause.

"Hey, Kakashi..." Asuma's stern voice snapped the shinobi out of mesmerization. "Where are you, man?"

"Erm...I'm here. Bad night. Sorry." The silver-crowned warrior cleared his throat with a cough and swiftly traveled his gaze at his comrade to free himself from the woman's enchantment.

"So you're in? We should just go as soon as we can." The other asked questioningly.

"You said..." As he paused to focus, slight wrinkles appeared on his forehead. "You said, Hokage-sama that there was a scroll stolen... From..."

"The Nara's." The blonde finished his sentence in a nod. "It happened not long ago, perhaps an hour or two. The traces were all fresh. Nobody died, however, three guards were injured. We assume it was a small group of thieves."

"Why would they need that scroll?"

"It contains the Nara clan's special medical technique. I presume someone in great need may have decided to get it." She answered with the same false concentration the other was feigning. They both just wanted to talk, _of other things_.

"So we should get it back." Kakashi nodded and pulled the zipper up on his jacket. He only noticed now that it was a little colder than he liked it. "Let's go. We should find them while they are not far."

"One more thing..." Tsunade rose from the chair. "I have this...idea, that perhaps..."

"Orochimaru-sama had it stolen."

The surprise on the woman's face was evident. She blushed.

"You said that he had sought you out..." He added with a rush.

"Your assumption is correct." Tsunade nodded with a little more courage. "I'd bet my head it was him. Just in case the trails have been cleared up, Orochimaru should still be located in a twenty-kilometer perimeter. Rather west."

"Thank you." Kakashi nodded and the two shinobi vanished with a polite bow.

Instinctively, by a sort of subconscious preparation, Kakashi kept himself and his forces well in hand during the search, compelling an accumulative reserve of control by that nameless inward process of gradually putting all the emotions away and turning the key upon them; a process difficult to describe, but wonderfully effective, as all men who have lived through severe trials of the inner man well understand.

And so the wind brought sadness and long thoughts. After an hour of silence, Asuma decided to shed light onto a subject piquing his curiosity. "So, what's up with you?"

"With me?" Kakashi asked as if the most surprising question had been aimed at him.

"You missed dinner yesterday. Rin mentioned you have been acting differently." He pushed.

"You are my best friend, Asuma. Do I look different to you?" Kakashi asked quietly and looked at his companion.

Asuma's appealing brown eyes shone, and much of the charming personality, these days so carefully repressed, came forward and revealed itself again. His modesty was always there, of course, but in the moment he forgot the present and allowed himself to appear almost vividly as he lived again in the past of their adventures. "Something's up with you, yes. I don't know how serious is it, though. I have never seen you so lost, to be fully honest."

"I am not lost, Asuma." He rolled his eyes and became even more upset upon catching himself at a lie. "Well, I am. A little. I just don't understand some things."

"Like?"

"I've been lying to people. To you, to Rin, to everyone. I've been lying to myself aswell. I thought it would be easier this way."

"I know how it is, Kakashi." Asuma replied with a half smile.

Meanwhile there was no movement of the air, nothing but the sound of rushing feet and the apparition of a ghastly figure and the almost simultaneous vanishing of sight.

"But I never really minded leaving Konoha behind. Lying to people ain't that horrible of a thing than to yourself. I didn't regret meeting Chiriku and joining The Twelve Guardians. Even now, that father is gone." He paused and threw away the half lit cigarette. "I haven't the slightest about how you managed to pretend for so long but you should give it up, 'Kashi."

There was a faint sound of rattling amidst the trees and a pause of a few seconds. Blood surged and sang like the roll of drums in an orchestra.

"How many of them..."

"I'd guess five."

Kakashi nodded and smashed his hands together. "Doton, Doryuuheki!" And from the grass, amidst the tall, majestic trees, large walls emerged around them. "Come out, bastards."

The men had hitherto exchanged no words and no signs, but there were general indications of some movements. At last, dry leaves of bushes rustled and creaking of the underwood spoke of the appearance of the enemy. There were faces working with passion; men's faces dark with thick features, and angry, savage eyes. They belonged to common ninjas from the Land of Sound, and they were evil in their ordinary normal expressions, no doubt, but as they watched the two shinobi, alive with intense, aggressive emotion, they were malignant and terrible for human countenance. The one farthest from them held the scroll, he had to be left last.

An unnatural excitement filled the silver-crowned man's mind. His skill, his strength, his aim, he knew them well enough. But hate and love that fastened upon his heart held all his muscles still. He waited and his comrade followed the unvoiced instructions; they were not going to simply catch the thief. They were not on an ordinary mission. It was a hunt.

For what seemed fully ten minutes, the figures stood there and faced the two shinobi. In their hands, weapons of various kind hid, as if waiting for the right moment to attack. From the opposite side, no answer came in action. Hesitant and slow at first, the ninjas took one or two steps forward then waited for the opponent.

Even moments drawn out into hours must come to an end some time and almost before they noticed, the figures nearer and nearer they came. So stealthy were their movements that for the abnormally sensitive state of the nerves, an ordinary person should never have heard them. Only the sharpness of a katana could be perceptive as the sound lingered in the chilly wind.

Asuma's deep eyes caught sight of fear upon one of the repulsive faces and even himself felt a shiver rush through his spine. Apparently, something was in the air. They appeared to hesitate. They were listening attentively, standing shivering and shuddering, locked into one space amidst the four walls. The shinobi then, and some unknown force drew his gaze at his comrade beside him.

It was at this point that the atmosphere suddenly surcharged with the electricity of an unpredictable storm, found relief in a dancing flash of brilliant lightning simultaneously with a crash of the unholiest thunder.

For the space of a hundred seconds, there was silence, such as might have existed before the birth of all living thing. It was followed by loud shrieks of terror, and then all became as still and silent as before.

The walls crashed down as if they have never been there before. Kakashi and Asuma stood motionless for a while when the elder turned his wide shoulders towards his companion and all in his magnificent fierceness he saw the outline of the other's features. Kakashi's gaze once dull with ennui was now directed upon the ground and burned with dazzling fire like the storm that burst forth in its full fury.

Asuma slowly traveled his eyes in the same direction and for the first time in a long while he felt as if some kind of abashment paralyzed his muscles for a second. After a short pause, he tumbled forward what was now only dust and a piece of paper burnt at its edges. The fright now galvanized into amazement and he leaned down to pick up the scroll and brushed the ash off carefully.

"How many times have you done this?" He turned his gaze at the silver-crowned man and placed the paper in his pocket.

Asuma's stern voice recalled the other to consciousness.

"Not once. I was...I couldn't focus."

"How was this not focusing?" The elder sniggered at the other's guilty tone. "Have you always been holding yourself back, Kashi?"

"Without control, there is no order." He replied with mingled pomposity and resentment. "You know it." He added as if he was wishing to convince his companion, while he was the one shuddering with shame.

Asuma suddenly recalled the story of Kakashi's father's and with a quick gulp he stepped beside the man and glanced at the blue sky. Now, he understood it all. "You must get over it."

"Over what?"

"All of it." He replied sombrely and started their way back to the village.

In his heart, as the other said it, flamed again quite suddenly the memory of that horrible night and all its consequence, again and again, this thought for others slipped past the network of his own distress, and the sentence that ran unspoken through his mind was: _"I know."_

 ** _Hours later..._**

The night was perfectly still and as dark as imaginable. Kakashi sat at the bar and his eyes rested on the moonlit sky. The blackness and that one pale eye was indeed an impressive scene, with its utter loneliness, its bizarre suggestion; and as he gazed, long and curiously, a singular but not unknown emotion began to stir somewhere in the depths of him.

Midway in his delight of the wild beauty, there crept, unbidden and unexplained, a curious feeling of disquietude, almost of alarm. Even with the fifth shot, it seemed that the alarm would stick to his nerves, and pull on them each time he wished to lead his mind elsewhere. He knew the source of that alarm, and since its apparition, he was also aware that he had to face it, one way or another.

"May I?" Came a voice sweet as the harp of fairies.

"Sure." Kakashi replied and ordered two more shots. "You look like you need it, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade smiled in the pitiable state she was in. "I have this bad habit...Which apparently I cannot abandon." As she beamed softly at him, a sense of joy came for a moment as if on some soft wind of beauty, fugitive, but sweet. It vanished instantly again, but the vision caught for a moment, too tiny to be measured even by a fraction of a second, had flamed like summer lightning through his heart.

It almost seemed as though his grinding selfish pain had burned the dense barriers that hid another world, bringing a light that just flamed above those huge horizons before they died. For they died, yet left behind a touch of singular joy and peace that somehow glowed on through all his subsequent self-pity. "I've heard stories. You gamble."

"I do." She nodded and welcomed the Nepenthe served. "What is your deal, Kakashi-sama?" She drowned the sake and ordered the next round.

"I've been thinking..."

"Oh, that is never good." She giggled like the sound of summer.

Kakashi couldn't help but smile at her interruption and resumed. "What's your deal with the cemetery?"

By the table a second she hesitated. He caught the flash of remorse as it passed. "The people whom I loved are dead because of me. One way or another, but I pushed them to death."

"I've heard different stories of you."

"Of course you did, Kakashi-sama. Everyone does." She smiled softly and played with the new glass in her hand. "Just as I may judge you the most enchanting character of Konoha if not the whole world, if I trust the stories told of you. Adventurous, thrilling, interesting and smart, and last but not least loyal, kind and immensely powerful. So why are you lonely like me? Traitors recognize each other."

The shinobi made no reply and thus she continued. "I first felt immeasurable pain when my mother had passed. I blamed myself, and my father did as well. Then I felt it again when he died...And then my little brother. And there was the person I loved. Slowly pain turns into loathing. But you don't loathe the world, you loathe yourself and the world starts to feel that way about you too. So I started to lie, to myself and to everyone else. It was much easier that way. I could control that for a while and I even believed it was fixing things I couldn't fix. And years had passed. Now there is one person truly knowing who I am and he...He is gone as well."

"Jiraiya-sama?"

"No. Orochimaru..." She said softly and downed the sake. "How did you force yourself each night into sleep? I told myself that I was doing the right thing, distancing myself from the world. What was your lie, Kakashi-sama?"

About this time as he listened, moreover, a singular feeling that had lain vaguely in Kakashi's mind for some years past, took a more definite form. It suddenly assumed the character of a conviction, that yet had no evidence to support it. A voice, long peering into the depths of him became much louder until at last, it grew into a statement that he accepted without further ado: "I was paying off a debt," he phrased it, "I owed him this...My help and so forth... That was my lie." He accepted it, that is, as just and this certainty of justice kept numb his heart and mind, shutting the door on bitterness or pain.

"That is a good one." She nodded with a curious light burning in her eyes.

And then, abruptly, with a vividness of detail that shocked him, the rapidity of thought was hard to realize. In that second and a half, Kakashi became aware of many things, but it was neither of those reflections that filled his mind. The dominant impression was another. It flashed into actual words inside his excited brain: "This is nonsense...What happens if..." He was, further, aware of another impulse than the obvious one. In the first fraction of a second, it was overwhelmingly established. And it was this: "What if we stopped lying? How can someone like you, or I control oneself?"

Tsunade interrupted eagerly, while the light burned more deeply in her eyes. "It is, rather, that we accept what we are. You punish yourself over things that had always been out of your hands, am I right?" he went on in a trusting voice, "I've felt the same for so long I cannot tell you, Kakashi-sama. And by the time I managed to make peace with the past, things were gone." She pointed at herself with a mixture of resentment and guilt. "Don't be like me, for heaven's sake. You should rule one day, give yourself the chance to make yourself proud instead of choking in punishments."

For an instant, then, the other felt his bitter hate turn into natural sorrow. His own fierce passion for self-loathing, unconfessed, concealed, burst into instant flame. That he could ever become a subject of pride sent the blood surging through his veins in acute dread. He felt his life and all that he desired to go down in ashes.

This new possibility was too pure for his doomed soul. It was a soul indeed blemished. How on earth could he fix everything he had been bottling up over decades? Face it all alone? That was the real war all along. The little wheels moved faster. His pain struck sparks. He downed the glasses of sake whilst long-buried questions now faced him cruelly inside.

"You know, Kakashi-sama..." Tsunade then began, her voice soft. "To share anything with a stranger is always easier. They don't judge you and they leave to do their own business. And life goes on. You don't have to trouble yourself with the cultivation of a relationship; there is no fear of lying, hurting and leaving. I only know a side of you that I had as well, that doesn't quite count as anything, does it?"

"No...I believe not." He nodded gently and sighed and lifted his gaze at her flawless face.

"You can share." She smiled as she placed her hand upon his shoulder. "We are strangers. No fear of attachment, other than the darkness." Albeit she joked, her face turned afflicted with worry. "Just don't stand in the dark alone. It leads to places you cannot come back from. I can stand with you there, all right?"

"Who? Who was it?"

"Father." The blonde's voice softened and she took a deep breath.

"All right. You can stand there with me, Hokage-sama." Kakashi smiled and gave a squeeze to her hand.


	4. Drugs Don't Work

**_"I have to ask 'cause I need something to last, too many times I've been left behind."_**

* * *

 _ **2** ** _years_ later**_...

The sunset, long since out of the valley, still shone on those white ridges, where the peaks stuck up like the teeth of a gigantic monster.

"Tonight we drink to you, Rin-chan." Shizune's bright eyes showed support and clinked the little glass of sake to the others'.

There was a strong smell of fallen leaves. The air was sharp and heavy with odor. The village was becoming wholly blanketed by a single mass of shadow and most of its dwellers were already asleep. Only in front of the Yakiniku Q was there noise and light and bustle as most of the days during the week. The tree medics sat outside, the soft skins showing no sign of chilliness. Their spirit was warmed by today's successes and their bodies heated like a furnace by the sake.

"It-it wasn't only me, Shizune-chan." The brown-haired woman blushed visibly. Indubitably, her skills as a ninja have greatly progressed during the past two years, however, she was shy and selfless, and for those reasons she could never grow used to praise. "If Tsunade-sama hadn't been there, I couldn't have brought Shinji-sama back..."

"I was just standing there, Rin-chan!" Tsunade's laughter lingered in the cold air and she took a bite of the sushi roll. She wiped her lips softly and downed the glass half full. "I am very proud of you, Rin-chan. I can tell the same about Sakura-chan as well." She looked at her brown-haired student candidly. "I believe that both of you will go a long way in life."

"Tha-thank you, Tsunade-sama..." Rin reddened again as she stammered. There was something in Tsunade that Rin never could quite comprehend. Whenever her face came into the girl's mind or saw her, she began to think. A kind of longing came over her, a desire for beauty, she guessed, it was. It made her dream.

"I wonder how Naruto-kun is now." Shizune continued the flow of thought and interrupted the silent mesmerization. "When are they coming back?"

"As far as I'm concerned Naruto-kun should be returning tomorrow morning and Jiraiya should be here already." Tsunade giggled and ordered another bottle of nepenthe. "I wonder about him too, to be frank. Jiraiya couldn't message us often, so there is only a little I am aware of, unfortunately." Here, she frowned and took another sushi roll between her chopsticks.

There was silence for a full minute where the three became lost in surging thoughts about their heads.

Whether it was the power of the sake or simply the sally that pressed the ribcage, Rin could not tell nor did she wished to find the answer for that, and thus on an ever so natural tone, she inquired boldly; "Jiraiya-sama is important to you, isn't he, Tsunade-sama?"

"Of course he is." She answered in a light tone, albeit the true nature of the question did not unveil itself to her. Her brain and senses have grown too fatigued to have any attention left for the unsaid. "He is like Kakashi-sama to you." This additional note, however, was wholly misinterpreted by its receiver.

Instantly, in Rin's head came pictures of his dreamy, calm tone, and that look of intimacy and secureness she discerned upon his features even in the filtered moonlight, and it touched her again as with the spell of those shining, deep black presences. It sank down into her as she recalled his face, his scent, and his touch. There was a pause, and then she added; "I understand, Tsunade-sama... We are both truly lucky."

"Er-..., indeed." Tsunade smiled and finished her plate.

"And how is your secret love doing, Rin-chan?" Shizune's curiosity piqued when men were on the menu. She enjoyed a good scandal time to time to lift her mind off burdensome thoughts.

"Oh...Well..." Rin attempted to reply stammeringly and her pale cheeks grew rosy once more. For some unknown reason, she felt uneasy to confess that her secret love and Kakashi were the same person; for her anyway. "I-I think...Well, I think things will change soon..."

"Ah!" was the immediate answer, given with enthusiasm. "Is he finally going to take you on a date?"

"I think so..." Rin nodded shyly and excessive joy bathed her heart. "He's been odd lately...He has grown distant...Well, we...we still speak and he is very polite, and two weeks ago, when I was at home, ill,...so he came and wouldn't leave my bed the first day."

"Distant, hm..." Tsunade pondered and patted her chin with soft little motions. "Perhaps he has indeed fallen in love, and he just simply does not know how to handle that. Men are like that."

"I concur." Shizune nodded several times in succession as she pored over the subject. She made no remark for some minutes. Then presently she said, as though it had no particular importance. "And if he is quieter and sullen but cares about you, it means his feelings are not only true but also deep. You are very lucky, Rin-chan." She finished with a smile.

"Let's drink on Rin-chan's ninja in shining armor!" Tsunade offered another toast during the same night and they clinked the little glasses together. Their little laughter reverberated in the air like joyous hums of the autumn breeze.

Then, Rin turned, as though something had suddenly occurred to her. "So...Do you think I should invite him for a nice dinner tomorrow? I-I mean, wouldn't that be too forward?"

"Well..." Tsunade paused a moment and looked searchingly into her friend's face. "Do you often meet?"

"We see each other every day." Was the reply.

"Do you know his family? Does he know your past?"

"Of course. Everything." She nodded firmly. "We have no secrets."

"You should definitely go for it, then. Waste no time, or else you will end up old and alone like me." The blonde laughed, whilst the last echo of her response held some bitterness.

Rin nodded with a candid heart. "Thank you, Tsunade-sama."

Warmly she smiled and said; "You're welcome."

Shizune, after a minute, interrupted the atmosphere, while she glanced deep into the darkness. The oil lamp upon the table flickered when the wind strengthened, but did not go out. "If you don't mind Rin-chan...I think it is time for us to go with Tsunade-sama." She sighed, overwearied with today's work.

The darkness seemed a positive thing. It was a sense of enormous, aggressive darkness that veiled an undesirable hint of personality.

Rin shook her head and said she did not mind at all; how could she, her thoughts were already elsewhere. With a polite bow to each other, the three parted within minutes and all betook home.

Rin sighed little to herself as she walked quietly on the way.

The night has grown so silent it was only the heels of her boots echoing on the streets. She knew there was no turning back anymore. She has waited for too long and her heart's longing for him has grown unbearable during the years.

All strength or desire to resist the love had gone for good. This feeling against her conscience was too ancient and way too powerful. The capitulation was complete, a fact accomplished. She dated it from the day she first saw him at the Academy's gates, his silver locks and deep dark eyes.

It was close to midnight when she entered the little flat. The door creaked as she stepped in and the warmth oozing from the living room bathed her bare feet. She heard a light clearing of the throat and she knew that he was awake. Her heart pumped sweet songs through the veins as she hurried to him. The curtains at the other end of the room were drawn.

Kakashi sat on a pillow, watching the firelight dance on the heavy folds. Opposite to him was a small fireplace, full of red and yellow coals.

"Hey..." Kakashi greeted her on his usually coarse voice. His countenance appeared sullen but warm with affliction. It was his usual way of existing for months now, thus Rin did not assign grave significance to it.

"Hey!" She replied more heartily and grabbed a pillow to sit beside him. "When did you get home?"

"An hour ago, I believe." Came the answer.

Silence ensued then, during which Kakashi returned his gaze at the folds and Rin rested her eyes on him. As they sat there, quietly, she recalled those quiet evenings in the house, moreover, while they'd sat over the fire listening to the roaming winds about the house, her companion accessed the world his adventures had furnished for him.

Never for a single instant was he cut off from conversing about it and never for a single instant she felt boredom dull her spirit. She sighed and moved a little closer to him.

Over the past few months, it was one of those things, for which she longed secretly. She missed the atmosphere, the warmth of his tone and the beaming light within his eyes that lit up only in those moments where the present didn't overburden him.

But this was all a veil he spread about himself of purpose. Behind it, he escaped. It was the conjurer's trick to divert the sight to unimportant details while the essential thing went forward unobserved.

Indubitably, he managed wonderfully, for she loved him for the pains he took to spare her distress, but all the while the body sitting on that pillow before her eyes contained the merest fragment of his actual self. It was little better than a corpse now. It was a shell. The essential soul of him was out dancing with the dark.

She now gazed at the newspaper left folded beside his pillow, saw the glass of cold tea beside it, noticed a little hole in his shirt and listened to the silence of the whole chamber. Something has definitely changed.

Her thought stopped dead at that, for she could not yet put the pieces together. Whilst the big idea found lodgment in her little mind, and, owing to the largeness of her heart, it remained there unejected.

"I think I will go to sleep." Kakashi at last said and with a dull motion, he rose from the pillow.

"Kakashi..." Rin stopped him and he turned.

"Yes, Rin?"

"Naruto-kun is coming back tomorrow."

"I know." Here he allowed a little smile flash across his features. "It will be my first thing to see him. Jiraiya-sama said that Naruto has progressed well over the years."

As he spoke, Rin felt a thrill ran through her. His voice was filled with affection and was void of any ill-feeling, which most often shaped sounds into words. She could not precisely recall when did she hear him such a way; perhaps never, really.

She returned the smile and nodded to herself, as in acknowledgment. "I like seeing you happy."

"Thank you, Rin."

And Rin, during that silent night in the house, felt an odd uneasiness and could not sleep. All night long she sat in her bedroom reading, looking out of the window on a pillow where she could see the stars and hear the wind and watch the huge shadow of the hills. The house lay very still as the hours passed. She managed to doze once or twice, however it never lasted an hour.

Why did she wake up all the time? Why did she leave his door ajar so that the slightest sound of another door opening, or of steps passing in the living room, must reach her? Was she anxious for her friend? Was he suspicious of anything?

Rin did not know, and could not even explain it to herself. She felt uneasy, that was all she knew. Not for worlds could she force herself to go to sleep and lose full consciousness that night as if deep within her soul something was denying her rest. As if something had to be perceived in the outside world. It was very odd; she could not understand herself. Thus, she merely obeyed this strange, deep instinct that bade her wait and watch. Her nerves were jumpy; in her heart lay some inexplicable anxiety that was pain.

The dawn came slowly; the stars faded one by one; the line of the downs showed their grand bare curves against the sky; cool and cloudless the autumn morning broke above the little building at the corner. She sat and watched the east grow bright. The early wind brought a scent of marshes and the sea into her room. Then suddenly it brought a sound as well. Rin then knew then why she had stayed up.

She noted the creaking of the door and the fading footsteps that passed along outside the corridor. She recognized a cough when someone clears their throat and obedient to unvoiced whispers she leaned out the window. The time was wanting four, too early for most dwellers of the little town to awaken. Rin's deep brown eyes followed the figure through the streets in the misty dawn and her nerves tensed in unknown jealousy.

Her pulse rushed twice its speed and she felt like her brain was warming up. It was a hateful sensation she could not quite comprehend, a behavior unnatural for her. The rest of her actions had the same motoric nature; within a matter of seconds, she was out on the thoroughfare, keeping her distance with the figure.

The air was cold but the sun's first pale rays gradually conquered the reign of the thick shadows in all corners. Rin's mind was empty of wisdom. She did not think, of good, of bad, of rational or of irrational, for that matter. She inhaled the autumn's chill and welcomed the tingle on her skin.

In a few minutes, she reached the Academy's east wing, through which a long, funereal corridor led to the Hokage's main chambers. Not long after she reached the end and took a light turn towards the only light her eyes could see, she found an iron door closed but not locked. She leaned her eye to the tiny crack and held her breath back for that minute. And the unexpectedness of what she heard gave her a genuine shock.

Tsunade sighed, whilst she stood against a wall and looked out at the town through the dusty shutters. "Are you certain...That he really did say that?"

"I know what I was told." Came the coarse reply from the man opposite to her. He watched her with studious eyes as if he knew that her simplest movement would rather tell the truth than the words uttered. She was human, after all.

After a short interval, she sighed and spoke again, but did not look at him. "He will forget it, trust me. He is like that. He can't be serious, I am telling you."

Tsunade's endeavor to lie to herself was impressive.

"Cut the crap, Tsunade."

She turned and looked at him, as if in disbelief of his audacious boldness.

Then, he resumed. "You know it too, that if Jiraya-sama leaves alone, it is basically suicide. I don't trust his instincts and I do not believe that you do. You know him better."

"So what should I do, Kakashi? Send you with him? Most of the teams are out already, hell knows when they come back. The more we learn, the smaller our chances against the Akatsuki. Don't you think I am aware of that?" She replied with trepidation.

"I can go. Naruto is coming back today with Gamatatsu, he will be safe here. At least for a while. Jiraiya-sama came a day earlier to tell about his decision, so he can leave the soonest possible."

"You are not going, Kakashi."

"Why not? There is no one left and he shan't go alone."

"I will convince him to stay too." The anger faded rapidly from her face and the slight wrinkles now shone with worry. "You don't understand."

"And if you fail? It is too risky." Kakashi furthered, the strife inside her soul vexed him in concern.

For a brief interval, none of them spoke, they both seemed to pore over something more furtive than lips were allowed to utter.

"Tsuna."

"Yeah?" She replied, her sweet deep voice barely audible. She lifted her eyes up at his own and listened.

"Sometimes I feel like a traitor."

She smiled softly and nodded in comprehension, while her body reeked of bitterness.

"We've already talked about it, haven't we? How many times? A hundred? It is not right, you know?" She paused and threw her vision upon the ground. "We did nothing wrong. Accidents happen, Kakashi." As she uttered that last sentence, she looked back at him, and shame he could not detect on her flawless features.

"So you don't feel that, at all?"

"Of course I do, dammit! We have to stop reminding each other of that!" Here, driven by her passionate heart, she shortened the distance between them. She knew that she was already too close; her perfume unhinged his mind with effortless easiness and he stood wholly benumbed by her natural charms. Then, she placed her palms tenderly on his chest and leaned her head against his chin.

Kakashi's arms embraced her soothingly, whilst no words were spoken. The atmosphere grew still as a winter's landscape. With all gentleness a man could manage, he stroked the back of her head and planted a kiss on her forehead. They stood there, in the middle of the little, dusty chamber for minutes unworthy to be measured. Time became meaningless for that little while, and then, slowly, his arms loosened and she stepped back from him.

"I-..."

"I know." Kakashi nodded in assent and offered a faint smile. Inside, he was burning with the keenest desire to make that mistake again. Here, and now, to feel the thrill of that accident in the forest.

Not a day since had passed without meditating over that; at first, the purest, most naked joy sending him curses of bliss. Later, that wild bliss tainted in bitter discord between the mind and the spirit. And now, after months, these deeply rooted sensations rushed circles in the body, never one reigning for too long over the other. They numbed him, fueled him, soothed and tortured him at the same time.

"See you later."

"See you, Kakashi..."

By the time Kakashi arrived, Rin was already awake. Nothing seemed unusual about that, so he walked to her door and knocked on it gently. "Hey, want breakfast?"

A sharp pang of unexpected jealousy shot through her as she heard his girl cleared her throat and took a deep breath before she ventured to reply. "Uhm...Yes, yes thank you!" She stammered. Rin knew that the preparation of breakfast would take time, and time was exactly what she needed to make herself appear presentable in front of him.

She heard Kakashi's footsteps fade and linger towards the kitchen. The same instant her heart contracted. The blood flowed back, filling her head. She felt an eavesdropper, a sneak, a detective; but, for all that, she felt hideously jealous. And her jealousy seemed chiefly because Kakashi had not told her, or Tsunade-sama, for that matter. That wench she considered a friend.

A friend. It all seemed incredible. Cold seized her and she trembled.

Disgust crammed in her throat and she feared she would vomit. Of this, then, she lay thinking in bed for a while.

When the breakfast was ready, she came out of her room but she had said nothing but sat at the same table on the same pillow and with monotone motions ate the light meal on her plate.

Kakashi, for his part, said nothing either. For the first time in their long, long friendship, there lay a secret between them. To Rin, the unexpected revelation came with pain.

The light that bathed Konoha was sharp and clear. No mist hung in the autumn air. Rin saw the bright sky reflected in the reach of the river beyond the meadows. She noticed the dew on the grass that reminded her of a sheet of pallid silver.

And she went about her daily duties with calm and quietness that was a perpetual astonishment even to herself, for it hardly seemed of this world at all. She talked to Kakashi when he came into the hospital, inquiring about her. _"Resignation brings a curious large courage_ ", she thought to herself, _"when there is nothing more to lose. The soul should accept and find peace."_

"So, meet you at home?" Kakashi waited at the doorstep for her answer.

The white face held very steadily, the firm lips did not tremble, but it was evident that the heart knew the anguish that was deep and poignant. "Of course. Sounds good." She offered a smile.

"At 6?"

"I'll be home at 6." Kakashi nodded. "I have to leave after, if that's okay."

"Working?"

"Working."

Inside she felt hurt, bewildered, wounded, and nonetheless angry, how easily lies passed through his mouth. The man she loved so deeply, for whom she would have died any time. His voice rang in her ear and the words _"working...just working...";_ a voice that had command in it, a voice that did not lie because it could not, yet did lie and could lie, when occasion warranted, and the occasion was then and there. And before. And how many times, only he knew.

The evening was still and only leaves twisted in the wind. She neglected the crimson sky and the colorful trees, the perfume of the autumn breeze that brushed above the deep blue rivers. At home, she dropped on the pillow in the living room and stared vacantly at the ceiling. Vitality passed from her, drawn out and away as by some steady suction. Immense and incessant was this sensation of her powers draining off.

The room shone pale in the strengthening moonlight, which reflected through the windows, for the blinds were up, and she spotted the silver locks of her beloved somewhere in front of her.

"Is everything all right, Rin?" Kakashi at length broke the uneasy spell of silence and spoke, in order to generalize the tension so tangibly accumulated in the room. "Can I bring you anything?"

He offered as he assumed she overworked again.

That offer on his lips was more than she could bear to hear. Rin slowly moved her eyes from the ceiling and anchored them on him. Slowly and surely the morbid growth of jealousy and sense of betrayal possessed her mind and held her. She stammered. "N-no...Nothing...It's...o-okay..."

Kakashi smiled and crouched beside her. It was now him who played the role of a nurse, tending her little wants with an honest care that at least aped the services of love. He was so utterly unconscious of the raging battle he had caused. "Uhm...You need a hug?"

He was kind. Why was he kind? Or was it some kind of ill torture? It felt like asking her to hurry to her own execution.

"I thought...I thought that what we had was special." she began, hardly knowing what she said.

His confusion was evident. "What do you mean, Rin?"

"I thought you loved me."

"I do. I do love you."

And his strange response appalled her for a moment, until the meaning of it faded and left her in a dark confusion of the mind that was now becoming almost permanent.

"Perhaps not the way Obito did." He resumed and conjured up thousands of memories once too painful to let them upon the surface. "When he died, I promised him, and myself to take care of you. He died because he would rather see you live happily."

She heard his words and the same second had buried her face beneath her sweater in a flood of hysterical weeping.

But Kakashi did not seem disturbed by her heavily falling tears. Perhaps he did not hear it, for the wind ran just then against the windows with a booming shout, and the roaring of the forest farther out came behind the blow, surging into the room. Perhaps, too, he was too lost in his own thoughts then.

"You know, I feel better now." He said nothing for a moment and then continued, as though only to himself. "For a while now...And I admit that I was not honest with you. In fact, I had been lying to everyone for decades. Perhaps you noticed, I don't know. In any case, I've changed and I considered it wiser to be sincere. I still do what I can, for you, Rin, but I do not feel remorse anymore. I do not blame myself for the things that had happened in the past."

As she listened, she slowly regained a sort of dull composure. Her face emerged from the tangle of the sweater. With a growing terror over her, she listened. The storm was rising, not only outside but within her as well. It came with a sudden and impetuous rush that made all further idea of sleep for her impossible.

Alone in a shaking world, it seemed, she sat and listened. That storm interpreted for her mind the climax. The weather bellowed out the other woman's victory to the winds; the winds, in turn, proclaimed it by the night. The whole world knew of her complete defeat, her loss, her little human pain. This was the roar and shout of victory that she listened.

"Enough...Please..." Was all she could mutter and she moved away from the shinobi. "I don't understand...I thought we were happy all these years. I thought everything was okay."

He ventured to answer, but he did not.

"This makes no sense..." She talked to herself ever so quietly. "This makes no sense..." Here, she stopped and lifted her gaze at him; Kakashi's face was unreadable. "The past two years...You seemed worse than before."

"Well...I uhm-...I needed time to figure things out. I did not know how I was, until..."

"Until?"

"Until I had someone to shed light on it."

She was beginning to understand it now. He was not any better than before. In fact, he was in the worst condition since the beginning of their friendship. Kakashi was in a pit of lies and scam and he was blindfolded in the dark. He had but the slightest of idea. Things were beginning to make more sense to her, or so she yearned to believe.

The thunder's bayonet slammed into the night with a vociferous clamor. The ground shook in terror. It was when she realized and remembered with loathing the conversation in the morning and the charms of that witch. How easily she put her spell on him!

Rin examined her beloved's face searchingly, surreptitiously, but with a touch of passionate curiosity. She found everything she once fell in love with, upon it. There were contradictions of perplexing character about him. For the first presentment had been of splendid youth, while on the face, though vigorous and gloriously handsome, she now discerned the stamp of furthering age. It was worn and tired. While radiant with strength and health and power, it wore as well this certain signature of deep exhaustion that great experience rather than physical experience brings.

There was a big, sad earnestness about his features, yet a touch of humor too; patience, tenderness, and sweetness held the mouth, and behind the pale forehead, intellect sat enthroned and watchful. In it, there were both love and hatred, longing and despair; an expression of being on the defensive, yet hugely mutinous and an air both hunted and beseeching.

He was still the person she so dearly loved. She made her deductions swiftly; only within his ribcage lay the poisonous enchantment. Had it been cast upon him for two years, she would dare say so. It was a plague, so deeply rooted, she was unsure that pure words would suffice to convince him of this disaster.

Kakashi honestly believed that his life was better now since that wench appeared. Her poor warrior...He was toyed with. A living, breathing puppet on a blonde string. With a shiver unable to control, half of pity, half of wrath, she moved back to his closeness and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I think I understand everything now, Kakashi. You shan't say more." She smiled with candid warmth and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. He did not lean away; of course, most surely he loved her, only her, the same way she felt about him.

Outside the tempest paused a moment before the awful elemental crashes that followed. A bellowing of many flashes of lightning descended like artillery upon the world once more.

"I am glad that you understand, Rin. And that you are not upset."

"Of course...Why would I be? It was time we talked."

"Yeah." Kakashi offered a faint smile and sighed in relief. If only he had known half of the deranged images the girl's mind envisioned. "So, are we all right?"

"Yes. Yes, we are, Kakashi." Rin answered and rose on her feet. "I am tired... I will go to sleep, I think."

"All right." He nodded and stood up. "I have some more work to do. But I will be home later."

"Sure." She nodded in assent and walked to her room. "Good night, Kakashi."

"Good night, Rin."

But Rin slept badly that night; she woke in the morning with hot and tired eyes; her head ached dully and she became blind in ration and lost the clues of daily life in the most feeble fashion. Rin was overwhelmed with rage. It was she who stood in the blonde's way, and it was she whom the other intended to remove." _The soul takes risks, and the soul dares."_ She thought to herself. " _And_ _I will sure as hell take the risk to rid Kakashi from you."_


	5. Painkiller

_**"From the darkness I see the light in you..."**_

* * *

At first, it must be admitted, she felt uncomfortable, distinctly uncomfortable. Rin was in the Hokage's chamber. She felt as if she had really no right to be there, although the invitation was clear as crystal; the villages were under attack; the jounin had to take responsibility for their dwellers.

One moment, the atmosphere seemed subtly charged with a suffocating feeling—the next it was a queer awareness of emptiness, that made her turn cold and blink a couple of times to be able and pay attention to the meeting.

"This is what we know so far," Tsunade stated simply, whilst her mind kept working with a curious rapidity, but worked within one circle only. The stress of the present was extraordinary. She remembered a thousand things, yet, chief among them was the threat of the Akatsuki.

"So it is sure as death..." Asuma's coarse voice lingered heavily in the air. "The Akatsuki..." His great shoulders squared themselves. His head was thrown back a little, and as his companions looked, they saw that the expression on his face change swiftly from calm curiosity to one of absolute command. He looked steadily around the room and then his voice began to vibrate. "We have to get rid of them as soon as possible. Not every jounin are back, but sure as hell we can figure something out. How close are they, Jiraiya-sama, what did you say?"

"They roam in groups, Asuma-sama." The taller began, half turning towards his circle of listeners in the pale dawn's light. "I managed to keep Naruto-kun out of reach but only for a short time."

"He has visibly progressed in both mind and body," Rin noted in a polite manner and Jiraiya nodded. From outside, there sneaked to her ears a deep baying of dogs. The windows framed the morning against the sky and there was a flash of lightning, too, she thought, as she glanced around the room. And it was warm, for the autumn, it was oppressively warm.

"Indeed. But he is still very far from what can be expected from him. The rest of his training lies on Kakashi-sama."

"Naturally." Kakashi replied as he listened.

"The thing is, they have been lurking around each main village for months. For years, they have been gathering and studying the nature of each land, of their people and their Jinchuuriki. I do believe, that we are behind in the amount of information we possess compared to them." The Sannin paused a moment here to sit upon the edge of the heavy wooden desk and straightened his back so that everyone in the room became perceptible to him.

"A day ago someone spotted a possible Akatsuki team around Sunagakure," he went on, watching his listeners. "but nothing is confirmed yet. Another team was seen at our eastern borders, so the best option is to put more people on guard even during the day and not only for the night. We have to keep Naruto safe."

"If anything happens to the Kazekage, he will be the first rushing to help." Kakashi added and glanced at the elder. "We have to count on that possibility."

"You are right." Jiraiya replied simply.

"Team 7 will be alert. I have a hunch, that we will be forced to leave sooner than we wish."

As Rin listened to Kakashi's voice, she began to feel afraid. There was something in the sound that made her feel intuitively that he was in another place, and an impulse stirred faintly in her,—very faintly, she had to admit to herself, to clear her throat and ask whether she could do something to help them.

The shinobi stopped a moment and turned his face towards her before continuing. "Thank you Rin, but I think it is not necessary yet."

The sun's light meanwhile did not strengthen and orange rays sneaked through the two large windows. The silence in the chamber was so deep that when Jiraiya placed his large palm on the table, it woke audible echoes at the far end among the shadows.

For some minutes, everyone stood reflecting upon the news. Rin's thoughts, after a while, began to travel onto other matters, which she hoped desperately she banished for a while. She recalled yesterday. And then she thought of the night and how odd it was that nothing happened to disturb her, merely nightmarish images running in circles.

 _"It's only that you are thinking very vividly_ ," she pondered to herself when she failed to detect anything suspicious since she awoke. " _and your thoughts form pictures in the mind before you utter them..._ " She was convincing herself quite steadily that whatever she saw or heard yesterday was but the poison of her weakened heart. She glanced at them both; they were lost in their own thoughts. She couldn't depict traces of affection. Her heart's erratic beating ceased.

For a long elapse of time thus, she had been standing in the chamber with these reflections—it may have been ten minutes or it may have been half an hour when she was aroused from her reveries by the coarse sound of Asuma.

"All right. Kurenai and I will be there." He nodded decidedly. "Yakiniku Q, right?"

"Yes." Tsunade nodded and leaned against her chair. "Around 6 pm. Please, don't forget to finish the reports about last weeks missions."

"Yeah. Okay, will do." He took a mental note and added; "we will be there." He bowed politely and turned on his heels. His footsteps echoed in Rin's ears.

"Don't forget the documents!" Tsunade called after him, but he was already too far, which she stated with a frown. "All right." She breathed out. "Meet you all for dinner then?"

"Uh-..." Rin seemed taken by surprise. She glanced at the blonde leader. Her eyes held the same blaze, the touch almost of bewitchment, she had noticed before in that chamber yesterday, but a startled air was added.

"She will be there. We will come together." Kakashi replied and shifted his eyes to her. He spoke as if he had planned it all in advance. But the look in his eyes arrested her attention at once. "I can meet you at the training grounds, we should be there with Naruto-kun, Sai-kun, and Sakura-chan." he added, with a decidedly growing enthusiasm.

"Sai-kun..Sai-kun, the new member, instead of Sasuke-kun." Rin was slowly picking up on the conversation. She looked at him; he wanted to go. She then glanced at Tsunade. She also wanted to go. It all seemed natural enough, ordinary, no exceptional feature anywhere about it beyond the trivial detail that Kakashi did not care for dinners and conversations. It was understandable, therefore, that somewhere in her being lurked a firm conviction that the whole business was exceptional. "So dinner...Tonight."

"Yes." Tsunade confirmed again and folded her arms over her chest.

"Well,..." said Kakashi, lingeringly but very pleasantly, taking a move towards the doors; "I suppose I must be going Rin, you—erm—you've had breakfast, of course?"

"Thanks, yes, I have," Rin replied with a certain air of disappointment, as though the question had been an invitation. She moved a few steps towards him as if seeking his closeness. "But, we can have lunch together?" she added more cheerfully.

"Won't do." He shook his head and resumed. "Sakura-chan and Naruto-kun only met Sai-kun an hour ago. It will take up my whole day to get them to work together." He flashed a soft smile here and lifted his small bells from his pocket. His manner somehow suggested that he was in an extraordinarily good mood, perhaps. He hesitated a moment, as though about to add something, but in the en,d said nothing but simply turned and left.

"Rin-san."

"Er-yes, Hokage-sama?"

"Is everything all right with you?" she said in her sweet, commanding voice, fixing her luminous eyes on the girl's face.

"Uh...Ye-yes, why, Hokage-sama?"

"Since Shizune is sick, I will need your assistance for a brief time."

Here, Rin stammered something about her lack of expertise, but she ignored her remark utterly, and Rin caught her eyes wandering next to the bookshelves. She watched her, unable to move her gaze from her person. The blonde fascinated her horribly for some reason.

"You are going to need these in the following days" She went on as she began to pile up books in her arm. "We are going to need as many nurses as possible, and I want you to help them prepare for war." She said, with a slight inclination of the head towards her by way of including the girl in her confidence.

Whilst Rin nodded, curious thoughts ran in her mind." _Behave like an intelligent confidential secretary. Observe everything, without seeming to. Say nothing, nothing that means anything._ " She cleared her throat and said; "Okay."

"Great." Tsunade nodded and handed her the books and parchments. "You can get to work." She smiled and she resumed after a moment's thought. "See you at the dinner?"

"Of course, Hokage-sama." And so this is how it was, that Rin took a polite bow and exited the leader's chambers at once. She did as she was told so, but not because she was so eager to be of much aid; the reason of her generosity lay in deeper sources. She would keep an eye on the blonde. She would become her confidant, earn her trust, and if anything...If anything was to go to the wrong direction, it would be so much easier to halt it in time.

Long hours have passed and the autumn mist was rising. The evening was still as ice, bitterly cold. Rin yawned and placed the book upon the rest. It was nearing 6 pm. An hour or so ago came a message from Kakashi, that he would meet her at Yakiniku Q instead of the grounds. She put on her coat and stepped outside.

Melancholic winds rustled, and it sounded everywhere. It grew fainter and fainter the more she walked, fading away, it seemed, into a distance that somehow was appalling. The streets, however, were empty of all but the sighing wind. The pale moon threw inky shadows and the cold bit; it was a terror of ice and death and this awful melancholic whistle.

By the time she arrived, the place was full of people. Even from their table, it was only her missing. Her heart drummed but its rapid beating ceased the same instant she realized everyone was already in the middle of a conversation. None of them required her presence. With a knot in her throat and that burning sensation in the brain, she greeted everyone politely and sat in front of Kakashi.

His mind lay, evidently, upon other matters. He looked extraordinarily happy. Happier, Rin thought, than she had ever seen him before. There was a careless indifference, a lightness, something, too, of a new refinement (to use a word his vehement personality has not ever suggested). And it was these contradictions, she believed, whilst she wrinkled her forehead upon so hard of wondering, affected her so powerfully. Impressions began to pour and pour upon her. Emotions stirred.

Sake was served in a moment's pause. She thanked it and downed the first shot.

Things going on at a great speed in Kakashi were things that Rin could not possibly fathom, no matter the effort she was visibly putting into, and not because they were too furtive to redeem, but because she passionately rejected any thought that suggested a change in their relationship. She dreaded the merest idea of losing him to someone, and that someone would ever be a woman caused this excessive elimination of evidence. She bit upon her lip and downed the second round of sake. The nepenthe was warm and burned inside her throat whilst she kept her gaze on him.

Behind the transparent mask of his rather beautiful face, there could be noted more than his customary absentmindedness, sometimes to a point Rin could have thought enchantment. Each time she tried to speak to him, whilst to Tsunade, she did not once address a word, he took long seconds to work up a response. In him, there was no attempt at adjustment, no analysis, no effort to explain or query.

They spoke little, she had to face the truth. And with that it was obvious, that her two main companions presently fell into a desultory conversation about their own subjects (for indeed they shared similarities both in character and in thinking), about present and future conditions of Konoha, training efficiency, dreadful missions, and so forth, to all of which, being an interloper merely, she listened with slight interest.

Rin was becoming wholly obsessed with the vexation that grew within her soul the longer she was watching them. She thought hard and long about the rudeness of the two's behavior, how they simply excluded her and everyone else for that matter from their conversation, how they denied her presence by laughing without her, smiling, speaking and even breathing without her being any more involved than a waiter.

Kakashi and she had their own flat, for god's sake! She had thousands of comment she could have come up with if only anyone had asked her. One thing was thus certain, Rin was becoming gradually upset.

The situation, however, fitted too well into her life, for undeniable the fact was, that whatever life brought her, she accepted always. Rin was receptive merely; a recipient, but an extremely sensitive recipient, leaving all problems, all causes, to a greater purpose she called Faith. Though without a formal creed, she was a deeply religious nature. And Rin now seemed that she was unconsciously making herself ready, getting herself in hand, to meet something expected but gravely undesired.

During the time she merely observed, she made no effort to direct her thoughts at any direction. They flowed of their own accord, with poignant, jealous emotions, which she could not explain, towards Tsunade and Kakashi.

And there she saw it, without the slightest of intent or preparation; there was a joyous air played about them, over them, like the warm goosebumps upon her skin it tingled and the jealousy softened within these thoughts and became lovingly rather, and directed by a flair, so to say, of understanding that was new in her.

Neither would ever see twenty again, yet to her, they seemed young and carefree, their lives still in front of them. And each, though without much consciousness, were groping a way honestly toward some ultimate happiness in life that neither was ever likely to discover until now. They were single, yet seemed wholly devoted to something, rather than to someone. And in this fundamental relationship with a higher Order, unsatisfied, though each, outwardly at least, had mastered satisfaction. Accepting, that is, a responsibility undertaken, they played the game. There was fine stuff in them.

And both sought elsewhere, though without much luck until late, as Rin well sensed, an outlet source of a deeper bliss which curiously did not fail to provide. Not immorality, of course; but a mental, maybe a spiritual, outlet. They had sought it, she now abruptly judged, without success.

Their stream of yearning, whatever its power, had gone lost among the stars and unremunerative dreams for long, long of years. The point, however, remained: this yearning did exist in each. Its power, as Rin conceived, was cumulative. Similarly, in their daily work as shinobi, and uncommonly good shinobi, one with a streak of fine inspiration, the other, Kakashi, with a touch of a fiery genius, both reached further and away from the common view and whilst they did so, the root and essence of a searching became gradually solved.

And now they both were open to attack and ready for adventure. But the lesser adventures, refuge of commonplace fellows, they resolutely declined. Were they, perhaps, worthy then of the greater adventure that circumstances, at length, with inexplicable suddenness, and out of the least likely material, offered to them? Rin sighed painfully. She saw her companions.

She saw /that/ thing as well, saw it with a limpid clearness her rationality has held: something ahead—an event, lay in waiting for them, something they knew about, both not admitting, yet desiring it, something inevitable as the sunrise.

Rin shook her head and with a little noise smashed the sake's glass against the table, which nobody seemed to notice. Neither of them included her in this adventure, which had broken in upon a longish conversation, and she found herself resenting it. They had not so much as glanced in her direction.

"Kakashi..." She cleared her throat and as no answer came, she repeated her echo in a more louder tone. "Kakashi!"

"Yes, Rin?"

As he replied, something only pierced her personal mood now; his eyes sparkled. It was not because of her and she has never once seen this kind of glint in those big dark eyes.

"You didn't tell me about how the training was with your team."

"Well, it was fine, I believe. It will take time but they will accept Sai-kun."

He spoke so ordinarily as if she was looking at a blank screen. A second ago he was like fire. Was that fire only lit by certain only?

"I remember when you helped me out during the Chuunin exams. I felt the same, that I knew nothing but you helped me not to give up." She smiled over the past and spoke with a flavor of challenge in her tone. Naturally, she purposely kept her gaze hard on Kakashi.

He turned slowly, with a look as though, casually, he picked her up again; their eyes met and a sharp air seemed to encompass her. "It wasn't me," he corrected her; "it was Obito."

"Oh...Are you sure?"

"You know it too. He would have always helped you out if he could. So young I was never bothered by such things. " He affirmed with unnecessary vehemence in his deep voice. And that vehemence she did not half like.

"Ah.." A wave of vague emotion troubled her; for an instant, she felt again that sharper air, and this time in the heart. "But that has changed luckily." She replied quickly.

Kakashi answered simply: "Naturally."

"Young Kakashi reminds me little of Sasuke-kun." Tsunade commented and turned her soft eyes full upon Rin's, so that their soft blaze came over the girl like sunshine, almost with a sense of warmth in them. On her perfect visage lay a singular expression.

Then, Rin heard Kakashi laughing gently. There seemed a drift of smoke about them both. She knew a touch of goosebumps.

"An interesting theory...Only someone knowing both would say such. Kakashi told you about our childhood?" Rin asked with louder emphasis, and this time with a note of exasperation that would not be denied, for the nonsense, she thought, had gone far enough, and there was a flavor in it that set her nerves on edge.

Tsunade's reply came easily and naturally; "It is hard to take care of a village if you are unaware of the battles within it." She said without a smile.

Foolish, even impossible, as it must sound, it yet did happen; they looked away from her and returned to each other. Then, they talked on more than one subject at the same time. They carried on at least a couple of conversations at once without the slightest difficulty, without the smallest effort or confusion. To them, it was easy and natural. With Rin, even the strain of listening made the head swim. The effort to follow them was certainly a physical one, for she was aware of a definite physical reaction more than once, almost indeed of a kind of dizziness akin to nausea.

"I'm sorry everyone, but it is time for me to leave."

It could have very well been Rin to rise from the side of the table and utter those words, but it was not. Jiraiya's face was full of character and resolution, the face of a man to be depended upon, and the straight grey eyes, it seemed to Rin, wore a veil of perplexed anxiety that he made no attempt to disguise.

"But it is early!" Tsunade frowned as she instantly drifted her gaze at him. "You sure?"

"Yes, Tsunade." He nodded. The whole appearance of the man at once clothed the adventure with gravity and importance. A matter that gave such a man cause for abrupt leaving, must have been something real and of a genuine moment, Rin thought.

His speech and manner, as he bowed goodbye to everyone, were like him on an ordinary day, simple and sincere. He had a nature as direct and undeviating as a bullet. It saddened her to see him go and caught the traces of the same emotion on the blonde shinobi almost in front of her. But Tsunade did not stand up. She did not go after him as if the furtive suggestion over Jiraiya's face was only visible to Rin.

Rin shook her head and rose. "I believe I should do the same." She stated, but this time did not glance at Kakashi.

"We will go too." Asuma's coarse voice rang in the atmosphere. "I kinda forgot the reports about the missions."

"The deadline is tomorrow. Otherwise, I can't assign you to the one you have been asking about." Tsunade giggled and nodded warmly. "Have a pleasant night, everyone. Thank you all for being here."

"Thank you for the dinner, Hokage-sama." Said Asuma and Kurenai in unison and they left Yakiniku Q.

"See you at home, Kakashi..." Rin whispered and the grey-crowned warrior nodded.

"See you there, Rin."

And with a sigh, she was gone. There was a moment of silence between the two who remained.

"You should have spoken to her more..." Tsunade wetted her lips and played with the glass of alcohol but she did not drink from it.

"But we talk a lot at home." Apparently, the shinobi misinterpreted the meaning behind the woman's comment.

There was a prolonged silence in the room, in which the gurgling of the oil in the lamp and the emptying streets could be heard.

The most anxious sensations were creeping about their spines, albeit they were convinced the sensation was onesided, and they thus wondered when the other would leave. It was a little before midnight, they noted as their gazes darted at the clock upon one of the walls. The fight between their desire and their control became acute.

"So Sai-kun..."

"It will be all right." Kakashi sighed and bit his lower lip as if forcing himself to mute certain thoughts so eager to be uttered. "Team 7 will accept him, I am sure."

"That's good." Tsunade nodded and looked away from him. Being surrounded by people was so different than being alone with him. Now the moment has grown too intimate for her and images she could easily suppress for a while came back like giant waves she was unable to avoid. She took a deep breath but her heart has beat too rapidly. "I honestly hope that this mission won't be..."

"You already said it." Kakashi halted her as she spoke. "And Naruto-kun will be glad to see the Kazekage if things really turn out that way. I know. I don't want to talk about casual things, Tsuna." He grew serious without a second's notice, yet his gaze remained warm.

Although she refused to look directly at him, the man, so bold he always was, placed his hand over hers and the action invited her eyes to meet his.

"But that is what we can do. We are..." She couldn't finish her sentence. In fact, she had but the slightest of idea what to make of it. The pale skin that so perfectly bordered her soul from the world was enflamed. It was not the heat of the empty bar; it was an oppressive heat that somehow got into the head and mind. It stirred a strong sense of uneasiness in her, and she caught herself thinking of memories too inappropriate to ever phrase.

"It's not since that time in the forest. I've been wanting to talk to you long before that-"

"Accident."

"Call it whatever." Here, Kakashi paused and the two looked at one another for the space of some seconds, and there was an indefinable quality in their silence, which for the first time made them blunt.

"Whatever is this, it's abnormal. It's nonsense, all right?" Tsunade began on a tone needed to convince herself as well. "The only reason,...the only reason was so that we just talk. We just talk about how horrible people we are. Because it was easier to do it to a stranger than to someone we love."

"I know." He did not let go of her hand and she did not pull it away.

"You are the only person who knows...Who knows about my father...And about what-..." She took a deep breath and gave him a squeeze. "I could never tell Dan or Jiraiya, and Orochimaru kept my secret even when we drifted apart. That is why I cannot wholly consider him an enemy. He is somewhere still my friend. And beside him, you are the only one who-..."

"Knows." Kakashi nodded but she corrected him again.

"Who doesn't and wouldn't judge me."

"And isn't that odd? Because for me it is. For me, it is simply incomprehensible how can you learn all that about me, yet still, still be around. Don't you think it is...That perhaps this is how it should be?" He looked at her with a peculiar searchingness of bare truth in her eyes.

Tsunade shook her head, avoiding his gaze, for there was something in his words that scared her a little. "Kakashi, listen."

"I am listening Tsuna."

"I think we are..." She frowned, for words did not seem to be in her favor.

"We are what?"

And she hesitated mentally a long time before she began. "This is nonsense, you know?!" She locked her eyes to his and went on after a perceptible pause. "It certain as death that this is now how it goes! Look at Asuma-sama and Kurenai-san." She lowered her voice a little and resumed. "They really do love each other. They feel that ordinary but honest affection. And it did not start with them showing their worst sides. It always starts with you being your best and then step by step, little by little, you open up more and more. What we have been doing, it is just, it's just..."

"Ever since I met you in the cemetery, that night so long ago, I can't think straight. Learning that you have demons and fears, and all your weaknesses made me respect you more. I'd trust you with my life, Tsuna."

"It makes no sense..." She muttered and gave his hand another squeeze. "We never went on a date. We never did our best for each other. I was not looking for someone and neither were you. We just both wanted peace. " She spoke with such deliberation and with so many pauses that this was beginning to take her a long time. But at this point, she came to a full stop altogether. Evidently, there was something she wished to say that cost her considerable effort.

At length, she looked up steadily into her companion's face. "There was never a reason to like each other," she said, and a sort of hush came over her voice and manner, "there is no reality in feeling anything... Or being in-..." She left the sentence unfinished and looked down at the floor with an expression of pain that betrayed a momentary glimpse of character.

This fighting woman loathed and abhorred the thought of an enemy she could not see and come to grips with. Presently, she moved her hand away from him. Something like a sigh escaped her.

Kakashi said nothing.

"When I was in love, I always wanted to be my best. I looked my best. I talked my best. I smiled my best." She said disconnectedly, and as if talking to herself. "For a while, I was really convinced that this common understanding we have was a usual thing. After all, we have done things nobody dares to dream of. I thought of you as a partner in crime." There came then an interval in the conversation that was very significant. It did not seem a real pause, or the silence real silence, for both continued to think so rapidly and strongly that one almost imagined their thoughts clothed themselves in words in the air of the room.

"What changed?"

She shook her head. "I started trusting you. I compared you to Dan, whenever I was alone. I was going mad with finding answers why it troubled me so much that we are alike, and that I trust you. It upset me then, that you laughed when you were supposed to judge me, you were supportive in things others wouldn't have been. And all because you tend to think like me. I remember when you denied that mission..."

"With the Roots Division?" He cocked a brow as he listened to her.

She nodded and resumed. "You weren't afraid of my reaction."

"It felt only natural to be honest with you, even if it hurt you. It did, didn't it?"

"Of course." She admitted with a soft smile. "That's the thing, Kakashi." She looked down for a second and then back at him. "When I was in love, I was afraid to lose the other for reasons like these. That we would argue so much. That I had to change a little to fit him. That being always so painfully honest would lead to more arguments. I wanted so desperately to make that other person happy that I was willing to do these little sacrifices. To know when to shut up. To let things go, to moderate myself. To-..."

"I understand." He nodded.

"You don't." She sighed. "I dread the image of you away from me. But I do not feel like I would lose you for such dull reasons."

There was an intensity, almost of suppressed passion, in her voice that took him completely by surprise.

"I have never really felt love before. I do not know how I am supposed to feel, or what."

"I know." She nodded comprehensively.

"But this is what I would call that." Kakashi answered without a moment's hesitation. There was really nothing to lose, anymore. They have never spoken so earnestly about these type of feelings before. He would only take this chance, once and never again. "Tsuna, I think I am in love with you."

In her mind at that moment, she had already solved the nature of their perplexing problem. Her face was like a mask, and she employed the absolute minimum of gesture. All her energies were directed inwards, and by those incalculable methods and processes she had mastered with such infinite patience and study, she merely kept looking at him.

A strange affliction seemed growing upon the grey-crowned shinobi.

Evidently, she was trying to make up her mind to say something that she found it difficult to say.

"Say something." Kakashi urged her and he wished he still had more drink around.

"No."

"No?"

"No..." She shook her head and she trembled. "You should leave. You have a lot of work to do."

"Tsuna..."

"We shouldn't have said these things. It's just the sake, Kakashi. You will sleep it off."

"Don't bullshit me."

"This didn't happen."

"We have a growing list of things that didn't happen. I am getting tired of it."

"Just leave. You don't know what you are saying."

"You would make things so much easier if you stopped behaving like this and be honest. Why can't you just say whatever you have to say? What are you so afraid of?"

There were suddenly innumerable things Tsunade became afraid of. "This is wrong, okay? It's wrong. Whatever is it, we are being stupid. I am not a child anymore, neither are you. Let's stop playing around."

"Do you feel the same, or do not? At least enlighten me how stupid I just might be."

"Just leave, please. Please."

The end was abrupt, yet natural, for there was nothing more to say, and neither of them talked for mere talking's sake. Kakashi nodded and did not push her any further in opening her heart's content to him. Upon bidding goodnight, he directed his way outside the bar and inhaled the cold fresh air into his lungs, wishing to release his spirit from the suffocating weight of his own emotions.

With a second's hesitation, he betook towards home. The beauty of the night in its moonlit brilliance absorbed him wholly so that his thoughts could run on of their own accord, floating on a stream of neutral sensation, careless as the chilly wind. He still had to write the papers Asuma mentioned tonight. How fortunate that he had mentioned them.


	6. One Too Many

**_"No one knows what goes on in our heads, we are invisible to the rest; they don't know nothing 'bout what we have."_**

* * *

 ** _A few days later..._**

 _Her daily work in the main hospital and at the convalescent lodges, apart from fulfilling her duties as a Hokage in the town, was tiring. She found little time for recreation, much less for rest; a light dinner – if she had any at all-, and bed by dawn was the usual way of spending her evenings. Thereupon, she had no social intercourse, for everyone else was as busy as herself._

 _The enforced solitude, not quite wholesome, was unavoidable and after a while, she learned to prefer it to anything else. She found no outlet for her thoughts and never really thought she needed to._

 _First-hand acquaintance with suffering, (physical and mental), was no new thing to her, for almost two decades now she had been adjusting herself to it, but this close familiarity, day by day, with maimed and broken humanity, preyed considerably on her mind, while the fortitude and cheerfulness shown by the dwellers deepened the impression of respectful, yearning wonder made upon her._

 _The jounin in Konoha were so kind, so talented and careless and the ice around her heart gradually melted. The sense of horror grew in her with cumulative but unrelieved effect. She was beginning to care about these people._

 _With the lengthening of the days in the beginning of spring, and especially when May saw the welcome change to summer time, the natural desire for open air asserted itself. Instead of retiring early to her dingy bedroom, she would stroll out after dinner through the ancient streets. When the air was not too chilly, she would prolong these outings, starting at sunset and coming home beneath the bright mysterious stars._

 _She knew at length every turn and winding of the old-world alleys, every gateway, and spire, to the busy thoroughfare, usually thronged with half a dozen little shops and customers. She had wandered on past the black gates of crumbling stone that marked the former entrance of the cemetery and sat there for hours, pondering._

 _From all that was Konoha, it was the haunted streets that touched her most, stirring some chords her ancestry had planted in her. The forest of spires thronged the air with strange stone flowers, silvered by moonlight as though white fire streamed from branch and petal; the old temple towers soared. The town, with_ sunset _underwent a definite night-change. Although the darkened streets kept alive in her the passion of fire and death, the crowds of jounin seemed somehow negligible; the leaning roofs and gables hid them in a purple sea of mist that blurred their uniforms, weapons, and the like. Shadows themselves, they entered the being of the town; their feet moved silently; there_ was _a hush and murmur; the brooding buildings absorbed them easily._

 _Meanwhile, as the days blurred into months, and months were engulfed into years, a curious adventure intervened. Her good and cold_ heart, _disciplined these many years in the way a woman of blue blood should be, received, upon its imaginative side, a stimulus that in her case amounted to a real shock._

 _That a strange man should take interest in her, disturbed her equilibrium considerably. That she enjoyed the attack, though without at first responding openly—even without full comprehension of its meaning—disturbed it even more. It was, moreover, no ordinary attack and its genuineness strengthened with time._

 _During spring and autumn, warm soft rain was falling and those times she'd sit at her window, looking into the endless darkness that enveloped the town. Anticipatory enjoyment, meanwhile, lightened her heart and gradually, she did her daily work more competently; the spell of solitude and the enchantment of the old village weakened significantly..._

An unexpected knock at the door snapped the Hokage back to reality from poring over the past and the leader of the Elder's Council, Danzo-sama appeared in front of her eyes. "There is something I'd like to talk about." He spoke in a low voice.

He was always what is called a serious man, so that even in moments of comedy it felt that he never lost sight of the profound gravity of life, but as he came across the room to her, she caught the expression on his face and understood in a flash that he was now in his most grave and earnest mood.

"What can I do for you, Danzo-sama?" Tsunade cleared her throat and straightened her back in the chair. For how long she has been lost in memories, she could not tell and such accidents have been occurring more times lately than she would have fancied so.

"I was told that Sai-kun's first meeting with Team 7 was not quite successful...Nonetheless, at the moment, Konoha does not have any better option to join the team and without a third member Kakashi-sama's group cannot be sent to any missions at all."

"Yes, and?" She asked, conscious of a distinct shiver down her back.

But he smiled gravely at the question. "So where did they go exactly, a few days ago?"

"On a mission... " She answered with a natural look on her face. "But I also requested Team 10 to leave with them. However, there was a little holdup, they should be leaving today."

"Next time, take our written rules more seriously." His words sounded more of a warning than of a statement. "We should treat people equally, especially young ones, who strive to do for this land."

"Of course...Sai-kun will join Team 7 for the next mission." She answered although the man's tone vexed her without a cause she could name.

"That is very good to hear." Danzo nodded and furthered. "Do we have any information about Orochimaru's hideout?"

"Not yet." She replied shortly.

"That is quite unfortunate." Here, he lowered his voice and took a brief elapse of time to gather the remains of his thoughts. "If you feel overburdened with the tasks you are entitled to do, you should let me know as soon as possible," he added significantly, "we can always find a more proper person for being a Hokage."

"I am fine, Danzo-sama. I am not overburdened." She lied with a flush, and the flush of anger ran through her whole body.

Then, for five minutes that seemed fifty, they stood looking at one other sternly. She stared back at him with a look of resolution that made her face almost noble. The aggravation in her heart was overmastering, yet she sat there prepared for anything that might come.

At length, the elder grabbed the handle of the wooden door and said; "I will leave you to do your work." And with that utterance of words, the elder was gone.

"Arsehole." Tsunade fumed under her breath and rose from her seat before she was certain to break the desk. "Pompous arsehole. People like you should be dead." She resumed to herself, whilst she steadied her eyes upon the window.

"People like who?" Came a voice from the door.

Tsunade sighed as she still struggled with accommodating to the lack of privacy during the day. "Rin-san!" She forced a smile on her face and turned to her. "The enemy. I was thinking about the enemy." From this, her mind passed swiftly to the present's matter with vivid picture-thoughts, and with a passing shiver, she forced herself to deny how the loneliness of never being alone had eaten into her. "How are the patients?"

"Chiyaki-sama and Izune-sama are stable since the surgery." She began, allowing the other to indulge in casual matters. "I did not know you are so skilled in traditional healing techniques as well."

"Oh, well, you cannot always use medical ninjutsu on patients. If you are lucky, of course, it is faster and the chances for critical damage are far less concerning than using simple tools. It depends on the type of injury. The jounins' wounds were too deep after we'd pulled those branches out of them."

Rin nodded as if caring about the subject at all and stepped forward to place some more documents upon the heavy piles of unsigned papers. "The reports about the patients. I believe I have done everything you'd asked me to do."

"Thank you, Rin-chan." Tsunade offered a light smile to the girl and the smile faded swiftly once she began to speak.

"May I have a personal question, Hokage-sama?"

"Well, er⸺...depends." She considered it better to sit down.

"My birthday is very close and I was thinking I would throw a little party, to which I would like to invite you too and Shizune-chan."

"Thank you. I will be there if I can." She nodded and took some documents between her hands.

"And if it would be possible, could Kakashi have that day off? No mission around that date?" Although her voice was originally sweet, there was some lurking mischief that made the other lift her eyes at the girl.

"I cannot promise that to you." She said; "But of course I hope that Konoha will be peaceful and there will be no need to send anyone to missions."

"It is really important to me...I am not getting any **younger** unfortunately and nor is he." She emphasized the word 'younger'.

"Mhm..." Something in the tone of the girl seemed to her listener uncalled for, in a sense reproachful, singular. Tsunade bridled in spite of herself. "So why did you come with this request exactly? What is your goal?" She asked.

"Oh, it is not obvious?" Observed the girl gently, making a gesture as though to clap her hands yet not actually completing it. "He is my secret love. And I don't want to waste more time on pretending that we are not meant to be together."

The face of the girl, for some unaccountable reason, darkened. After a slight pause and more by the wish to continue the subject than because of the way of politeness, she resumed. "Every man needs someone with whom they can have a family. Kakashi really deserves to be happy. He does not need more hardships in life. Don't you agree, Hokage-sama?"

"Well..." She shrugged her shoulders slightly, and the odd look—it almost seemed a look of jealousy—appeared in her eyes. The sentence remained unfinished.

"Of course, I must apologize, you do not know him that way." Rin giggled and bowed to feign respect towards the blonde. "We used to have a neighbor, who had fallen in love with an older woman, years ago. They did seem happy, but you know Hokage-sama, things as such only last a while. The man...That poor man was ready to sacrifice his own little dreams so he could spend time with that lady...But it is was so wrong of her, letting him abandon the image of a family and of a long happy life together. The woman had passed away first. And he was left all alone, without anyone and anything. It was a waste of life. I do not want that for Kakashi or for myself. This birthday is very important, you see."

It was very childish, of course, and perhaps she was overtired and overwrought in some way, but the words and manner of the kunoichi seemed to her so offensive, so disproportionately offensive, that she hardly noticed the concluding sentence. Her spirit recalled the old bitterness and the old antagonism, and for a moment she almost lost her temper.

"Interesting," she interrupted with a forced laugh, "Good luck with starting a family!" She broke off suddenly, realizing that her voice had been raised unduly and at the same moment she looked at Rin and saw that her eyes were fixed upon her face intently. "I'll see what I can do." She softened her tone with a clearing of the throat and began to fickle with her fingers on the desk. Tsunade was indubitably vexed.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama. You are so kind." She gave a nauseatingly sweet smile and added; "You will be the first to know about everything."

The tension, for her at least, was very near the breaking point but she took a long deep breath and asked; "Anything else you wanted to speak of?"

Rin's eyes now seemed peculiarly bright. "No, nothing I believe, Hokage-sama."

"Good." She forced a smile upon her flawless visage, whilst she felt mad for giving way to her feelings. She could have bitten off her tongue for having so far forgotten herself.

"Ah...One more thing." For a brief second, Rin lapsed into silence for the sole reason to upset the blonde even further. The affliction over that irritably enchanting face was what pleased the sickened soul of the girl. "You forgot the meeting at the hospital this morning. But do not worry, I was there and took a lot of notes. I also looked at the patients you said you would. I am very happy that we can work so well together." And with that air, Rin bowed and exited the chamber.

For a long time, Tsunade sat and stared. The desk in front of her remained unoccupied; the dinner she ordered grew cold. At length, she went out hastily. As she passed through the crowded streets, her chief desire was to be quickly free of the old muffled building and airless chamber with its clinging atmosphere of other days. She longed for the sweet taste of sake, but also despised herself for considering such an easy solution to her heart's pain.

The dusk had fallen when at length she reached the town's main gates and left the last of the atrocious straggling homes well behind her. The ancient town lay behind her in murky haze and smoke but tinged now with the silver of the growing moon.

The evening air met her freshly in the face, so that she forgot the fatigue of the long road here, taken too fast somewhat for her years. She drew a deep draught into her lungs and looked forward and into the woods.

Above her head in the sky, light flaky clouds raced through the reddened air, but the wind kept to these higher strata, and the world about her lay very still. She waited a minute and another, longing to find peace in the silence, but her irritation over today was overcome by an unknown worry and not by the stillness of fuming emotions.

Tsunade reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a coin. "Head." she said to herself aloud and tossed the coin into the air. As she looked at it, a wave of chilliness ran through her spine. She repeated the action a dozen times and fortune seemed to be on her side. "Shit! Shit!" Her eyes wandered instantly at the dark woods in front of her. There was absolute silence surrounding her, not a leaf moved in the cold air. "Kakashi..."

 ** _Meanwhile, somewhere in Sunagakure..._**

Deidara looked him through and through with a dreadfully piercing gaze, but Kakashi met his eyes with a full straight stare, whilst he avoided successfully the horde of explosive clay spiders.

"Bastard..."

His words resounded in the air clearly, but Kakashi only replied with a half smirk on his face. There was no time to stop, however; the Akatsuki's clay bombs like rain poured from the sky; every second a new attempt made to separate the jounin from the blond Jinchuuriki.

Naruto was ahead of him, Kakashi had to keep up the pace. "Naruto." He called, and for a brief moment, the two slowed their frenzied rush.

"We have to hurry, Kakashi-sensei!" The child urged as he caught his breath.

"I know...We need a plan, nonetheless."

"A plan..."

"Yes." He nodded and resumed. "Deidara is a long-range fighter… We need to work together and you must listen to me."

Naruto said nothing but leaned closer to the shinobi and listened to him with beads of perspiration on his forehead that did not come alone from their leisurely pace through the cool afternoon air.

Deidara, meanwhile, frowned as he noticed the two underneath, too calm for his taste. Before he could have done or said anything, the blond Jinchuuriki dropped his eyes from Kakashi's face and resumed his rush towards the young Akatsuki.

They were unable to reach closer to him as the clay bird flew with maddened speed. The explosives ceased, once Deidara was running low in his special ammunition, thus the sole chance for him to lure Naruto into a trap was if he kept furthering him from his team. If only he could stop the grey-crowned shinobi, it would make everything so much easier.

"If you want your friend, you need to keep up with me!" The blond teased and Naruto growled with pure irritation.

"Is it done, Kakashi-sensei?" He glanced at his team leader a second but resumed his speed.

Kakashi, however, made no reply. He was trying hard to concentrate his mind upon the task.

"Kakashi-sensei, is it ready now?" Naruto echoed after a minute silence.

"Not yet. Just a second." Kakashi answered.

The leaves all rustled strangely beneath them as they hurried. And just then the sun went behind a cloud, making the whole land look otherwise.

"And now?"

"Yes."

Naruto, in that very second gave way to the shinobi, and only then Deidara could see their plan unfold; a moment of flame and vision rushed over him, and for one single second one merciless second of clear sight he saw the crimson tint in the shinobi's eye and the symbol around the pupil; it was the Mangekyo Sharingan of the Uchiha clan. As though Kakashi Hatake was not the first he encountered with such evil a gift, the knowledge of what damage one could suffer from it crashed through his mind like the report of a cannon.

"Shit." He growled, however it was too late; the world around Deidara began to spin like a maddened wheel and he gasped as he saw how altered everything was about, and saw that the plains and the houses not so far were suddenly scarce, and lanes and fields were also spinning with him, and that the only light of the sun was mingled into the vastness of the sky.

There was an increasing pain noticeable in his chest, then in his arm, and extending through space like a great shadow, misty and wavering of outline, followed by a sound like breaking of bones that were his own; but, suddenly when it stopped, fear clutched at his heart. "My arm!" He panted like a dog and before he could have done anything, Naruto's Rasengan as a deadly gift smashed him against the ground.

"Dammit." Kakashi stopped on his heels and wiped the drops of sweat from his forehead. The muscles of his eye tightened like diamond and his vision blurred for a brief elapse of time. A drop of crimson issued from the socket.

Deidara was gone the same minute as if the branches stretched out dark arms to draw him away from them.

He waited a second and looked about him. It was utterly still, only the faint echo of Naruto's voice could be heard within the entrance of the forest in front of him.

Their crests of the first trees stood up like giant spears against the gloomy sky and though there was no perceptible movement of the air on his cheek he heard a faint, rushing sound among their branches as the autumn breeze passed to and fro over the countless little needles. Kakashi ran into the woods to find his pupil.

A remote, hushed murmur rose overhead and died away again almost immediately; for in these trees the wind seemed to be never absolutely at rest, and on the calmest day there was always a sort of whispering music among their branches. For a moment, he hesitated on the edge of the woods and listened intently. "There you are..." He whispered to himself when his eyes caught the sight of the yellow spikes of hair and his ears received the tunes of quiet cursing.

"Gaara!" Naruto repeated several times, whilst his hands reddened from the speed of digging his friend out of the clay bird's head. To quicken the process, he even used two clones to aid him in setting the redhead free. It was only a matter of minutes now and they could greet each other again.

Delicate perfumes of earth and bark stole out to meet them. Impenetrable darkness seemed to slowly descend upon them, and Kakashi shivered with the sense of uneasiness. "How is he?"

He looked down at the child and his clones after a moment's pause and what he saw was the unexpectedness of which gave him a genuine shock. He could hardly suppress a sigh. The Kazekage's lifeless body lay in the frame of his friend's arms.

Naruto did not want to believe it. He called his name again. "Gaara...Gaara..." But there was no answer. His voice was certainly audible for anyone in the forest, in case it was all but an unwholesome joke. But no one answered it. He repeated the name a little louder, waited in vain for thirty seconds, then came, the same moment, a realization and the consequence of the truth that even surprised himself, for the truth he could no longer bear to accept.

Naruto's pain was tangible in the cool air and he howled like a beast from the rage that was building up in his chest.

The first disagreeable sensation of the truth, disgust, anger that sickened him turned quickly, however, into one of another kind altogether. A dangerous feeling of unearthly wrath crept over him, and a shiver ran again along his nerves and orange flames raged around his body.

Naruto looked pale as death, but his face was hard as iron. Kakashi could barely address a word to him and the child dropped the corpse from his arms, leaving him to the protection of his clones, and rushed deeper in the forest, as if looking for blood, and blood he indeed craved.

Without great surprise, Kakashi hurried after him and saw that his companion had already altered into what Jiraiya before could only describe to him as dangerous. Naruto was lost beyond all recall now. Not alone his mind, but the very muscles of his body had passed out of control.

Within the next minute, a dreadful wail broke from the lips of the young man, and the sky grew suddenly as dark as night, the wind rose and began to toss the branches about them, and the whole scene was swallowed up in a wave of utter blackness. Everything seemed to have gone amiss for a second, and he watched his young companion with worry clutching at his heart growl and cry, seeking the object of vengeance.

Kakashi made a movement to seize him by the hand, but the altered form pushed him away. "Dammit, Naruto...Now I see what Jiraiya-sama talked about..." Kakashi muttered to himself and with a swift motion, he drew the seal from his pocket given by the Sage.

Stealthily, the two-tailed form of the Jinchuuriki was picking its way through the forest, like a wild animal hunting its prey after catching the smell of blood.

Kakashi kept up with him and the air seemed full of swaying movement. One second after the beast found its victim's whereabouts, Kakashi halted him and planted the seal over the maddened child's forehead. "That's it."

The unbearable wrath faded from his body and chakra of soothing energy went through him like a sharp sword.

Naruto only lost consciousness for a second and in the next, Sakura and Chiyo-sama arrived.

"Was everything all right?"

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura nodded to him as she replied. "What happened here? Where is Gaara-sama?"

"There's been a little accident. The Kazekage is with two clones, and we should return there as soon as possible."

"Did he⸺..." Chiyo-sama looked wearily at the grey-crowned man in front of her.

There was a deep silence in the middle of the forest. Only the sound of the sea and some odd rustling of leaves sneaked in the air. Kakashi kept silent and the silence seemed to him long and curious. After a long moment, then, he shook his head. "No."

Icy thrills ran through their spines as the truth had been uttered. The elder leaned against the pink-haired kunoichi and she supported her to remain standing; the battle had taken too much from both of them.

Amidst the dim light, the team's weakened eyes caught the sight of a silhouette moving to and fro.

"Deidara is still alive..." Kakashi uttered as the wind rose louder among the branches overhead and carried off the remainder of the sentence into the air.

His words found shape in the blond, who appeared not so far from them; Naruto led them to the remains of the clay-bird, where the young member of the Akatsuki had been hiding.

"Wha⸺what is he doing?" Sakura tried hard to speak naturally and easily, but she could only stammer the question, for her eyes were perceiving something she could only imagine in her worst of nightmares. With an awful sense of foreboding and dread in her heart, the girl was beginning to understand; the opponent was devouring the bomb to become one with the deadly weapon.

"He must be stopped.." The silver-crowned shinobi whispered with purpose underneath the mask.

"You cannot! I am taking all of you with me! This will be my ultimate piece of art. I'll explode!" He laughed maniacally and glared into Kakashi's eyes with an intensity that held danger, and Kakashi, without answering, flung back that glare with equal, but with a calmer anger.

The shinobi did not hesitate a second longer and flashed his red eye at the blond madman. There was a moment's pause, Team 7 watching with awe the power of the terrific wind that suddenly appeared. Chiyo-sama watched too, but at the same time, her thoughts rested elsewhere, wondering vaguely about the redhead leader of Sunagakure.

Naruto's mouth parted but no words came through.

And a scream came abruptly in the storm, the wind sinking into a moment's dreadful silence. The young warriors turned their heads in the same instant and stared into each other's eyes. The instant seemed enormously prolonged. They all stood spellbound, unable to move or speak, as they watched the murderer suddenly vanish into nothingness as if never existed before.

"Wh⸺...Where did he go?" Sakura's voice failed while a sense of calmness began to spread in her ribcage.

"I teleported him..." Replied Kakashi, dazed by the overuse of his powers but in full possession of his senses.

"To where, Kakashi-sensei?"

"To another dimension." He answered again and felt his breath failing him. "We⸺...We should really go back now." Having saved the situation, however, he now unwittingly led it back into the danger zone. "Wait." The same moment he spoke, a curious dread flashed across his heart like a bow.

"What is it?" Naruto asked as he felt too that atmosphere of unwholesome things.

"We are not alone yet..." Chiyo-sama spoke the words instead of the man.

The scene, which followed was a curious one. After some whispering amongst each other, at the beginning of the passage, a black-robed man's silhouette gradually became discernible. None of them knew clearly what he was up to, for albeit the embroideries of his cloak stated where he belonged exactly, his face was wholly covered by an orange mask and no attempt was made from his side to hurt them.

Not yet.

They held their breath for a brief moment and watched him with an air of alarmed wonder what was going to happen next. But something of Kakashi's motionlessness, the reddening of his knuckles and a gasp of terror with so much familiarity communicated themselves to them.

And Kakashi parted his lips, trembling a little, and with shaking arms and frail voice commanded the power of Nature on his side, as though the memory of some terrible pain had suddenly laid its icy hand upon his heart and touched the scar of a great horror.

It was a moment of genuine terror when their eyes had met and he was conscious of an inward shrinking and loathing that seized upon the other in front of him with great violence and it convinced him in a single second that the unavoidable attack would be almost, perhaps, more than he could manage.

The air about them became cool and sharp, blood and sweat mingled in it with the subtle odors of the pines. In that little time he had left, Kakashi yelled his companions to stay behind him and get in cover and there already came the odor of burning flesh; and the black robe of the man in front of him began to rip, whilst hundreds of wooden spikes shot through it. Kakashi saw the man with a fierce look in those dark eyes open his tortured arms, and laugh with the most awful content as the deadly tendrils launched right in their direction.

The shinobi struggled with intense agony, as for a brief moment he found no rational idea to counter the attack. The heat in his veins increased and the terrible picture of the past played about his mind; the cries and gasps of the same throat of his friend, the chains over the girl and the fearful pains as if he was actually the sufferer.

 _He must not let that happen again_. He must not be the murderer of people so significant to him.

With a shout unrecognizable even to him, he focused his chakra into his palms. His brain throbbed and words never once uttered before came flowing past his dry lips; " _Tsurugi no Arashikami_!" [1]

The merciless power flashed through his nerves and in his palms, the mighty grip of a katana appeared, infused with divine bolts of lightning.

His motions were savage with rage and disappointment, and in the dull red glow that fell upon them, he looked like a very prince of Thunder. He dashed forward and in his hands, he held the pointed iron with blue heat, which slashed the _Jigoku no Ran_ [2] as a knife slicing butter. His movements were rapid and incomparable and long void of control and he aimed to tear his opponent to a thousand of pieces.

Instantly, in a flash, the entire scene vanished and dullness rushed into the woods to fill the space. Panting, he felt himself lifted off his feet by some unknown force, as if it was some great wind borne swiftly away into space. "I'm fine, guys..." He mumbled almost incoherently and definitely inaudible for his companions. His vision faded, and in the following moment, his body failed him altogether and he sank into utter unconsciousness.

* * *

[1] Translates: Sword of the Storm-god

[2] Wood Release: Revolt of Hell


	7. Broken Glass

**Note:** Sorry for the very delayed chapter, I am currently trying to accommodate to the new life of raising a baby and find time for myself and thus for writing. It is quite a challenge, so please be patient. I won't go on hiatus, just might take longer to be able and phrase my thoughts, if I have thoughts at all, since these weeks are all about survival. :) Hope you enjoy, and thank you for your patience! Messages and reviews are welcome and help me a lot with writing further chapters.

Happy New Year! ^_^

* * *

In every little gardens of Konoha, the ground was drenched with dew and from the sea, a cool salt wind stole in among the trees and set the branches trembling in an atmosphere of shimmering silver. The roofs shone white where the waking sun caught them in patches. In the middle lay the Academy, still dreaming of the summer nights; in the open waters the fish were jumping busily, sending musical ripples towards the shore; and in the air hung the magic of dawn; silent, incommunicable.

After several hours of hot, unrefreshing sleep, the shinobi turned in the hospital bed and woke. He tried to stretch, but couldn't; then sat up, panting with a sense of suffocation. With an ungainly motion, he reached towards the little nightstand and took the glass of water upon it. Ungainly it was indeed, for half of the content sprinkled over the duvet. Kakashi released a sigh of discontent and lifted the glass to his mask of which he rid his lips, and took a few sips from the cold liquid.

A sense of misgiving scraped his throat. He drank some more and put the empty glass upon the nightstand. There was a considerable tension in the atmosphere ever since the encounter with that man in the orange mask, and not even the faint sighing of fresh, warm air could dissolve it. Kakashi looked about himself, touched a few stitches sporadically over his chest if they'd hurt, and looked straight at the strengthening rays of the sun. The instantaneous pain in his Sharingan eye was a sign clear enough that bedrest was necessary against all inner desire to leave.

He made an attempt to recall the memory of the masked man, but merely feeble sensations shot through his mind. There was nothing he could extract from them, nothing of great importance, rather than the tenebrous images of an _odd_ encounter. Odd it was the word he could find, and the fact it was indeed the miscellany of strange emotions and pictures he could appertain to the cause, vexed him.

The discrepancy between what had happened and how ordinary it sounded hung resistlessly over his head. For one thing, meeting an enemy on enemy ground was perfectly expected. The Akatsuki always roamed in pairs, therefore, several presences were quite acceptable. It was also absurdly normal to be attacked, Kakashi inferred. For the masked man had the most certain intention to kill them. Here, the grey-crowned shinobi felt a twist of nerves and shivered. Or had he?

Not long was he left in ponder when a few knocks echoed past the wooden door.

"Come in." He called and traveled his eyes at the entrance. "Jiraiya-sama."

"Sorry to bother, Kakashi-sama." Spoke the white-crowned giant, using a colloquial tone, whilst some ineffable disquietude hung about him. "I thought I'd come see if you were up, before the room gets crowded." Although it was not altogether what he wished to say, these words were only those that could pass through the mouth. Jiraiya seated himself on a dull, time-worn chair beside the shinobi, and wiped that perplexing expression off his face with a forced smile.

"How long have I been out?" Kakashi returned the feeble gesture and kept his eyes on the giant.

"Couple of days, I guess." Came the answer.

"How is Team 7?" Kakashi asked impatiently.

"They are on a mission with Yamato-sama, or will be, in a day or so..." Jiraiya said devoutly as if wishing to soothe away any worries that might emerge from the shinobi's spirit. Anyhow, the evident affliction so insistent on resurfacing upon his every cell betrayed him about his intentions. Most certainly, he was not here to tell how Team 7 was doing, or to converse desultorily about anything. The white-crowned Sannin had his own very exact reasons for appearing in the room. "Sai-kun joined them. It shan't take too long for them to return." He said and cleared his throat.

"What is the mission about?" Kakashi furthered nonetheless.

"They are meeting Sasori's spy, in order to gain information. I believe that is what Tsunade told me." He said with a few wrinkles passing over his forehead.

"I see…So, what is the real reason you came, Jiraiya-sama?"

Jiraiya looked up. His friend's remark had helped him to make up his mind apparently. He had hesitated about something or other, but the hesitation passed. He glanced at the inquirer.

"I was curious to know if anything had happened to Naruto back then?"

"Well…" After a short moment's hesitation, Kakashi nodded in the positive. "The seal you gave me, came handy. "That Kyuubi took almost whole control of him. He is feeding on Naruto's emotional turmoil. That is the most vulnerable state of him." He spoke somewhat volubly.

"You are right." The Sannin hesitated and tried to smile. He brushed his hair from his forehead with an afflicted gesture and spoke. "He is a danger to himself just as much as to others."

"Something shall be done about this. He cannot battle against Akatsuki if he is unable to control his powers; and his strength has grown considerably, thanks to you." He noted with a strangely compelling seriousness of manner.

"Well… This is all very true…" It was all the man at first mumbled, for he weighed the words carefully before he'd speak them. His desire to help was probably of equal strength with his desire to know and to investigate. "I was actually considering on leaving again. For a short matter of time only, but exactly to see how great a threat we are facing."

"Oh." Kakashi assented with a surprised air. "How can I help with it?"

Jiraiya shook his head in the negative but gave sign to his appreciation with a smile. "You can't. But until then, I'd like you to keep an eye on Naruto, even when he is not on missions. Once I am back, we could then find the best option for him to be trained."

"All right." He took a longer breath, then lowered his voice a trifle. "There's something I have been meaning to tell you."

"What is it, Kakashi-sama?" Jiraiya inquired with a curious tone.

"Anyhow," he went on, "it's true, so I don't see why I should feel strange about admitting it—-but as I stood there, in that lonely forest with all my companions and that masked shinobi appeared in front of us, a curious feeling came over me I find difficult to describe. I felt" —obviously he made an effort to get the word out—I felt creepy."

"You," murmured the grey-crowned Sannin with an incredulous smile—"you creepy?" he repeated under his breath.

"I felt creepy and perplexed" continued the other, with conviction. "I had the sensation of knowing whoever was hiding behind that orange mask. And that made it even creepier that I knew in all my pores what was he about to do."

"Well, of course, he went there to attack you."

"Yes, but it is not what I mean." Kakashi's eyes turned maddeningly obscure as he spoke. "I _knew_ what kind of jutsu was he about to use against us."

"How would you know that?" Jiraiya made a wry face as a chill ran through his spine.

"The feeling just persisted. I felt absolutely positive that every motion of him would lead to exactly what he did. You may laugh, but I assure you, the feeling was so positive."

"I believe it, if you say so, but it is nonetheless strange." Here, Jiraiya assented with a nod. "To put the pieces all together, you are basically telling me, that that one person may had been someone you knew, and thus you somehow had figured what he would do before he could have completed it. And you also used a jutsu you've never used until then." Jiraiya reflected, and his words expressed some fringe of accumulating alarm.

"Well…" Upon a moment's pause he said; "I can't offer a plausible explanation to all of this, but yes. This is what happened."

The words, and particularly the tone of conviction in which they were spoken, clearly were displeasing to the big man but he gave no voice to it. He kept his curious deep silence for a minute or two. The subject evidently made him impatient for some reason.

"Is everything all right?"

"Of course," was the quick, idle reply from the giant. "But tell me, how often do you use your powers in this way?"

"What way?"

"Well, if I was told correctly, what you did right there was rather powerful. I admire you for keeping it all in control."

"Everything was automatic. I had no control. It was just happening."

"You should stop doing it, then."

Kakashi said nothing at the moment, undesiring about the way the Sannin talked to him. There was a growing tension in the air and both felt it so. He thought better of acting from ardor and with a deep breath the shinobi then spoke. "It was not the first time, but never once I planned it, trust me."

"Oh… This was not the first time?"

"I asked Tsuna to keep it between us.." Kakashi noticed the change of expression over the other's face. "Er-…Tsunade. Tsunade-sama."

And it was then, as Kakashi stammered so ungainly, like a teenager boy at the night of a prom, that he saw _it._ The grey-crowned giant hesitated a moment and looked at sharply at his interlocutor. A shade of suspicion showed itself in his eyes. "Hm…" Jiraiya could usually keep admirable control of his passions in all respects save one; for at his age the eyes were difficult to master, and the yearning, almost the devouring, expression often visible in them was probably there unknown even to himself. He, better than anyone else, understood that he had fallen in love with something most hard of attainment, something that drew him to the very edge of life, and almost beyond it. It, no doubt, was a secret and terrible joy to him, this passionate worship from afar.

And Kakashi knew, that he suffered more than anyone guessed, and that his want of vitality was due in large measure to the constant stream of unsatisfied yearning that poured forever from his soul and body. How blind he was to not notice until now? How selfishly he lived and breathed if so apparent a fact could remain unnoticed for so long, right in front of his eyes?

The giant's lenient features dressed in a graver light and he rose from the chair upon which he had been sitting. "I should let you rest. I am glad we agreed about Naruto's safety."

"Yes, of course, by all means…" Kakashi replied on a lower tone, already regretting having spoken so frankly what was in his mind, least to mention the irritatingly significant slip of the tongue.

Jiraiya exited the room and the other plunged and burrowed himself into a comfortable position again for sleep, but the heat of the room, the shortness of the bed, and this tiresome interruption of his slumbers made it difficult to lose consciousness. He forced his eyes to keep shut, and his body to cease from fidgeting, but there was something nibbling at his mind like a spirit mouse that never permitted him to cross the frontier into actual oblivion.

He slept with one eye open, as the saying is. Odors of flowers and grass, and baked delicacies stole in through the open window. With them, too, came from time to time sounds— little sounds that disturbed him without being ever loud enough to claim definite attention, for they did not come through the window, but echoed resistlessly in his spirit.

These sounds, however, reached their forms in unconscious disturbances of the mind in unwholesome visions and horrible sensations. Kakashi sprang from his nightmares in a startled air and looked about him in the room.

Dusk has fallen on the little town. Upon a sudden thought, Kakashi decided to leave the chamber when a queer emotion touched him. The motions of his hands slowed down, whilst he attempted to robe himself. With a quick glance taken at the little table on his left side, he noticed the repertoire of medicine he was given. "Dammit." At last, they seemed to have their proper effect on the body and the world seemed out of time and space.

Each step seemed to take five minutes as he approached the door, and he could have seriously sworn it was half an hour's journey, had not the clock upon the wall facing him certified that it was a few seconds. Yet, he walked fast and tried to push on. It was no good. He walked apparently without advancing, and at that rate, it would have taken him a week to leave the hospital at all.

At length, Kakashi reached the handle of the door and slowly pushed it open. "Oh…Hey." A change came unexpectedly over his senses, sudden as a flash of lightning. He felt as if a douche of icy water was poured on him and in the middle of this storm of surprise, the shinobi was overwhelmed with that burning sensation he dared not name.

"Uhm…" Tsunade bit her lip as the situation came unexpectedly. She kept nibbling upon her mouth and a nervous, curiously wistful look in her eyes now dominated her whole face. All the time through the pause of conversation the lips also hinted a possible smile.

"You…You wanted to…?"

"To come see you." She completed the sentence hurriedly. "You were not supposed to leave anywhere."

"I know…I just thought I'd take a walk…I thought visiting hours were over."

"They are." She sighed. "I just don't really have time during the day to check on every patient. I do what I can in the evening as well."

He watched the woman as she talked, and was thoroughly glad she had come. "I see." Although of course, confession of the truth was only visible in the glint of the eyes.

"How are you feeling?" The blonde asked half honest, half for the sole reason to converse, so time could be spent in his presence.

"I feel fine, just drugged."

"You are. I'd rather you heal by yourself than by jutsu. Your body needs to recover alone over and over again instead of being aided."

Kakashi moved back to his bed with prolonged movements and collapsed on it. "I understand."

"Especially your eyes…They need to strengthen." She said, whilst she seated herself over the duvet near him. Upon speaking those words, there came a short silence where words heeded unnecessary to pronounce; she was lost in observation. As she looked at him, his soul shining through his dark orbs, adopted the trick of presenting itself very vividly anew before her mind, and introducing itself in a singular light. She saw it more sharply than before, with characters stripped of the atmosphere of men and cities.

A complete change of setting or moment often furnishes a startlingly new view of people hitherto held for well-known; they present another facet of their personalities and so did his soul. She seemed to see the man almost as a new person, she had not known properly hitherto, someone who would drop all disguises and henceforth reveal himself as he really was. And his features and that mesmerizing light in his eyes seemed to all say: " _Now you will see me as I am. All my masks and veils I have left behind in the habiliments of a shinobi. So look at me now and see me for who I am."_

"Is everything all right?" Kakashi tilted his head a moment after and placed his hand ever so softly upon her cheek.

"I don't know…" She hesitated speaking and bit her lip. "You seem different."

"Well, I am drugged." The shinobi laughed soothingly and lifted the woman's chin to have a proper view of her divine features. "You know that I've missed you."

"Don't say such things…" She was barely audible even to herself.

"Why are you so hostile to feelings?"

"Things of that kind are new to me." She began and lifted her hand to his. "They're difficult enough to accept, let alone to explain."

"Is it a bad thing?"

"Not necessarily…" She paused and resumed. "But it is not good either…" Tsunade took another moment or so to think, because words of such matter were indeed hard to find. "Kakashi, you know too, it's just not all right. This is really not what we should be doing."

"I do what I feel like doing." He stated on a serious tone, yet it sounded comforting and sincere. "It is not like I shall have a long, peaceful life. I am a shinobi. So why cannot I do whatever I wish, while I still breathe?"

"People would talk."

"I'd had my share in that before. That is exactly why I give a damn about it. What is stopping _you_ , Tsuna? Because it is clear as crystal that I am not the one so afraid of _people_."

There was a moment's silence. Tsunade was the first to break it with a look of grim humor on her face. "I am too old for you, shinobi."

Some confounded or perverted sense of longing in him brought the muscles into motion as she spoke. "I suppose." He said as a simple statement, so natural and so insignificant and straightened his back on the bed, leaning ever so close to her.

The roar of the wind outside concealed the loud throbbing of their hearts. She was, perhaps, twenty millimeters from him, when Kakashi descended his hand over her throat and faced her. They stared into each other's eyes and the woman blushed deeply; the erratic beating in the vein could be so effortlessly felt by the shinobi.

"But aren't we old enough to decide whatever is truly important?"

The neutrality on his face changed instantly to passion and resolve. He acted with incredible rapidity. The unexpected suddenness of his kiss made the woman lose a precious second or two but she replied to him with the same fervor presented. Their lips clashed and bodies burned with a shared flame of ardor. Perhaps, too, he wanted the added satisfaction of letting her know how trivial such obstacles were to him.

The woman, with a sudden inexplicable change of mind, however, pulled away.

"What is it?"

"I feel guilty…Like this is… _bad_. Dangerous…"

Obviously, he had the same uneasy sensation that she had. He shared with her the nasty feeling that danger was about.

"There are so many reasons against _this_ ;" ventured the woman again, looking up engagingly into his face and betraying anxiety and eagerness in every gesture. "Rational ones. Ones with which I would passionately agree. So why am I making an exception now? Why doesn't it bother you, Kakashi?"

"Tsuna, do you know what really matters in life?"

"Well…" She was taken aback by the question for a mere passing of the moment. Was it a tricky one or something to which only bare truth was acceptable? She was uncertain. Tsunade waited a minute or so and thought about it. "There are several things, of course."

"There is nothing, Tsuna."

She was obviously surprised at the shinobi's response, especially at the tone with which he had said it. "I don't understand."

"Tsuna," He began and wrapped his fingers around her hand. "Nothing really matters in this life enough to let it bother you. We all have the same destiny, to perish and perhaps, if we are lucky, someone will remember us. But that is all. So, to worry what people think is useless. The only and the most important thing you can ever do is "cultivating your own garden". None of us can save the whole world, and none of us can change people. We can only do so little by taking care of the things around us. And that is it."

A very close observer might perhaps have noticed that a slight tremor ran through her frame after he had held her hand for a few seconds. "When did you change so much?" She asked with a light smile over her lips.

"When I saw you at the cemetery. It began there, I believe." He admitted, ever so calmly. "I've done things and I've lived in a way I wish I could take back. But it is impossible. So, to not care about everything and everyone anymore, and accept that we can only change a tiny piece of this world, which is our own life, is what I wish to do the best way possible. So, Tsuna, if I say that people's opinion do not matter, they really just don't. It won't make you a better, or a worse leader, and nothing will collapse if you try and enjoy the moment."

"It was a mistake on my part to have realized that there is any conflict in me at all," she thought, as she bit upon her lower lip in this morose pondering. "It would have been easier indeed, to have kept outside it all and done my work… And forget about this damn, good feeling. " she added now on a tone to be heard, looking up at the man in front of her.

The adjective slipped from her mind before she was aware of it. She turned with an involuntary start and looked away from him.

He knew perfectly well what it meant—this thought that had thrust its head up from the instinctive region. He understood, without being able to express it fully, the meaning that betrayed itself in the choice of the adjective. "We have nothing to lose, do we?"

"No…" She admitted at last. Now this battle inside her soul must come to an end at once. And she knew that the spell of passion was greater for her than all other spells in the world combined—greater than power, revelry, pleasure, greater even than study. She had always been afraid to let herself go, especially after all those years of tragedies. Her stone cold soul dreaded the terrific powers of love even while she worshipped it.

And it was then, quite suddenly, the impulse came and stayed alone in her heart. Thoughts of the cemetery, noisy people with their obvious jokes and laughter in Yakiniku Q, those quiet afternoons at the training grounds, the late night walks upon the empty streets, all oppressed her. She felt a longing to be alone with him; to taste his wonder all by herself, outside, beneath the stars. In that moment, she gave these matters no more thought, and moved her whole frame ever so close to his. As a silent command, she reclaimed the shinobi's cold, finely sculpted mouth with her own.

The delicious, delicate flavor of her drove him savage with lust and he submitted to her request with the greatest pleasure possible. A rising wildness caught his blood, quickened his pulse, woke longing and passion too. The endless battle of tongues whirred through his thoughts like seductive dreams and clouded the mind; the accurate memory of time had gone from him. He was not sure whether it was days or years or minutes. His thoughts of earth were scattered and a delicious happiness filled his being…

 ** _Sometime later…_**

The old village already slept. The world lay hidden by rain. The roofs shone white beneath the moon, and pitch-black shadows gathered against the walls of the temple. She stopped at a window and her eye rested a moment on the Academy's tower with its frosted sign "fire" then traveled her gaze with a leap of many thousand feet to the rising mountains about that brushed the brilliant stars. Like a menacing forest they rose with their majestic peaks above the slumbering village, measuring the night and heavens. They beckoned her.

And something born of the rainy desolation, born of the midnight and the silent grandeur, born of the great listening hollows of the night, something that lay betwixt terror and wonder, dropped from the vast wintry spaces down into her heart. Very softly, unrecorded in any word or thought her brain could compass, it laid its spell upon her. Fingers of furtive desire brushed the surface of her heart. The power and quiet majesty of the night appalled her. She retook her way towards but instead of a good night's sleep, she walked for a new cause. And as she walked, a different thought went with her.

Silence had long descended on the room when she went in. The candles burned low and only the dogs' barking from outside came through the deep stillness, like the pulse of time marking the minutes. Swiftly, her feet took her to the desk and her slim little fingers sought just as rapidly in her pocket, from which she pulled out a rusty key and inserted it into the desk's lowest drawer. The keyhole resigned its fierceness and opened with an audible creak. She took a deep breath and contained the rising excitement in the heart, for she particularly wished to remain in her ordinary state of mind, and to force nothing; that way, her decision seemed more rational than emotion-based. Of course, she made up quite strong arguments on the way, to keep herself convinced and to oppress the notion of madness that clouded the idea.

From the drawer she took an old, ripped letter, a wooden plaque, three talismans and a bell. Tsunade bent upon the floor and from the talismans she made a triangle, placed the wooden plaque onto the middle and left the bell in her lap. She took another deep breath, more somber than before. "All right."

Her deep golden eyes traveled at the door, only to make sure it was left closed, for certain purposes. And as she made sure, she looked at the letter in her grip and opened it softly, her gaze upon the ancient calligraphy. And then, in a deep, modulated voice she began to read with a certain rhythmical sound that slowly rolled through the air like a rising sea, filling the room with powerful vibratory activities that whelmed all regularities of lesser vibrations in its own swelling tone. She made soft gestures and movements at the same time, touched each talisman with her fingertips and bowed gently to the little altar in front of her. For several minutes, she continued to utter those unholy words, until at length the growing volume dominated the whole room to give way to the manifestation for what it was purposed.

The candles about the chamber flickered and went out. A glacial atmosphere closed around her with the cold of death, and a great rushing sound swept by overhead as though the ceiling had lifted to a great height. She did not stop however, and with a feeble smile appertained the portentousness of the room to the success of her activities. She then heard a door shut. Far away it sounded.

Underneath, all the while, her mental energies were absorbed in watching, listening, waiting for what might come. She was not over-sanguine herself, yet she did not wish to be taken by surprise.

 ** _Meanwhile…_**

Cold moonshine, frost, and silence held the world. The sky was black, and the peaks beyond cut into it like frosted wedges of iron and steel. Far below the valley slept, the village long since hidden out of sight from him.

Alone in a dingy chamber sat the man of disgrace, over-dressed according to the standards of a shinobi and wearing the finest silk of the lands. His devilish face had a curious mixture of refinement and wickedness. He did not notice or troubled himself with the lifelessness of the weather, because he was closely watching something. The raven crowned shinobi eyed the little bottle upon a forgotten shelf with its shouting label —' _Poison_ '. With an audacious scoff he took it, fingered it, drew the cork, sniffed it. "Idiot…"

He played with the bottle and continued his line of thought on a pondering tone; "If I had known people can be so effortlessly deceived, I'd had written _'Do not touch, poisonous'_ on all of my secret scrolls." And upon finishing that thought, he moved the bottle to his fine lips. "Idiot." He repeated, now with a chuckle and downed the imported sake in one long gulp. The drops gleamed by the moonlight and he licked the strong beverage carefully from the corner of his mouth.

The air was full of loose and wandering thoughts as he waited for the drink to take its effect upon him. The traitor hoped keenly for some peace of mind. He glanced at the window and into the vast nothingness and blinked impatiently with those sharp, deadly eyes. He was about to further his frown into a growl, when a sudden, curious weakness seized him. At first, he applied such sentiment to the work of the nepenthe, and with a great effort he fought and overcame it. It passed away as suddenly as it came. "Very nice…" He shivered and tightened the mauve cloak around his shoulders.

His deep, mischievous eyes turned away from the window and he decided to rest in his chair he so dearly cherished, but halfway, that sudden and portentous feeling seized him again, this time with a much more powerful capacity. In the following moment, the wicked warrior tumbled and fell against the desk. He slowly turned bewildered upwards the window, heavy eyes upon the desolate mountains outside, stared dizzily about him in the room as if in search of something, then he tried to rise. At first, his muscles would not act; a numbing, aching pain possessed him and he dropped the bottle of sake from his hand. "Damn…This is definitely…not…my sake…" He uttered, half conscious, half paralyzed.

Then, he heard a sound.

It was a curious one, for he could have sworn he had heard it before. From where it came, he could not tell, it sounded everywhere; in the room, in his mind, about his ears. Away he looked from the window and sought the repeating echo of a voice, because a voice was indeed what he heard over and over again.

 _She_ stood there a few feet beyond from him, and stared down into his eyes so steadfastly in silence that it made him shiver with a mixture of thrill and anguish. He could make some sounds out of her voice, as if horrible notes of a dark chanting. They grew louder in his brain, almost deafening. Every second brought a suffocating weakness, the evil prayer, and shadow of a woman luring him to the sleep of death, lulling the will and conquering all desire for life—this was all awfully upon him.

His feet were heavy and entangled. He could not turn or move away. The shadowy figure stood in front of him, very near; he felt her faint perfume in his nose; her hair passed blindingly across his eyes; and there was some kind of and icy wind that came with her like a cloak. His sight passed through her into space as though she had no face. Her arms were round his neck although he could not touch to feel them. She kept him softly on his knees. He sank; he yielded utterly; he obeyed and he closed his eyes.

Whether seconds of minutes had passed, he could not tell. And, as his self-control returned to him when he, at last, awoke, he gradually accomplished the purpose of rising from the ground, even though trembling while he did so. He glanced about him and a curious smile, although a faint one danced about his lips. "I don't remember this being so damn painful…" He said while seating himself onto the couch and brushing his long black tendrils from his face.

"Forbidden summonings become much harder to accomplish with a place surrounded by thousands of barriers."

"You do have a point…" He noted and rested his gaze on the woman. "What the hell were you thinking, Tsuna?" There was gravity, almost solemnity, in his voice and manner.

"I needed to speak with you, Orochimaru."

"With me?" He couldn't hide a chuckle. Her words made him somewhat comfortable, and the air of severity passed for a little while. "I cannot imagine what made you summon me, after all that's happened. "

"Trust me, I am doing my best to put that away for now." The blonde replied with a sigh and shot her gaze at the desk in front of her for a mere second. "Listen, I called you with the prayer _you_ gave me when we were children, to call this conversation a temporary truce between us. Everything else, I am willing to put aside, just for this night." She emphasized the 'you' as she spoke earnestly.

"All right." The other's face convinced him, and a thrill went down his spine. "I am listening."


	8. Lost In You

_**"Cause I'm on fire, quench my desire; give it when I want it..."**_

* * *

Orochimaru gasped, unable to believe his ears. "You cannot be serious." He spoke in a vague effort to make her uncomfortable. After all, it has been too long of a time they really came together.

"You know that I am, so stop this act of surprise!" The subject was of a too delicate nature; she did not half like this false shock upon his features. And also, the woman knew him better than that.

The raven-haired lord of mischief dropped the attitude and turned with a serious gaze towards his company. "Your courage just… Amazes me." He admitted. She was still radiant, now as a woman. In that brief eclipse of the moment, he then remembered their childhood; she would tease and laugh and chatter. Never for a second was she still, trying every spell and method to learn and see the world for what it truly was. A true friend she had always been; decades of their working together had made her that; and she grew kind and wise. Oh yes, it was delightful to have her around again.

"Why?"

"I thought after what had happened with little Dan you were done with this kind of nonsense. _Love._ " He uttered that word as if it was drenched in disgust.

The blonde glanced down a brief second and spoke ungainly. "Wh-why would you think my motives don't have a different nature?"

"Don't try and lie to me. I _heard_ you. I saw behind the words you revealed to me. I heard your request. I heard you, Tsuna." He caught her happiness in the words she had previously spoken." "Just tell me one thing, please. Before I decide whether I am willing to help or not."

She was about to resist, but he cut in; "One question, hm?"

"All right." Although with unwillingness, she at length gave in. "What is it?"

"How was it?"

"How was what?" She did not understand.

"To realize it. And to realize the comedy in this tragic feeling of yours."

Her heart clutched in sorrow as she sought truth to speak. The streets outside, as she glanced out were deserted and drenched in suffocating darkness. Not a soul was about, only ghosts of the past crawled away from houses and passed towards the eternal void.

"It happened without alarm…" At length, she began. That same instinctive thought repeated in my head and I thought I would go mad. It was madness, but it never left me. That is why I knew it was real. I kept wishing to myself becoming ten years younger than I am. The first, time in all my wretched life, probably, such thought had never once bothered me. Age is just a number, I'd often say. But it has, and never once left me since then. I had forgotten my existence beside him as a separate person. It was then, perhaps, that I first realized this singular thing that would set my day apart from every other day that I had ever known… I am going crazy… I know…This is not me, Orochimaru. I'm tired of being at war with myself. I'm tired of being at war with the world."

For a second, they sat in silence. There were no words at first; the Serpent looked at her, coming up very close to do so, and she looked back at him, straight into his eyes, just as they'd do at the grounds when they were young. And then her own eyes dropped and a deep blush spread all over her face.

"All right. I share what I know."

"Thank you."

"Oh, you will owe me big time, Tsuna." He chuckled and he patted her cheek. "Plus, we've become enemies. I'll leave the task of having me around in secret, to you."

"I can deal with that." She said with a little more courage than before and straightened her back in the chair. "So, when do we start?"

And it was from that moment on, that the two have become friends again. The sinful Serpent remained loyal to his promise and shared the knowledge he had long accumulated. It was not an easy case, nor it seemed to become a success, yet no heart planted a seed of abdication.

And thus, the days with their long sunny hours passed so quickly away, one after the other, of which they did not see much, nor did they bother to see. They went slowly and laboriously through terrible work.

One of those long nights, Tsunade left to bed, filled with uneasy misgivings, but for a long time, she could not sleep. She tossed restlessly, her mind still running on the subject of the day's discoveries. She ached with tiredness. She dropped off at last. Then, came a nightmarish dream which woke her in a cold perspiration. Certainly, she had uneasy thoughts. Her fancy was traveling. She couldn't rest.

To distract her mind, sighing, she turned on the light and tried to read, and, eventually, towards morning, fell into a sleep of sheer exhaustion. And her final thought—she knew not exactly why—was a sentence Orochimaru uttered not long ago: "This was the only vial…It should have worked."

She awoke when morning slowly arrived and saw, stepping on the street, a number of people already stirring; strings of children passed her as they rushed to school, loaded with books in their bags. Gracefully dressed women went by silently, carrying flowers and little packages in their hands. Rude wooden shutters were still down to shut the strengthening sun out; the smoke of cooking-fires rose in spirals through the quiet air. She felt strangely at home and happy. The light, the radiance stirred her soul and calmed the incensed heart of the woman.

The door of her office creaked and she left it an inch open for the cool air to travel. With a sigh, she began work. For some time she was sitting alone with uncanny reflections—it may have been ten minutes or it may have been half an hour—when she was aroused from her reverie by the knowledge that someone was in the room standing close beside her chair.

"Is everything all right?"

Something very stern, something very forbidding, hung like an atmosphere of warning about.

"Uh…" She mumbled with nervous hesitation. "Yeah… Yeah sorry." She began, rapidly gathering her thoughts. "I just zoned out a little. It happens, you know, uh- work." She stuttered with light indignation; he should have knocked, for sure, before interrupting her quiet solitude. "There is a lot of work due to the war, forward which we are headed."

"So you feel it too, huh?" Jiraiya stepped away from the desk and straightened his back as now he faced her.

"Feel what?" She looked up at the man's face.

Jiraiya here, paused a moment, for the blonde appeared to be acting too strange for his knowledge. "What's up with you?"

"Sorry, I don't quite understand."

The atmosphere was growing thick with unknown vexation. The giant's muscles tensed but he did not know why.

"You, Tsunade."

"Me?"

"I thought it was just a woman thing and would pass, but it is not only me, who noticed you being different these days." For some reason he knew not why, he put a little emphasis on the part of including a third party into the conversation. He hoped perhaps, that by such maneuver she would certainly care to listen.

"I am busy with something and it is not looking good. That is all." She confessed, half honestly.

"Is it about the Akatsuki?"

"No Jiraiya."

He noticed the growing tension in her eyes; he must be crossing a delicate line, he thought. "So you are not troubled by them?"

"Of course I am!" Tsunade paused a moment and drew a breath before she said anything she would later regret. "I just have other things that matter as well."

"Such as?" He pressed.

"It is none of your business, dammit." But the eccentricity of which she had been guilty, circled and circled in her mind, reminding her with a merciless insistence of a foolish act she should not have committed, and plaguing her with remorseless little stabs for having indulged in an impulsive and irregular proceeding.

"What else on Earth can be more important to you than the problems with Akatsuki?"

"I am trying to live a life, Jiraiya! You should surely try and do that too." There was a sort of calculating ferocity in the woman's eyes, a quite evident desire to hit or kick. She had a consciousness of being very strong enough to do so.

"Woah, calm down!" He took a step backwards, knowing her too well. "I was just worried about you."

Her anger faded. "Thank you, but I don't need your worry. I am all right." She replied, almost fainting with fatigue.

"Really? So why no one sees you? And whenever someone does, you are just becoming wearier by day."

"I am a little sleep-deprived. Big deal. Can we talk about anything else, or is it me on the news now?"

"You are rude."

"And impatient. And... And do you know how would I feel better?"

"How?"

"If you left."

"I am leaving, that's right. I have been trying to tell you but it was impossible to find you. Unlike you, I care about the future of Konoha, and I wish to learn the secret of the Akatsuki. I think I have information about their leader. I am going to find out if the rumors are true."

"It sounds like suicide. We do not have enough information in our hands, yet."

"Of course not, the leader is busy."

"Shut up, Jiraiya!" She jumped from her chair with indignation. "I am trying to get my shit together and have the strength to save Konoha too. Why the hell can't I try and be happy?"

"Happiness should be so easy for you to reach…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I am always here for you, you know that."

"Yeah. So? It is not a friend I need now. It's not that kind of happiness I am looking for."

"Ah..Uh…" A sensation of weariness, of sickening disgust, came over him. "You could be his mother. You are out of your mind."

His words struck cold into her soul but she swallowed it as she endeavored and phrase a reply. "Now now… Jiraiya is only kind when his ass is being licked."

"You are not yourself anymore, Tsunade." Here, in the terrible scenery, he realized with mingled pain and wonder that the subsequent years had not dimmed, but destroyed them. That unforgettable rapture, that fierce beauty of its genesis, the deep desire that struck him at white heat every time they met… And the shock of the abrupt discovery shattered him. Forty years became a negligible moment; the crowded experiences that had intervened seemed but a dream.

"I am not myself?" She laughed bitterly, whilst she gulped down her tears. "I thought I knew you, Jiraiya. And I have to learn things about you which I cannot, until this day, believe or accept."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have known about Kakashi's heritage all along, have you not?"

"How do you-…?"

"I'm not done yet!" She smashed her little fist against the cold table. "You know just well how his mother died, don't you?"

"How the hell do you know these things?"

"That does not matter. What matters is that you have not been honest with me, and now you are pretending to be the man of holy-fucking-justice! Even if you consider the battle bullshit obsession of yours, I should have known if there was a potential threat to the village! Kakashi could kill all of us with this kind of power!"

"He has always been under surveillance when he needed it, trust me! The Sandaime-…"

"Lord Hiruzen did shit!" She burst into anger. "Everyone was blind as a bat, these damn inner fights amongst the Elders and the thirst for power has always been greater. You, Jiraiya, you should have told me! He doesn't have the slightest clue about what's going on with him! It is my duty to make sure everyone's safe, including him. We are all freaking out because the Akatsuki is right in the corner, looking for the Jinchuuriki, and we have a bomb ticking in the village, who may just turn against us once he finds out his family was destroyed because of those people he believed in. Lord Hiruzen did nothing, Jiraiya! Our sensei was a coward, and so are you! You kept this from me all this time!"

"It is not like you were fully honest either!" And while the easy words fell so lightly from his lips, the monstrous engines of betrayal worked and pulsed against his heart, clenching it, suffocating it.

"Oh, you want honest? You do now?"

"Just get on with it already!" He replied, half shouting. His blood was boiling and he saw that she was too enflamed.

"I love that man! I am in love like I have never been before! So, after those long hours here at the office I rush to my secret laboratory to find a way to be with him!" She was conscious that her words were peculiar yet she could not help it. They seemed to slip out of their own accord.

There came a moment's pause which felt as if lingered into eternity. The stillness upset them. Every cell within their bodies was just too tense.

Jiraiya stood there staring, his heart in his mouth. He needed a minute or perhaps five, to bring himself to speak again. "So…You want to be young, or what?" In one swift moment of genuine mystical sympathy, he felt with her peculiar quality of unsatisfied longing exactly as though it was his own; the longing, not only of captive birds and animals, but of anguished men and women, trapped by circumstance, confined by weakness, cabined by character and temperament, all yearning for a freedom they knew not how to reach—caged by the smallness of their desires, by the impotence of their wills, by the pettiness of their souls—caged in bodies, from which death alone could finally bring release.

"Yeah. I do."

"That's impossible." He replied tartly.

"It's not…It's just…" She took a deep breath as she resumed, her voice now lowered. "I am not sure if I can make that sacrifice it requires."

Jiraiya wished to speak but he couldn't; not a word seemed to come to his mind, his whole body has grown numb. It was really over; his hopes, his dreams. All over. He never had a chance. He should have long accepted that but he could not. He was all too hopeful. He remained a child, at heart, wished vivid dreams of fairytales. He was not given a happy ending, now there was no doubt about that. "Good luck." And without having anything further to say, he vanished to be on his way.

"Jiraya…" The blonde leaned against the table with her face buried in her hands. She felt, she knew, that _this_ ungrateful moment was their goodbye.

If only, if only they were alone in that moment… But there had been someone at the door. All along.

" _No…No…_ "

The complete frustration of a hope deeply cherished for some time may easily result in strange fevers of the soul, but the violence of Rin's hatred, existing as it did side by side with a love she could not deny nor could have, was something to set alarm.

Silently as she came, she disappeared from the hallway and betook towards the streets.

More than unnatural, this hatred was positively uncanny. Being a woman of rigid self-control, however, it operated inwardly, and doubtless along some morbid line of weakness little suspected even by those nearest to her, preying upon her thought to such dreadful extent that finally, the mind gave way.

This suppressed rage and bitterness crushed the remnants of goodness in her heart. She was possessed naturally of immense forces—of will, feeling, desire; her dynamic value truly tremendous, driving through life like a great engine; and whilst the intensity of this concentrated and buried hatred remained unguessed, she now wished to set it free. "You are going to regret this, Hokage." That violent mind, released from its spell of madness in the body, yet still retaining the old implacable hatred, was now about to direct a terrible, unseen assault.

 ** _Sometime later, during that day…_**

Inside the laboratory, there was a spacious room at one extremity. The library was the quietest part of the place. It had shuttered windows, thick carpets, heavy doors. Books lined the walls, and there was a capacious open fireplace of brick in which the wooden logs blazed and roared, for the last summer nights were chilly. Round this, the two of them were grouped, the Serpent reading aloud from the Book of Senjutsu in low tones.

A small shaded lamp behind him threw the rest of the room into shadow. The reading voice was steady, even monotonous, but something in it betrayed an underlying anxiety, and although the eyes rarely left the printed page, they took in every movement of the woman opposite and noted every change upon her face. "And now," ventured the sick-minded Serpent, feeling half fearful, half happy, though without knowing exactly why. "Are you going to stay silent all evening?"

Here, apparently, was an emotion hitherto unrealized, and not yet regulated away into atrophy. "I'm sorry…" Tsunade replied.

"What's wrong?" Orochimaru asked with the most sympathizing voice. It was the pain and suffering of his friend that occupied him. The dark rims beneath heavy eyes, the evidence of sleepless nights, of long anxiety and ceaseless dread, afflicted him. The woman was overwhelmed with some great sorrow. Orochimaru forgot his personal trouble; this larger, deeper grief usurped its place entirely.

"The thing you've told me before…"

"I've told you many things, Tsuna." He flashed a little smile.

"About the Otsutsuki clan."

"Ah…Don't worry. No one knows, apart from the three of us. Not even him."

"I have to tell him." Tsunade sighed and crumpled a paper in her hands. She grabbed another papyrus and took some notes.

"I bet he wouldn't want to show off with that." The Serpent chuckled deviously. "However, I have this feeling that those divine beings may somehow be connected to our Akatsuki problem. Unfortunately, I left that group way too early to see deep in their minds."

"Hm…" She pondered whilst she wrote. "You think the Akatsuki is searching for the beasts for some kind of ultimate weapon? How is that connected to the gods?"

"I have no idea yet, my dear. Thinking about it, nobody has ever said a word about the past. Not even lord Hiruzen cared to trouble us with stories about the origin of our powers or of any shinobi's."

And thus, upon this falsely peaceful scene of little conversations and observations, the minutes passed the hour of eleven and slipped rapidly along towards midnight. There had swooped down upon the quiet library again an immense hushing silence, so profound that the peace already reigning there seemed clamor by comparison and out of this enveloping stillness there rose the moans of the afflicted.

"Damn it, this is annoying." The blonde sighed and crumpled the paper. After a moment's hesitation, she said; "I am losing faith."

"Get yourself together."

The Hokage sat up and gripped the paper tightly. Her face wore a pained, intent expression. A convulsive movement of her fingers, automatic perhaps, crumpled the sheet and nearly tore it across. She went on reading, shedding pillows as though they oppressed her. Her breath came a little faster. "There is nothing. Nothing else I can do." She sighed and turned to Orochimaru. "The blood is unavoidable. So is the chakra of the victim. There cannot be established full balance without them."

"At least be happy, Tsunade. It seems like you found the jutsu for lengthening the lifespan of telomeres[1]."

"Someone has to die to even begin experimenting…I'll just wait for Akatsuki to come around so I can try and make use of their bodies."

Orochimaru sensed the irony in her voice. "At least we have a possible kinjutsu to try."

"And if it fails, I think I am done here. Like dead done."

"If you are too weak to kill, by yourself, the only thing you can do is to wait to be killed. I despise that attitude."

"So we keep working on a different solution. These telomeres have to have another way of renewal. Or something with cell division…"

"We have already tried touching cell division." The Serpent pointed at the corner in which dozens of rats were rotting. Throwing them out at such great number would have been suspicious.

She sighed and looked up at the man. "I need a drink. Or two."

"I need to return soon. How about we continue tomorrow?"

"All right…I can't focus anymore."

A few moments later, she found herself on the abandoned streets. She passed under large maple trees and the wind ceased shouting and stillness dropped upon the world. So dense was the growth that the moonlight only came through in isolated patches.

The air was close. She mopped her forehead and put her green hat on, but a low branch knocked it off at once, and as she stooped an elastic twig swung back and stung her face. "Oh, for god's sake!" She mumbled with vexation as she continued on her way to the nearest bar.

Yakiniku Q was still open.

With a quickened pace she entered the bar and sat right at the counter. "One sake, please… Rather…Make it five." Events had moved with curious rapidity. All this had happened, it seemed, in a single moment, but the regular effect which made Tsunade drunk, she assumed that her time, equally, have lasted hours.

For a long time, thus, she sat there, leaning against her palm, oblivious of the surroundings, listening to the chatter of those present at the bar, and feasting her eyes upon the glasses served in front of her. Then, a sudden queer sensation of anxiety passed over her —a faintness and a shiver down her back. It went, however, almost as soon as it came, and she was just debating whether she would call aloud for another shot of sake when the cause of the disturbance in her spirit turned the corner very slowly and at length came into view.

It was a stranger. She saw an older man tall of figure and very broad. His face was the color of the sand and the eyes, which were very dark, had heavy curtains of eyelashes around them. Though the cheeks and chin were unshaven and the general appearance unkempt, the man was evidently a gentleman, for he was well dressed and bore himself with a certain air.

But, strangest of all, his overall countenance was of a very familiar nature. He was certainly looking like Kakashi in 10 years or so. A hundred questions sprang up in Tsunade's benumbed mind and rushed to her lips, chief among which was something like "Who in the world are you?" and "What in the name of heaven do you come to me for?" But none of these questions found time to express themselves in words, for the man's actions were faster.

"Hard day, Hokage-sama?" The man looked at her and ordered a round for both of them.

"Uh-…I-I yeah…Not the best one, for sure." She felt another rush of anxiety thrill her skin and little drops of sweat tingled at the back of her neck, which she simply referred to the effect of alcohol. "Do-Do we know each other?"

"I work at the Military Force; I doubt you have time for such insignificant people, like myself."

His eyes shone with a brightness that suggested drugs, Tsunade thought, but only to herself, as she was stealing a glance at him. The man was in a bad mood as well, and it would have been so like an examination to stare and wait for explanations, even though his appearance was most certainly appealing to a woman's eyes.

At first, she thanked for the free drink and downed the spicy nepenthe at one short gulp. "We all are busy, I guess. I should definitely remember you next time."

"Will there be a next time, Lady Hokage?" He offered an enchanting smile and his voice tingled in the air like some kind of warm, suffocating caress.

"I don't think I am sober enough to understand…" She blushed at the confession and looked away for a brief second. She inhaled some fresh air into her lungs, hoping it would help her stay sane just enough to get home.

"How long have you been drinking here?"

"Uh-…About an hour? Two? I really have no idea." The woman allowed herself a chuckle. "You?"

"I came thirty minutes ago. I have been watching you since." He confessed and sat a little closer with his chair at the counter, so his words would only ring in her ear. "Things must be hard for you, now, aren't they?"

"It ain't easy to be the boss." She smiled softly. "I don't even recognize the people I should be taking care of."

"Oh, that's okay, Lady Hokage. I don't mind. Here, have another." He said and handed her another shot of sake.

"Thank you…That's enough. I won't be able to hold it down."

"We can help with that."

The stranger ordered dinner for both. They ate their soup together while the woman was slowly driven into speaking. She carried on a running one-sided conversation, chiefly about herself, about her duties and her dead pet Shiba, so that the man needed not utter a single word unless he really wished to—which he curiously did not. But, while he toyed with his food, feeling no desire to eat, the other ate voraciously, as if everything was happening according to some unknown, unseen plan.

"This was great…Thank you."

"You're welcome, Lady Hokage." The man offered a light smile and made her drink some more. "The sun is rising soon, don't you think we should go?"

"Where?"

"To someplace quiet."

"Let me have this drink too…" She said and reached for a glass. Her body felt numb enough to feel nothing unpleasant anymore. She fancied it this way. Stress was too much and she needed air to breathe. "We can go now." She said cheerfully, and with genuine sympathy in her voice.

The man let her out and placed his large hand upon her back, such simple motion which brought a sensation of fear she had felt when he first appeared.

The nervousness returned but with much greater force. The night was full of the singing voices of the wind and rain. There was no sound of traffic; no chariots clattered over the cobbles, and it was still too early for the carts. "So, uh…What did you say, where do you work?"

"The training grounds."

"The training grounds…" Tsunade furrowed her eyebrows as she repeated him. The sensation of fear, however, which she was unable to account for, grew once or twice very acute. It bothered her as they walked and she tried to remember what they had chattered about before, but no recollections came to the numb, blunt mind. "I think I will head home now…" She whispered as she noticed that they went off the track.

"Better let me guide you. It's shamefully dark." The stranger wrapped his arm around her waist for a way of support. As he touched her, the sensation of faintness and dread returned. It only lasted a moment, and then passed off, and she ascribed it not unnaturally to the distress and shock of yesterday. They walked several minutes this way when a momentary spasm passed through her frame. "This is not the right path…"

But it was too late. For a whole minute, the two looked each other fully in the face without speaking. At length, the face in front of her turned from a pleasant one to one of disgust.

"A façade." She uttered to herself, breathing heavily. "I should have sensed it…"

"You were too drunk, Lady Hokage." He said on a tone as if the woman needed comfort.

"Akatsuki? No… Your chakra is not that powerful…" She uttered as various thoughts began to trouble about her mind, bringing in their train unwelcome sensations. She knew well what was bound to happen.

"I was simply paid well." The man offered a faint smile, almost of pity as he drew his hands forward.

"Ansatsusha…"[2]

He did not prolong the conversation; his actions were abrupt but not wholly unexpected. "Niku ya no ha!"[3]

The cold steel pierced the pale flesh upon the arm but he had missed. The hair stirred just above his ear and he shouted again, the fingers tightly interlocking. Before the assassin could have released another attack, the woman had acted.

It was one single motion and the skull crashed against the unpaved ground with unwholesome ferocity. Blood spattered all over, and the remains of the brain hung in small pieces upon her face and in the hair. She breathed heavily.

"What on earth…" She gasped and wiped the bloody flesh off her chin. And in that very instant, as she watched the carcass, her body soaked in sweat and crimson fluids, an idea occurred.

With hands trembling in a nervous frenzy, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. She read the notes on a half hushed voice and her heart was beating in her throat. "Telomeres…Cell division… Chakra… Source…The source…" Tsunade sank her hand inside the stomach of the man, using one of her scalpel techniques. The embrace of guts around her fist was sickening, but she doubted a chance as this would again occur. Softly, her eyes closed and unholy words flowed through her lips.

She chanted in a language long unspoken. The seconds melted into nothingness and shadowy faces merged into each other around her. Indiscernible shapes floated about and pale blue light embraced them. Yet, this mingled vagueness and intensity seemed perfectly natural. She sank her free hand into her own stomach and connected in one long painful groan the sources of chakra; one dying and another seeking renewal.

The woman drew her breath and opened unwholesome doors on the other side. It was only a moment when it happened. Instantly, a warm wave of relief flowed through her and she fell beside the man as a sack of potato.

* * *

[1] Telomerase is capable of extending cell lifespan, and now is well-recognized as capable of immortalizing human somatic cells thus prolonging lifespan.

[2] Assassin

[3] Butcher's blade


	9. The High Road

_Thank you for your patience and reviews, you make me want to keep on writing!_

 _To express my gratitude, dear readers, especially **U3fan** , who always reviews, here is another chapter!_

 _P.S.: Thank you **XiiiKakashi** for giving me a good idea! You made me change my mind last minute!_

THW

* * *

"It says a lot about a ruler if their people are discontent."

"There is no reason for them to be, Lord Danzo."

"Really?" He cocked a brow in disbelief. "Then endeavor and enlighten me why would someone try and have you killed from the village?"

"I don't know… Maybe he was not from here." She replied and followed him with her gaze.

The elder nodded although still quite not convinced about the truth of her words. He stopped walking back and forth in the Hokage's office and with contemptuous generosity, at length, lowered his eyes at her. "Surely."

"What should I do, then?" She met his gaze from the desk.

"Don't be so selfish. Some of us at the Council voted for you because you had no one to care about. Not even yourself. They liked that."He stopped to conquer that insistent craving of abasement. "But it is also not a secret that I could have done better than you. And now you are disappointing those, who believed in you."

"I'm doing everything I can, Lord Danzo. Searches are ongoing, I poured more money into the strengthening of our borders and we are keeping more people at the gates. The trainings doubled and the educational hours are longer. Everyone is preparing the way they can and it is because I spend my time rotting here in this office."

"Do it better. Or should you be summoned again before the Council?"

"It is not necessary." She replied, urging herself to preserve her composure.

"Mark my words, Hokage-sama, I won't say them again; your irresponsible behavior is a threat to this village and its people. If anything happens to Naruto, or to anyone else because of your lack of self-control and focus, you will be held solely responsible."

"You said that already. I agreed to have Yamato and Sai-kun in Team 7. Now let me continue with my work!"

"Do it better and we will not have to speak again." With that warning, the elder showed himself out.

Tsunade fumed but her anger faded fast away, once the door opened and a face ever so precious came to her sight. "Hey, Kakashi…!" As she saw him, her eyes and lips were smiling welcome at him without pretence.

"I just heard what happened last night." The grey-crowned man spoke, unable to remain strict in demeanor. Worry and joy both rapidly overrode his anger.

"Ah…It's nothing!" She went on with a smile. She was apparently glad he came in, her back straightened as she rose from her desk and her eyes lit up with a sort of brightness only visible when the shinobi was around. "I was careless."

Her perfectly natural voice was grateful to his ear, and soothing. He looked at her all over with an open admiration that she noticed and without concealment, she liked.

"Surely were. How could you let someone walk you to the woods, in the middle of the night?"

She blushed for a moment and glanced away.

"So?"

"Well, he really resembled you." With that confession, she bit upon her full lip to muffle a chuckle. "I am sorry…It is silly for sure, but I was drunk. I had a long day, an unpleasant one and needed to forget it. This is what I do…"

"You run off with silvering men?"

"I mean, I drink…" She returned his genuine smile. "I am glad nothing happened." She uttered the last part of the sentence with a quieting voice. It was becoming harder to keep her focus on the conversation. The man's presence fondled her soul to an indiscriminate joy, it was almost sinful.

He, too, was glad, and a sense both happy and reckless stirred in his heart. "I am glad as well…" With that sentence, he closed the space between them. There was a lift through his whole being as he watched her, slim and supple, grace shining through the dull uniform, almost as though she wore no clothes. He thought of a panther standing upright. Her poise was so alert, one hand upon the desk, one leg bent across the other, the hip-line showing like a bird's curved wing. Wild animal or bird flashed across his mind. For sure, she was something untamed and natural. Another second and she might leap away, or spring into his arms.

"It's not that easy to get rid of me." She spoke as she lifted her gaze back at him.

"I hope not…" It was a deep, stirring sensation in him that produced the images coming into sounds. He stepped closer to her and she waited as if her only wish was to feel him so close. Yes…It could have been the reason, for the thumping of the heart grew loud and frenzied.

He bent lower to bring his own face on a level, gazing straight into her eyes that were fixed upon his lips. "Tsuna…"

"Kakashi…"

The chilly summer day was flaming up. Hot rays hovered over the ancient building veiling them into an embrace of light.

"I should…We need to get back to work." He endeavored to speak more formally, although aroused instincts lay behind. She drove him mad with primitive needs when all the Konoha beauties left him cold. And the thrill struck with unerring aim at the very root of that unrest he had always known in the state of life to which he was called. The woman and himself were somehow kin. The wanton feeling broke loose in him. In two seconds, while he stood in front of her, these thoughts passed through his mind. But he did not at first give utterance to any of them.

"I cannot focus on work anymore." She said, looking fearlessly into his face. "I've been dying to feel you ever since the training grounds. Why were you so long to notice?" This outspoken honesty was hardly what he expected, yet in another sense he was not taken by surprise.

"It crossed my mind, a million times. But I am a gentleman."

Her eyes were very penetrating, very lustful, and very frank. He felt her as bewitching and divine as some fawn that asks plainly to be stroked and fondled. He resumed with the truth: "I did not know whether you wanted it or…-" when she interrupted with impatience:

"I do." And, before he could choose one out of the several answers that rushed into his mind, she did an impulsive thing; her soft lips collided with his own in one long deep kiss.

The blood rushed to his head and his palms sweated as he returned the invitation of the mouth. He kissed her softly over and over. He stroked her lips with his own in deep, luscious motions until she parted them for little moans.

Standing as he was, he slid his hand a little lower and grabbed the soft grey stocking upon her thigh. The woman released another moan, this time escaping deeper from her bosom; it was sheer desire that gave sound.

Kakashi rained kisses all over her lips, her chin and her long, pale neck. Within that moment, he forgot the place, the time, his own identity and hers. Thought was irrelevant and instincts broke forth in both.

Her hands rushed on his sides and commanded his body closer to hers. She embraced him, caressed him and sought to reclaim his mouth again and again. The slim fingers hurried as if time was vanishing into nothingness. They worked their way through his uniform and pulled it off his frame.

The shinobi, have no doubt, was a masterpiece. His skin was like warm sand, and the touch was harsh from fighting. Traces of undesired battles glistened on the chiseled chest as the sun rained its rays on him. She became lost in the fort of his shoulders and the warmth of his body enflamed her. His large hands worked so naturally over her thighs and in between them as if they were meant for lecherousness.

The ground swept from beneath her feet, the sunrise with it. She muffled her moans into his chest and pressed her glistening forehead against him. "Oh Gosh…" Tsunade whimpered in building ecstasy. She forgot her duties, the people working only a dozen meters away, even her brother's name and her own into the bargain.

She was carried away upon a great tide, the man always with him. She left the shore-line in the distance, already half forgotten, the shore-line of her education, learning, manners, social point of view— everything to which her grandfather had most carefully brought her up as the child of an old-established shinobi family. This man had torn up the anchor. Only the anchor had previously been loosened a little by her own unconscious and restless efforts. . . .

Where was he taking her to? Upon what island would they land? She screamed her pleasure against his skin but he did not leave her rest for so long. Kakashi's fingers curled into her hair and yanked her pretty head back into his sight.

The afterglow lit up her face; it fell on her long loose hair and tumbled blouse, turning them amber. She looked not only soft and comely, but extraordinarily beautiful. The strange expression haunted the deep eyes again, the lips were a little parted, the firm breasts heaving slightly, joy and excitement in her whole presentment. And as he watched her, he knew that all he had felt was due to her close presence, to her atmosphere, her perfume, her physical warmth and vigor. It had emanated directly from her being.

They stood for a moment, framed in the glare of the sun. Then, two arms were flung around his neck, long, soft thighs about his waist and her weight upon the desk. Kakashi inhaled the heady scent of earth and flowers, and reclaimed her mouth in passion. The hips moved with a riotous glory of wild animals who romped with an impassioned glee beneath the sun. Intermingled, their groans and moans rose into a foam of delirious song that broke against the clouds.

From the aid of the desk, he laid her upon the cold ground, now glowing with the heat of orgy. She was breathless and panting, her sweet limbs aglow with the excitement of a building climax, her pulses beating with tumultuous life— helpless and yielding against his strength that pinned her down.

She screamed her joy whenever he merged into her, long, thick strokes fulfilling an exquisite law of worship.

They belonged together in some free and open life, natural, wild, untamed. Life was flowing about them now, rising, beating with delicious tumult in her veins and his. They wished the moment would never end.

He kissed the long neck, felt the voluptuous breasts, and they swayed in a natural mist of energy. There were great motions, like a forest shaking, like mad rivers flowing, cornfields rushing to the wind, yet his kisses, his touch were gentle because of love.

They came in blessing. With a deep, loud cry, there came joy. Kakashi's body fell atop hers in tenderness and lingered a moment upon her ecstatic heart. There was peace, sweetness and happiness, but above all, — there was life.

For a long moment, it was quiet as of a dawn. And then, knocks upon the door sounded. "Just a minute! Don't come in!" Tsunade shouted and both sprung from the ground, grabbing for garments that lay about them. "Dammit." She muttered under her breath and endeavored to tame her tousled golden locks. "Get behind the desk, Kakashi!" Her order was clear, and the man obeyed with a soft laughter. She threw his shirt after him and with the clearing of the throat, she said, "Enter!"

"Erm…Lady Hokage…"

"Asuma-sama…How can I help you?" She spoke with a gentle note of authority.

"I was informed about inimical activity at the Fire Temple."

"Yes. One of the tombs had been robbed, if I remember correctly."

"What happened to that mission? Was anyone sent to investigate?"

"About three days ago I sent a team to gain information. It seems one of the members stole the head monk's body for hell knows what purpose. That is all I know."

"Are you planning on sending a backup team?"

"Yes, but I planned a meeting for this afternoon…I thought I'd ask-…"

"Ask me."

She looked at him sharply. "Oh…Uh… Okay…" She fixed her piercing though kindly eyes on the man's face.I will have more teams cover the area, but you should be tracking the main line. The documents should be around somewhere…Here you go…Every report is here." She paused a moment, so as to hand the heavy folds of paper to the man. Then she looked back up at the shinobi with a graver expression than she had yet worn. "If you can leave tonight, you should find the Akatsuki members by morning."

"Thank you,…" He said but the sentence felt to be left unfinished.

"Something else is bothering you..." She stated on a kind tone.

"I uh-…It is a bit of a personal nature…I just…It may be a bit soon but if anything happened by the time Akatsuki is defeated…I need to know that Kurenai will always be safe."

"Of course…" She did not wholly comprehend the meaning behind his request but it troubled her all the more. She made an internal note to get into the end of it. "I will make sure she would always be out of danger." As she added, her whole being radiated kindness, intelligence and desire to help even though she did not yet know how.

The midday sun began to burn.

And immense sigh of relief proceeded from the man. "Thank you, Lady Hokage." Asuma relaxed his tightened muscles and bowed in politeness. "I will have these papers read and the people gathered by night."

"Very good. Be careful. We don't know what we are up against exactly."

"Of course."

She paused a moment and drew breath. "Wait, Asuma-sama!"

"Yes, Lady Hokage?"

She resumed with a sudden rush of words "I give you two days. Have the men scattered around, but you come back and report to me personally. If you don't, I send a backup team to your last known location."

He nodded in the positive and showed himself out.

"What do you think he meant by that?" She turned her face towards the grey-crowned shinobi.

"I don't know, Tsuna…" He admitted whilst fixing the garments upon his frame. "It did not sound good. I will check on him later today. But first, I have to see how Naruto-kun is doing with the training."

"He was quite eager at the beginning, wasn't he?" She stated with a soft smile. She felt happy, the second he was around her. It was simply impossible to hide it.

"For sure. But to be frank, it won't take long and he shall surpass us all."

"I feel that too…And it's troubling now, considering the situation with these cloaked bastards."

"Indeed…" Kakashi nodded, acknowledging the alarm in her voice. "Tsuna." He called her name as he faced her. Her sweet eyes traveled to the direction of the sound and he planted a kiss upon her lips. "Find me, if you need anything."

"I will." She uttered against his warm mouth and planted a caress upon his cheek.

The day henceforth passed rapidly. The woman locked herself up with hundreds of documents, reading, signing, re-reading, throwing aside most of them. Chaos was forming over the lands, and the harder they fought against it, the more futile these attempts became. The Akatsuki's power was undeniable, and unfathomable. Having a step behind, Tsunade knew that each and every mission initiated to halt them was most probably resulting in loss of shinobi.

In all honesty, she did not have too much faith in Nijuu Shoutai; Asuma will not stop the cloaked devils. She only hoped, that at least he would return. No, she was certain that he would return, somehow. Even if no one else survives, he cannot be lost to this war. He was a Sarutobi, after all.

Then, her thoughts traveled to Jiraiya; their farewell was too abrupt, too heated. Should she have been kinder to him, it was too late to ponder _._

 _"_ _He was always under surveillance when he needed it, trust me!"_ Yesterday's words suddenly broke forth in her mind and she tossed the book she was reading aside. _"Always under surveillance…"_ After a pause that prolonged itself into minutes, she rose from her chair and crossed the room and unlocked a drawer in a bookcase, taking out an old folder with a symbol belonging to the Root Division. _"Surveillance…"_

Having read it through to make sure there was nothing in it requiring her attention, she threw it aside and went on with her previous thoughts. Within five minutes, however, it was back at her again. That restless thing called "between the lines" fluttered about her mind. Her interest about Akatsuki suddenly faded. Somewhere, somehow she felt disquieted and disturbed.

At first, she returned at the desk to persist in her work, forcing herself to concentrate, but soon found that the information read within the folder gained authority over her attention. Once or twice she glanced up, expecting to find someone in the room, that the door had opened unobserved.

But all was quiet as death. "Dammit, Tsunade." With a vexed sigh, she parted to the bookcase and took the folder again. Studying the sentences brought, however, no revelation, but increased confusion only; for while the uneasiness remained, the first clear hint had vanished. In the end, she placed the papers back and upon impulse, headed out to the Elder's quarters.

Fearful of making the smallest sound, she retraced her steps on tiptoe.

The heat was afflicting during the day, but at this late hour, the cool north wind blew pleasantly down the open windows. She rushed past several offices, never making a sound.

Danzo's chamber was heavily managed; there was an abundance of luxurious furniture placed with precision all over the room. The cold late summer air was closed out through few narrow windows. There were two generous oak tables and a few smaller ones against the crimson walls with capacious drawers. He certainly liked a lot of company. Mechanical devices for holding books, perfect lights and a stillness as if at a church looked uninvitingly at the intruder.

She fastened her steps towards the bookcase at the farthest corner, having been suspiciously hidden from ordinary sight. Dozens of books lay scattered about all of them with the same insignia, Root Division. How many minutes had passed, she could not tell as she stood there, in the darkest shadow of the chamber, but the strong scent of age oozing from a figure a few steps away at length gained her attention.

"Not even my concubines are allowed to walk in here without agreement."

She stopped short. Their eyes now made pretence impossible, for the truth had slipped out inevitably, stupidly. "I'm onto you, Lord Danzo."

The elder's lips turned to a sick smile and he looked searchingly into her eyes before he answered. "Choose your words wisely. Your friend Orochimaru is not here anymore, to save you this time." He seized the moment to batter at those guardian shrouds within the soul, which ward off madness by dulling the memory of unutterable things.

She made no answer, but all the fiendish ghouls shrieked inside her head and tore at her heart as in that same second there crashed down upon her mind that fleeting avalanche of soul-annihilating memory. She knew in that second all that had been; she heard the frightful begs emanating from her own throat, felt the cold touch of the katana piercing through her back and recognized, most terrible of all, the unholy abomination of a father that stood leering down at her as she withdrew her sullied body from his own.

But in the cosmos there is peace as well as bitterness, and that peace is love. In the supreme terror of that second, she forced her brain to forget what had mutilated her soul, and the burst of blackened memories vanished in a chaos of echoing images. In a deep sigh she swallowed all that was emotion and returned into the moment of speaking.

"I heard he is dead, anyway."

"Surely." She said dully, knowing the Serpent better than that.

Danzo turned his face a moment to look at other things in the room. He picked up a book and examined its cover as though he had made an important discovery, while he resumed in speaking. "What were you hoping to find in those folders?" This was plainly addressed to her.

"The Saindaime always questioned the use of the Root Division. We never troubled ourselves with that. But now you send me Sai-kun, and Yamato-san and Kakashi…Lord Hiruzen was right. What you have been doing to these people and who knows about the others…It is certainly not legal."

"You cannot end the Divison, Tsunade."

"Tsunade-sama." She corrected his audacity. "And I can, if I want to."

"Nobody would believe you. The Council will propagate me over you, if it comes to a second vote." As he spoke, he neared.

"Why would they do that?" At first, she was sure as hell he was but lying, a weak, ridiculous attempt to intimidate her.

"I received an anonymous letter this morning. It states, that you have been neglecting your duties over your personal life's interests. That you prefer indulging yourself in your primitive desires than saving this village." Here, he paused and delighted in the pitiable sight of her. With a building courage in his heart, he continued more fluently. "Halt me when I am wrong, Tsunade, but I do remember myself seeing you quite absorbed in the company of men. In addition, this morning you were found beside a man, on the ground, hell knows after what kind of coitus."

"This is bullshit." She stammered in her attempts to avoid expressing the thought that hid in her mind.

"It will serve as a well-founded evidence if you keep pressing me to start a personal war with you."

She couldn't say a word, for she was too furious. Her hands gripped the papers within her hands so tight it was feared that she would tear them. However unwholesome the moment was, she knew it was not yet over, for the man's eyes betrayed what lay behind that muffled smile of his. "What else is in that letter?"

"Oh, now…" Danzo smirked with audacity. "See, it is not only you would be risking her position but Kakashi too. It does change your attitude, doesn't it? You wouldn't want him in the middle of these horrible accusations, would you? Who knows how someone like him would react."

The last sentence made her heart skip a beat. "Pardon me?"

"I assume you spent way too much time here to put some pieces together. You were digging into his past, and thus into my past, you Senju whore."

"That's right." She swallowed the atrocity and resumed, keeping her calm demeanor. "It was you who ordered his mother's execution, not the Sandaime. He was always a coward when it came to the matters of the heart."

"I did. But it was too late. That bastard was born. It took me a few more years, but at last I attained my goal and eliminated the father as well. They were just not supposed to exist."

"That's why, you—…"

"Used him? Manipulated him? Of course. Kakashi is a precious weapon. Now that he is grown up, there is no way for me to get rid of him. I'd realized that in time and did what fitted me best. His powers equal with the Tailed Beasts', who wouldn't seek such advantage to possess?"

By degrees she commenced to feel an overwhelming anger but she endeavored to keep a relatively calm demeanor. "Why would you possibly need that kind of power?"

"That is none of your business."

"It is mine."

"Why? Because you two are screwing? Oh please." He laughed.

"Because your actions may influence Konoha's peace! From what I see is that you have been pulling all these strings since Sandaime had become Hokage, for hell knows why! You have this unknown enemy you wish to destroy and no life in this village is worthy of your mercy. That, Lord Danzo, can't stay unperceived anymore. As I said and I repeat, I am onto you."

"I will destroy everything and everyone dear to you. Including Konoha, if I must."

"That's why I will never let you take charge!"

"We will see about that, Senju whore." His words sounded more of a prediction than of a threat.

The opening of the door, to her great relief, interrupted them. One of the elders, Homura entered. "Oh, Lady Hokage…"

He bowed to both of them with a brief word of apology, looked round him, and withdrew, and with his departure the conversation between the two came naturally to an end. Tsunade, to avoid further tension followed him out.

Overhead the stars were brilliant in a sky quite dark, and there was so little wind that the chilliness sneaked past the garments, making her tremble as she ran. She longed for a nepenthe to calm herself, a balm for the aching soul to forget. Imprisoned thoughts came back with devastating force and she fought as she ran to ward off the hideous past, which pressed so close to her sanity. A momentary annihilation of her strength occurred and she fell like a fawn shot dead upon the ground. Her tears flew endlessly and she did not endeavor to hold them back; it was the only way for the soul to regain its peace.

She did not know the time nor did she care. She did not look where she collapsed, either. It all went down without her control.

After some time, she was certain there were footsteps nearby.

"Is everything all right?" Came a voice soft like silk. Albeit she did fight it, she could not resist helping her, for the woman kneeling in front of her suffered in a condition of indescribable chaos. Not knowing whether she was mad or sane, sober or drunk, but certain that she was all alone, in the middle of the night; her sight was pitiable beyond measure.

"I'm sorry. It's nothing. It's nothing." Tsunade cried and hurried to brush her tears away. She was saved by a merciful embrace that came unprecedented. "I am so sorry. I am not supposed to behave like this."

"Not on the street, Hokage-sama…" The other replied with politeness sounding in her voice, tinted with a slight concern she herself despised to notice. _This was not the plan_.

Tsunade regained some mental strength and wiped her eyes once more. "I must look pathetic, Rin-chan…It wasn't my goal…Please, if you could…Keep this between us, all right?" She implored, her mind stunned and chaotic as it was. With a bow to express her gratitude, she continued to stumble along the road.

"It's me, who's sorry…" An immense wave of self-hatred and disgust came crashing down the other's soul. Could it be…that she was the cause of such suffering? Did her means of hurting her succeeded this much? At any rate, that joy she felt yesterday when composing that letter was now wholly dissipated. Instead, remorse took its place and left her in war with herself.

The next morning, the office was gorgeously ablaze with light that came through the open windows. Tsunade groaned with a wry face and pulled her cloak over her head to shut out the rays. She must have fallen asleep from fatigue, for it was with a distinct sense of awakening that she heard the voices of shinobi passing the corridors and mingled utterances echoing in the hallways. The woman groaned and pretended she heard nothing at all. She still felt drowsy from last night and wished not to face the torments of consciousness for a while.

Time passed and her head slowly drooped awkwardly upon the sofa on which she lay. She woke in cold perspiration when the cloak was too tightly wrapped around her face it was impossible to breathe.

Vexed, she rose and brushed her hair with her fingers. She walked to the window and watched the darkening sky with a contemplating look. Even in the day, something was off. Something was fearsome. Horrible. The sun shone weirdly and palely above the towering hills. A closer scrutiny filled her with sensations she could not express, for the vast vaults of heaven, roared a violent storm's arrival, breaking over the horizon at any time.

Uncanny, vague sounds echoed in the wind outside. She pulled the curtains together, dazed and nervous, and sat at her desk. With an intense desire to rid herself from any thoughts, she pulled out a bottle of sake from the left drawer. "Finally, some peace." She sighed, half relieved, when several knocks resounded at the door. It was one of those few times someone actually did bother to knock. "Come in."

"Hokage-sa-sama…" One of the messengers stepped in. She looked alarming even to someone who had already seen the worst. The pale eyes commenced to glaze fishily at her, whilst underneath the white skin, no pulse seemed to generate life.

"What's wrong Sachiru-san?" Tsunade rapidly sprang from her seat and aided the woman to the sofa.

Her sallow cheeks paled and the thick lips fell open to utter something incomprehensible.

"I didn't understand, dear…What happened?" Tsunade repeated her question and pulled a blanket over her shaking frame.

"Asuma-sama…is dead."

Upon the news, Tsunade's heart gave a distinct leap. Her lips formed themselves into unregenerate shape. She gasped: "Good God! This can't be true!" For something unholy, something wicked as a secret sin, struck there before her eyes in the patch of blazing truth.

At first, shocked to the bone, she then grew frantic; and when in the darkening chamber she stood alone, she had sworn to the hundred gods that _at any cost_ she would make everyone pay for it.


	10. Happiness

_**"I'm livin' in a world that I don't know."**_

* * *

 _"_ _She was crying…Could it be? Oh no…That would be…Too good."_ Thoughts of hopeful nature ran through her mind while she was cooking breakfast. She carefully recalled every little detail about what she had seen, in hope that she would come to the same deduction in an objective way as well.

The croaking stroke of the kitchen clock sounded the hour of five as she finished putting everything on the plates and closing the kitchen door behind her she passed swiftly to the living room and placed every fresh ingredient upon the table. Kakashi showed up in that instant as he would do every morning, the very same hour of the day. Rin smiled and seated herself close to him.

"Morning Rin."

"Morning, Kakashi…" She watched him as he reached for the plate with eyes still dull with lentor. "Slept well?"

"Yeah." He was short on reply.

 _"_ _Come on Rin…"_ Within her mind, she was wide awake. Within her heart, feelings burnt with ardor and needed to be recognized. She had been waiting for _the_ chance to offer itself, in which she would finally let that passion loose. She must do it now, now that the blonde was seemingly out of the picture.

She was crying yesterday. That woman would not cry over rubbish things. It had to be something ground-breaking. It had to be _this,_ it had to be _love_.

"So uhm…You look great." Rin fickled with her chopsticks and wiped her dewy forehead. _"Oh gosh, this is so hard…"_ She was shaking her fist at herself in her imagination. Only in imagination.

The fact is, the discrepancy did grow just then, between what she said and what she had not the courage to say between what she did and what she had half a mind to do. In her heart, she wished for nothing more ardently than their union and now it seemed the stars and the sky and all the Kami in the universe were cheering for that union too.

For about half an hour the conversation ran upon ordinary topics, but at last, she contrived, quite naturally, to give it the following turn: "So…Uhm…I wanted to speak to you about something…"

"About what, Rin?" Kakashi looked up from his tea and lifted his dark eyes at her face. "This is very delicious." He noted.

"I'm glad…" She returned his smile and as she thought the opportunity too good to be lost, she cleared her throat and began. "'I've been thinking…"

"Me too…"

"You too?" Her eyes suddenly opened and she was watching him intensely. "You can start if you want."

"If what you have to say is more important, that's okay, Rin, you can say it first." Kakashi nodded and his expression changed a little severe.

She simply attributed it to a kind of nervousness he was unable to cast off. "It's…Well it's just…" She struggled to give vent to her feelings, for they seemed unnatural to do so, so openly, so honestly, to a man. Words of love had died a million times upon her lips and fear always got the best of her.

A woman was not supposed to be so open, so carefree. There have always been traditions, cultural expectations on both sides. And yet, all she ever wished to do was living, breathing, and dying by his side. She could not imagine that fortune was so gracious and offer her _the_ chance now. "It's no big deal."

The shinobi could not be fooled, however. Her face expressed a fringe of alarm which did not pass unnoticed. "How about we say what we have to say at the same time? Few counts to three, let it out and then we can discuss everything thoroughly if you'd like." Kakashi offered soothingly.

She nodded with relief. "That sounds nice…All right."

"Ready?"

Upon a moment's hesitation, she confirmed and placed her little hands over his. "I am ready."

"3…2…1…"

"I would like you to move out."

"I am in love with you."

There was a minute of pause between the two. They said nothing at the moment nor did they wish to break the silence; it was indeed the wisest thing to do. The tension was tangible, almost alive. Kakashi's words so cruelly defeated the remnants of her hopes; she was even unable to move her hands away. Rin felt frozen to the ground, like a piece of ice forgotten on a counter, her dignity slowly leaving her. "Wha-…You what? And I…"

She has never felt more humiliated in her whole life. Never once did she feel more abused in the soul. Rin was mortified. She had been ridiculed.

To him, she had been a friend he never deserved. She fed his ambition, nourished his dreams, desires, hopes.

She had long sensed him grow away from her, but she did not, for a second believed that it would truly come this far. At first, she had laughed at such thoughts then talked sympathetically about the dangerous presence about him, so far as sincerity permitted, then had argued mildly, and finally come to realize that its treatment lay altogether beyond her powers, and so had come to fear it with all her heart.

And now, a few minutes before, it became true, this ghoulish nightmare upon which she had so much reflected. She thought it over and over, as minutely as her nature permitted and prayed and wept in secret that it would never become true. The love she had borne him all these years, was deep and real.

"I will go." There was a little sound of collapse in her voice. She endeavored to take her hands away but he stopped her abruptly and sank her back in her chair. And, at that, a distinct lump came up into her throat, which she had great difficulty in managing while he spoke.

"Stay and let's talk this over, Rin." The pity in his whole demeanor tainted his husky voice with a soft ringing. She hated it.

"I thought she cried…I thought it was…How silly I was…"

"What do you mean? Who cried?"

Rin scoffed at the ignorant questions. "You and the Hokage, then? Is that it? You want me to leave so she can what, live here?"

And after a pause of several minutes, disregarding the criticism as though he had not heard it; "I just need the space." His tone grew tender, gentle, soft. "My selfishness, I know, must seem quite unforgivable…"

"It is your lies, Kakashi…" She murmured. That deep, fiery love she had felt for him died out. She felt suddenly cold, confused a little, frightened. "I thought…"

"You thought what?"

"That you…" Her heart was in her throat. All these years when she felt so close to him, especially that she had made the biggest sacrifice of her life to stay by his side and help him, he had been slowly, surely—drawing away. The estrangement was here and now—a fact accomplished.

It had been all this time maturing; there yawned this broad deep space between them. Across the empty distance, she saw the change in merciless perspective. It revealed his face and figure, dearly-loved, once fondly worshipped, far on the other side in shadowy distance, small, the back turned from her, and moving while she watched— moving away from her.

She watched him, his hands squeezing hers with a tormented demeanor. His thick grey hair was untidy and his coat caked with dried blood. He watched her with an honest, caring gaze which somehow blanched her cheek and sent a miserable shiver down her spine.

"I know, I've always been a little selfish."

"A little?" She scoffed and pulled away. Gradually, the feeling of humiliation robed itself in a cloak of wrath. It was the wrath of betrayal. "I bet you did know I had feelings for you. You used me to make yourself feel better."

"It was not my real intention, though. There had been a lot of things I simply did not bother understanding."

"Oh and now you do? Your life suddenly changed and you are some sort of a saint now? Why her? Why is she better than me?"

"Tsuna is not better. She is different. And this is not about her." He spoke devoutly, but she could not be comforted anymore.

The facts dropped upon her like a blow that she felt at once all over, upon body, heart and mind. "Don't lie to me, for gods' sake! Of course it's about her! Almost three years ago, she walked into our lives and suddenly you became all nicer and less cold! You started talking to people instead of ignoring them. You even stopped pretending you enjoyed our common things. I felt awful every time you acted like you cared."

"I told you, I am selfish."

"Except when it comes to that blonde wench. I am not surprised your Team is in ruins. You use everyone Kakashi, to your own little needs!"

"Rin..."

"I am not done. I've spent how much, two decades trying to make you love me? And all I ever got was your heartless, morose, cold heart. I don't understand it. I've done everything for you. I'd given my best to make you happy. And the Hokage doesn't even have to try and it works! How is she better than me?"

"She's not better." He remarked calmly.

There was a sudden whoosh in the wind that for a moment half impelled him to turn aside and take a glance through the window outside. For some unknown reason even to himself, he felt a faint alarm which rose in his ribcage and spread violently in his whole body.

"Please, stop lying to me! I cannot bear more of your lies and cold heart!" With strength conjured from beneath the crushed walls of dignity, her feet carried her towards her room and she added; "It is best if I leave. I already paid the bills. I'd appreciate if you…"

"Sure. I pay everything back." He nodded as he remained in the kitchen. His eyes now wandered towards the outer world. The air was very still, the sky a cold pale blue, but cloudless, there was no trace of a presence of any kind. At the same time, he was certain it was not a simple hunch of alarm.

"I wish Obito was alive. He was always the kinder one." She spoke, now much lower, and he turned his gaze to her.

"He loved you, you know?"

"And he's dead." She replied faintly and a tremor passed her toiling fingers. She was folding some shirts before she placed them into her bag. "He's dead instead of you." She repeated with a horrid qualm but what truly made her so perturbed lay in the fact that she said that with the sole intention of hurting him. "Goodbye, Kakashi." Rin bowed as manners necessitated and with a solemn air she was gone.

Kakashi returned her bow with a heavy heart and watched her disappear. The atmosphere suddenly became depressingly empty, while the notion of danger grew tangible in the air. He looked around and listened but only Rin's steps could he distinguish. There was no wind, yet here and there upon the trees a single leaf hanging shook all alone with great rapidity, rattling. "Hm…"

With mind intent and senses all turned inwards, she walked among the dwellers of Konoha like a figure in a dream. Love, yearning, pity rose in a storm within her, but as in a nightmare, she found no words or movement possible to free herself from them. Pain and wrath invaded the quietest corners of her heart that had never yet known quailing. She could not—for moments at any rate— reach her gods and reach Peace. Desolate in an empty world of fear she walked with eyes too dry and hot for tears, yet with coldness as of ice upon her very flesh.

If someone had asked her about how her day went, she could simply not make a proper answer; for the hours passed after one other with Rin long disconnected from the outer world. Certain things she did hear and certain things she did not.

For one thing, she most certainly heard it well when the news about Asuma Sarutobi's death spread like wildfire in the village. Aside from that, she could somewhat recall the Hokage mentioning to her and the other nurses at the hospital some kind of threat against the village, which required them all to be more careful and expect more patients. Albeit, whatever she said had little importance to the woman.

Later that day she was informed about the successful defeat of the two Akatsuki. She even made a short reflection about Kakashi having part in it. She hardly cared, anymore.

The lamps were burning merrily in the front room; but in the kitchen, where she had dined, the shadows were so gloomy, and the lamplight was so inadequate, that the stars could be seen peeping through the cracks of the old, wooden door. She turned in early that night. Though it was calm and there was no wind, the creaking of her bedstead and the musical gurgle of the water over the rocks below were not the only sounds that reached her ears. "Shoot…" She mumbled and dragged her weary self out of bed.

Outside the night was still and warm. Not a breath of air was stirring; the waves were silent, the trees were motionless, and heavy clouds hung like an oppressive curtain over the heavens.

The darkness seemed to have rolled up with unusual swiftness, and not the faintest glow of color remained to show where the sun had set. And also, within her soul was present that ominous and overwhelming silence, which so often precedes the most violent storms. She looked around in the darkness but nothing gave itself away.

She sat down to some books she found in her aunt's little cottage and with a spirit unusually fatigued she was soon absorbed in them. As the night wore on the silence deepened. Even the dogs were still, and the boards of the floors and walls ceased creaking. She read on steadily until from the gloomy shadows of the kitchen, came the hoarse sound of the clock striking nine. She closed one book and opened another, feeling that she was just warming up to a peaceful night. This, however, did not last long. She presently found that she was reading the same paragraphs over twice, simple paragraphs that did not require such effort.

Then she noticed that her mind began to wander to other things, and the effort to recall her thoughts became harder with each digression. Concentration was growing momentarily more difficult. Presently, she discovered that she had turned over two pages instead of one, and had not noticed her mistake until she was well down the page. This was becoming serious, she thought to herself. She made another effort to read, and for a short time succeeded in giving her whole attention to the subject.

But in a very few moments again she found herself leaning back in the chair, staring vacantly into space. She sighed and squeezed her eyelids as tight as possible to lock out the thoughts so painful to leave unnoticed. A second later a chilliness, that perhaps crept up from the lake, made itself felt in the room, and caused her to get up to close the wooden doors opening on to the verandah. For a brief moment, she stood looking out at the shaft of light that fell from the windows and shone some little distance down the pathway, and out for a few feet into the lake.

As she looked, she saw the shadows moving but it was impossible to make anything out from the night's shapes. Not quite troubled by that, and merely appertaining it to the motions of animals, she returned to the chair and made another attempt in picking up where she had left off. Her reading from this moment did not make very good progress, for somehow the picture of those shadows and the horrid images about today silhouetted themselves against the background of her mind with singular vividness. It kept coming between her eyes upon the printed page.

The more she thought about him, the more afflicted she became. The conversation between them was not supposed to end like this. Something had gone very wrong and now it seemed there was not the faintest light of hope for any of them. The more she tried to read, the less success attended her efforts, and finally, she closed her books and went out on the verandah to walk up and down a bit, and shake the deep-rooted pain out of her bones.

The night was perfectly still, and as dark as imaginable. She stumbled down the path to the shore, where the eye could reach into the heart of the village. The sound of some big tree falling in the forest stirred echoes in the heavy air. No other sound disturbed the stillness that reigned about her.

As she stood upon a large rock on the shore, a sudden motion within the impenetrable gloom alerted her consciousness. She glanced around but then she did not care even to think of any hideous possibilities, and her imagination immediately shifted itself to the man so madly desired. His image came readily enough to her mind, but did not succeed in being a relief from the unknown.

Upon hearing another unusual night sound, —without an instant's hesitation, she ran up to the verandah, carefully picking her way among the trees, so as to avoid being seen in the light. This was definitely not Kakashi coming to get her and apologize, she thought to herself whilst entering her little bedroom. With swift motions, she shut the door leading to the verandah, and as quickly as possible turned out every one of the six lamps.

To be in a room so brilliantly lighted, where her every movement could be observed from outside, while she could see nothing but impenetrable darkness at every window, was by all means an unnecessary concession to the enemy. And this enemy, —if enemy it was indeed, should not be granted any such advantages.

Rin stood in the corner of the room with her back against the wall, taking deep breath to keep her calm. To remain in a focused state was vital for successful defense and also granted advantage in attack. The table, covered with her books, lay between her and the door, but for the first few minutes after the lights were out the darkness was so intense that nothing could be discerned at all. _"Stay calm Rin, it is probably nothing…Stay calm…"_ She repeated under her breath and listened to the lightest of sounds.

As she watched, very gradually, the outline of the room became visible, and the framework of the windows began to shape itself dimly before her eyes. After a few minutes, the door and the two windows that looked out upon the front verandah, became specially discernable. She had little time to smile, as presently came to her ears the peculiar hollow sound of footsteps approaching the house. _"Stay calm…It is probably nothing…"_

Many of her sensations that night were too vague for definite description and analysis, but the main feeling was the awful horror of it all, and the miserable sensation that if she was to die tonight, she would never have the chance to see karma force Kakashi down on his knees. She just wanted to see him pay. See him beg her for forgiveness. Oh, how pathetically she hoped and prayed that the shinobi would soon change his mind and realize the horrible fault he had made when letting her go! She couldn't die now; she had to be there when that happened!

Meanwhile, she stood still in the corner and waited with sickening qualm for what was to come. The house was still as the grave, but the inarticulate voices of the night sang in her ears, and she was certain she could hear the blood running in her veins and dancing in her brain. Not one person in the village knew where she had spent her day, except for her aunt. The situation was by no means a joke.

If someone was to come to the back of the house, they would find the kitchen door and window securely fastened. They wouldn't be really able to get inside without making considerable noise, which she was bound to hear. Thus, the only mode of getting in was by means of the door that faced her, and she kept her deep brown eyes glued on that door without taking them off for the smallest fraction of a second. Her sight adapted itself every minute better to the darkness.

She saw the table that nearly filled the room, and left only a narrow passage on each side. She could also make out the straight backs of the wooden chairs around it, and could even distinguish her night robe she planned on wearing after showering, placed upon one of the chair's back. She thought of the gay eyes of Kakashi as he smiled with every pore of him during their first summer, and she longed for his touch and embrace as she had never longed for it before.

Through the windows she could see the dim motionless outlines of the trees: not a leaf stirred, not a branch moved. A few moments of this awful silence, and then she was aware of a soft tread on the boards of the verandah, so stealthy that it seemed an impression directly made upon her unhinged brain rather than upon the nerves of hearing.

Immediately afterwards, a black figure darkened one of the windows. A shiver ran down her back and she took a deep breath for calmness. The figure was broad-shouldered and tall. By some power of light that seemed to generate itself in the brain, she noticed that his face was hidden by some gruesome orange mask so that the nature of his gaze was impossible to determine, however a faint gleam of light coming from the sole eye-hole told her plainly that no corner of the room escaped its searching.

For what seemed fully five minutes, the dark figure stood there and watched her, like two wolves before carnage. While she waited in an agony of suspense and agitation for its next movement, little currents of icy sensation ran up and down her spine and her heart seemed alternately to stop beating and then start off again with terrifying rapidity. The masked figure must have heard its thumping and the singing of the blood in her head. _"There is no way I can win this… Is it how I shall end? Is it how all ends? Before I could have truly been happy?"_ Her mind spoke the words unuttered and a cold stream of perspiration trickled down her face, of a desire to scream, to shout, to bang the walls like a child, to make a noise, or do anything that would relieve the suspense and bring things to a speedy climax.

There was a faint sound of rattling at the brass knob, and the door was pushed open a couple of inches. A pause of a few seconds, and it was pushed open still further. Without a sound of footsteps that was appreciable to her ears, the figure glided into the room, and gently closed the door after itself. They were alone between the four walls.

Her blood surged and sang like the roll of drums in an orchestra; and though she did her best to suppress her breathing, it sounded like the rushing of wind through a pneumatic tube. Her suspense as to the next move was soon at an end—only, however, gave place to a new and keener alarm. There were general indications of a movement across the room, and whichever way the masked devil went; it would have to pass round the table.

Like some kind of a monstrous black cat, it came round the table toward her, nearer and nearer it came. Her lips were glued together, and the air seemed to burn within her nose. She tried to close her eyes, so that she might not see as it passed her; although her eyelids had stiffened, and refused to obey, she somewhat managed to force them down to close. Sensation seemed also to have left her legs but she focused with the remaining consciousness to keep herself motionless. It was close. It was too close. She felt the warm energy oozing from the masked devil's whole body. The figure must have been very close, too close for her to be able and avoid the encounter. Was it really the end? Was it how Rin Nohara's life came to a pitiable finale?

There could not have been three inches between them, and yet she was conscious only of a current of cold air that followed it. She stood softly shivering and shuddering in her corner, when the inches suddenly disappeared and she could make clear distinction of hearing the mask fall onto the floor. Her heart skipped an erratic beat and before she could have opened her eyes to meet her Destiny, another thing occurred; the man, —for most certainly it was a man, _kissed her_. An unnatural darkness now filled her mind and she lost consciousness for several minutes.

She awoke in the dim lit bedroom, still frightened. The man was sat beside her, his face turned away so that she would be yet unable to decipher the source of the kiss. She put her head up in the soft darkness and upon a moment's hesitation, touched the shoulder of the man. The shock of surprise was greater than the fear a few moments before; her eyes widened and she felt as if her heart was about to take a leap out through her throat. "O-Ob-…." Rin needed a second to halt herself from fainting again. She grabbed Obito's shoulders for support and he leaned closer and steadied her by her waist.

"I've been waiting…" He spoke with that old gentleness that used to surround his whole being when he talked to her.

"Really?" Rin lifted her gaze at him. There were no words she found proper to express. She was unable to comprehend it all in that moment. All she knew that she missed him. "Sorry, I made you wait…"

"Seems you got lost along the way…" Obito resumed and there was a shade of anger in his voice which passed rapidly, though. "You shouldn't have put so much faith in Kakashi. Look what he's done to you."

"You know…?"

"Of course. I have been watching both of you."

His aversion to his once good friend was so strongly marked upon his features, it made her feel somehow pleased by it.

"You shouldn't have mistaken his kindness with love," he put in gravely, yet with a little smile he added, "especially, that kindness never came from his heart. Kakashi is not our friend anymore…" Here, he paused a moment a placed one of his hands upon her face. "I forgive you."

Obito has changed; there was no doubt about it. Her once dear friend now frightened her and at the same time awoke in her a sort of propensity. She liked power and she liked if people got what they deserved. These two needs beyond many other pleasures seemed to have accumulated in the man in front of her, who undoubtedly had feelings for her. She would have been a fool not to take the divine opportunity…

Rin then focused her every action upon her greatest goal: If Kakashi could not be hers; he shan't belong to anyone else, only to Death.

"Obito-kun….You were always good to me…I wish I knew how you felt, before….Before I had to lose you…"

"Would anything have changed if you had known?"

"Of course." She lied, although she disliked lying. There was simply no other option in this moment. She would later pray for forgiveness. "I had mistaken my feelings for you with Kakashi's kindness after you died. The trauma of losing you was simply too great. I could not handle it any other way, I suppose. Now it all makes more sense to me…"

"You're saying-…."

"That I am in love with _you_ , Obito-kun…"

Her change of feeling was wholesome and refreshing to the man in front of her; however Rin felt a little ashamed of her behavior. She gave him a smile —genuine because the relief (of speaking the right words) she felt was genuine.

He bent over her hand and kissed it with fond softness. "Then trust me, that I will give _them_ what they deserve."

Rin nodded and unwholesome satisfaction spread in her soul. "Just don't let me lose you again."


	11. Nothing's Fair In Love And War

**_"J'suis pas bien dans ma tête, maman  
J'ai perdu le goût de la fête, maman  
Regarde comme ta fille est faite, maman  
J'trouve pas d'sens à ma quête maman" -Louane_**

* * *

Tsunade had been standing _there_ for some minutes, thinking how vile Konohagakure was during summer, fall and even winter and spring, and how depressing life was in general. If one asked, she would be unable to tell when she got here, and for how long had she been standing here, thinking, crying, hating the world and herself in general. Her feet directed her without further consideration or pause. The feet led and the heart sent the orders.

She sighed at the wretched moment of this pouring wet summer evening, when everything seemed wrong, and Fate had loaded the dice against her, even in the matter of weather and umbrellas. The rain, the weariness and depression, the physical fatigue especially, seemed the essential conditions of her _raison d'être._

Something unwholesome, abhorrent fluttered close in the air. Pain convulsed about the atmosphere and one of its claws flashed by her across the heavy rain and touched her cheek, but she was too exasperated to be aware of it.

Things had gone badly the past few weeks about anywhere she stepped in, be it the hospital, the Academy or her office. The war with the Akatsuki had come to a head. A battle seemed imminent. Death, also, seemed ineludible. To add to her annoyance, Lord Danzo, whose word in the decisions about Konoha was of supreme importance, had just complained bitterly about Tsunade's methods to the Council. The Elders had left the matter in their hands; but she had not succeeded against him.

The amount of losses in shinobi was becoming too great to pass unnoticed and thus the elder defamed the Senju's attempts in correcting the mistakes. Jiraiya's death was unheard of a mistake, and Lord Danzo made sure that the news traveled to every ear in the village. Only one more error and she was done for, and the once hailed Senju name would rot in the gutter where light and blessing never reached.

The final words at the Discussion Chamber still rang in her ears as she stood sheltering under an oak, watching the downpour. Shops began closing for unknown time, and crops were destroyed when the farmers endeavored to steal from one another before they flew from the village. Fear was deep-seated and she had to chance to fix it overnight. People, her own people were losing faith in her skills.

The dwellers of Konoha were apparently questioning her governing abilities. It was the worst of fears that could happen to a leader and Tsunade Senju was deep in it. So grave was the situation that mere weather seemed suddenly of no account at all.

After god knows how much time, when the moon shone brightest on the black vaults of heaven, she started on her way back to the streets and walked doggedly in the drenching rain, paying less attention to it than if it had been mist. The water streamed from her ponytails, dripped down her back and neck, and splashed her with mud and grime from head to foot.

She was soaked to the skin. She hardly noticed it. Her village she made an oath to protect was in unspeakable danger and the chance to solve it without losing any more key shinobi were possibly altogether lost; her position and the reputation of her name were both insecure. How could mere weather matter?

Mental depression, great physical fatigue, weariness of life in general made her spirits droop alarmingly, so that almost she felt tired of living. Her tie with existence, at any rate, just then was dangerously weak but she endeavored to make one last attempt to refill her soul with joy and stand back up on her feet.

She sighed before she acted and a minute later her knuckles were softly knocking on the old wooden door. She was aware of the time. Of course she was, but she could not come sooner. There was simply no chance to make it here sooner.

The door opened after a few seconds and Kakashi's voice lingered about her. She judged from his look that he had just woken up, the thick grey locks tousled about his face, the eyes slanted like two perfectly shaped blades and those thin, finely sculpted lips moved only to whisper the shortest sounds out. "Tsuna…"

The sight of the shinobi stroke a light within the darkness of her spirit. "Can I come in?" Was all she could stutter and instead of further words expressed, the eyes exchanged their meaningful signals.

Kakashi stood away from the door and took her hand to pull her inside. Water of the rain hung about her like an invisible coat and he helped her unrobe before she caught cold. "What happened to you?" Kakashi asked gently and turned to grab a towel.

"It's been a long day…" She answered faintly, her face white as chalk, although her eyes now shone like golden crystals. "I don't know what I'm doing…But I want to be here now. Even if it's wrong, even if my existence seems wrong." And, though she said it lightly, there was a meaning in her voice he apparently chose to disregard.

"Here." Kakashi handed her a towel which she rolled around her bare body. "Kakashi tell me, am I fucking things up?" The direct question, spoken by those determined luscious lips, was impossible to ignore.

The grey crowned shinobi looked close into her face as he helped her drop her shoes off at last, which brought her a moment half into his arms. "Tsuna, you are simply too hard on yourself," he said with emphasis, "I'm glad you chose to come here, tho."

The pallor in her face, and a certain expression in it he had not known before startled him. "I think you have been overdoing your tasks," he added, with a tone in which authority and love were oddly mingled, neither of them disguised.

"Like yourself," she smiled softly, looking down at her bare feet. "Everything is my fault…All these deaths…"

As she said, she raised her eyes suddenly to his, with an expression that for an instant almost convinced him she had guessed the core of his kindness and care,—and the soul in him stood rigidly at attention, urging back the rising fires. The hair had dropped loosely round the pale neck.

Her faultless face was level with his shoulder. Even the tousled locks of hair and heavy pockets underneath her eyes could not make her undesirable. But behind the gaze of the deep golden eyes, another thing looked forth imperatively into his own. And he recognized it with a rush of affliction. "I haven't felt this way for years, Kakashi…" she whispered. "That same, consuming guilt I thought at length I have conquered."

"But you could not—…" he said equally low, "Shinobi die, Tsuna…That is our fate." He gladly adopted her syncopated speech, for it helped him in his struggle to subdue that other kind of rising fire.

For a second she hesitated. "You mean, that Asuma-san's death…Jiraiya's death…Weren't on me? That…locking myself in a room with you just to…scream and cry your name in joy I have never felt before—…"

He caught at her hand, unable to control himself, but dropped it again the same second, while she made as though she had not noticed, forgiving him with her eyes. "…—are two wholly different things?" she added slowly; "That I shan't feel that I have been neglecting my duties as a Hokage?"

And then he was certain that she had guessed not that he loved her above all else in the world, for that was so obvious that a child might know it. "Stay the night, all right? I'll make you warm soup and tea and whilst I do that, you take a warm shower."

She nodded and drew slightly closer to his side, as though unable to resist.

"What is happening to the world is something we do not yet understand completely," he added softly.

"Are you trying to exempt me?" she asked quickly, her face grave again.

It was his turn to hesitate for a moment.

The cold breeze from the kitchen's window stirred the hair about her neck, bringing its faint perfume to his nose.

He drew his breath in deeply, smothering back the torrent of rising words he knew were impermissible. "Help you," he said briefly. "As I previously said, you are punishing yourself for things out of your reach. You don't decide about life and death, Tsuna. Those people left on their own accord. No matter how awful it is to think about them. It doesn't matter how much you wish you could take it back, because there is nothing for you to change. You did not choose to leave for those missions. They did. Asuma was my friend. I never once blamed you. Jiraiya-sama would never blame you either, Tsuna. Now go and take a shower. You'll catch cold like this."

He finished the monologue with a kiss planted upon her forehead.

This time she took his hand in her own, pressed it very slightly, and then released it. "Okay…" And with that word spoken, she betook towards the bathroom.

Kakashi watched her disappear behind the sliding doors and sighed with the recognition of his feelings. They were much stronger than he thought. The realization fell upon him with a pang of actual physical pain. Slightly vexed, he headed to the kitchen and grabbed a kettle and filled it with water.

Whilst he waited for it to boil, he leaned out upon the narrow window-sill of his kitchen, into the quiet summer night. His deep-sunken thoughts, like to the crowding stars, stood still, yet forever took new shapes. He tried to see behind them, as, when a boy, he had tried to see behind the constellations—out into space—where there is nothing. "Oh Tsuna, Tsuna…" He leaned out farther to drink in the cool, sweet air. He then heard the water running, the other boiling on the stove, and the rain pouring outside ceased by the time the tea was ready.

"Do you feel better?" Kakashi asked softly and sat at the little table in the living room and poured some lavender tea to the woman.

"Yes…" She answered shortly and lifted the cup to her lips. She blew the hot nepenthe a little and took a sip. "I am sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" The shinobi did not understand her apology. After all, he saw nothing to be sorry about.

"About me being here, in the middle of the night, waking you up."

"Don't be ridiculous." Kakashi scoffed with a smile and poured himself some tea as well. "You should have come even sooner."

"I cannot stop thinking about it, you know?" The graveness in her voice returned whilst she resumed in speaking. "Too many people are dying. This is just too much. I am doing something very wrong here, Kakashi."

"You are not. The Elders are at your heels, Akatsuki is at your heels and above all that, and you are having friendship issues with everyone you know." Here, Kakashi took a little pause and lowered his voice a trifle.

"I remember Jiraiya-sama coming to check on me at the hospital after we were ambushed with Asuma. He was seemingly concerned about what had taken place there and inquired about Naruto, but he was not wholly honest. I had a slip of the tongue and by accident, I called you by your nickname. His face changed instantly and I felt my tongue in a knot as if having made a horrible mistake. Jiraiya-sama was in love with you, wasn't he? Do you feel remorse because you didn't return it?"

His directness did not surprise her. He hit the nail on the head, as they say. Tsunade straightened her back at the little table and for a short second glanced down at the pillow upon which she was sitting. "I do." She admitted and traveled her eyes back at him for reaction. "I feel like he was trying to escape from me. And he ran right into the enemy's trap."

"Even if that is the case, you could not have done anything differently, could you?"

"I guess not…." She sighed. "Perhaps…I could have asked him to stay…"

"The Jiraiya-sama I knew wouldn't have been convinced by that."

"I know…" She muttered, feeling her eyes hot and tired. There was no way she would cry in front of him. For one thing, she disdained to cry and for another, who would be such a fool to cry to her lover about another lover, even if it was merely one-sided? Her head ached dully and she placed the empty cup on the table.

He hesitated a little in his speech, unable to find the proper words that could compass even a fragment of his thought. "Akatsuki is a kind of threat we have never faced before. All your acts show that you are wishing to avoid a battle with innumerable losses, of which I am certain that it will happen. Your actions are not fierce or careless. And that is why, you have to know, that you are doing good. You think twice before you send anyone on a mission. You keep the village in control and under peace. People are faithful, even now. Get yourself together, Tsuna. Stop blaming yourself for every person's death. We are all meant to die anyway."

She paused, too, similarly hesitant before the surge of incomprehensible feelings. "I just don't know what to do about this devastating guilt, Kakashi." And it was then when all emotions so forcefully bottled up until now broke forth in the utterance of the last words. Her cry was like the cry of a sea that has broken through its gates and poured loose upon the world and she did not know how to control it.

A considerable pause followed, while, inside, her heart went quailing, crying for help, afraid. She tried hard to stop the ocean feelings, to return them to their cage again but there was nothing to do anymore; they were set free.

Kakashi, at first did not know how he was supposed to react; he was a man after all. It was not his nature to be emphatic, to feel and comprehend other's pain or joy. But Tsunade was different; for her he did endeavor to do so.

Uncertain about the rightness of his actions, he approached her cautiously and at length, with a warm but firm motion, the man pulled the woman into his own two arms and wrapped them around her frame as if he wished to shield her from every kind of pain. They sat there, on the ground at the little wooden table, Tsunade in Kakashi's embrace and minutes no one cared to count passed by.

"I'm here for you, Tsuna. Don't forget it."

The Moon's faint glory emanated through the window in the chamber and the wind's violent music gradually ceased. Outside the world grew quiet, so that the heavy drops of rain falling from the leaves could be heard. Still and dripping stood the army of trees. Their trunks gleamed wet and sparkling where the moon caught them. There was a strong smell of mold and fallen leaves. The air was sharp, heavy with odor.

The shinobi felt her nestle up to his chest and heard her utter the very phrase that for some time he had been dying in the secret places of his soul to utter to her. The sentence seemed to shake him within. He knew a hurried, passing moment of unspeakable joy that was utterly beyond him to reason. He could only whisper his answer as if afraid that the moment was but his heart's illusion. "I love you too, Tsuna."

But then, there came no response; the woman gradually fell asleep. The living room's carpeted floor proved comfortable for the couple, as Kakashi grabbed some blankets and pillows and eventually laid her there. He settled down to sleep by her side with an excitement in his blood that was new and bewilderingly delightful. He could not believe that she actually felt that way about him! And she told him, fearing not the moment.

However, he was certain that he did not see her happy. He realized then, that perhaps he had not said quite enough to comfort her. As he pondered, he was lying awake by her side, confused. He put his head up in the darkness. "Tsuna" he said softly, "Tomorrow we come up with a plan. I'll help if you want. Akatsuki will be defeated, I can feel it. I know it. So rest your heart now." And hearing no reply, he satisfied himself that she was already asleep.

They both woke when the sky was reddening before sunrise and cold dawn's breeze freshened the air in the chambers of the little home.

Tsunade was the first to rise and she gathered her long golden locks into a ponytail. She wrapped her delicious frame into Kakashi's yukata and tiptoed to the kitchen to make some coffee. A bird uttered its morning cry, and a duck family passed outside on the paved road, rushing towards the water.

"Morning, Tsuna." Kakashi's greeting sounded more of a groan than of actual sounds and she returned it with a smile.

"Morning Kakashi…"

"Oh, there's coffee?!"

"I cannot start my day without it." She admitted lopsidedly and handed him a mug of freshly brewed coffee. "I want to thank you for yesterday." Ventured the woman and looked up engagingly into his face, betraying a certain level of nervousness and eagerness in every gesture. "And…Thank you for…Uhm…For loving me. I would be lost without you."

Instead of uttering some awkward response, he took her chin between his fingers and lifted that beautiful mouth to his own. Their kiss was gentle and long, lingering in the moment a while, before he turned to take a sip from his morning coffee.

She also had a sudden difficulty in finding words with which to resume their conversation, but as she was too mesmerized with joy to think further, she shared the moment of having coffee together. Their morning, therefore, went by pleasantly, amidst stolen touches and gay smiles and none of them believed in happiness truer than this, love purer than their own.

They left the cozy little place dressed in their own uniforms and Kakashi headed to the Academy whilst Tsunade betook towards the office. His words still rang in her ears, as did her confession playing repeat in his mind. None of them could travel their focus away from the other and in that morning so rarely beautiful of all, it was not really necessary to do so.

At the office, Tsunade was glancing at her books, letters, newspapers. They had no interest now. Instead, she listened. The panorama of other journeys rolled in color through the little room, flying on one another's heels. Tsunade enjoyed this remembered essence of her adventurous life more than the adventures themselves.

If someone had asked her 30 years ago whether she would want to become a Hokage or not, she would not have even understood the question! Or, if she was told that true happiness was not by Dan's side, or Jiraiya's, but a morose shinobi almost 20 years younger than her, she would have laughed in the face of that person! What a nonsense life appeared to be, and perhaps that nonsenseness made it so peculiar and unique. Lost amidst those memories, she did not hear that the door opened and someone walked in. The clearing of the throat and loud coughing brought her back to the moment.

"What can I do for you, Lord Danzo?"

"We are a little concerned about your methods, Lady Hokage. The Council would like to know if you are still going to attend the meeting later this afternoon, in the Discussion Hall. We are eager to know what your plan is exactly if all of these casualties had been a part of your whatever…"

And she laughed in his face. That laugh perhaps was a mistake on her part. Its well-meant cheerfulness as if she heard a really dumb joke was possibly overdone. Even to herself, it did not ring quite nicely.

"How dare you?"

"I uh—…." She took a deep breath and her soft features stiffened in severity. "It slipped out I guess…And of course, I am going to be there. And, please, if I may ask, Lord Danzo, do not use plural. I am aware that the only person having trust issues with me from the Council is just you. The weekly reports I send are always precise in detail and meticulous in setting the right strategies for different battle styles. But even I am unable to see into the future and predict a third or fourth possibility. This is where I must rely on the skills and expertise of my shinobi. I cannot, no matter how deeply I wish, I cannot save everyone AND catch the enemy."

A contemptuous smirk flashed across the elder's face and she did not know where to put that reaction; her words were loud and clear, she felt proud, even. After all, she always did what the rules required, and put some extra effort into things, as well, because she was a conscientious woman and she liked that in herself. She cared about these people, Kakashi was right, she made no mistake. Why was he so confident, then?

"I need one more mistake from you, Senju. One little mistake and I will have my own cloak sewn, with the title of the Sixth Hokage."

Tsunade's was not a nature, anyhow, that could welcome a warning. She could not kneel. Upright and unflinching, she went to meet things as they came, reckless, unwise, but certainly not afraid. And this characteristic operated now as she spoke. "I will never let you rule over Konoha. If my life depends on it! If I have to kill you, with my own two hands, Danzo, I will never, ever let you hurt these people! Mark my words, you bastard, and get out of my office!"

 ** _Later that day, somewhere secret, outside…_**

 _How far someone goes to hold onto a love that is one sided? How far it is still within the frontier of sanity and rationality that someone holds onto faith? Is love life? Or is it death?_

For Rin Nohara, true love was worth it _all._ If love was as pure as the tears of saints and deep as the ocean, there should be no end to that kind of love. It was supposed to be endless, eternal, intangible, yet ambient, timeless, powerful. There was no end to her love, for _him_. There was no limit; not in sanity, not in rationality.

"Ah…You are so good…"

 _He_ was all she thought about; especially in this moment of mental loneliness, she realized more than ever before the profundity of her affection for this strange, fatherless, loveless man, and how she would give her whole soul if she could help him and teach him joy.

"Unh…Keep going…"

It was a real love that swept her, rooted in things deeper than she realized. But, before the right moment was given to her to confess, she had to reach the end of the path she had chosen, for the sole reason to be _his_.

"Obito-kun!" She moaned on her little cunning voice and resumed the pace he was so eager to dictate. Obito was not a bad lover; he knew how to moisten a cunt in a blink of an eye and his fingers did wonders between a woman's thighs.

Rin could not force herself to dislike the moment even if she tried to, but she did not try to resist; she let him conquer her as a man conquers a woman, and wrapped her graceful legs around his waist and sighed in joy when he thrust into her like a mad wolf raiding his prey.

Gosh, he was thick, and he was long, filling her untouched depths as no one before. He was unreserved in every motion and somewhat it was just what she had been craving for. Obito was a good lover; no, he was great. His kisses were enflamed with unearthly passion and his touch set her skin ablaze.

However…

 _He was not Kakashi._

All this time, she had kept herself to him; cherished and loved herself to him. But in that very moment of thought, someone else was taking what had originally belonged to him. It was not lovemaking to Rin, for there was no love she could have felt. It was a job, which, if it was done, paid well. Obito was eager like a teenage boy and he fucked her with such a pitiable zeal she could barely held her laughter.

With every thrust she satisfied herself with recollections of the most luscious nature about Kakashi, and each kisses of the Uchiha were clouded by fantasies about the Hatake. She inhaled his scent and could swear she felt the other's.

The thought of Kakashi catching her in the act slickened her cunt even more and she groaned at the thought of his anger exploding in a passionate romp with her. He would be wild, wouldn't he? Would he take her like Obito, or the shinobi would prefer impaling her from behind?

"Oh yes, Obito-kun…Almost there…" She cried and delved his little fingernails into the man's back. As she kissed his neck, she tasted the salty sweat covering his well-sculpted body. She did not let him come inside her; that was only allowed to Kakashi. After all, she would not bear someone else's child. Obito moaned his pleasure with his one last thrust and his bliss exploded upon her bosom. Rin's round little breasts glistened under the faint moonlight and the two struggled to catch their breaths.

She lay by his side for a few still moments, happy and peaceful in the bath of the elements—water, wind, sand, and the faint smile of the moon.

 _Little before sunset, they had hid at an abandoned, sandy patch and sat beside a fire Obito made, listening to the noises of the night around them, and talking happily of the memories of their childhood, and of dreams and feelings ahead._

 _The firelight was enough to see each other's faces by, and the sparks flew about overhead like fireworks. When the sun set and the sky darkened, something in Rin stirred and she enticed the Uchiha to things he had only dared to dream about._

Now, the wind was simply enjoying itself around them, for nothing rose out of the flat landscape to stop it, and she was conscious of sharing its great game with a kind of pleasurable excitement. Yet this novel emotion had nothing to do with the wind; it was the thought of the prize that shall soon follow her sacred self-sacrifice.

"Was it…? Uhm…Thank you, Rin-chan."

"Of course, Obito-kun…! It was amazing. I cannot tell you how much I have missed you."

"Really?"

"Really…It was hard, for a while. A long while. But even when time went by, I never forgot you and my feelings for you…"

If Obito was wholly honest with himself, the tone of voice was not wholly convincing to him in that moment, and her manner lacked something that was usually there. He noted the change instantly while she talked, though without being able to label it precisely. "I am glad…Because Rin-chan…I couldn't think of anything or anyone else but you." At length, his affection for her was greater than suspicion and he confessed with a boy's pure heart when it is mesmerized by Love's first touch.

He seemed to be in a good mood, and she knew that it would be a mistake to let it pass; "Tell me, Obito-kun…When are we going to make Kakashi pay for what he'd done to us?"

"Uh…." He was not altogether pleased to recognize that slight change in her again, and instead of immediately responding, he took his time to phrase his thoughts with care. "I have to leave tomorrow, not for long. But Kakashi will be involved in what's to come."

"Can you be more specific?"

"Rin-chan, you do know that I cannot say anything about my job…Not now…Not yet."

"But…" She did not like him being secretive. He had no power over her, but it was her charms that dictated the steps. "I gave myself to you just now! I have given myself to you, Obito-kun and you do not trust me?" She gasped and tears wetted her lovely eyes. She was an amazing actress, even her father told her once, when she wouldn't accept not having that lollipop she so madly wanted. "You were my first. See, even that I could have done it with any other man I never did because all I wanted was you! You are selfish just like Kakashi!"

"Rin-chan, please, calm down...I'm sorry…I am not like Kakashi, okay? I would never hurt you, Rin-chan. Tomorrow, Konoha shall be destroyed." The desire to be alone had come suddenly upon him; his former dread of Rin merely playing him like a puppet returned in force; there was this vague feeling in him he wished to avoid and so he did his best to numb it.

"Konoha?" She asked, surely unaware of the war in the man's heart.

"Yes. Everything and everyone in it. Including Kakashi and the Hokage." Obito then sat up and gazed across the waste of wild waters; he watched the whispering willows on the shore; he heard the ceaseless beating of the tireless wind; and, one and all, each in its own way, stirred in him this sensation of a strange distress. "Rin-chan…"

"Yes, Obito-kun?" She sat up and wrapped her cloak around her body.

"Do you really love me?" Strange thoughts like these, bizarre fancies, borne he knew not whence, found lodgment in his mind as he sat, looking at her.

Rin did not half like being questioned, not in feelings, not in thoughts. The indignation was well tangible in her voice as she pronounced; "How can you question my feelings for you after now?"

"I need to know, Rin-chan. I need you to be honest with me. Do you really love me? Is it really me who you love?"

 _"_ _How far someone goes to hold onto a love that is one-sided? How far it is still within the frontier of sanity and rationality until someone is ought to hold onto faith? Is love life? Or is it death?"_

"Of course, Obito-kun…Who else would it be? I love you…"

Her words might have been spoken by mischief, or by someone who peered at them from within the night, yet the fanciful phrase was better than any he could ever find. From the immeasurable space of time and distance where men's hearts vainly seek to plumb, it drew into closer perspective a certain meaning that words may hardly compass, a formidable truth that belongs to that deep place where hope and doubt fight their incessant battle. The words she spoke were the words of immortality, of belonging to something that is endless and beginningless, that is love. Love…At length, it seemed, he was worthy of love too…


	12. Life Starts Now

_**"There have been times when I was a man, other times a woman, as well as something not of this world." - Orochimaru**_

* * *

In that ominous day no one shall forget, the morning air was clear and the sun shone brightly. The pale blue sky was cloudless but no birds embroidered the vast, endless canvas.

For some little time Kakashi stood and stared outside the classroom's window, — once a shinobi relentlessly disdaining the essence of life, now a sensei of three wayward youngsters, making his heart beat only afflicted tunes of worry for them.

"Kakashi-sama…" Iruka patted the other's shoulder gently and waited patiently for him to reply.

"I am sorry…I wandered off." Kakashi apologized and turned his gaze away from the motionless sky. "What am I supposed to say exactly?" He took a glance at the classroom; twenty pair of little curious eyes aimed right at him.

"Just tell them why it is important to wear helmet while running in the woods…You know, the new regulations for chuunin…"

"Ah." He nodded, having but the slightest of idea about the new regulations.

All morning he felt a spectral change in the air, as if the laws of earth were bowing to greater laws; for though the sky was lifeless than ever, the path to the Academy was now grown fearsomely far, and the crowd on the streets proved scarce an obstacle, whilst usually they'd be a good reason for stalling him. The light of the sun had strangely failed, and the flowery scent in the air seemed to ting with decay.

Something was not right. He must find Tsunade after class, he thought, before he returned to the moment.

"Well, kids…" Kakashi cleared his throat and took a step closer towards their desks. "To be honest, my team never wore helmet whenever scattering in the forest." For five seconds, perhaps for ten, he hesitated; "But it is very important that you do it now. You see, I am sure accidents can be —…"

He was cut short by a student. "Kakashi-sensei, where is Sasuke-sama?"

"Well, that is a nice question."

Iruka sighed, knowing it was the end of his career. "Children, let's stick to our subject, okay?"

"Are we really in danger, Iruka-sensei?"

"What are you talking about?"

The room was suddenly deafened by the thundering voice of twenty eager children. They seemed to compete in outshouting one another; curiosity was at its peak and the majority of questions concentrated around the current state of Konoha. A young heart was not an ignorant one.

"Will the Akatsuki kill us?"

"Will Lady Hokage save my family?"

"Is Sasuke-sama evil?"

"Is Naruto-sama really the Jinchuuriki?"

"Children, please sit back down!" Iruka raised his tone as much as his kind nature permitted and the noise decreased a little.

"Yes, we are expecting the Akatsuki to attack us. Today." Kakashi spoke as if he was reading the morning paper. The students murmured. "There is no need to panic. The village has a proper evacuation plan. We are expecting only one member anyway, nothing we cannot handle."

"Where is Naruto-sama?"

"He is still training, but shall be back from Mount Myouboku once we require. Please do not be afraid, everything is all right." His thoughts, for some reason, ran on death as he spoke. There was a touch of an impending doom in his voice, and in his eyes, moreover, though veiled a little, a trifle deeper down, the same blaze one can notice when awaiting for war could be perceived. Iruka saw it and alarm descended on him. Kakashi was undeniably lying about things being all right.

"Give us a minute, children!" Said the scarred shinobi and dragged the other outside of the classroom. "You are hiding something, Kakashi."

"I swear am not!"

"Then what's up with your behavior? I swear you looked like you were lying."

"I wasn't…" Kakashi's voice lowered. "I just have this bad feeling…A hunch…"

"A hunch? About what?"

"I think we are unprepared. I can't believe that only one member would attack us. Jiraiya-sama's message, _"the real one isn't among them."…_ We are missing something here and that lack of knowledge is going to be our undoing." Kakashi could hardly finish uttering the portentous truth, as something outside was already unfolding.

"Kakashi…" Iruka suddenly cut him short. He turned his head towards the large hallway's window and then, with awful suddenness, mere feelings dipped away, and something concrete happened.

"Oh fuck…"

And first, at the sight, something of common fear did grip them both, as though their hearts had missed a beat, but on the instant they heard a blast and right after children's cries, all that shock had turned into a sense of duty to protect them.

Panic terror descended on the village within seconds and people shook all over, victims shrieked for help and others ran wild, trying to escape. A fog swirled slowly round them, driven by a heavy movement of its own, for of course there was no wind. It hung in poisonous thick coils and loops; it rose and sank; no light penetrated it from the forest and from the sea, though here and there some big shop window shed a glimmering patch upon its ever-shifting curtain. It seemed as even gods wished to turn their gaze away from Konohagakure and wrap it in death.

And the unexpected fog now followed these instructions of the gods and clutched the dwellers in its inescapable fort.

Kakashi's confusion and bewilderment increased with dangerous rapidity as he rushed down the stairs with four children at his side. Panic was not far away from them. They reached down to the street and he patted their backs to shake some courage in their little bodies. "Keep running forward! The hospital is at the end of the road and behind it you can hide at the evacuation center! Go! Don't look back!"

For five seconds that seemed fifty, Kakashi weighed the gravity of the horror and an inner trembling came over him, and he made a strong effort to hold himself in hand and to be ready for anything that might come.

The dwellers seemed like rats in a trap, unable to escape from what had come upon them. He shot his gaze at the Academy's roof then, and saw the Hokage's figure with that of the Akatsuki leader's.

For more than a second, as though struck in stone, the two faces gazed silently at each other: hers, for all the dreadful emotion in it, and his, pale and wrinkled with an expression that was more dread than alarm. She looked down; he looked up. It was a painting in a nightmare. _"_ _Please, stay alive."_ Kakashi thought and riveted his gaze away.

Konoha had rapidly become pandemonium and men screamed and howled in fright at the sinister beings the Paths had aroused. In that moment, it seemed as if all the hidden terrors and monstrosities of earth had become articulate in an effort to overwhelm the human race. Nameless, voiceless monsters accompanied the Paths' every step, staring with glassy orbs that looked loathsomely around. People begged for mercy and others ran to their deaths without further thinking, and it seemed the more carnage was the result of displeasure.

"Tell me where the Jinchuuriki is!"

Kakashi heard one of the demons shout. Nearly mad, he found himself running towards the sound in a second, forgetting his own terror for the moment. "No one in this village will tell you about Naruto!"

His arrival seemed to draw a pleased smile on the enemy's face. He dropped the lifeless body onto the ground and turned to the shinobi's direction. "You'll tell me then."

"I said no one will."

The Path burst in laughter and a moment later, his jaw dropped to the ground. From the mouth, even more monstrosities poured out, flinging their gigantic scaly arms at the shinobi. Kakashi rushed upwards to strike one of them with a lightning-charged punch and slammed the nightmarish devils to the ground with a hammerfist. One after another they kept crawling out of their master's mouth and they seemed a nightmare horde of rushing devils; hate-distorted, grotesquely mangled, half-transparent; monsters of a race no man might mistake, crawling reptiles of the damned.

Kakashi did not look around himself anymore, even though he could have; the sight of blood and death, amid conditions often ghastly and even monstrous, was no new thing to him, but to see the life he was beginning to grow fond of fall apart so effortlessly, filled him with an inner shock.

"Ruining this place will get you nowhere, bastards!" Kakashi shouted at the Path, standing only but a few meters away. The Path itself appeared to be a hell-born demon, for it possessed six unnaturally long, dreadful arms and a giant, deadly blade pierced out of its back.

The fiendish being merely laughed and in that moment, the shinobi flew at him, but the Path's head revealed a cannon, which shot him hard against a house's wall. Kakashi leaned against the wall breathless, panting, his heart beating painfully when a familiar sound gave him comfort.

"We have tried everything before you showed up. There's more of him, I saw them." Chouza Akimichi appeared by the shinobi's side along with two other allies.

"He is halting me with those demons pouring from his mouth. I cannot get close to him." The grey-crowned concluded and wiped some blood off his chin.

"We will take care of these reptilian things, then." The elder nodded whilst he glanced around.

"I'll teleport myself to him. If I succeed, this cloaked bastard should be destroyed by an electric orb."

"I've never seen you use such techniques."

"Because I never did. I just suddenly know that I can do them." Kakashi had no time to question his own powers, nor did the other three. Time was lost with each second passing and they needed to do something. _Now._

His allies did as they agreed upon; Chouza used his Human Bullet Tank technique to pulverize the enemy, whilst Kakashi vanished and reappeared right in front of the Path. With a rapid, forceful motion he smashed an electric orb down the Path's throat and the fury of the thunder's blast was infernal, and the voices of reptilian demons were hideous with the viciousness of desolate eternities.

"We did it…" Kakashi's lips were drawn to a relieved smile as he looked at his comrades. The joy, however did not last any longer. Chouza's ghastly pallor, the bright, frightened eyes that stared with a kind of dazed bewilderment into his own, the dreadfulness, above all, arrested his speech midway and he turned his head to witness the rebirth of the demoniac enemy. "No way…" He was more than startled. The air of distress and pain stirred a peculiar anguish in him. For a moment he made no motion.

And the earth began to tremble. The two comrades of Chouza were suddenly drawn to the open jaw of the beast and they had no time to utter a horrible scream; their decapitated bodies fell on the ground.

"We cannot parry this kind of power." Chouza mumbled on in shocking ecstasy and the expression on his hairy, pale face became indescribable, but his voice sank rather than mounted.

"Behind you, Chouza-sama!"

Kakashi's sensations can scarcely be recorded. All the terror he had dimly felt before rushed upon him actively and vividly, and he knew that he loathed the abhorrent creatures so near him with an infinite intensity.

Kakashi heard the low voice with pain in every syllable; the Akimichi clan leader's best attempt proved futile; for another cloaked monster showed up and with forces not of this world, simply pulled the elder shinobi into the Asura Path's arms.

He raised up the victim then dropped Chouza on his knee, breaking his spine. Merciless as the Path was, he then grabbed him by the head and slammed the shinobi to the ground like someone throwing a piece of paper away.

"Who the hell are you people?" Was all Kakashi could mumble.

"The Six Paths of Pain." Came the monotonous answer from the two. "And now, this place shall know Pain."

Everything seemed to have gone amiss, and triumph faded into a mere fantasy. The wind grew all at once strong, and the air was filled with the lethal, charnel odor of carnage. Suddenly there came another burst of that acute shock with its shuddering, icy grip and halted the shinobi in further reaction. The earth trembled beneath his feet and the rocks and trees and all that was once alive was crushed under the grip of unknown gods.

And as the wind died away, he felt as if he was plunged into the blackness of earth's bowels; for instead of that once prosperous little village with its cunning paved streets, flowery meadows and leafy woods, there faced him a terrible necropolis with blood flowing underneath his feet.

"No!" In the chaos of the devastated land Kakashi clawed and floundered helplessly until raindrops on his head steadied him and he sought the sight of buildings still standing, searched for dwellers alive. His brain was as great a chaos as the earth and the sight of lifeless little snails foretold him truths unbearable to conceive. "No…No…"

He heard the soul-annihilating cries of the survivors, and the fiendish mockery of laughter of the Six Paths. And as he ran wildly towards his end, he saw, although he did not believe, the red glow of chakra and yellow hair and he knew that there was still hope.

"Naruto!" Kakashi yelled as he hurried to him with unfaltering worry. He felt utterly sick and faint with it all, and his strength was ebbing.

"Kakashi-sensei!" The boy, now almost a man, stood not so far from him. In front of them the Paths lined up and one stood a little closer.

"Get away from them Naruto!"

"You have no business here, Kakashi of the Sharingan." The one with red head spoke and Kakashi was thrown against a rock.

He wiped the blood off his forehead and fell upon his knees, but he did not give up. "What is—…Why—…? Everyone…"

"Is dead. Yes." The Deva Path answered again. "You thought you were the only ones who matter. You thought you can put off death…But peace has made you foolish and thoughtless. If you kill someone, someone else will kill you."

"And who do you think you are?"

"The god who will restore order."

"You are just a bunch of terrorists destroying the stability our forefathers worked for!"

The Deva Path neglected an answer and turned to Naruto instead. "The embers of war are already smoldering. And we will control the war. If you cooperate, I promise to keep your friends safe."

"Look at what you've done! How can you call this peace?" Naruto's heart revolted.

"Your death will lead to peace. Come quietly."

"Can't you see you have done enough? You can't see the forest for the trees. You don't understand the meaning of peace!"

"I believe it means that we will have to kill you, now." The Deva Path concluded apathetically and instantly, in a flash, the entire scene rushed through Kakashi's mind like lightning; they were absurdly outnumbered and Naruto's soul was too harbored to have full concentration.

Hinata's body was but 30 meters away from them and everyone ever dear to him was now but a memory. He couldn't ask him to remain calm. He can't request him to give it a moment's thought before they come up with a useable strategy. No, Naruto was at the end of his rationality, just like Kakashi was.

The wind swept across the field on their right and entered the wood beyond with a great roar, and the air round him seemed filled with voices of the pandemonium.

The shinobi knew quite well what was coming, but was unable even to close his eyes. He felt all the fearful pains himself just as though he was actually the sufferer; but now, as he stared, he felt something more besides; and when the Paths deliberately flung themselves at the Uzumaki boy, unable longer to control himself, he uttered a wild shriek and dashed forward to seize the torturers and tear them apart.

Suddenly, the entire scene vanished in front of his eyes and maddening bolts of lightning rushed into him from above, and he felt himself lifted off his feet by some force like a great thunder and borne swiftly away into another space.

The wind came crying out of the wood again.

"I will strip the flesh off your bones!" Kakashi was wholly different than a minute ago; unknown powers had taken possession of him, or perhaps it was him finally claiming his true powers. The shinobi's muscular frame was now covered in white linen robes upon which a dark blue vest with golden seams appeared. Underneath the clothes, a grey leather mask hid the lower part of his face and the thick silver crown was tamed by a Chinese straw hat. His dark eyes glowed with lightning energy and about his whole being pale blue electricity danced and crackled. His blood boiled. It was now utterly impossible to keep the idea of vengeance altogether out of his mind.

"What is this?" Certain as it was, the Paths had but the slightest of comprehension about the moment.

"Find whoever is commanding these puppets, Naruto! I'll hold them off." Kakashi's features were savage with rage and in the bright blue glow that fell upon them he looked like a very prince of thunder. No words were uttered anymore; Naruto got back on his feet and gathered the remains of his chakra whilst Kakashi summoned his staff.

Bolts of electricity ran down onto the ground and sent powerful hits through the cracks of earth. The Paths shouted in agony as the heavy bolts blew each of their legs off. Kakashi summoned a stream of unwholesome lightning and joined it with Naruto's Rasen Shuriken to electrocute everyone in their way. Recurrent sheet lightning illumed the tumbled ground and there was now something in the chaos to show their place of egress from the lethal catacombs of Destruction. Gods know how many there were—there must have been hundreds. To see the stream of these demons in that faint, intermittent lightning sent Kakashi's blood running with ecstasy. _Justice is not satisfied till all have reaped what they sowed._

Shrieking, slithering, torrential shadows of madness fighting together under the endless, ensanguined sky…Formless phantasms pouring from the Paths and kaleidoscopic mutations of this ghoulish, unspeakable scene… Insane lightning over malignant walls and demoniac ruins choked with fungous vegetation… The frightful scene, however, vanished as suddenly as it came and the peaceful village that slept under the calm stars of clearing skies once again returned to life along with its dwellers.

"You did it, Naruto…You did it…" The silent words escaped from Kakashi's mouth with invisible drops of joy glistening in those deep dark eyes. The shinobi was breathless, panting on his knees and the slashed, broken bones in his hands were eagerly grasping the beloved soil of his home. The torrents of blood dried up and there were no remnants of the carnage; people were alive. Chouza was alive. His comrades lived too. Hinata, Sakura…Naruto…

"Kakashi-sensei!"

The sound of his approaching, wild, careless running filled the shinobi with immeasurable joy. "Naruto!" He was pulled on his knees and with that very motion, Kakashi wrapped his arms around the boy. "I am proud of you, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Thanks Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto looked at him with astonishment and he noticed and remembered that there was a change in his mentor, a force; more passion was present in his enthusiasm, wilder color in the voice, a new quality in his manner. The ingredients were not mixed quite as of old. He wished to bother him with questions about their fight against the Paths and Pain, but people were rapidly gathering around the two and Naruto was hailed a hero.

People began to make camps amongst the fallen stones and ruins. A hurried movement ran through the merry party, and the women were on their ways quickly to help gathering those of injured. Everyone who needed their wounds tended was taken to the hospital's only useable wing, the east wing. The boys cried on merry tones; the thud of sticks was heard; they gathered wood sticks to make fire at the tents or those luckier; at home.

A colossal splendor stole upon the hearts, and the senses, unaccustomed to the unusual stretch of Nature, reeled a little, as though the wonder was more than could be faced with comfort. The village must be rebuilt, there was no doubt, but for the rest of today, all that mattered was one another.

"Do you know where do I find the Hokage?" Kakashi inquired from Inoichi who was carrying wooden slabs towards his old home.

"I think I saw Shizune-sama at the west wing of the hospital. You should ask her." He stopped on his way and straightened his posture while giving him a reply.

"Thank you, Inoichi-sama."

Inoichi nodded and continued on his way whilst Kakashi betook with ever hurried steps.

It was in the soft glow of late afternoon that he entered the hospital's west wing. This part of the hospital suffered the most damage during the attack; there was only one chamber with a sloping wall, dimly lit by rays which the every-day eye cannot see. The far corners were all shadows and the whole place took on a hazy unreality which obscured its nature and invited the imagination to mystery.

"Uh…Hello? Is anyone here?" Kakashi was silent for a second and waited for an answer which he at first thought impossible. From outside, the golden moonlight, the shadowy moving forms of toiling people and above all the shrill monotonous whistling of broken pipes of the building produced an effect which made him utterly uncomfortable.

"Be quiet, if I may ask." Not long after came a voice from the blackness of the chamber. Shizune's form became visible as she stepped under the faint light. She beckoned him to come closer and pulled a tray of surgical tools and other medical equipment out from the shadows.

"I need to know if the Hokage is all right…" He looked hard at her a moment, signs of trouble showing themselves faintly in his scarred, interesting face. He wanted to say more than he could bring himself to confess. He hesitated. "Did you bring her here?"

"Tsuna has exhausted her powers. She won't wake up for a while. The Elders don't need to see her now, in my opinion." Her voice was significant and suggestive as she continued. "And besides, you should have that one checked." She said and lifted a finger at the wound upon the shinobi's chest. If she had judged by its look, she could have considered the injury harmless. However, if she wanted to be thorough, there could be no doubt about the wound being way too deep to leave it untended.

"Ah…I guess….Yeah." Kakashi was too perplexed to care about such nuisance; Tsunade was unconscious and the village was almost utterly destroyed. Above all that, he needed to speak with Naruto, as the look within his eyes merely afflicted his sensei even more. No one must know about what he had done. No one.

Shizune noticed the harboring thoughts of the man as it rapidly engulfed his whole demeanor. "Please take off your shirt." She took some antiseptic and a cloth and gently began to tend the wound once the man's chest was bare.

"What did they tell you, Sh—…" The sentence was cut in half however, when in that ever so little moment of clear thinking, Kakashi sensed what he was supposed to sense long-long minutes ago. He clutched his fingers around the woman's wrist swiftly and tight enough to give a silent command to motionlessness. His deep dark eyes were instantly averted at her face and they stung at her like two sharp katana.

Shizune did not hiss; she smiled. But that smile was not hers; oh no, it was that devilishly cunning little smile shinobi like Kakashi would recognize from thousands of miles. "I can tell you what I know, but you must keep up our act, Kakashi-kun. And that means your fingers off my wrist." Her words found no defiance and the shinobi did as he was told.

"Better." Shizune chuckled with a little mischief tainting her voice and began to stitch the man's wound. "Danzo is already promoting himself to the Hokage's title. Once Tsuna wakes up, most certainly she will be questioned. He wants a trial."

This puzzled him. It startled him, too, again. Shizune's manner was so earnest. "Trial for what?" Kakashi asked. The strange idea unsettled his thoughts a little.

Shizune glanced down at the wound as she replied. "Danzo is blaming her for the current state of Konoha."

"But that's bullshit."

"Of course it is bullshit, but that bastard has been going insane with the desire to get the freaking seat. He stops at nothing."

"You make me believe you hate him too."

"Of course I do, Kakashi-kun." Shizune chuckled and put a bandage over the stitches. "You can dress back up now."

"So why did you kill The Third, instead of him?"

"Let's not go there right now." She took a moment's pause, moving her eyes from his face towards the window. Her visage turned a little more serious as she resumed. "I had my motives. That old man was no better than Danzo. That's actually one reason why you are so worried about Naruto-kun."

"Why are you here? What do you want?" He asked and Kakashi finished buttoning the shirt. He would throw it out later; the garment was too heavily torn all over.

"Then again, I have my reasons." She smirked and gently led the shinobi out of the chamber. They stopped at the entrance of the wing where the firelights could not reach. "Listen to me, Kakashi-kun. We need to talk about your little accident during the attack. Naruto saw it. Danzo did too."

Kakashi felt a lump in his throat; he was overwhelmed with anxiety and confusion, the last threads of rationality oozing with wrath. "I lost control."

"I could see that."

"You are asking like you know what had happened…"

"Because I do." Her tone dropped and she continued. "Your father possessed such power before, and before him so did your grand-father. The powers of the Keepers are inherited until the Final Battle comes and the body is relieved from the burden."

"I have no idea what you're saying, Serpent."

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. "How about we sit down somewhere and talk? Tsuna is safe here, I made sure about it."

Kakashi nodded and the two betook towards the only bar left standing; Yakiniku Q. The place was crowded compared to its usual amount of visitors, but today was not a day like any other; Konoha was destroyed, and was left without a leader for now.

They sat at the last free table at the end of the bar and ordered a large bottle of sake. They downed the first two shots as if it was water and only then the Serpent resumed. "The shinobi's powers are not of this Realm."

"Realm?"

"Kingdoms…Planets." He nodded and drank again. "Every little planet is a creation of its own powers and magic. Earthrealm is ours. We are the Keepers of it."

"Who is 'we'?" Kakashi needed another shot.

"There are ten Keepers of this Realm. We descend in times of danger. The number of us here, on the land, depends on the gravity of this danger, which is, as you can see, quite tangible."

Her eyes, so steadily holding his, were lit, yet they were calm and sane as those of a doctor discussing the symptoms of that daily battle to which humanity all finally succumb. Orochimaru was not lying.

"You are bullshitting me, aren't you?"

"No, Kakashi-kun." She shook her head and resumed. "The shinobi's power was brought here from another Realm, far away from us. The clan that brought it wears the name Ōtsutsuki. There was a tree here, a tree with power no one can imagine. They sought this power and arrived on Earthrealm." She went on, seeing that he listened. "One of the clan members took control of the nations of our land. She, Kaguya, was regarded with fear, and was unjust to those the Keepers protect, thus mortals. Her sons freed humanity from her evil grasp and whilst one later took leadership of the Ōtsutsuki clan and departed to the Moonrealm, the other brother remained on Earthrealm in order to spread chakra to humanity and teach them the concept of ninshū."

Orochimaru spoke almost as though it obliterated the Present. Kakashi couldn't decide whether it astonished or repelled him. "I don't see you someone wanting to take care of people, Serpent."

Shizune laughed. The fine nepenthe's power slowly spread in his mind and lit up the nerves with carelessness. "I am not exactly a type like you, Kakashi-kun. Keepers differ in task and power. You have the control of lightning. You are Lightning, Kakashi-kun. What happened to you was nothing else, but finally gaining complete possession of it. Keepers are not gods. Just…Entities who descend to help and die while protecting this realm."

The Serpent ordered another bottle whilst the other was lost in thinking. He went on. "Danzo, and the rest are wholly unaware of it and it must stay that way. We are _not_ here to live; we are here to do what we are meant to do."

What came over his mind was hard to say. Some touch of visionary imagination burned its flaming path across his mind. Kakashi was beginning to believe him. The attack at the forest when scouting with Asuma, the knowledge he had no remembrance of learning about…The natural effortlessness in using Lightning to his own advantage…It all made sense now. "What do _you_ do, then?" Kakashi downed his fifth shot as for a brief second he forgot who he truly was; identity slipped from him.

"I don't protect people while alive. My task is with the dead."

"A necromancer…" A pause followed which permitted him to reflect and, incidentally, to watch the magnificence of the sunset; and the thing Orochimaru had said returned upon him with insistent power, ringing like distant bells within his mind. " _We are not here to live; we are here to do what we are meant to do. We are not here to live…"_

"Indeed." Orochimaru replied.

"So what, were you waiting for Tsuna to die as well so you can do whatever you had planned?" Driven out of calmness, the thought of the woman he loved rapidly enflamed the blood in his veins. The more he thought about any harm coming to her way made him boil with rage. "And anyway, how come you call her like that?" Kakashi's voice must have been raised, for the people around stopped to glare at the drunken shinobi screaming at a "woman".

"I suggest you lower your voice, dear." Shizune chuckled and leaned closer to him. "Tsuna is the last person I wish to see dead. Danzo will most likely want to get rid of her once and for all. I must stop that."

"…Are you friends?" Kakashi was confused but he could not tell whether it was the alcohol benumbing his brain or that a new nature of fear lurked behind every word he uttered. Could he be… _Jealous?_

"It is hard not to love that woman, isn't it?"

This left an acute unpleasantness in him, a sense of bewilderment greater than before. "You avoided a clear answer, Serpent." The shinobi pressed further.

"You need to learn to control your powers, Kakashi-kun."

"Don't 'kun' me." He retorted.

"I am literally centuries older than you, Kakashi-kun. And we only have time to get you used to the truth about the world and about what you are. Your father was in denial until his last breath. Sakumo-sama despised what he was, and therefore, before he could have made use of it and saved more people, he died. Danzo loathes being weaker than others. He did not help Konoha today. He prayed to see it perish."

"So what is your big plan,then?"

"Nothing. We _can'_ t have a plan. We don't lead this land, humanity does. We must interfere, however, if their future is in danger, as today. We have to see how the war unfolds, because there will be war, Pain was right. You can't say a word to Tsuna or to anyone, however. You can't change your behavior either, even though you were never really yourself, until now."

"Sometimes I disdain you a little less." Kakashi admitted and sighed with the recognition. To numb his thoughts, he drank again and the stomach burnt with the sole filler inside it. There had been hours since he last ate.

"I don't need your sympathy. We have never been friends, not here, not above."

"Good." Kakashi emptied the glass he was holding and dropped it at the table. "We are done, I believe." He said and stood up, glowering at the other with vexation.

"Indeed, Kakashi-kun." Shizune agreed and rose from the table and paid for the drinks.

They walked under the bodeful moonlight and under the starless sky.

The queer words uttered not so long ago seized the shinobi; they remained hanging about his mind until the point he needed insight. "You know a lot about her, don't you?"

"I do. Why?" Shizune cocked a brow as they walked.

"In my eyes you are a worthless piece of a villain, Orochimaru. I can't understand thus, why would you ever do any good to someone? Or was it an act to turn to your own advantage?"

"Listen to me, Kakashi-kun. Good and bad don't exist. Everything is merely a matter of perspective. Universal labeling helps ordinary minds get along in this world. Rules are important, it is true. But what you do with it depends solely on your own little view of the world." Shizune looked at the man walking beside him. The air was chilly.

"I did only little for Tsuna, so your words lead me to assume you had a specific moment in mind. And that, my friend was not a good deed. Anyone would have done it. Jiraiya would have given anything to be the hero, saving little Tsuna from her demented father. Disgusting abomination."

Kakashi nodded but did not utter anything further, and the Serpent meanwhile remained observant of the man by his side. A minute later, as if a thought struck him curious, he asked; "She is still not over it, is she?"

"No." The shinobi shook his head lightly.

"Too bad." Shizune sighed and for a moment the Serpent's heart ached. "Danzo knows about the Senju's secret. Ijeharu's assault was reported, even though Tobirama-sama got rid of the papers at the Investigation Office. I suggest you keep an eye on him. Danzo is better at mentally destroying his enemies, but I am sure you already know that." Here he paused and finished his monologue with a smile. "Although you did get out of Root Division. Kudos, Kakashi-kun."

Kakashi growled but let it go. "Will I find you as Shizune-sama tomorrow too?"

"Perhaps you won't find me at all, Kakashi-kun." Orochimaru chuckled. She paused, smiling with something between pity and contempt Kakashi did not quite appreciate. "Depends on my mood. Goodbye."


	13. Stare

**_"_** ** _Oculum pro oculo, dentem pro dente."_**

 ** _Warning: Implicit sexual abuse._**

 ** _Credits for Calendar's structure go to Bethesda game The Elder Scrolls_**

* * *

A shrill gasp escaped from the dead-pale lips and the lusterless eyes shot open the instant consciousness had returned to her. She looked like a lifeless doll, aided by strings to seem alive. The shrunken mouth parted for words, but the Serpent was faster; there was no time to explain the situation; if they didn't hurry, Danzo would become the new Hokage.

They parted from the hospital's wing just in time before the Council's meeting.

Kakashi had been summoned in front of the Council beforehand and his glances fell upon the faces all around him; Danzo's demeanor was troublingly demure it made him frown with suspicion. He folded his arms, feeling utterly uncomfortable. "What the hell…" He murmured to himself and leaned his back against the wall. It was cold like his mood.

The Feudal Lord arrived a few minutes before the meeting's setout.

Usually, the chamber did not really differ from any other ones at the Residence, but for the Feudal Lord's arrival, the evident design had been to dazzle and astound. Precisely at six, when the bells returned to silence and the sun was barely waking, the discussion about Konoha's future started.

Kakashi's eyes wandered from object to object, and rested upon none. He was becoming utterly bored amidst the grotesquely embellished walls and the useless sculptures about useless victories. He was about to excuse himself when the creaky door suddenly opened and his heart skipped one beat.

"Sorry, I am here…" Tsunade entered. Her entire physiognomy was interestingly saturnine, even cadaverously pale. She wore a green kimono wrapped with a golden belt around her waist and her long golden hair hung about her face.

Every shadow of angst faded instantly from Kakashi's countenance and worry conquered his mind. _"Tsuna…What on earth…"_ He whispered, only to himself.

She was cordially conducted to a free seat by one of the servants and the woman bowed in expression of respect.

"Lady Hokage! You are awake!" Spoke Koharu Utatane. She was the eldest member of the Council, a woman of age 75. She had a little upturned nose, sharp eyes, a narrow mouth and she never grinned as if to wishing to conceal the few remaining teeth. Nonetheless, she had the warmest of hearts amongst the three.

Homura was sitting steadily in his accustomed arm-chair, and was the embodiment of respectful attention. He wore spectacles during important discussions and whenever boredom choked at his throat, he would take them off and rub the eyes languidly.

Fronting Tsunade, the Feudal Lord took a seat. He was situated a singularly stiff-looking person, who was dressed in somewhat uniquely unaccommodating habiliments. With his arms folded, he seemed to pride himself much upon every inch of his personal appearance, but took even more delight in calling attention to his yellow-colored hat.

The rays of the newly risen sun poured in upon the whole, through windows.

"You look like death, Tsunade." Danzo spat those words like venom. There was a triumphant smile in his eyes which sickened the former Kage.

She took a deep breath to shake off the unwelcome sensation and did her best to remain polite. "Lady Hokage to you too, Lord Danzo."

"Not anymore. We were in the middle of discussing something very important." He replied and resumed upon making sure everyone was sat at the round table.

Shizune and Kakashi stayed behind their Kage for the rest of the meeting.

"Today, as the Feudal Lord has blessed us with his presence, we must decide upon the name of the new Hokage."

"There is no need for a new one, I am here. I am not invisible." She retorted like a drunken vagabond.

"I advise you hold your sarcastic comments in the presence of higher ranking people." Homura warned.

For several seconds, although they all looked her full in the face, she said nothing. Then, with a gulp at the throat, she at length uttered the following; "I apologize."

"You may be here, Tsunade, but that doesn't mean you are competent in this matter. As we had seen, you failed to protect Konohagakure against the Akatsuki's attack."

Tsunade spoke with all the truthfulness of her nature for she had always been worrying intently over her people's safety. "I did everything we could have done in this situation. We were taken by surprise; nobody assumed more than one of the Akatsuki, let alone someone as powerful as Nagato."

"We had previously acquired one body of Pain before this accident. It is merely your laggardness that led us here." In that moment, it was clear that Danzo had not yet finished his monologue; he was only beginning to get the hang of it. Before the woman could have protested, he stopped her with his eyes and resumed. "Not only were you idle about your tasks, blood of shinobi dry on your hands too."

"What the hell are you implying here, Lord Danzo?" She was rather calm; at the same time Tsunade couldn't help but rose from her chair into which she was ordered back right after.

Before he continued, he looked around triumphantly and rested his eyes on her for a bitter minute.

"I am not implying, dear. I have proofs. First, I had received a letter before in which it is clearly stated how you are neglecting your duties in favor of the company of men. I believe you do remember that incident."

"The dead guy who attacked me."

"No one saw you being attacked, Tsunade. And that leads me to a very curious deduction; isn't it strange, that whenever you were surrounded by men they died? You are nothing but a Seducer and that is how you gain your titles!"

"That is utter bullshit!" It was the apparent heart that went in her explosion. If there was anything she hated more than lies, it was more, worse lies.

"Watch your mouth, Tsunade-sama." Danzo said and drew himself up with an air of hauteur. There was literally no higher to straighten that back but he was dying to finally destroy the woman on his right.

"I apologize, Lord Feudal." Tsunade's beautiful lips trembled as she apologized once again and little tears gathered in her eyes, which she endeavored to wipe off quickly. The room began to spin around her. Perhaps she should have stayed in coma. Or dead. Who cared?

Kakashi cleared his throat as it felt dry, but it was his heart beating heavily for her.

"It is not a foolish accusation. Dan Kato was found dead shortly after he had revealed his desire in becoming Hokage."

"He died in battle."

"Of course. And what about Jiraiya-sama, one of the Great Legendary Sannin? Why did he leave on a mission he knew was suicide?"

"Again, it was a battle. A horrible one."

"Battles come quite handy to you, don't they? You swirl people around your finger and toy with them as you please. It is definitely quite easier to climb upper on the ladder of ranks. You even managed to become a Hokage!"

Danzo made sure he'd go overboard, and so he did; upon spitting venomous lies, he shook his head dramatically, as if to emphasize the air of contempt that enveloped her. His words went through her like a sword. She found no words; her voice before she'd spoken, stopped dead; Tsunade stood up, trembling in every limb. "Tha⸺…That is…A lie."

Shizune placed her hand upon her shoulder and pressed it only so to sign she should sit back down. Tsunade obeyed, still trembling; however she could not decide whether it was from rage or from exhaustion.

"Here. Take a look at this." And it was that glorious moment, when the elder dropped several folders, minutely arranged for everyone. He handed one folder out to each member present and beckoned the former Kage to be the one opening her own first.

Blood rushed out of her head and she froze for a brief moment. Sudden sickness overwhelmed her but all she could say or do was; "How⸺...How do you have these?"

"It doesn't matter. You had killed your own father, for god knows what **small** reason. From the beginning, Tsunade, you are playing with men; you are taking advantage on them for your own unwholesome desires."

"These are the worst accusations I have ever heard! They don't stand on solid ground, so spit it, where are you trying to get to? What is it you are so freaking eager to spit in my face? This is how you want to get rid of me? This? How low can you go?"

"Enough." Lord Feudal said at length and the woman drowned a sob before it burst out of her.

"Bastard…" Shizune muttered under her breath and placed her free hand upon the woman's other shoulder. She needed to keep her down. Tsunade was trembling under her touch like a leaf, her thin, bony fingers around her mouth.

There came a pause then, after such soul-petrifying words which she could hardly believe she had heard right, although each syllable sank into her brain as with pointed steel. "It wasn't me…"

"Pardon me?" Danzo was fighting back a chuckle.

"It wasn't me… It wasn't. You know it too…" It was uncertain whether anyone had heard her, but the falling of tears betrayed her true sentiments. If there was any dignity left in her, Danzo was eager to take that away as well.

The elder broke her, the Serpent knew. Kakashi knew. The whole god damn Council knew.

The moment was of highest triumph, he could feel his blood boil with satisfaction. She became so beautiful then, as a spasm of inexplicable pain passed through her heart like fire, and a sense of haunting things, unconscious memories came over her.

" _You are just like your mother Tsunade…"_

The scenes flashed back before her eyes as if it was reality again.

 _"_ _Come here, Tsunade…That kimono looks nice on you…"_

 _"_ _Who are you trying to seduce?..."_

 _"_ _You are just like her, Tsunade…Why do you have to look like her?"_

 _"_ _... Don't remind me of her, you nuisance!..."_

 _"_ _What is this dress on you?... How dare you look like this? …Are you trying to seduce me?... You're not her!"_

 _"_ _You're insane, Papa! You're insane…Insane !…"_

 _"_ _I'll teach you some respect!"_

 _"_ _Don't you dare run away from me! I'll make you respect me!"_

 _"_ _Please don't. Please. Papa please!"_

She gave him suddenly then a most piercing look, raising her face a little. He saw earnest entreaty in them to stop. The little Senju was begging him to stop.

"You are a drunk, just like your father. You gamble just like your grandfather. There is nothing good in you, no empathy towards people. You drove this village to near annihilation and I bet your first thing to do now is to go and get drunk. I propose a vote now about the new Hokage's person. I propose myself as the following Leader of Konohagakure! And if I am elected to take office, Sasuke Uchiha will be declared rogue and shall be eliminated!"

"You can't do that!" It was the last straw for Kakashi Hatake.

"You have no word in this Kakashi Hatake! You'll be taken your license as a teacher! You couldn't even take care of three kids let alone look after any more! There will be order in this village from now on! Tsunade, you are not needed anymore. Leave. The vote doesn't concern you."

The little Senju rose from the table obedient as a puppy and after a bow of politeness she exited the suffocating chamber. A cowardly desire to lose consciousness ran through her, to forget herself, to hide her shame somewhere others couldn't reach. For a space of time, outside in the hallway there was silence all about them.

"Tsuna…I can get rid of him if you want."

"No, Oro. We are not like that."

"Oh, but I am." Orochimaru smirked. "It wasn't a big deal getting rid of Ijeharu. I can happily do it again."

"Stop, please. Don't talk about him like that."

Orochimaru rolled her eyes.

"I will never understand your generosity, Tsuna." The Serpent sighed and pulled her softly into Shizune's arms. Then, he spoke some gentle words into her ear and planted a kiss upon her forehead.

Kakashi was beginning to feel highly uncomfortable. Although from the outside a woman, the person holding and touching his beloved was another man in disguise. Orochimaru's actions, however seemed painfully honest, a fact that vexed the shinobi all the more; he had feelings for her, had he not? It was beyond doubt, now.

"If you need me, call. I have to get back to my evil things. I am becoming desperately bored at being nice. I am sure you understand."

"Okay…" Tsunade nodded and stepped away from him. "Thank you, Oro."

"For what?"

"Everything."

"Anytime, Love." Shizune winked and vanished in a blink of an eye.

Kakashi was well schooled in self-control. When the Serpent uttered that last word he heard, no muscle of his face betrayed the wounded pride and annoyance that burned deep in his heart. But Orochimaru standing directly in his path was a very different matter. That vile creature was right when he exclaimed that there shall be no friendship between them. Now he understood its true meaning. Before Kakashi could have poured more oil to the fire of his jealousy by over thinking things, Tsunade's soft grasp upon his shirt brought him back to the moment.

"I need a⸺…" The sentence was cut when the woman dropped with exhaustion.

"Tsuna!"

The shinobi was faster than gravity; he outstretched his arms and made her sit against the wall. He crouched by the woman's side and pulled out a small flask of water from his jacket's pocket and held it to her dry lips. After some drops lingered down her throat, she gradually regained her consciousness. He helped her back on her feet and said; "Let's go…"

A few clouds sprawled in their beds of blue across the sky; the heat, the perfume, were, as always, painfully excessive; the sunlight bathed the huge trees and giant leaves with that habitual extravagance which made it seem ordinary, almost cheap. Very silent the wooden houses lay all about them amidst the ruins and debris and there were no footsteps seen on now ruined pavements.

"Nobody cared about what he said. His intention was only to paralyze you."

"I know…I know, Kakashi. But still…Those…Those things…I just…Those things were the only things I wished to keep to myself."

"Danzo could not acquire the title by killing you. He needed another weapon to use. Your past was that weapon. Trust me, Tsunade, they don't care about those files. Danzo must have threatened the Elders to vote for him, but he still needed something to make it look democratic in front of the Feudal Lord. Your secret won't get out."

"It **is** out!" She growled at him, her faint voice tainted with wrath. "Oro knows, because he saved my pitiable ass. You know, too, but that is it…" Here, Tsunade took a second's pause, for the thunder of emotions exhausted her weary state even more. They stopped on their walk again and she looked up at his face. "I never had the guts to tell it to Jiraiya, Grandpa had no guts to tell Grandma, Uncle Tobirama ordered to burn these fucking files and that same night… Nawaki-kun died in a fire… Uncle said it was justice… I just wanted it to stay mine. Stay my reality."

"Tsunade… I wanted the same, too, for myself. After father's death. I loathed the way they looked at me from that moment on. People changed their way of speaking to me, their gestures, everything. I disdain pity too. Skeletons climb out of the closet, even if you lock the door because someone will open it."

"Do you know…Do you know how I felt then?" She lifted her sorrowful gaze at him again and something in Kakashi touched a painful chord. "When he⸺…When…It felt like an eternity in Hell, Kakashi. never-ending dance with an abhorrent monster. I didn't remember it for a while. I could be so happy…And now I can feel it again. Those papers, Kakashi…They were not…supposed to be intact…"

She did not let him hold her; the moment was too sensitive and she was in agony. Tsunade shielded herself from him by stepping away, but her motions were uncertain and shaky; she fell upon the dirty ground.

Kakashi helped her back on her feet without uttering a word. Her truth as she spoke it increased his own sense of isolation, of solitude, of melancholy and at the same time also made him need her more. In that very instance, however, he knew that there was nothing more he could have said to soothe the storm in her spirit. He wiped her pale face clean with the edge of his shirt sleeve. "I'll help you get home and you can get some rest."

"I don't have a home, Kakashi. I used to live at the Residence. I have no freaking home here." She muttered under her nose as they betook on their way. Tsunade walked close by his side, her hand softly gripping his arm.

"You have mine." Was the soft answer he replied.

"Don't be so kind now." Tsunade sighed and rubbed her forehead. She did not say it but she was glad to hear his voice; it made her feel easier in her mind. "It makes me feel like you pity me." She added quietly.

"Pity is something I have never felt for you." He answered patiently.

The words floated out across the ground towards the wall of green darkness where the woods rose high unto the Heavens.

They walked home slowly and the village around them was confused; there was no adventure in it or suggestion of a great past least of all. Everything had already disappeared. It was in the Past, now.

She found the little flat quite unchanged but full of life. "This home is always so cozy…" The yearning, for want of sympathy and the hunger, for lack of compassion grew very strong and urgent in her. She began to long passionately just then for joy and for that revelation of it which included somewhere the personal emotional of a strangely pure love.

"Why, thank you, I take the compliment. Just lie down; I'll bring some herbal tea." Kakashi let go of her hand and kissed her on the cheek. Upon taking the shoes off in the little hall, he led himself to the kitchen and grabbed the old kettle.

"Thank you, but I can stand." She replied and leaned against the wall for support.

"Please lie down, Tsuna. You barely have any chakra left. I am surprised you had enough to argue."

"Don't start, Kakashi Hatake." Tsunade groaned audibly and forced herself into his bedroom. The sight of his shuriken blanket made her smile for reasons unknown even to herself. His sense of orderliness always amused her. The home was quiet and Kakashi's bedroom was darker than the rest.

"Now I am Kakashi Hatake, hm?" The shinobi smiled and answered from the kitchen. "I am just trying to cheer you up, Tsuna."

"Well…I guess it is working a little." She confessed to him. Upon lying on the soft cover, she found herself speculating feebly about Kakashi's favorite dish and she sighed with faint gaiety to herself.

"A little?" Kakashi returned from the kitchen with a hot mug of tea in his hands. He sat at the edge of the bed and handed her the warm nepenthe.

"Thank you…It smells nice…" Tsunade sat up and took a sip from the tea. She looked at him as she drank and something happened; his general aloofness was abruptly stripped away.

Her eyes, that sight that gazed him, which then turned away to watch the singular motion of the tea within the mug in that flashing instant made him naked and shelterless, soul to soul. In that blinding sweetness as she looked at him there was light, and with the immediate withdrawal there was instant darkness in his heart

"You smell nice." The words slipped out and he rubbed his forehead nervously.

"What?" Tsunade couldn't help but giggle. She placed down the half-empty mug on the little bedside table and listened to him. She fancied his nervousness, and wanted to relieve the tension in both from the Council's Meeting by finding words. "I smell nice?"

"No…Nothing…" His heart began to beat more rapidly. Without hint or warning, her perfectness swept him with a pain and happiness well nigh intolerable. It drenched him and was gone. No lightning flash could have equaled the swiftness of its amazing passage; something tore in him; the emotion was enveloping but very tender; it was both terrible yet dear. All it took was a smile. A simple smile yet glorious in its loveliness. Then, ashamed of his comment, he endeavored to explain himself. "You have no idea how happy I am that you're here."

"You thought I'd die? Oh please."

Their eyes touched with a suggestive and melancholy smile and the shinobi, with a moment's hesitation at length said; "I saw you die, Tsuna. It was the worst moment of my life."

Something impure and abandoned stirred in her at his words; she welcomed his honesty and delighted in it. She feasted her eyes and ears, the blood rose feverishly to her head. "You won't lose me." Tsunade replied with a warm smile, and thought she could change the course of her thoughts; an aggressive passion was taking its place and spread like wildfire both in her mind and body.

Kakashi was too gentle, too kind, the desire for contact, physical contact, became a vehement aching that she scarcely could restrain, and her body was hungry for him. He was her only source of joy, granting her bodily and mentally bliss anytime she desired.

Kakashi was her everything.

Shame touched her faintly for a moment, but at once died away again. No longer ashamed, but with a fiery pleasure in her heart, she spoke at last. "Kiss me."

The next, as he touched her and his arms took her with rough strength against his breast, her shame vanished, and she was utterly undone. She knew that she loved him; she knew that she needed him, wanted him, and yearned for him. Her desire, which leapt like fire to rejoice in his glorious manliness was met and merged with that similar devouring flame in him.

Now, she was very close and her scent came on his chest with her breath, like the perfume of the summer garden. He touched the material carelessly; it was of softest smooth green silk. It seemed he touched her that lay beneath it, for she sighed against the mouth that was so passionate in claiming her own.

And at that touch, some fire of lightning ran through every vein and she responded to him with the same eagerness. He kissed her, over and over, deeper and gentler, holding her to him so fiercely that she scarcely moved. He whispered a thousand things. He knew not what he said. He loved.

The shinobi laid her down upon the shuriken cover and spread her limbs with his own. Their fingers interlocked and the tongues swayed and battled to the carnal tunes of the soul. There was no doubt about it; he ardently desired her and that in this turmoil of desire he sought eagerly to feel love.

To feel _her_ love.

Kakashi kneeled between Tsunade's thighs and she moaned at his closeness, at his scent, at his every kiss and motion half of satisfaction, yet half, it seemed, of pain, the pain of impatience.

Urged by her arduous desires for the man atop her, she pressed him to claim her; victory brought intense relief, and her long fingers moved from his hands up onto his back. He knew every inch of her and within her as if she was his favorite toy; Kakashi took only what enflamed, what gratified, and what satisfied him and she swayed her wide, warm hips to his every fierce command. He kissed like Eros and fucked like Ares and she screamed and cried in joy she knew were unholy.

The battle seemed, at first, uneven, since he took whole possession of her and without resistance, she replied to his every need. Tsunade dug her short nails into his back and folded her long, pale legs over his hips before her beauty overpowered him and with his last, aggressive thrust, climax swept reflection utterly away. Kakashi fell beside her body, upon which perspiration glistened. They panted in quiet chorus for some moments and at length, Tsunade brought herself atop him.

Passions in Kakashi awoke once more, so deep, so ardent, so imperious, that he conceived them as born of the need of one soul for another. The frontier between physical and spiritual passion was perilously narrow. His judgment, at any rate, became insecure, then floundered hopelessly. The sound of her little moans overwhelmed its balance instantly as she sank down on him and welcomed him inside. Her sweet juices warmed his pulsating manhood and sent shivers through him like wild electricity. She burned to give her very best, her all, and for his highest satisfaction.

Every feminine art was at her disposal, as every use of magic pertaining to such fresh and comely womanhood was easily within her reach. She rode him with passion, she owned him until the last inch of his body and soul and she did so without mercy, until gradually he groaned his bliss beneath her sways and filled her fertile womb with the seeds of life.

Chiefly in the eyes and in the sweet lines about the mouth Kakashi noticed the air of subtle triumph that she wore: that she had captured him for her very own at last, and yet, for there was this singular hint in her attitude and behavior—that she had taken him, because she had this curious deep need of him.

The desire lay in her very soul. She gave to him all she had to give over and over during that night, and in doing so she tried to satisfy the hunger of her being which lay beyond his comprehension or interpretation; she was a nymph, a muse, a goddess.

The shameless night drew on some exquisite veil, as the moon, between three quarters and the full, slid out of sight behind a streaky cloud. A breath, it seemed, of lighter wind woke all the perfume of the burdened forest leaves.

For a considerable time now, with limbs tangled upon the covers, the lovers were resting in each other's embrace. Tsunade's weary, red lips planted soft, eternal kisses over Kakashi's collarbone and he returned the loving incitation with the caressing of the back of her head.

She knew that this was Heaven. And she knew that there were times when she'd deceive herself most admirably about the futility of love and being loved again; and there were other times when she plainly saw the truth. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Is everything okay?" Kakashi murmured against the golden tendrils about her face and leaned a little away to take a better look at the woman so comfortably pressed against him.

"I just…" Tsunade took a deep breath and inhaled his scent. "I'm feeling a little dizzy."

"Let me get you some water." To leave her side, his every cell resisted and she held him tight too, for a little longer. Kakashi got out of bed at length, and wrapped the pillow's torn cover over his waist. "Do you need anything else?"

Tsunade shook her head. Whilst she waited, she dragged her spent body under the shuriken blanket and lifted her eyes at the ceiling. From the faint cracks upon the wall she would surely be able to make out some shapes, she thought to herself and a smile passed unnoticed over her lips. She sighed again and the lungs thanked for the warm fresh air.

Life was good. The moon was full and low in the heavens and casted its pale white light upon the gardens where quaint pagodas peeped from pleasing clumps of bushes, and where the walks were bordered with delicate blossoms. Konoha still preserved very little pieces of beauty, in it.

She never thought she could say that again, let alone truly feel it. But life was good by his side. No hardship could ruin the joy his simple presence produced whenever around him. He wore an air of true bliss, when it came to her.

Once inside the little room, he closed the door with exceeding gentleness, lest the vibration might stir her. She was still awake, however. "Here you go…I'm sorry, Tsuna. I guess we got carried away a little."Kakashi apologized with a half, warm smile and sat at the edge of the bed. He handed her the glass of fresh, cold water and watched her every motion with concern.

"It's all right. I am happy that we did." She downed the cold water and lay back upon the bed, inviting him back to her with a caress on his arm.

"Still…Are you sure you don't need anything? I guess I have some chocolate from last year."

"Lie back beside me. That is enough." She whispered and nestled into his arms and Kakashi closed his eyes to rest them. Moments passed in peaceful silence and their bodies, loosely wrapped in the shuriken blanket, were bathed in the faint moonbeams.

"Kakashi…" Tsunade whispered against the shinobi's chest. She hesitated upon breaking the harmony of stillness but her emotions were stronger than her rationality.

"Hm?" He asked with eyes still closed.

"Are you happy?"

"I am. Why?"

"I am too…" She muttered and after a pause, she spoke again. "Kakashi…"

"Yes, my Love?" Kakashi, this time, opened his eyes and ran his fingers through her hair.

"Is there… _us_?"

"Isn't there?"

"I don't know. You tell me…It's been a while I knew how these things work."

"I love you. Be with me. Be only with me and I promise to be with you too, only."

"Sounds like a fair deal…"

"Does it answer your question then?" The shinobi smiled and his eyelids felt heavy.

Tsunade suddenly felt uncomfortable. She unlocked herself from his arms and turned to face the wall. "Nevermind…I hate sentimental bullshit as well."

He put his head up in the darkness. "Tsuna," He said softly, "What's wrong?"

She heard the sentence, only she said nothing because she felt her thought was better unexpressed. She was afraid to hear the words in the darkness.

"What do you need me to do to make you feel safe?"

The deep hush of the summer night lay over all as she hesitated with her response. "I'm sorry…I don't know what got into me."

"Do you believe me when I say I love you?"

"I do."

"Good. Do you wish to talk of the future? Do you have plans with me?"

"You are trying to cheer me up again, aren't you?" She sighed a little smile and turned back to face him.

"I might be, yes." He was curious nonetheless. "So?" As he asked, he brushed a tendril away from her face.

"I don't…usually have many dreams, you know? I don't remember daydreaming ever in my life. It has been just too bitter all along."

"How is it now?"

"It's better…But…I am afraid, Kakashi. That's it. You have it. I am terrified."

"Of what exactly?" He cocked an eyebrow as at first her words sounded unclear.

"Of losing you." She was glad her reddened cheeks were invisible in the grey light. She pulled the blanket up to her lips and shot her eyes down for a moment. "I could never be happy for such a long time as this."

"You mean…The past few months?"

"The past three years since I've known you. This is so long it feels surreal. I am utterly horrified it's going to end soon."

"If it ends, know that I loved you and I hoped we'd have a family and a dull life on a farm."

"That is so cliché to say…" Tsunade almost giggled.

"It's true." The shinobi smiled. "That is my daydream of us."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well…I never really thought of having children." She admitted.

"Would you mind having some with me, then?" Kakashi proposed and he sounded so unnaturally curious she struggled to believe he was actually serious.

"I don't exactly have a good family image in my head. My mother died after she gave birth to me. My father…He became insane. My grandfather was a coward and instead of resolving the family issues he created more with the Uchiha clan. And my uncle…I think he loved me the most. I used to believe he loved my mother, that is why he was so heartlessly cruel when he…did justice to my father."

"By killing your half-brother?"

"Yes." She nodded with a heavy sigh. "He was a kind child, Kakashi. I did love him dearly…You know, I can sympathize with Sasuke-kun quite easily. His clan, the Uchiha, weren't the only difficult ones; we were terrible too. But if you own the Hokage's seat, suddenly such reports become lost and others are blamed. Lord Danzo was right, I didn't inherit any good. I drink and I gamble. How could you possibly want children from me?"

"Promise you won't take them drinking and gambling and I guess were good." Kakashi's efforts in lightening the mood seemed successful; Tsunade burst in little laughs so he could guide her back into his arms. "Cease your thoughts for tonight. Everything will be fine, I can promise you."

"Don't make promises you cannot keep…"

"I promise you, Tsuna. Everything will be okay."

She heard him and fell asleep with a heart brimmed with an expectant wonder that was happiness.

In the small hours of the morning, Tsunade woke from deep slumber. She couldn't recall the time she had a peaceful night like this. She felt rested. The sun was already creeping above the surrounding hills and its orange rays flashed right through the windows, and ended at the wall above her. She sat up to find a note, which said;

 _I had to leave. I will be back once work is done. You're home._

 _-Kashi_

She planted a kiss upon the piece of paper and decided to begin the day with a long shower. Tsunade then made a hearty breakfast by using everything from the fridge and sat alone in the dining room with her feet upon the table. She was looking at some miscellaneous bottles of wine and spirit and wondered if Kakashi would mind if she had opened one now.

A little later during the day, she decided to read and sit out at the balcony, but in his room there were no books to her taste. The idea of entering the other room in the flat struck her fancy at once; after all, Rin did not live here anymore, thus there was nothing to trespass. "This feels so wrong…" She concluded but could not ascertain the sensation to a fact. Was it her own excited imagination, or the misty influence of the atmosphere, or the uncertain light of the chamber, or the dull grey draperies which caused in her so strong of a vacillation?

"It's just a book Tsuna…" She endeavored to talk some sense to herself but even the simple shutting of the door disturbed her greatly. She left it open, thus, and furthered in the empty room towards the desk. "Okay…I'm sure there are books in here…" She resumed in talking to herself and looked around. The desk was in great disorder; books, notes, papers of all kinds were scattered and lay around the floor. Pens and pencils hung everywhere they weren't supposed to and the large oak wardrobe's doors were left wholly open. She felt suddenly nauseous and decided to take her leave. However, it was too late; Tsunade fell on her knees upon the ground and grabbed the trash bin from her right side. From the corner of her eye she caught the sight of a little, torn paper falling out whilst she filled the bin with a different content. "I should have stayed in bed…" She groaned to herself and wiped her mouth with the sleeve of Kakashi's shirt that she had taken on earlier that day. With a strong feeling of curiosity, she approached the little note with her fingers and lifted it to her eyes. The note read the following;

 _Rain's Hand 10, E346_

 _The Senju is hard to hate. Still, I am craving to hate her. I need to hate her just as much as I am beginning to hate him. I don't see him at night with women anymore…I am dreading to admit myself that their relationship is serious. It makes me sick to think about it. She is old! She used to be old! How come she has anything she wants in life and me…And I am here, writing this diary and my tears fall and they fall endlessly. I am longing to hurt them…I am longing to hurt something of them. If it is not them, physically, for I am so weak compared to them…Something that is precious…If it was broken…If I broke it…Perhaps Kakashi would return to me. Can't he see how much I suffer?_

Tsunade's hands began to tremble and another wave of sickness forced her on her knees. The tea she prepared came back in a less tasteful view and she sat there, in the dull grey light, with a piece of Rin's diary, shaking with feelings unable to account for.

The evening had already closed in upon her and the darkness came, when Kakashi entered the cozy flat. He found her in his bedroom, looking out the open window for some considerable time, motionless, and listening idly to the singing of a thrush or blackbird in the shrubberies. "You're back…" She spoke at last, but her words expressed no emotion.

"Yeah. Busy day…" Kakashi noticed the change in her behavior. He dropped his jacket on the cupboard and unbuttoned his shirt while he spoke. "Danzo did declare Sasuke rogue. He has already sent two teams after him."

"What a bastard…" Tsunade sighed.

"That is not all." He stepped to her and kissed her. "I am afraid Sakura-chan is not taking the news too well. Naruto either. I promised to accompany him to the Land of Iron for the 5 Kage's Summit where he could speak with the Raikage to ask his pardon for Sasuke's actions."

"Poor things…I don't believe that Sasuke is truly evil, Kakashi. Something tells me we are missing something out."

"I know." He sighed and nodded in apprehension. "I feel the same. This is far more complicated than it seems. Oh, almost forgot, I brought you some ramen. I figured you'd be hungry. There is not much food in the fridge."

"Thank you but I am not really hungry…" She lied, even to herself. "I want to give you something too." Tsuna began and handed the shinobi the piece of paper, from Rin's diary. "Please read it."

"What is it?" Kakashi asked but the writing was rapidly recognized. "Oh...Where did you find it?"

"I believe it is a piece from this diary." She gave it to him, that unwelcome sensation conquering her again as she spoke of it. "I don't pry on others' lives so I did not read into it, but… Rin was really in love with you, wasn't she?"

"Yes she was." He nodded and took the diary. Kakashi opened it and at first read one of the earliest notes.

 _Hearthfire 17, E344_

 _He didn't notice…I brought those flowers to Obito's grave. I didn't forget it as he thought I would. I just hoped he'd see... Obi-kun…Why did you leave us? Kakashi has been broken ever since. I can't seem to fix him, although we have some nice moments. Obi-kun…Am I really this worthless? They taught me to keep my feelings to myself…They taught me to always smile…But these feelings, Obi-kun…I feel like they are eating me alive…What if I lose control? What if I…change? I don't want to change…I know I am a good person…But those evil feelings…I am not supposed to feel jealous or angry…A woman like me must not feel pain, must not…Cry…Just…Smile._

 _Hearthfire 25, E344_

 _I saw him again with that wench…Why would he need some worthless woman instead of me? Can't he see they just want to…Kakashi, I am right here…I don't have to be your friend only…They say a new Hokage is coming soon. I wonder how he will be. Rumors say it's a woman. Others even add that she is the most beautiful person amongst kunoichi. I hope its lies. Things are good between us. I just have to hold on. I pray every day. I ask for some joy…But they don't grant it yet…Did I do something wrong? Am I a bad person? Do I not deserve to be happy? Why can't I be happy with someone else? He will eventually notice me. After all…It has been at least ten years…I know I am close. I don't want to change…I feel like I am going mad. I feel too much. I shouldn't._

 _Evening Star 23, E344_

 _I saw them…At the training grounds. I cannot stop crying…Always others. Not me. Before, he would spend his time with whores. Some useless women he'd meet up after missions. But now, it's all about the Hokage. I can't even bother to remember her name. A Senju. Suna, or Sara…He seems happier day by day. It cannot be because of her. I have been the one always taking care of him! I was the one…I AM the one! I am losing control, Obi-kun. Nobody cares about me. You did…Nobody sees through my fake smiles. Nobody cares. You did._

He turned another page.

 _Rain's Hand 7, E346_

 _I am going insane. I really am. I feel things I haven't before. I feel…Rage…Envy…This is consuming me, I can feel it. Praying doesn't help anymore. I just end up crying. And I cry. Kakashi…He had used me all along. He took advantage of my love for him. He pulled me close when he desired and pushed me away any other time. I cannot bear this any longer…Obi-kun…If you had been alive, we could have been so happy…Why did you leave us? You ruined my chance with Kakashi… You and Tsunade Senju. I've tried to ruin her. She ignored my warnings. She ignored me! And now…Do you know what I did, Obi-kun? I watched them. Yes…I did. I needed to see it. I wanted to see how he would sleep with her; I wanted to imagine that it was me…Kakashi was like how I imagined him those lonely nights… He could be so gentle and then so… Powerful. I sighed when the Senju sighed and I moaned inside when she did too… I felt her pleasure, as if it was mine. I want her dead. I want her to die. I've become a sinner…Praying doesn't help anymore._

"Holy hell…"

Her following words shocked him inexpressibly.

 _Sun's Height 22, E346_

 _I've made my decision. Tomorrow I am going to talk to him. I will confess my feelings to him. This cannot go on any longer. He needs to choose me. He must leave the Senju once and for all. And then, I will tell him to start a family. I am only aging. I don't pray anymore. I wish for her to die. That has become my ultimate desire, and it turns me on, it fills me with passion and yearning to see her suffer. I want her to know what is real pain. I want her to cry and beg for me to help and I just want to smash my boots against that perfect face of hers. She is too beautiful. Her bosom is rounder than mine. Her waist is wide and inviting to be held. Her thighs whisper the most lustful chants. Kakashi cannot get enough of it. They are like rabbits. Rabbits should be poisoned. I need her to die. And Kakashi too._

At first, he thought he did want to read further, but then he stopped. His heart gave a distinct, restless leap. His lips formed themselves into speaking but at first, he couldn't talk. He gasped.

"Where is she, Kakashi?"

"I have but the slightest of idea, Tsuna. Whenever she vanished, usually she'd find shelter at her aunt's little cottage just past the waters."

"She has gone mad…" Affliction was well audible in her words. She pulled the blanket around her as she suddenly began to feel cold.

"That is completely my fault." Kakashi confessed with a sigh and sat at the edge of the bed.

"You didn't do anything."

"That's the point. She is right. I didn't. I took advantage of her feelings for me and did as I pleased with it. It was not intentional, I was in a very wrong place for too long. Rin's efforts were not enough to pull me out of it so I dragged her down with me. She didn't mind. I swear I was unaware how helplessly she was in love with me. If I had known…But I cannot change it anymore."

"You need to talk to her nonetheless."

"I will. But it has to wait" He sighed and cut his sentence in half to think. "I need to leave with what's left of my Team, even though I am not their sensei anymore."

"Don't care about that. These are not times of order." Was what she said and placed her hand over his shoulder.

He gave a squeeze to her hand and turned to her. "Gods, I really didn't know how serious this was. We never talked about feelings. I feel terrible."

"She will be all right. But you must go gentle on her. Rin is a good person, you know it too. And she is your friend."

"You are right…She had watched us, Tsuna. That is insane."

"I have seen worse. Rin-chan was desperate. I can forgive her hate. She doesn't truly mean it."


	14. Misery Loves My Company

_**Au's note:** If anyone is reading any of my other stories, please be patient, I promise I __**will**_ _update those too! I simply have more drafts done for this story and time is what I am lacking._

 _ **"**_ _ **A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart."- Goethe**_

* * *

There were beauty, calm and silence, the slow breathing of the earth beneath the comforting sweet stars. War, in this vision of genuine peace, seemed an incredible anachronism.

Tsunade's thoughts turned to gentle happy hopes of the day when the sinner and the saint would yet lie down together, and a little child would lead them without fear. Her soul dwelt with peaceful longings and calm desires and she smiled at the thoughts yet so unnatural to her nature. She listened to the owls' cries and the sounds of nocturnal animals and looked longingly outside to join the dark paradise.

It was the deepest hour of the night when the earth becomes still for a moment and the grand green oaks bow their heavy crowns to the queen of the limitless sky. And the moon smiles back on the world before she gradually retires to her divine chambers for a quiet, peaceful repose.

Tsunade sighed a happy sigh and reached her arm out to grab the photo on the bedside table. She drew it close to her eyes and glanced observantly at the faces in the moon's timid light. "I can see through your mask, little grumpy Kakashi." She smiled as she whispered to herself and ran her slim fingers over the picture about young Team Minato. He surely changed nothing over the years, and the number of his masks slowly reached up to 40, which were stored meticulously folded in the bottom drawer of his wardrobe.

Kakashi disliked disarray in his flat as much as he did so in his private life; he believed that the state of one's own home was the representation of their mental balance, and to allow a visitor such advantage as to know of his mind's afflictions was entirely unacceptable.

Everything was in order; the plates in the kitchen, the mugs and cutlery, the books and folders in his little living-room, the towels in the narrow bathroom and the masks and clothes and weapons in his dark and cozy bedroom.

That room, however, was soon plagued with a contagion he himself thought impossible to taint him; it was _love_. It came swift as the ocean's passionate waves and forced him on his knees in an instant; before he could have resisted, it conquered him. He was undone.

And the darkest chamber of his home, the deepest quarter of his soul now knew and wanted disarray. The jocundity of scattered clothes and lipsticks and of blades and bracelets over the room filled him with warmth sweeter than the sun's summer light. He **wanted** this room turned upside down. He wanted his grey, morose nature lit by her.

Tsunade placed the photograph back to its place and her eyes closed, and sleep came without much delay.

The past four days a warm soft rain was falling. There were no confirmed news about the Five Kage's Summit, however, rumors spread faster than wildfire.

 _Madara Uchiha declared war on the world! –Interview with a witness from the Summit by the ShinobiSpy_

 _Sasuke Uchiha at the Summit! –Mysterious Article from the Telegossip_

 _Allied Shinobi Forces against the evil Uchiha! –Learn the truth from the FightingStyle Magazine!_

 _Which Uchiha is your dream guy?! –Find out in the KunoichiTeen Magazine!_

 _"_ _Madara…?"_ Tsunade furrowed her eyebrows as she took the ShinobiSpy from the shelf and handed some coins to the shopkeeper. He thanked her and she bowed and retook her way towards the hospital.

The building was several minutes away only. Although not a Hokage anymore, her duties in the hospital and other help-ins around the town were tiring; she found little time for rest but she did not mind it so; with her chakra levels almost back to full, an eager fire burnt in her soul to aid those in need. She was a medical ninja, after all.

Hustle and bustle greeted her upon entering the main halls but she noticed little of the liveliness; the paper she had bought before arrival seemed to alienate her from the world. "Most interesting…" Tsunade mumbled to herself and turned another page. She knew the way to her office by heart; there were no senses needed to feel the waves of the breeze rushing through the window she'd always leave open.

"What a load of crap, seriously…" She shook her head unimpressed with the quality of the article and dropped the papers on her desk.

Not long was she left in work when a knock sounded at the door. The next moment it opened and a woman came in. "Tsunade-sama, if I may bother you for a second…"

Tsunade lifted her eyes and rose from her chair to beckon the elder. "Elder Utatana…Of course, please come in."

"I have been looking for you the past days, but I assumed you were not in good health. I am happy to find you here now, however." She began and approached the other who rose politely to greet her.

"I am back to my old self now. What can I do for you?"

"I presume you have heard the news about the Kage Summit."

"I've just read it." The woman nodded; "Complete hoax."

"It is quite true, actually."

"Oh?"

The elder's voice had sounded to her in quite another key; she was in the earnest and it had been struck by the most serious note in it as she continued. "I got word from Kizeki Saichiro, one of the Root's messengers. He confirmed the rumors… And there is one more thing. It seems that Lord Danzo died at the Samurai Bridge this dawn."

"Are you serious?!" Exclaimed the blonde with utter surprise, forgetting she was still standing.

"I am." The elder nodded and continued. "I have already spoken with Lord Homura about voting again, for re-electing you as Godaime."

Tsunade slowly sat back in her chair and wiped little beams of perspiration off her forehead. "Are you certain about it? The work at the hospital is enough for me, really. The rooms are still full of patients and it won't get better until the war. Pain's Assault on the village may have ended with a merciful outcome, but while death avoided us, the injured are numberless."

"We don't see anyone else fit for this title, **for now** _,_ Tsunade-sama." She emphasized the middle part and the woman nodded in assent.

"Thank you, Elder Utatana."

"One more thing…" The Elder now was in particular visibly nervous. She paused to pull out a heavy stack of folders from underneath her robes and the way she let some notes fall onto the ground belied the calm of her reserved language. "I believe these documents should be with you, after all. Apart from the Feudal Lord, I and Lord Homura had no desire to read about your life."

"Thank you…"

"Here is something else, though. Danzo left it on his desk beside your files."

Tsunade took the folders from her hand and the woman stepped back to pick up her notes. "What is this?" The blonde inquired as she looked at the envelope with Root emblem carved on its cover. For a moment, she actually hesitated about accepting the stolen good, but upon hearing the words uttered, there was no doubt she'd take it.

"Documents of Kakashi Hatake."

 _"_ _That folder I read at the Root Division…I completely forgot about it!"_

Utatana changed the subject as if the moment was of desultory themes. "Your re-election is at five in the afternoon, at the Residence's second floor."

"I will be there." Tsunade nodded and bowed as the woman exited the chamber.

She gazed at the queer prize for at least ten minutes as if she had been suddenly converted to stone; during this time there enveloped her a slight disturbance of disrobing her prey to see into the most private depths of his soul.

There was something else in it, some mystery which greatly heightened her interest. "Just a little look is all…" She gave in and carefully lifted the cover. Tsunade revolved in her mind a thousand schemes of the content, yet the first thing coming to her sight was nothing she'd imagined; it was an old, torn photograph of a couple; a gentleman and a strikingly beautiful woman to all appearance perhaps but a year younger than herself.

They seemed to be wrapped in admiration for one another, and the photograph held an air of true love. The man was well-made and possessed what nine tenth of the world would call a handsome, beautiful face. His hair was pale as bone and his eyes were large and gray.

She turned the photo and on the back, it was thus read; "Hana and Sakumo Hatake."

Tsunade smiled at the resemblance of father and son and with a sudden bitterness crawling at her throat she closed the file. She looked about the piling papers all around her, and sighed; "All right…" She began her daily work at her desk and the following five hours were unquestionably the most tedious of her life.

Tsunade's attention was gradually losing focus and the pen in her hand kept falling out of her fingers. She felt her eyelids suddenly heavy and decided upon taking a little nap above the papers. They suddenly felt like a soft, heavenly pillow underneath her cheek and she sighed a happy sigh as she closed her eyes.

Without warning, however, the still moment was struck by the creaking noise of the door through which a woman walked in.

"Tsunade-sama, sorry for interrupting your work…"

"No problem at all, Mayari-san. Come in." The blonde quickly wiped the drool off her face and straightened her back against the chair. She wondered what the matter was. The visitor was not among her administrators; indeed, she could hardly claim to know her, having only seen her occasionally when calling at the shop for slight purchases of herbs and whatnot. The woman, she now realized, looked upset, her face wrinkled and haggard. It troubled her rather, this sudden, abrupt call. She felt uneasy.

"We are running out of fire salt; we have too many patients on the operating-tables, and most of them need the same warmth balm for recovering."

It was gnawing remorse that she saw. In a flash, the impression came and went—less than a second. The whole business, indeed, had not occupied five minutes. Mayari pulled herself together with a strong effort, dismissed her foolish thoughts, and came sharply to practical considerations. "Forgive me," she said, a trifle thickly, confusedly, "but I—er—think the hospital should invest more in medications."

Tsunade furrowed her eyebrows and rubbed her forehead as she was thinking; "I will see what I can do, but unfortunately the treasury is being emptied out, in order to rebuild the homes and business-premises. People sensitive to medical jutsu are likely to develop _Winter's breath_ ; that is, a sensible dropping of body temperature and temporary numbness of limbs."

The clock, as she spoke, struck four. But she did not notice the sound. Through her mind ran another reflection: "How many of you had taken the course Shizune-san announced about a year ago? _Research and Application of Traditional Healing_ , if my memory fails me not."

To tell the truth, Tsunade felt a little dazed the whole time— not quite her usual self. And, meanwhile, a sudden uneasiness oddly increased.

"Er⸺…Two people maybe?"

She began to hurry. She wanted the matter done with and her visitor gone. "I am aware that traditional healing techniques are quite outdated amongst medical nins, but they are not. War is at our doorstep it seems, and what shall we all do when our chakra levels run low and our people just keep falling on the battlefield? What will **you** do, Mayari-san?"

The nurse felt angry with her for using a tone so preaching, although there was no doubt it was solely her pride hurt rather than her sensibility of truth. "Er⸺…I am sorry, Tsunade-sama."

"Make sure everyone applies this time. The classes start at 7 pm every day from today until the day of the war. You all need to learn and use a scalpel; otherwise, this place is marching straight to death." Tsunade now used a gentler tone and looked for a bottle of water in her desk's drawers, but it was merely vodka she found.

A moment's silence ensued when Mayari at length, broke the quiet that seemed to bother her vexed soul. She swallowed her pride and began fidgeting with her fingers. "…So you know how to use those old kits and tools?"

"I believe I have saved more lives using those "old kits and tools" than I did by using healing jutsu." She looked back up at her as she said, with a tone of steel yet the best heart in the world; "See you at 7. If any of you are late, you must find another hospital to work at."

The former Kage's arrogance awoke some kind of aversion in the woman and against all attacks upon her soul, she made the sturdiest defense; she remained polite. "Okay, Tsunade-sama…I shall go now…"

"I'll try and see how to save our fire salt supplies."

"Thank you."

As the door closed behind her, Tsunade flung herself back on her chair, and a look of pain came into her face. She looked around the room for water but the closest tap was three chambers away and she had no intention of moving an inch. With an upset frown, at length, she returned to her paperwork.

 ** _A few hours later…_**

It was late summer. The little breeze passed whispering through the sallowing oaks and the horizon, low down between the trunks, shone gold and crimson still but was fading rapidly. Tsunade was standing outside the Residence, looking at the glorious sunset in front of her; she was a part of it; she felt that she was shining, as though her inner joy irradiated the world about her. Nothing in all her life has been so real, so positive.

And on her way home from the hospital, tired perhaps yet eager still, she walked with a heavy pile of documents in one hand and a bottle of sake in her other. She hoped still for that divine sensation which faded since his depart and would return any time **he** returned.

A breeze of something pure, fresh, reached her nostrils on a little noiseless wind, as, walking past the meadow, she gazed into a region of a more natural, tangled growth.

After another 500 meters, while the air grew sharper and twilight surrendered finally to the moon, the road began to curve and dip, the little homes and buildings lay hidden away in the dim light, the farms and barns occurred too far to notice anymore. A dog barked now and again; she saw cows lying down for the night beneath shadowy fruit-trees. And then the scent in the air changed slightly, and the sudden, ominous coldness in the air warned her that even the limitless sky is bounded by outer spaces.

At home, Tsunade dropped her heels in the hall and put the documents on the table in the living room. The sake was placed upon the counter. Dinner she had between two surgeries, but a bar of that expired chocolate beside the napkins was too tempting to resist. She showered fast and in an hour she fell into bed with a long, satisfied breath. There was an emptiness in her heart before she drifted to a peaceful trance, and a sense of peace and comfort came when she was aroused to wake.

"Kakashi…" She whispered his name as he looked down her, seated at the side of the bed. She stretched her hands out with a passionate appeal, a yearning gesture, the eloquence of which should explain all that remained unspoken.

He saw their grace and symmetry, exquisite in the moonlight as it shone upon them through the open window, then watched them fold around him. He smiled but it was not words that replied to the whisper of his name and to the inviting closeness of her body. Her touch smoothed any affliction in the heart, they comforted, they blessed, they caressed.

The couple faced one another, staring fixedly beneath the pale moonbeams. "You have returned…" She whispered and kissed his lips, and he knew a sudden intensification of life within him; immense energy poured through his veins; an ancient spirit used his eyes; great pagan instincts strained and urged against his heart, against his very muscles. He longed for action but he spoke not. Kakashi returned her kiss and lay atop her, to indulge his every cell in the closeness of her body.

She shivered at his silent demands, and the shiver passed down her spine, making her whole body tremble. The woman's gentle nervousness stirred in him an excitement he loathed, yet welcomed, as the primitive male in him, answering the summons, reared up with instinctive, dreadful glee to shatter the bars that humanity had so confidently set upon its freedom.

A primal emotion of his under-being, ancient lust that had too long gone hungry and unfed, leaped on the surface for some possible satisfaction. It was incredible; it was, of course, _unstoppable_.

But as he lifted his eyes at hers, action wavered; increasing terror ate his will away. Violence and sweetness, relief and degradation, fought in his soul, as he trembled before a power that now slowly mastered him. This glee and loathing formed their ghastly partnership.

He could have torn the woman beneath him to a thousand shards of passion, driven solely by his own dark desires. Equally, he could have kissed her and went gentle on her, the way she wanted, the way she needed it.

The vehemence of the conflict paralyzed him and she screamed as though she read his mind and saw his inner battling. Angst and rage molded her flawless face and a growl crept down from the eyes towards the mouth; he saw her lips part slightly; he saw her teeth. Three syllables she uttered in a voice of iron; "Get off me!"

She pushed him hard onto the floor and pulled a shuriken from beneath her pillow; before the shinobi could have regained his temper, the Hokage was atop him, the sharp little weapon against the unmasked face. "Just what the hell has gotten into you?"

"I am sorry! I'm sorry! I did not mean it." The grey-crowned shinobi rose his arms up in surrendering.

"Your eyes, Kakashi…Gosh, you freaking scared me!" She got off him and gave her a hand to help him up on his feet. The agitation in her voice was evident and her heart pounded with the sound of a thousand poisoned rats. She despised desires of a violent nature. "Your eyes were freaking glowing like lightning bolts in a tempest!"

"I uh⸺…I guess I lost it a little." was all he could find to say.

The brief incident seemed to exercise a paralyzing effect upon both of them. The woman headed to the kitchen and her intentions were clear even before saying; "I need a drink…"

The sake seemed to relieve her mind a little. She walked to the living room and placed the bottle on the wooden table. The pallid moon threw a spectral light on them through the balcony's glass doors. Tsunade sat down and slid the Root folder towards him and thus said; "Elder Utatana gave me your files today. They were somewhat mixed with mine... From Danzo's office."

He found himself suddenly perplexed. Something deep in him jumped to absolute alertness in a single instant. She was **not** supposed to read that. "Did you read it?"

Then, suddenly, as they looked into each other's faces, came the long, unwelcome pause in which mistrust established itself in their hearts. "I⸺…I opened it twice. First, about a few months ago…When things went badly in the forest, you and Asuma, during your scout. I was worried about you."

His eyes blazed into hers and an impulse that sought to choke the anxious anger made his head swam. Kakashi sat there, trembling inside like a boy of fifteen yet also like a man of a century in whom fires long dreaded now blazed sullenly. He felt again that unwelcome primal instinct overwhelm him; the truth must be kept, the Spiritrealm must be protected from corruption. He heard the ominous murmurs of an unholy crowd that thirsted for blood and fire; and, aware of vengeance, sweet and terrible, he refused it wholeheartedly, and he grew troubled and afraid. "So you know…"

"I know that your⸺…" She pondered a moment to find appropriate words; "abilities are not chakra based. You can destroy a nation even if your chakra levels are below zero. And apparently, you have no control over them, which makes you a horribly unstable weapon."

He asked in a low tone as if giving a command; "Is that all you read?"

"I saw some notes about a Lightning Staff. He mentioned your father possessing some kind of an ancient rod with otherworldly carvings…And that you may have that object too."

"I see…" No further affliction awaited him from that moment on; he could calm the hellish battle within the heart. Kakashi would never hurt her, he would never scare her again, that he could promise to himself. However, he needed time. Time, to find a way to solve this issue; to keep the woman away from a world she was not supposed to enter, yet still close to him, yet still by his side.

Tsunade, meanwhile felt as though she had been convicted of stealing and feared to lose his mercy. Suddenly, lifting her golden eyes, she asked; "Would you tell me what's going on with you?"

He took his eyes off her. The shinobi felt awkward, stiff, and self-conscious; there was disappointment somewhere. "Must I?"

His question surprised her. "What do you mean…? Of course, after all, we are together…" Her candid voice now had a tint of the dishonest; she did not consider herself his woman at that moment, and Kakashi sensed it.

"Are you purely asking out of the worry of a lover, or it is your duties as the Hokage to ascertain about the level of danger I might pose to Konoha?"

He figured her out; the recognition was not half pleasing. She bit her lip as she asked; "Does it matter?"

"It does, Tsuna. Pick one. One only."

She looked dreadfully shame-faced, confession hanging on her lips; "I am inquiring information as the Hokage."

Kakashi sighed, displeased. "I am bound to keep this to myself, then. Konoha has never been in danger by my clan and shall never be. However, if you feel like you must do something, the sooner you make that decision, the better." He spoke and mopped his forehead carefully, as though at the same time trying to mop away from his mind a grave anxiety, a suffocating uneasiness that gathered there. He turned to look at her more closely, but the darkness was too great to show her face properly. "Can we talk of something else?"

There was something very strong in her silence and her calm; and though a portion of him liked it, another portion resented it and felt afraid. Her attitude was like a refusal, a denial, a refusal to peace, a denial of joy almost.

The night was very still, and through the windows stole faintly the summer moonlight. Outside the foliage rustled a little in the wind. A night-jar called from the fields, and a secret, furry owl made answer from the forest beyond. The two in the chamber sat in thickening darkness.

A tinge of anger, not far removed from melancholy, stole over his spirit. The change in him, he realized much later, indeed, was radical. "I saw your cloak at the living-room. So you are Hokage again."

"Yeah…" Tsunade sighed and averted her eyes from him again. She took a long sip from the sake, and if she could have, she'd surely downed it at one breath. "News travel fast, Kakashi. What did Madara say at the Summit?"

"He wishes to project the Infinite Tsukuyomi on the moon in order to trap the entire world in a dream, thus saving mankind from destroying itself, but also at the price of robbing free will from the entire world. We have about 6 weeks left until the war."

She smiled inwardly. "That is one long sentence."

"Is it?" Kakashi reached his hand towards hers but she wrapped her fingers around the bottle. The uneasy air rose, it did not falter. "I did not hear news about you…Did you recover?"

"I did. My chakra levels are back to normal. I went back to the hospital to work while I was waiting to get better. Today they re-elected me. I also got word from the Raikage about joining Konoha to the Allied Forces. I sent back a letter agreeing to his conditions and to his idea about hiding the two Tailed Beasts in the Turtle Island. Last but not least, he mentioned you taking over the Third Division."

"I wanted to tell you that."

There was an intensity of suppressed emotions in her voice that took him completely by surprise; "Oh, **that** you wanted to tell me."

And, while the enormous confusion of their current behavior shook him, this sense of incommunicable sweetness remained. Bright haunting eyes, with love in them, gazed at him still from the darkness; and so, first, the anger faded from his mind and crept away. Affliction then came after it. Anxiety and disappointment also melted, and bitterness gave place to the peace he was now longing to overwhelm him. He wanted them happy. "I've missed you, madly." His attitude of mind had switched completely round, however, hers did not.

"I've missed you too… Will you be ever able to fully open up to me?"

"I am doing my best, my Love. Don't ask more from me, now." He said gently and looked at the moon for a moment.

Tsunade felt dissatisfied and disappointed with his answer, yet knew not entirely perhaps, the reason. Kakashi was a secretive man, yet she learnt much more from him than any friend in his life. He let her as close as it was possible from him, but even so, her need of control remained unfulfilled. She wished to be alone, but was hungry for his companionship as well.

Kakashi then understood that to her, he was a shinobi from the village which she swore to protect, and only after, her lover. They sat, then, in comparative silence for twenty minutes, the only remark that memory would credit him with being an inquiry about Danzo's death and its circumstances. He was about to excuse himself and return to his bedroom when a loud thud sounded against the front door and a shriek escaped from unknown lips.

They both stopped and listened for a few seconds. "Did you hear that?"

Tsunade nodded in the positive. When the brief four seconds were over and there was no apparent attack upon them, she darted towards the hall and threw the door open.

It was a shock, to put it plainly. A breath of solitude, of isolation, stole on her and, close behind it, melancholy. Shuddering, she kneeled onto the ground and pulled the unconscious woman into her arms. "Kakashi! I need your help!" Tsunade shouted from the door. "What the hell happened to you, Rin?"

Rin's maroon eyes were glassy and sightless, with cheeks chalk-white and her body spread out in the Hokage's arms as if it was but a corpse. There was pulse in the wrist and faint muscular quivers of the lips.

"Don't answer, you don't have to answer." She had to admit that in that moment she grew agitated and perturbed despite the excellent lessons of self-control she had received in Medical school. In a few second, when Kakashi arrived behind her, she began healing the wounds most dangerous to survival.

"What the hell⸺…"

"Rin's chakra level is not high enough to fully treat her by medical jutsu without risking certain consequences. Help me get her inside and let's lay her on her bed."

Kakashi nodded and took the invalid from the Hokage's arms, and carried her to her chamber. It was incongruous, this gentle and yet sinister air she wore as he beheld her.

"Who would do such a thing to her?" Tsunade brought antiseptic and sat at Rin's side. "Did you have time to look for her?" She asked Kakashi and began treating the scars and bruises.

"I checked that cottage past the waters before I came here. It was locked. I knocked a few times but decided to let it pass. I sensed no danger or low chakra-levels."

"Perhaps someone attacked her on the way here…" She whispered as she exited the room upon finishing treating her. Kakashi followed and asked;

"Why would she come here, Tsunade? Why now? Where was she before, if not at her aunt's shelter?" These reflections thronged his mind as the blood coursed in his veins with the rapid climbing; the thing was beyond suspicious and he could not shake off the feeling of alarm.

"Maybe she wanted to apologize." muttered the woman, walking up and down the living-room, and looking concerned.

"You are naïve." Uneasiness, however, was the only symptom that came to warn him of highly strung nerves, and it certainly was not sufficient to persuade him of taking extreme measures just yet.

Tsunade noticed the disturbance in his peace of mind but attributed it to their previous conversation. "She is your friend, Kakashi. You don't seem to trust people, not even your friends."

"For one thing, she **was** my friend." He watched her as he spoke, his tone coarse with decidedness. "Friends don't betray each other."

"Well, she thinks that **you** betrayed her." She pressed as she stopped on her heels and looked at him.

"Would you prefer if I was dating her then? I have no problems with threesomes either. They are actually quite pleas⸺…" The phrases seemed to come out of their own accord.

"I get it, I get it, okay? Just stop." She pleaded and folded her arms over her bosom.

"I'll make some tea." Kakashi left to the kitchen and grabbed the kettle from the counter.

Tsunade followed. "She is not going to wake up tonight…"

"Once she is awake and better, she must leave." The shinobi replied. The water was beginning to boil. There was a moment's pause.

"Could you talk to her first and sort things out before the war? We will need every help and every person we can get. She is also a medical nin. I **will** need her." Her voice was firm as with unalterable conviction. It was persuasive too. He nodded, as though acquiescence seemed the only course.

"Fine. But I am only doing this because of **you**."

"Why? Doesn't she mean anything to you, Kakashi?"

"Honestly? A little, perhaps. I would be certainly sad if she died. I would be immensely sad if my Team died. I would perhaps even shed a tear or two if my hounds passed away. But I have already had my fair share of pain. I prefer disconnection. I like being alone. It is quiet, and there is no trouble, no pain, and no drama. You **do** know that about me, Tsunade."

"Are you sure you love me, then?" she said, coming over quite close, and looking him straight in the face.

" **Don't** question what I say to you. If I said I did, then that is the truth. But I can love by my way only. I can't love you like someone else, so if you don't like it, let me know. If it's not enough for you, you know you can walk away."

"Then tell me your secret." What had happened? She seemed almost angry. Her face was flushed and her cheeks burning. Tsunade behaved like a spoiled child.

"Are you trying to pick a fight, Tsunade?" Kakashi turned upset and caught her hand.

Perhaps, deep inside, she indeed was. A woman is many things, but she is barely rational. Some hot tears welled into her eyes; she tore her hand away, and, walking to the living-room, she grabbed her coat and purse.

"I don't want Rin here for too long. I don't think it would be good for us, however, I promise to talk to her if I have time for it. Let me know when she is fully recovered."

"Whatever Kakashi…" She fought against the natural desire for adequate punishment, but forgot that repressed emotions sooner or later must assert themselves. Essentially irrepressible, they may force an outlet in distorted fashions. She hardly recognized, perhaps, their actual claim, yet it was visible at the end. Tsunade, upon speaking, put on her black heels and drew her hair into a ponytail. Soon it would dawn and she was exhausted both from him and from the day; she needed to feel better.

"Where are you going?" Kakashi's voice softened as he asked.

"To have fun." She did not look at him as she spoke.

The shinobi put down the tea on the counter and hurried to the hall to halt her in leaving, for it was horribly unwise to act impulsively when conducted by as passionate of an emotion as anger was. With a swift motion, he pulled her back into his aura and stole a kiss from her lips. He looked fondly at her as he said; "Could we not argue? Have a little trust in me."

Although appreciative of his effort of reconciliation, her wounded pride and need for control proved greater than capitulation. She replied for the sole reason to be freed from him and go gambling. "I will be back by dawn. Sleep well…"

There was a silence. The evening darkened in the room. Noiselessly, and with silver feet, the shadows of affliction crept into his mind. The colors faded wearily out of things and he retired to bed with the tea he prepared.

 ** _A few hours before the incident…_**

The evening had fallen and the twilight thickened. Trembling she stood at the cemetery, bewitched by the amorphous shadows which seemed to lurk in the darker recesses of the weed-choked hollows. Moldering tombs in the hillside erected and shadows, which could not have been cast by that pallid, peering crescent moon, danced in the cold, misty air.

She leaned against her parents' stone and waited while the darkness settled closer. She could have sworn that it was neither dream, nor hope, nor any hungry fantasy in her that then recognized a further marvel—she was no longer now alone. A presence faced her, standing a few feet away.

He noticed that passionate longing in her, craving the pleasure of vengeance—and for that revelation of it which included somewhere the personal emotion of a strangely eager love.

A smile of pleasure passed across his face and seemed about to linger there as he at length approached the woman at the stone.

He was aware in the clear, strong eyes of unshed tears, of sympathy, of self-sacrifice he called "clinging love". It was this tenderness, as of a soft and gracious lover. She rose on her feet in that instant and pulled a dagger from her pocket. "Who are you?"

"I believe that we could be of use to each other." He stepped out of the dark and bowed to greet the woman. "I came to help you get your revenge, Rin-chan." To her, he was certainly wonderfully handsome, with his finely-curved scarlet lips, his mischievous emerald eyes, his silken raven hair. There was something in his face that made one trust him at once. All the temptation of unknown times was there, as well as Hades' passionate virility. One felt that he had driven the world on her knees and did whatever he found fitting to his luscious tastes. No wonder why maniacs and demented worshipped him. He was made to be worshipped.

"Really?" She answered; and though softly uttered, it was as though the ancient towers clanged their bells. That secret, ghastly joy again rose in her; admiration, wonder, desire followed instantly to know more about the Serpent's intentions. "What are you talking about…?"

"I want to see Kakashi dead as much as you do. Only for different reasons."

Something in her face held his gaze for a second, something to do with its intensity.

"What are your reasons?"

"I want his powers. I was very close to get them, once…It was 32 years ago."

"Oh, but he is 32!"

"You are fast to catch up."

A curious expression danced a moment through her eyes. The Serpent bewitched her. _He_ was who she needed. "Tell me more."

That some extraordinary wordless exchange was registered thus between them seemed very clear; and it was just at this moment, as if to signify her satisfaction, that she smiled. At his feeling of willing compliance with some purpose in her mind, the smile appeared. It was faint, so faint indeed that the eyes betrayed it rather than the mouth and lips; but it was there; he saw it, and he thrilled again to this added touch of wonder and enchantment "I have failed. I arrived too late. You know, powers like his can only be obtained when the Veil between the Earthrealm and Spiritrealm is very thin."

"When does it occur?"

"When life and death are one."

She confessed with shame; "I don't think I understand."

"The time of Re _-birth_. Such powers are inherited through sons and daughters until the Final Battle."

"What is the Final Battle?"

"It is a Battle of every powerful person such as Kakashi himself. Once they all descend on this realm, they fight against one another in order to bring their own clan to the creation of a better future. The concept "better", however, depends on who wins. You can't possibly see me as someone wishing for beauty, peace and safety."

"No, not really."

"I thought as much." He smiled, pleased.

"So you want him to die before this war."

"I do. One less opponent to overthrow and his powers will be mine."

"When will this Battle take place?"

"Nobody knows. People like him descend only in times of danger. People like him are supposed to protect this realm from a threat like the kind, for instance, Madara poses. It is a long story, however, and I'd like not to bore you."

Her understanding cleared still more then; the last veil of confusion was drawing from her mind. "Can you tell me more about _his_ kind?"

"I am afraid I cannot, Love. There are things people do not know of, for a reason. It is either for their protection or for their undoing. You shan't want to know which one is it."

"Oh…" She gulped and stopped for a second. "…So…How can I help?"

"It is but very simple, my Dear. You stay around them, and make sure they are together only until it is vital, and that they part after that, the soonest possible. If Kakashi is any near that blonde kunoichi when the Veil is thin, which is to say, when the powers are transmitted to its new bearer, I'll have no chance to eliminate him."

"You're telling me⸺…" She faltered and he cut in;

"That she must carry the burden of his sins and passions..." He frowned at the woman's sudden sorrow enveloping her whole being. "Dear, I wish it would have been you…"

"Really?" Rin's eyes suddenly lit up.

"Yes. You are **much** easier to kill. Tsunade is too powerful, she gives me a headache." Orochimaru sighed as if his shoulders carried the weight of the world.

"I'll do it. I'll make them pay. I won't feel betrayed anymore. I will give myself the justice my pain deserves!" She cried in a little louder voice, through which this sudden loathing of the couple poured hatred.

Orochimaru, then became, in these moments, aware of a new kind of beauty, and to a degree, while it lasted, approaching revelation. Chords, first faintly struck long years before, which stirred worship in him towards whom now he wished to eradicate as well, but chords that since then had lain, apparently, unresponsive, were swept into resonance again.

Possibly, they had been vibrating all these intervening years, unknown to him, unrecognized. And again, there was the origin of that strange energy that now moved his mouth into a mischievous smile.

Some new worship of a different kind of beauty that had vengeance in it, of which, indeed, vengeance was the determining quality, awoke in the most profound part of him, and even when the "thrill" had gone its way, left him hungry and yearning for its repetition. "So tell me…You really love him?"

"I did…Now it's only hate I feel."

"Good. Then he won't be bothered by the fact that you are reeking from another man's smell."

"Oh…It's...A long story."

"Go now. See you tomorrow."

"Same place same time?"

"For now, yes."

 ** _The following day…_**

Dawn was just breaking, and a chill wind blew in from the sea. Heavy black clouds drove low overhead. The wind, too, was rising, and Rin heard the trees moaning outside and the waves breaking with increasing clamor on the shore.

It was long past seven when she awoke. She recalled Tsunade creeping several times into the room on tiptoe to see if she was all right, and had wondered what made that woman so naïve to worry for her. With a yawn, she jumped out of bed and drew back the purple curtains in her room.

The fresh morning air seemed to drive away all her somber thoughts about her platonic love and she focused her thoughts on her new mission. Obito proved a great disappointment when the news about Nagato's mercy got to her ears; it seemed he was still just as useless as when they were children.

Rin walked to the bathroom and opened the tap. The cool water refreshed her after her long sleep. She seemed to have forgotten all that she had gone through. A dim sense of taking part in some world-shaking mission came to her once or twice, but there was the unreality of a dream about it. She still felt a little suspicious of the Serpent's words, but there was no other way to finally get her justice. His plan was like a strange tragedy, a theatric play she was afraid to admit fancying.

It was an exquisite day. The warm air seemed laden with spices.

Upon finishing her breakfast at a café, she headed to the hospital to meet the Hokage. A nurse informed her about finding the blonde in the basement, and with a cock of the brow, she continued on her way there.

The lamplight in the basement slanted along the narrow room towards the table where different tools lay scattered. The double windows were fastened. At the far end, lay there on the ground beneath a punching bag, a short, slim figure dressed in black, and her face by the lampshade caught the full glare of light.

Her serious expression positively stiffened Rin. She seemed so secure in her purpose as a warrior and her appearance had so oddly given place to something wholly strange to her. The blonde looked like a different person; as if she had reached her full potential of shield and sword.

Cold came over Rin as she watched her, for she remembered suddenly the duality of her nature; how conscientiously she had defended this place and its people a hundred times and how hot-tempered that woman could be when cards or alcohol were any near her. And the idea of this motherly, intense, and fascinating woman, absorbed day and night in crushing duties, and yet always so lively, touched the Devil's daughter almost to the point of alarm. She was all so distressingly amazing.

"You shouldn't be here." The blonde turned her head and looked at her, straight up into Rin's face.

"You do…boxing? Rin stammered and took a step forward to the woman.

"Yeah…Just not today." And her air of affliction, Rin felt, was upon the uncanny. For she lay with eyes fixed upon the air before her; she then stared blankly at the wall, her head slightly on one side, her figure tense, attention strained; elsewhere. "I can't seem to be able and focus… I feel… nauseous and dazed." At length, before Rin could have been utterly bewitched by the woman's natural charms in the stillness of the moment, she sat up and undid her training gloves. "You should be in bed, Rin."

"I know…I just wanted to talk to you…"

"Listen, it is better if we just cut to the chase;" she began and fixed her deep golden eyes on her. "I know how you feel about me. I know that you are in love with Kakashi and that you hate me for loving him too. But I am not some kind of a witch to compel people into doing anything."

"You⸺…"

"Yeah, I know." The Hokage nodded and continued; "You left your diary at his place. We shouldn't have read it, but the Gods shall be our witnesses, we were looking for clues to find you. Kakashi still considers you a friend and I do not think that more hatred is what we need a few weeks before the world war."

Her straightforwardness was nauseating to the other. Such a strong personality, and such a strong disdain it awoke in her. "So…You don't hate me?"

"I don't hate people out of anger. You need a lot more than that."

 _"_ _Oh, you'll have it, just watch me act…This will be the best performance you have ever seen, wench."_ Rin thought and accepted the provocation. "Ye-yesterday, I wanted to…go to him and apologize…Before everything….happened…"

"If you truly mean what you say, that is very good news."

"You are perfect for each other, Tsunade-sama…I just wanted to ignore what I have already known…"

"You don't have to exaggerate."

The lamp flickered and gave a little gulp. Rin looked at it a second but then turned her face back to the other. "I am not exaggerating…You are both so powerful and intelligent… And experienced in everything much more than I am, so you have these insights and wisdom about things I can barely grasp…You are alike but you are different; Kakashi is a quiet, morose person and you are loud and always so full of energy. Except now…You don't look too well yourself."

"That makes two of us, then." Tsunade smiled. "Will you tell me what has happened to you?"

"I⸺I can try…" She said but she thought; _"Eat this, Senju."_

One would have said that there was a touch of cruelty in the mouth as she thought that cruel thought, but it passed wholly unnoticed.

As she recalled what she was supposed to say, a sharp pang of pain struck like a knife across her and made each delicate fiber of her nature quiver. It was a task only for the best, she thought, and she needed to imagine the act, feel the tragedy, and become one with it. Just like Orochimaru had instructed her the previous night. Her eyes deepened into almost black, and a mist of tears came across them. She felt as if a hand of ice had been laid upon her heart and she knew her performance would be exquisite.

It indeed took Tsunade's breath away to hear it.

"But you must promise me Kakashi will not know about it…If he knew…It would be too much for me to bear…"

Tsunade nodded and a sense of alarm struck her. "All right…"

"As I said before, I did a lot of thinking…And I realized it was horrible of me tending so much hatred in my heart…It made me feel horrible…And I⸺…He...It was dark…It was night already…And…The alley…I couldn't get away from him…He did things…"

Rin's confession had made the Hokage conscious of how unjust, how cruel she must have been to her. It was not too late to make reparations for that. And it was all so horribly suggestive and pathetic, it revived so many hateful memories that she got up impulsively and ran to her. "Okay, okay don't finish…It's okay. I am sorry…I shouldn't have asked." She must have suffered more than she had. Poor child!

"I am not as strong as you…" Rin's eyes were flooded with tears as she cried and pulled the Hokage to an embrace, which the other felt too impolite to refuse. "You must look down on me for⸺…"

"No, not at all." Tsunade shook her head in passionate disagreement. She involuntarily began rubbing the other's back for comfort. "Don't think that. Come, let's go and get you examined…"

"No…" She dramatically pulled away and began to tremble. "I uh⸺…A pill would be just fine…"

Tsunade's personal tragedy clouded her suspicion of a loathsome fraud. She could only sympathize with the woman so near her and it was worry rather that dominated her heart. "You don't want me to⸺…?"

"No…I'd prefer if nobody really touched me."

"Oh uh…⸺of course…I'll write you a prescription, then. Let's go." She nearly fainted as she got up but Rin grabbed her by the shoulder.

A sense of infinite pity, not for herself, but for the blonde, came over the Devil's daughter. She seemed so confiding, so innocent in heart, it repelled her. _"Orochimaru really knows how to deceive people…She bought it so easily. I didn't even have to cry that much."_

"Why are you unwell, Tsunade-sama? Are you perhaps ill?"

"I don't think so…Perhaps something is off with my chakra…I don't know." She took a deep breath and grabbed her green kimono from the chair at the table to change clothes in her office.

 _"_ _Oh no…Can it be_ _⸺…_ _That she is already_ _⸺…_ _? I despise your kind, Senju. I despise you so much."_


	15. Villain I'm Not

_**"**_ _ **Go on, go on and give me the best that you've got!  
Go on and make me the villain I'm not!**_ _ **" –**_ _ **Three Days Grace**_

 _ **AN: Chapter updated due to Guest review. Hope it is better! Thank you for the reviews, I am beyond happy to read them!**_

 _ **I actually am super anxious to read them. :)**_

* * *

 ** _A few weeks later…_**

For the first time in her life, there were passions in Rin that would soon find their terrible outlet, desires that would make the shadow of their evil real. She reached her slim fingers towards the mirror in the bathroom and watched the face staring back at her.

Was the face in the mirror viler than before? For a quick and shallow look at her own visage, it seemed that it was unchanged; and yet, upon a longer inspection of her mirrored self, the loathing within her large dark eyes was intensified. Chocolate hair, brown eyes, and rosy-red lips,—they all were there. It was simply the expression that had wholly altered; it was the glow of her aura that shone horribly and cruelly around her, arising from the darkest recesses of her own soul. Rin beyond a doubt had changed; there was no trace of purity inside her anymore.

Beneath its beautiful surface of skin, the face looking back at her was growing bestial, vile, and unclean. What did it matter? No one could see it. She herself could not notice it until now. And besides, why should she worry about the hideous corruption of her soul, when the sensation of it matched with the highest of pleasures?

There was no reason that the future should be so full of shame; it was rather the past so abominable to her. She would rather hide that, deny it all. How little Rin Nohara was unable to take what she needed, how she became nothing but a pitiable sight to behold, undesirable for the taste of men, unwanted for friendship.

The Serpent came across her life and purified her of all that was shameful and she rose like a phoenix from the ashes of self-disgust and of self-loathing. She felt shielded from qualm and depression, whilst indulged in those sins that seemed to be already stirring in her spirit and in flesh,—those curious unimagined sins whose very mystery lent them their subtlety and their charm. An evil smile lifted the scarlet sensitive mouth, and she was ready to show to the world her masterpiece.

The very sharpness of the contrast she was seeing quickened her sense of pleasure. She giggled and grew more and more enamored of her new, corrupted self and more and more proud of a different kind of beauty that enveloped her. She would examine her tainted features with minute care in the mirror, and with a monstrous and terrible delight, she couldn't help but giggle with joy. She redrew her hand from the mirror and placed both hands upon her cheeks and smiled.

A mocking hatred flashed across her visage as she thought of the other woman. There were moments, indeed, at night, when, lying sleepless in her own delicately-scented chamber, or in the sordid room of the little ill-famed bar of Yakiniku-Q, which, in disguise, has become a habit to frequent for the secret meetings with the Serpent, she would think of the ruin the other woman had brought upon her soul, with a pity that was all the more poignant because it was purely selfish.

Something in Rin Nohara had irrevocably changed; the once pure soul was now corrupted to the core; abused by self-hatred and marred by the heavy chains of a timid personality. Feelings she dared not feel and knew not how to control; and now, they controlled her.

The more she was caressed and fondled by the luscious hands of Vindictiveness, the more she desired it to last. She had mad hungers that grew more ravenous as she fed them. All through her little, pitiable life, there had been mad rejections, monstrous forms of self-torture and self- denial, whose origin was fear, and whose result was a degradation infinitely terrible and all the more irrevocable.

The moment was suddenly interrupted by the creaking motion of the door; Kakashi stepped in.

"Sorry, I really need to get ready…" He apologized and tilted his head on one side. "Are you all right?"

Rin turned, and looked at Kakashi with the eyes of a sick woman. Her mouth twitched, and her tongue seemed unable to articulate. She passed her hand across her forehead, which glistened in mild sweat. She suddenly leaned against the cold wall.

Outside, no doubt she appeared defenseless and miserable, but she did not look with her eyes; inside, her deep dark soul was watching him with that unwelcome expression that is on the faces of those who are observing the effect of a great artist's acting. There was neither real sorrow nor real pain inside her; there was simply the passion for her spectator, and a flicker of triumph, for she knew she was winning. "Actually…I feel quite terrible…"

"You've been here for three weeks now, Rin…" Kakashi sighed and ran his fingers through his silver hair. "Do you think you will ever feel better?"

"The conversations with Tsuna-chan are very helpful…" She nodded and stepped closer to him. "It is so sad she works until so late, however…Are you sure it is just work, though?"

"What do you mean, Rin?"

Rin seemed about to make a remark, but suppressed it. Kakashi noticed, however.

"Say it."

"But don't say I am crazy!"

"All right… Just make it quick, I need to finish the plans for the Initial Deployment for the war." He lingered his eyes up at her face, and folded his arms together uneasily over his chest and looked oddly, and one would have said that he was unstrung, for a moment.

Truth be told, the past three weeks were of no dream-like nature; outside, there was a stirring of vultures among the leaves and the sound of men marching straight into death and the sigh and sob carried by the wind from houses where wives and children dreaded the advent of Death itself.

White fingers of destruction crept through the curtains of the soul and everyone knew, soon there will be war; and there will be blood and pain and more blood than a simple, ordinary person can ever imagine. And the number of dreamless nights increased and times of horror and misshapen joy floated above the little village. Kakashi was affected by it, Tsunade was affected by it too; there was really no escape.

Through the chambers of the brain swept phantoms more terrible than the present itself, and instincts with that vivid life that lurks in all grotesques. Black fantastic shadows crawled into the corners of the hearts, and crouched there. People were less patient with one another, less kind. Trust was a thin veil beneath which forms and colors of joy and hope gradually faded, and flameless fires tried to warm the spirit but failed all the same.

Half-read books lay scattered on floors that people had been reading for recreation, flowers once worn by pretty girls during those warm summer nights now lay dry on the ground, and letters that lovers were so eager to read were now hidden away; each day

Fear reached into homes he could have not entered yet, and people fought to resume their lives where they had left off, and there stole over them a terrible sense of the necessity for the continuance of energy in the same wearisome round of cherished habits, as they were more and more horrified by the image of a world in which things would have no shapes and no colors, and be changed, or have other secrets, a world in which the past would have little or no place to survive, at any rate.

Fear did not sample; it reached everywhere for every person had things too dear to him to lose. Kakashi had now too, the Hokage as well.

But beside the fear and anxiety there lurked another demon in their small cozy home; it was the beast of vengeful desires, should she be called Rin.

After a strained moment of silence, she leaned across to his ear and said, very quietly, but watching the effect of each word upon the face of the man she had sent for; "I figured out that you and Tsuna-chan had something going on because you would stay out so late every night, saying you had plenty of work, or say nothing at all…And when I would look up at the faint beaming light at Tsuna-chan's office, I always saw your figure by the window. I guessed your habit of pulling the curtains together meant that you two shared…an intimate moment then. I've been noticing those things again…First I thought it was you and my heart was so happy that you two can still be happy in this very, very hard moment."

Kakashi needed a moment to recuperate his calm.

He chose his words with difficulty. There was uncommon trouble in his mind. "Rin, you may have become friends with Tsunade for hell knows what reason…Perhaps she took pity on you and since then all I hear about is giving you a second chance, but Rin, I don't have a kind heart like her; I don't actually want to be friends with you. I don't trust you. I think you are weak. I think you are shameless, even. I think that you are fooling her, but who am I to tell her that? We argued a great deal to let you stay here. It is my home after all, and I have to put up with you every day because you somehow charmed Tsuna and she has that annoying characteristic of being freaking adamant. You might be asking why am I telling you this. Do you know why?" He asked as he tightened his folded arms. He still felt the urge to hit her.

"Why?"

"Because you are allowed to stay here out of her mercy and I am swallowing my pride because I deeply care about that mulish woman. She strongly believes that you will recover much faster if you stay here. I think that you lied about your accident. I think that you are lying now. I would never believe such a disgusting accusation from you. And anyway, how can you talk about your friend this way? You are full of shit, Rin."

There was the madness of pride in every word he uttered, it made her dripping with desire. The shinobi was most luscious when rage cloaked his wide frame. "You can call me whatever you want Kakashi, but if you are so confident about this, why not taking a look at the office tonight? You know what; if I am mistaken I will be gone by the time she gets here. I will be gone by dawn. But let's see who is lying now."

"Fine. Pack your things during the day, for I am sure you are just saying crap about people again." He added on a sharp, emotionless tone, yet he was afraid. The mere thought of his woman in someone else's arms made him cold with horror. There was no reason she would do that, was there? There had been arguments once in a while but they did not seem so alarmingly grave to drive her to another man. No, this must be a joke; Rin was merely playing a mind-game.

 ** _Meanwhile…_**

In the lives of all of us, be it short or long, there have been days, dreadful days, on which we have had to acknowledge with dreary resignation that our world has turned against us.

"Just give me a moment…" Tsunade sighed, more upset than calm and made a little skip back, and found herself outside the balcony, having put her head out, drawing deep breaths of the outer air, and staring at the flowers and trees.

Her arms reached outside for the banister and she held onto them as if she was holding onto her own life. A few more deep breaths and the overwhelming nausea was gone. She inhaled with relief that nothing happened, nothing came out, and the morning croissant and chocolate drink were still down.

If only she hadn't forgotten brushing her hair, if only she hadn't been late from the Council meeting, if only it had been a new day without so many accidents, she would have been surely happy. But today was not Tsunade Senju's day. And she wholly dreaded the thought of other things still in store for her.

She returned to her desk and grabbed a bottle of water on it.

"Is everything okay, Tsunade-sama?" Shikaku asked on a half worried, half scared voice.

The Senju Kage was not a pleasant company with hormones raging; it was a fact everyone knew but of which no one dared speak. "My wife, Yoshino, she was just the same when Shikamaru was⸺…"

Tsunade's burst of laughter cut the man's sentence in half. "Oh come on, the last time I slept with someone was almost two months ago!" The air froze for a second in the room and Tsunade covered her mouth, mortified. "That was not supposed to slip out."

Shikaku was thunderstruck for a moment. He looked at the Hokage in absolute amazement. He had never seen her like this before. The woman was absolutely red with embarrassment. Her hands were clinched around the bottle and her eyes were forced to look nowhere except the water. She was sweating all over as blush mantled her whole countenance; if it could, it would have definitely reddened her hair as well.

An affectionate smile crossed the shinobi's face and he helped her out of her awkwardness in the best way, by appearing not to observe it and going straight on; "If anyone, in time, could find out where Orochimaru is hiding, perhaps we could have some intel on Kabuto."

"I agree…" She nodded, quite at her ease again. "I as well, would like much to ascertain from the Serpent's own lips. But what can I do consistently with mercy to invite a confession from someone like him?"

"Nothing."

"Exactly. To battle with him over information that he may have, or have not will not suffice as a main argument to take it to the Council. And since Danzo's short ruling, no decision can leave this office without their consent. My hands are tied, I am sorry, Shikaku-sama."

"I understand." The Nara leader nodded and took a step closer as if having still else to say. "But if there is any other way that Serpent could…help…"

Tsunade narrowed her eyes as she looked back at him, curiously. "Are you implying Shikaku-sama that I might know how to summon him here, a time no one can bother and thus ask for some information?"

He lowered his voice a trifle as he said; "I may, or may be not implying that, Tsunade-sama."

"This is just most curious, Shikaku-sama. Why on earth would Kabuto Yakushi ally with Akatsuki? He must be hiding something, something powerful of which we have but the slightest knowledge."

"Indeed. But still, perhaps the fact that even Kabuto believes his master dead puts us in favor."

"We may be in favor, concerning that fact, but if he has some sort of secret weapon wishing to use against us, based on Orochimaru's skills and powers, then we are nowhere closer to winning this war."

"Even though the enemy believes the Serpent is dead…" Shikaku narrowed his eyes with a curious look of conviction and added on a grave tone; "We both know that he is not."

The other nodded. "I'll see what I can do. This conversation did not happen, however."

"What conversation, Tsunade-sama?"

"Very well." The Hokage smiled and nodded the other as he exited the room. She leaned back in her chair and inhaled the warm, fresh air. "Is there ice cream outside? I should take a look around…" She pondered and patted her chin.

The next meeting with the Council and the jounin was still a few hours away and it was almost two hours she had last eaten! There was no harm in such little indulgences, was there? She would box it off in the afternoon. At length and to waste no more time, Tsunade rose from the chair and headed outside on the streets.

It was one of those mornings in early fall, when even the ruined streets ran beauty. The day, passing through the sky with clouds of flying hair, touched the dwellers of Konoha with the magic of its own irresponsible gaiety, as it altered between laughter and the tears of sudden showers.

In the parks, the trees, faintly clothed with gauze, were busying themselves shyly with the thoughts of falling leaves. The air held a certain sharpness, but the sun swam through the dazzling blue spaces with bursts of faint fall's heat; and a wind, straight from the haunted mountains that rose around the village, laid its soft persuasion upon all, bringing visions of youth, of flowery meadows and other pictures innumerable and enchanting.

The ice cream parlor was only five minutes away and she smiled amidst thoughts of the sweetest nature; of Kakashi and a life so dull and so full of booze and gamble and with illimitable money falling from the sky.

But reality dragged her back on earth when she had to give up her last silver coins to pay for the three flavored ice cream, which she dropped halfway when a sudden wave of daze came over her. Tsunade had to return to her office ice-creamless, moneyless.

She had been advised to take a look at the Strategy Plans of each Division written and discussed by the other Kage. She studied each fifteen scrolls with profound attention and throughout she found it logical, but the portions about the deployment of the Medical teams were unhappily illogical. She wrote a great deal of arguing against the accessory function of those teams and how important it was to keep them hidden not only from the enemy but from their own people in order to avoid ambush.

The interruption to her thoughts came with startling suddenness and she dropped the scrolls away when Kakashi stepped inside, unnoticed. "Holy sweet cinnamon roll, you scared me!" She recovered herself instantly, realizing with keen relief the new arrival at last.

"Are you hungry, my Love?" Kakashi smiled a faint smile and stepped towards papers which she had dropped lay at his feet, and he bent forward to pick them up.

"I think it's just my mind becoming a puddle in working so much." She sighed and rose from her chair. She walked straight up to him and wrapped herself in his arms. "What is it, Kakashi?"

There was a bitter glow of vexation in his eyes but his voice still rang with a different tone.

Patience, tenderness, and sweetness held the mouth as he spoke; "A long day. Not much of a pleasant one."

"And the meeting is still awaiting us…"

"Yes…" He frowned under the mask.

Tsunade pulled it down the next second and lifted her weight up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

"I was thinking, maybe we could do something tonight? I only have to meet up Gai, and then I am free."

"It sounds great, Kakashi…" If only she did not have to refuse; after returning from the ice-cream accident, she had already sent a word for Orochimaru to come to her once the Traditional Healing classes were over.

How was she supposed to tell him that she was trying to gain secret information from the man igniting in him that uneasy jealousy she couldn't help but observe every time he was brought up in a conversation?

Why he felt that, she knew not; save that the Serpent fancied a language full of hints and gestures indicating much of the luscious. Of course, it was all but theatre and one sided for sure, for she had never for a second bore feelings towards him stronger than friendship.

Still, the past few weeks had been no doubt unrestful; the war was approaching , Rin was at their home, Tsunade having no heart to bring herself to cruel decisions, and there was the Serpent's devious behavior, all the trouble coated with the secret Kakashi was so adamant in keeping to himself.

She would speak with him after and prove that she did not cease honesty; but for now, things must go her way.

"But I have some more paperwork after that…Could we plan something relaxing for the night? I shan't take longer than midnight."

He brushed off the words suddenly ringing in his ears.

 _"_ _Let's see who is lying now."_

He sighed as he spoke. "All right…I think I will still be up that time."

"Thank you." She answered and caressed his face.

They did not have much to chatter as the sun was beginning to set, and the red reflected light of the western sky illuminated the scene with the peculiar effect with which humanity is familiar. The hallway, as they walked, seemed very dark and the sole light came through the little windows following their way.

The meeting took place in the great study of the Residence, which resembled in fact to a library. The room was lofty, with two tall slender windows, and rich dark curtains. The chamber was decorated with books on every side, from the floor to the ceiling. Their steps, as they walked in, fell noiselessly. The bookcases standing out placed the windows, particularly narrow ones in deep recesses. The effect of the room was, although extremely comfortable and even luxurious, decidedly gloomy, and aided by the silence, almost oppressive.

Kakashi felt a shudder ran through him as he stepped into this perfectly silent room, of a usually loud building, with a peculiar foreboding; and its darkness, and solemn clothing of books, for except where two narrow looking-glasses were set in the wall, they were everywhere, helped this somber feeling.

"When are they coming?"

"I think the Elders will be here any minute now. Elder Homura is usually late from every meeting." Tsunade smiled as she replied to him. They both amused themselves by looking into some of the books with which the long shelves were laden.

Not among these, but immediately under them, with their backs upwards, on the floor, Kakashi lighted upon a complete set of Icha Icha Paradise Deluxe Edition. "Tsunade!" His eyes lit up in an instant and he was about to grab the books and run away with them, when the two Council member at length showed up at the door. Kakashi dropped the books instantly and took his seat at the table, heartbroken.

"I finished the reports about the Strategy Plans this afternoon." Tsunade began after greeting both with a bow and handed them several documents on which she had worked. I believe that we will be able to discuss the corrections in time with the other leaders. That shan't trouble you."

"Very well then. What about the Konoha Recovery Plans? Will we halt them and solely focus on arming the people lacking enough chakra?"

"No." Tsunade shook her head. "The Plans may be temporarily suspended during the time of war, but that should be evident. Once we know with what kind of extra damage we are dealing, we can resume in recuperating."

"Do you have exact plans, Hokage-sama, or are we talking about simple theories at the moment?" Homura lifted an eyebrow as he asked, suspicious. He fixed the heavy glasses on his nose and took a document into his hands to run his gaze through it.

"As a matter of fact, I had time to work out plans for not only recovering this place but also for improving it. I met no refusal on the way and all will be carried out if it depends on me." She began as a commander whose words set troops in action, and Kakashi glanced at her, deeply moved by the surprising phrase.

The others looked at her with evident question and so the Hokage continued, and this time with a smile that betrayed sheer winning beauty as of a gentle woman. "We don't have enough coins at the treasury and we will have even less, by the time this nightmare is over. However, we will not be the only ones suffering from bankruptcy. I have already spoken with the other Kage about possible remedies; our resources are mainly based on logging, which is essential in the reconstruction of homes. Supplying Kirigakure with logs will allow us to expand our trade-routes on water. I have already spoken with the founder of the national furnisher company, Takeshi Ikea-sama."

Her voice was resonant, yet not too deep. There was a ringing quality about it that the bare room emphasized. It charmed the people around her inexplicably. Also, it woke in them a sense of infinite awe. "Very interesting…" Lord Homura nodded, wholly amazed. "What about Sunagakure? What can they offer us?"

"It is simple, Elder Homura. We will be able and build some wind turbines on the border where the wind is still rather strong. It is going to be beneficial for us and for the land of Rivers as well. As for them, I have a spoken agreement about expanding our fishery to that territory too."

"So, we are talking about the expansion of our trade-routes, wind turbines and fish import?"

"That is only a part of the deals I have in my pocket. We are also talking about oil refinery and wheat import."

"How long will it take to accomplish what these unsigned contracts hold?" Elder Utatana asked, most delighted about the files in her hands.

"About 20 years. But if we can all live up to our part of the deal, Konoha will be better than ever in about 5 years from now on. We **must** seize the opportunity of these lands depending on one another and put aside our differences. The future is so much more important than the atrocities of the past."

"I wholly agree." Elder Homura nodded and looked around for a moment. "I believe you have our assent in this matter. Let's see if the other leaders are as serious as you are."

"Thank you for your trust." Tsunade smiled, a little relieved. She did not expect the meeting go so smoothly.

The meeting then changed its casual tone and subjects about the war's strategy and possible outcomes were touched upon. The complete annihilation of humanity was never mentioned, however. Whether it was Hope so unmistakably strong in them, or the will of Fire burning its eternal flames, the mere idea of such defeat was an abomination to born on one's lips.

Kakashi then announced the scenarios of various attacks. Everyone trusted his words and thus believed in the predictions he was so eager to detail. He called these predictions hunches, however the secret behind it was much deeper than that; when a moment of choice between two or more courses of action presented itself, he first emptied his heart of all personal inclination, then, pausing upon direction, Kakashi knew—or rather felt—which course to take.

The elders at length, parted cheerfully, but Kakashi was not cheerful, nor was Tsunade. There are certain expressions of that powerful organ of spirit — the human face — which, although he has seen them often but upon seeing Tsunade's the moment of parting, disturbed him profoundly.

One look of her haunted him. It had seized his imagination with so dismal a power that he changed his plans for the evening, and went home instead of meeting with Gai, putting his feet up at the table, looking outside the window. He wouldn't avert his gaze from _that_ other balcony.

 ** _Later, after the meeting…_**

All day she was haunted and dismayed, and all day she heard the wind whispering among branches and the water lapping somewhere against sandy banks in the sun.

She sighed with relief when Orochimaru at length appeared in front of her in the chamber within the silence of the night. This was the man that she had been waiting for, pacing up and down the room, glancing every moment at the clock, and becoming horribly agitated as the minutes went by.

"Finally…" She clasped her hands together and greeted him with a bow. "I want to speak to you seriously."

Orochimaru frowned at the change of tone.

"Don't frown like that." She smiled. "I said I want to speak seriously."

'What is it all about?' Orochimaru lifted an eyebrow as he inquired, and flung himself down on the sofa.

One couldn't decide whether the man was maddeningly beautiful due to the raging evil inside him, or it was perhaps mere luck, but it was impossible to have one's eyes averted from him for too long; except Tsunade's.

"I hope it is not about me. I am tired of me, for tonight. Too much on my plate, Love."

"It is about you," answered the Senju, in her grave, deep voice, "but it shan't take longer than twenty minutes. I need information, Oro."

"What kind of information?" The man travelled his eyes at her. The sofa he found rather comfortable and he decided to stay there a little longer; he crossed his legs and placed his hand upon his forehead. "You can start."

"We have some rumors about Kabuto joining forces with Akatsuki."

"And?"

"Well, if my memory fails me not, Kabuto believes he had destroyed you and he also owns samples of your DNA, enabling him access to your powers."

"And?"

"We need to know exactly what kind of powers are we talking about and if this whole madness is true."

"It is true, Tsuna." Orochimaru dragged himself into a sitting position and added as he rested his arms on his knees. "That man is quite sly, if I can phrase that way. But he is indeed a masterpiece. I will be sad when you kill him."

"So he can be killed?"

"Everyone can be killed, Love. You just need the right weapon, be it mental of physical." He pinned his gaze at her and within his eyes Tsunade thought to see something much darker than his voice suggested.

"Are we still talking about Kabuto?"

"Aren't we?" There was a devious smirk passing across his lips and the man rose and stepped closer to her. "What is the time, again?"

"About ten…ish. Why?" She frowned; he could be so confusing sometimes.

"Ten…" Orochimaru uttered and headed to the balcony; with a single motion, he pushed the sliding door open and stepped outside.

"Sweet hell, come back inside!" Tsunade's eyes widened and she darted after him. "Someone might very well see you, you idiot!" She grabbed him by his collar and pushed him back inside. She was swift to pull the curtains together and slightly indignant, she wiped her cheek clean from perspiration.

The Serpent smiled as if he had anything to accomplish with such a blindfold action, and said; "Sorry, I guess I got ….hot in here."

"Can we return to the subject, Oro?" Tsunade frowned and looked at him with suspicion. He always had something up in his sleeve, did he not?

"Tsunade…"

"Yes, Orochimaru?"

" _When strong, avoid them. If of high morale, depress them. Seem humble to fill them with conceit. If at ease, exhaust them. If united, separate them. Attack their weaknesses. Emerge to their surprise._ _ **[1]**_ _"_

"What are you talking about?"

In a flash the plan was conceived and put into execution. For a moment, Tsunade was unable to move, as though the Serpent paralyzed her. Orochimaru's movements were so imperious, so ardent; she had but no chance to react in time. With a sudden passion rising from the Devil's heart, the man pulled the woman into his arms and pressed his finely sculpted lips against her full, red mouth like a wild animal feasting from his innocent prey.

His ghastly white hand hurried up onto her bosom and ripped the cheap cotton of her green uniform. The resentment in her whole body could not come to action; the door was opened a moment later and it was the Serpent who pulled away. They both panted heavily, one from surprise, one from pleasure.

The moment of "truth" to the shinobi entering, was overwhelming. It filled the willful heart with anguish and bitter disappointment.

He could not believe his eyes; some dreadful nightmare must have been laid bare from the darkest recesses of his mind, but real… it could not be. All this time, with her, the moment she had captured him, life changed; the grossness of it vanished completely and life was transmuted into desires and emotions of a loftier kind. There awoke in him new purposes towards the future, new intentions and hopes gradually blossoming in his soul. He watched her charm him with a kind of dumb amazement and he hoped the joy would never completely fade.

To him, she was the new source of life; hearing no cheerful beating of his heart she resolved that she would pour her own life into it, regardless of pain, loss, or sacrifice; that she was decided to make him feel alive again. And she did it so effortlessly. Even when there was no joy just pain and no smiles just frowns, there was nothing to halt him in the firm belief that this hunger for love and being loved was more than a mere glimpse into Paradise.

It seemed now, as if he merely stretched his little nature to unendurable limits in a fierce hope that the gift of Eros might be bestowed upon him, all in vain, only to be casted to the realm of Hades. For a space as he thus pondered, he hated the whole race of men and wished nothing but to be rid of it, somewhere far away from this moment.

"Oh, Kakashi…If I had known you'd come, I would have changed into a more handsome outfit." Orochimaru licked the woman's taste off his lips and brushed his long raven hair behind his shoulders. He wore an air of triumph and pretended to be buttoning his trousers. The defeat was done so effortlessly, it almost began to bore him; the obvious traces of his victory were already visible on both of his victims.

"I cannot believe that she was right…" Kakashi murmured and a cold, suffocating silence ensued among them.

Orochimaru gradually decided to pour some more oil to the fire; after all, he had other things to do and Kabuto's actions were actually puzzling him. "Women long cruelty more than anything else in this wicked world, Kakashi-kun. They are led by their primitive instincts, which we, men, can scarcely understand. They are allowed to think, but women remain slaves looking for their masters, all the same. They love being dominated. I am sure you were fine. But you are not enough a man for her. Do you understand, Kakashi-kun?"

As he uttered those distasteful words, an uncontrollable feeling of hatred for the Serpent came over him. The mad passions of a hunting animal stirred within him, and he loathed the man who stood at the table, more than he had ever loathed anything in his whole life.

The woman grew white, and trembled. She clinched her hands together, and her voice seemed to catch in her throat. "You know that this is not true…" she murmured. "This is a misunderstanding, I'm telling you."

"A misunderstanding" Kakashi folded his arms over his chest as if protecting that little breaking organ underneath that uniform."The situation seems quite clear to me." He answered, bitterly.

She came across the room to him with a piteous expression of pain in her face and put her hand upon his arm, and looked into his eyes.

Kakashi felt, as the moment was but of some foul tragedy, some infamous, ignoble satire. He grew pallid with rage as she came too near.

She gave a squeeze to his arm but he thrust her away. "Please don't touch me. I really thought you better than this."

"This is just a stupid mistake, Kakashi, I swear!"

"Come on, Hokage-sama, it is all right. So, _that_ is your idea of a man, hm? I must say I did not expect that." The man sneered sourly in reply, and passed her with a distinctly hostile and contemptuous air. He felt strangely agitated now and, walking over to the door, opened it, and stepped out on the balcony. The cold was bitter and the moon came only momentarily between high, driving clouds. His behavior deemed scarcely of the demure, official kind, soldierly least of all. His hands were clinched, and the pupils of his eyes were like blue fires. He was trembling all over and he took several breaths to halt himself from becoming too overwhelmed to lose more of his control.

The wind had blown the fog away, and the sky was like a monstrous fly's eye, starred with myriads of golden eyes.

"Please, let's go home and talk there.. Kakashi, you can't be this damn stupid to believe this! For hell's sake, Kakashi, you know I'd rather drink and play than do this!"

The expression upon her, that overwhelming anger and still, abashment filled him with even more uneasiness and loathing. He was confused and he could not feel love in that moment, only hatred; towards the man, the woman and even himself for being so easily fooled. "I don't want you to explain anything, Hokage-sama."

"Kakashi…" She did not falter and, coming closer to him, she looked steadfastly into his stern eyes. "This is not what it seems…Please, you must believe me."

"Hokage-sama…You are barely dressed. You two were kissing; I don't care who started it. That bastard has no reason to lie; he's been in love with you since hell knows when. Everyone is in love with you. I guess you just can't decide among them, yet." He spoke scornfully, and with infinite sorrow in his voice.

"This is bullshit! I lov⸺"

He cut in; he did not want to her that word, lest should he feel it again. "Don't say that word again." Kakashi's face as he spoke grew stamped with an expression of rage, fright and mortal pain. He became furious all the more, for being unable to hide his soul's true content; the mask could not hide every little frown away, nor could it change the painful glow in the eyes.

"I guess I should leave." Orochimaru smirked and brushed a long raven tendril behind his ear. His job was done and he succeeded in it doing nothing less but a splendid acting. "Call me when you need me, Love."

Kakashi scoffed as the Serpent vanished, leaving the traces of his desire all over the woman; the ripped dress, his smell, a mark of his kiss. A twisted flash of pain shot across his soul. He paused for a moment, and a wild feeling of ripping her to a thousand of pieces came over him. "I need to go."

"Okay…" She nodded and stepped aside to let him return to the chamber. "Can we talk tomorrow? Please, let me explain. This is insane, Kakashi." She entreated but he was simply cold in return.

"Not now, Hokage-sama. Maybe there will be time for this after the war. But right now there are more important matters than our love life."

"I understand…Of course…" She murmured, hoping that a less aggressive behavior as she would usually behave, could bring him to listen. She closed the balcony's door, and leaned her back against it.

"Don't talk to me, if you don't have to, however. Don't seek my company; don't assign me to anything unimportant. I have better things to do, than to see you."

"Kakashi⸺" It was for her a terrible and poignant moment. The contempt in his eyes betrayed itself too mercilessly for her to bear; yet, before her bewilderment enabled her to frame an answer, he went on;

He dared not turn his face lest he should look upon her whom he had so deeply loved—this forsaken, vile woman who begged with her false feelings for his forgiveness! How absurd it was, the moment! How mad it was, the idea, to simply believe her! How on earth could he do that? The secrets, the lies…This, now! Were they ever serious? Or was it the mere mockery of passions set free? "Something really changed in you a few weeks ago. But this…He is _a man_? Are you even serious?"

"I think that is because I'm p⸺" She turned slowly towards him, and looked at him with angry, tear-dimmed eyes. She could hardly bring herself to utter the phrase, but he did not let her finish. He did not want to hear more of her lies.

Later, however, as she thought back to this night, when all things fell apart, she felt relieved that the truth was not spoken; it surely saved her from a lot more unwanted suffering.

"I don't care what you have to say. Don't say it. It was a mistake."

"What?" It suddenly felt like a hundred blades thrust right into her heart. Her blood ran cold and she trembled at his words like leaves on a windy day of fall. She shan't approach him, she shan't beg him anymore; the shinobi reeked with unjust conviction of a shame she had not committed, of sins she had not tasted.

But she could do nothing, in that moment. A deep sadness came upon her; she wept and slowly desisted. It had always been his soul that she desired with the fire of her love, and not his body. It was not a moment's passion, not the hunger of the senses which shall once tire after being fed; he was wrong to ever think that.

It was only natural, that he would wish to wound her for the scars she had made upon his soul; and so he wounded all a man can wound in a woman as he said;

" **You**! You wasted my time! I cannot believe you, Hokage-sama. This is truly impressive of you…Well, at least nothing more happened. It would have been a grave **mistake**."

She was in a dead weariness, and it was some time before any word could be heard from her. Kakashi, by that time was already gone and her sole company was now some moving shadows that danced about her in a mocking dance, cast by the pallid moon. "Kakashi…You damn fool."

Tsunade buried her face in her hands, and a shudder passed through her. After a time, and with enough will gathered to even convince herself of moving at all, she grabbed her cloak and wrapped it around her frame. From her desk, she took the lantern and exited of the room, killing the light. She walked softly, with arms folded over her bosom, as sinners instinctively do at night. The lamp in her grip cast fantastic shadows on the walls and staircases. A rising wind made some of the windows rattle in the hallways.

When she reached the top landing, Tsunade set the lamp down on the floor, and taking out the key, she turned it in the lock. A cold current of air passed her, and the light shot up for a moment in a flame of murky orange. She shuddered. "I need to stop forgetting leaving this window open." She murmured to herself, put down the lantern and rushed to the window to close it.

The Hokage's bedchamber was a long, low-pitched chamber of antique construction and there could be found all the accommodation afforded by the village. In a corner of the room stood a large bed of the leader, hidden by soft baldachin of scarlet-red.

An army of long black curtains hung on the sides of the floor-length windows and a lounge chair gave the room an air at once classic and dominating. Heavy volumes of ancient scrolls and books on shelves were placed on the wall beside the bed and a fireplace yawned opposite the windows. From the spacious chamber, a small bathroom opened.

Tsunade dropped her cloak onto the lounge chair and shut the door as she entered the bathroom, as if afraid of sharing the moment with anyone. She opened the top drawer under the sink and ripped the paper package of a pregnancy test. "Please don't, please don't. This is the worst time possible…" She muttered to herself and in merely five minutes, she became ghastly pale, and she fell onto the ground. A horrible sense of sickness came over her. She felt as if her heart was beating itself to death in some empty hollow.

At nine o'clock the next morning her servant came in with a cup of chocolate on a tray, and pulled the curtains away. "Hokage-sama?" Misa glanced around the room but there was no answer. She bit upon her lip and tilted her head when she caught sight of the bathroom's door left ajar. Tsunade was sleeping quite peacefully, lying on her right side, with one hand underneath her cheek. She looked like a child who had been tired out with play, or study. There was something in her free hand of which she would not let go, to Misa's gravest curiosity.

"Hokage-sama…Good morning, Hokage-sama!" The kunoichi had to shake her twice on the shoulder before she woke and she did, with an alarm as if the Residence was under attack.

"It's just me, Hokage-sama..!" Misa jumped back to the door from the agitated woman and watched curiously the little object falling from the other's hand. Her face suddenly lit up with excitement.

"Oh, you are⸺"

"SHUT UP!" Tsunade snapped at Misa who trembled under her deep roar. She was utterly afraid. "Don't say it out! Don't say it! If you dare say it to anyone, I am going to kill you, Misa-chan!"

"O⸺Okay Hokage-sama…"

She groaned at the sharp quiver of sensitive life within her, and the sensation of such a promise so extraordinarily sweet and wonderful was now replaced with horrible nausea. "Get the hell out, please!" Her endeavors of politeness deemed unnecessary, but her command found the right ears nonetheless; the servant vanished from the little bathroom as noiselessly as she had appeared before, leaving the woman alone with her agony.

* * *

[1]Sun Tzu: The Art of War


	16. Fire in your bloodstream

_**"**_ _ **Is this life that I've been living all that is meant for me?" Three Days Grace**_

* * *

"This is some shitty nightmare… This is a nightmare, Kakashi. You fell asleep, that is it. This is not real." It was eleven o'clock at night. Kakashi ran his fingers through his tousled hair as he sat at the counter of the ill-famed bar. He released a sigh and ordered another shot and muttered to himself. "One week before the war. And she seeks a _man's_ company. This is some freaking nightmare."

Did he believe all this? Not one word of it, no more than any other miserable being ever did who is once seized and riveted in this painful captivity. Against his convictions, he might say against his knowledge, he was simply bullying himself into a false comfort.

It was a calm, windless night, the air warm and scented, and delightfully still.

"Here you go."

The whiskey was served. Neat. "Another one, please." He pushed the empty glass back and waited for another round. "This is ridiculous. Not real." The pitiable sight of a shinobi tried to comfort himself by repeating, again and again, the assurance until he was forced into a sort of resignation. By the fifth shot, however, he still struggled to get over the sickening shock of betrayal. Kakashi Hatake was a man with intense mental collectedness and concentration, whose patience could be hardly worn thin.

He was well aware, that strange, oppressing thoughts and whatnot grew readily in a soil as a harboring soul was and thus not wanting these, he had long formed a habit, ⸺began as a child after his family's loss, of deliberately sweeping his mind clean once a week of all that had haunted, obsessed or teased him, of the horrible or unclean, during his work. And on that day off, he invariably started his day with a tiresome run in the forest and spent the rest reading outside, getting all the country air and the exercise he possibly could. He had in this way kept his mind free from many unpleasant pictures that might otherwise have lodged there abidingly, and the habit of thus cleansing his imagination had proved more than once of real value to him.

Now, he laughed a little to himself knowing well that he drank too much and that his nerves were only shaky at best. "And I thought I could get away with love." He uttered that last word as if trying to spit out some sickening rotting of a meal.

He had come in contact with every possible crime and criminal and had seen things a simple stomach could never digest in life. His spirit was strong, for it was always trained, but his heart; that was a whole other matter. Any man with strong passions was a potential victim of those emotions; whilst the mind could be shielded and forced to obedience, the heart could not.

He was a man who considered the beauty of life less than a fly's adventures in a room, and who would kill with as steady a hand and cool a brain as though a doctor was performing a common operation in the hospital. And now, he was devastated. It was not his manly pride so horribly wounded; it was that annoying little organ in the chest, refusing to beat the same dull rhythm again when there was nothing joyous in his life.

He ordered another shot and buried his face in his hands. His thoughts whizzed about _her_ like bees in a swarm. Hundreds of questions sprang up in his mind and he sought amidst those reflections answers, so eagerly yet it was all the keen, collected calmness of despair having come over his spirit.

"Kakashi-sama. Can we join you, perhaps?" Came a voice suddenly from beside him and before he could have refused, Gai and Yamato sat by his sides.

"Uh…Yeah." The shinobi sighed a long sigh and beckoned the bartender to get a new round.

"I thought you were going to be busy tonight, my Rival!" Gai gave a pat on his back and the drunk winced. "You all right, Kakashi?"

"A long day is all. Cheers." He could not have wished it in a more somber tone and before the other two could have reacted, he downed the soothing nepenthe. By that time, the shinobi lost care about wearing the mask in public; all he desired was the numbing of his senses, the quickest way possible. He needed to switch it all off; heartache was the sole thing he could not handle. Not this kind. Not now.

"Oh yeah…These days are just getting harder, with the war approaching." Gai nodded and he finished his whiskey in a blink of an eye. "We will be fine, though. I have faith in the power of youth."

"You keep saying that, Gai-sama." Yamato smiled and shy as he was, he took a sip of the strong drink.

"Because it is true!" The shinobi's large eyes lit up with flames of energy as he spoke. "You will see it on the battlefield, my friend. Just watch and learn from Team 3!"

Kakashi couldn't help but chuckle. "Seriously, guys…We are all going to die."

"Nonsense! You had a little too much of that, don't you think, my Rival?" Gai raised his unreasonably large eyebrows and pointed at the empty whiskey glass at the shinobi's hand.

"What makes you be so positive all the time, Gai?" Kakashi's face was very grave, and he seemed troubled in his mind.

"We have a great leader, for one thing."

"Hm…" Kakashi frowned at the statement and the fiery whiskey he ordered was swallowed at a single gulp and without any water.

"And the children are intelligent and eager to learn…" Gai pressed on.

"Well…"

"And Danzo-sama is dead."

"That is definitely a good thing…" Here, they agreed.

Yamato bit his lip before he decided to open a subject so carefully locked away until now. The moment simply felt proper; most probably none of them would remember it by tomorrow, and at the same time, he could rid himself of those uneasy reflections long burdening his mind. "The way he behaved these past few years and the way I remember him from my childhood…He was changed."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi looked at him curiously.

They talked in low voices onwards with heads close together for thirty minutes, and in the meanwhile, they set up other rounds of drinks.

"A few decades ago he seemed like a madman. He had always been obsessed with purifying Konoha from traitors and creating his own kind of peace, but **way** back then, he used to chant about some "Evil" lurking amidst these walls."

"Evil?" Kakashi lifted an eyebrow as the word touched a recess of his soul he did not know it existed. He felt as if the ringing of the word uttered had some specific meaning, significant to him, only to him.

"Yes." Yamato nodded and resumed on his calm, serious tone. "How old was I; perhaps 3, when you were born? He changed from that moment onwards but I never quite pondered about it."

"I never heard him speak of that "Evil".

They swallowed their drinks and ordered a new round.

"Exactly. He stopped after the tragedy about you and your mother."

"Oh…" Gai listened to the conversation with intense interest, making occasional notes from time to time, and asking a few useless questions.

"When I did not know better, I was a little jealous of you. I thought it was some kind of paternal worry towards you. He kept collecting documents and notes about your family. Before your birth, I saw Sakumo-sama at least 4 times down the vault where we, who had escaped from Orochimaru's laboratory, were kept under supervision."

"Orochimaru and Danzo knew each other. Why this never occurred to me?"

"You never even had to think about it, Gai."

"True…Oh, but continue!"

"Do you remember if you had heard anything they said?"

He kept telling your father something like; _"I am going to get it from you. When the right time comes, I will take it."_

"Take **what**?"

"I don't know, Kakashi." Yamato shook his head and ordered another round. The subject indeed required it. He then resumed on a lowered tone. "Sakumo-sama was quite enraged but he did not show it. He kind of looked like you, now, just… sober."

"I know Mother was murdered." Kakashi began as the thoughts were slow to come, and the three looked at one another in grave interest.

For the stories they had heard as children showed that Danzo was a man who openly boasted that he could kill without detection; that no enemy of his lived long; that, as a Councilman, he had, or ought to have, the right over life and death of those under him; and that if a person was a nuisance or a trouble to him, there was no reason he or his Division should not put them away, provided he did it without arousing suspicion. Of course, he had not shouted these views aloud in the marketplace, but he had let people know that he held them, and held them seriously.

They had fallen from him in conversation, in unguarded moments, and were clearly the natural expression of his mind and views. And many people in the village evidently had no doubt that he had put them into practice more than once. "They said she died after giving birth to me, but I had always this vague recollection of hearing Father tell me it is a lie."

"Sakumo-sama died four years later, right?" Gai asked.

"Yes." He gulped down his drink and again ordered it to be refilled.

"Because of that mission, right?"

Kakashi averted his eyes from the glass and looked at Gai, dourly. "No. It was just a filthy excuse to him. He stopped wanting to live when mother died. I always knew that. He blamed himself for it. On her birthday and on mine, he would lock himself in his room and pray. He then broke things. I heard him cry. We don't show how we feel, in front of people; we let it consume us. It's consuming me, now. But I am what I am."

The alcohol kept driving hotly at those hidden centers of imagination within, which, once touched, begin to reveal: in other words, Yamato too became observant, critical, alert. Swiftly the power grew. His lucidity increased till he decided to confess his theory to the others. "If you may let me speak of this, may I make a bold statement by saying Danzo killed Hana-san?"

Kakashi nodded and looked back at his drink, fidgeting with the glass in his hands. "Why did Danzo change that night? And if he indeed killed Mother, why abandoning the very same time this "Evil"? Mother was everything but that."

"He did change. He was another person from that moment on. He did not care about you so eagerly anymore. You were just a skilled child, abandoned, broken."

"Danzo just loved the kind of us, didn't he?"

"I guess so." Yamato frowned and drank another one.

Kakashi paused, and he could not think of it all without a shudder and a crawling of the skin. "But something is not adding up…"

The air reeked of stale spirits, the fumes of cigar smoke, and the cheap scents of the vanished women. The floor was strewn with sheets of paper, absurdly scrawled over. The counter had patches of wet, and cigarette ash lay over everything. Kakashi's hands and feet were icy, his eyes burning hot. His heart thumped like a hammer but all he wished to do is order another round before the bar closed.

"If there is any way we can help, let us know." Gai said and looked down at his pocket to pull his wallet out. Kakashi definitely lacked the amount of money he just drank away, unlike the heavily-eyebrowed shinobi.

"It will be fine. I saw the Tactical Plans and the people are ready." Yamato added to cheer the atmosphere a little but feeling his mind slowly fading into numbness. "Tsunade-sama was very thorough…"

The two shinobi, still standing, looked at one another. Something was odd. Something was missing…Or rather…Someone.

"Kakashi?"

They looked around the empty bar but there was no sign of him anymore. Gai was about to get off the chair when his feet kicked against something…Or rather…Someone.

"Kakashi? Did he⸺" His eyes widened in utter surprise and the two were swift to crouch at the unconscious' side and pull him back on his feet.

"He fell asleep…Let's take him home, Gai-sama." Yamato proposed the idea.

Gai nodded and the two, ⸺with Kakashi over Yamato's shoulder, betook towards the invalid's home.

They walked cheerlessly; the conversation still ringing in their minds. By this time, the night grew even more cheerless: it was miserable, and few people were about. A cold, sleety rain began driving down the streets before the bitter wind they had ever felt. It howled dismally among the big, gloomy houses of the great square, and when they reached Kakashi's home they heard it whistling and shouting over the world of black roofs beyond the windows.

They knocked only once and the door opened. "Good evening Rin-san."

Rin was wearing only a kimono when she opened the door. At first thought, it seemed she was expecting someone else's arrival, but upon second thought, the two shinobi were certain she was indeed waiting for Kakashi. "Oh, he fell asleep?"

A frown of disappointment flashed across her face and wrinkled the peachy cheeks. She tightened her robe a little and let the two men in with the invalid on the shoulder.

"We will just put him on his bed and leave."

They walked past the living-room and with all his clothes on, they dropped his exhausted body on the bed. In less than a minute he was to all appearances sound asleep.

"I'll take care of him from here. Thank you. Both of you." She bowed to the two men and watched as they exited the little flat. With a sigh of relief and an excited nature, she turned on her heels and betook to Kakashi's room.

A glorious sensation of triumph showed visibly before her eyes. For several minutes after the two shinobi left the flat, Rin stood at Kakashi's door and watched the drunken lying so peacefully on that old, ripped shuriken blanket. He was there, all to her. Finally.

The moment was very curious. For decades, there seemed some special power, some special, and an undiscovered tie between them that led her on to merely deceive her. The cry of the flesh, which his deep, somber voice, the ice-cold eyes, and that lean, strong frame stimulated in her and every resentment on his part increased most strangely, seemed raised into a burning desire that she had mistaken for the true desire of his soul. He slept there in his wretched peacefulness, with a consciousness drunk so far away.

Nothing deprived her from fulfilling her needs. Rin lay beside him, careful with every motion of the body. With the jealous rights of a lover, she nestled into his arms and inhaled the heavy smell of bourbon. "Kakashi…" She leaned close to kiss that grim and silent mouth, and for an instance, there were soft wrinkles like the touches of a petal that made the sternness of his face seem but a clumsy mask. Her soft fingers rushed softly across his cheek and she pressed her hungry body against his.

For decades, his steady refusals to accept her honest friendship, and her persistent admiration of him kept persuading her somehow that she needed him. The moment of true love, now has arrived, and Rin Nohara, the ever-so kind of a woman, lay in the arms of no one else but Kakashi Hatake…

And she felt…

 _Nothing._

With a sinking heart, she realized that the passions were spent the hour she ruined him. The desire to become one with him was gone and it was pity filling the soul instead. He was suffering over a woman. Kakashi Hatake was in love, beyond recovery.

All those years and all those women in his bed and she would cry and she would pray to become the next one. And she was there, right where she had been fighting to be. And she felt nothing.

"This is so pathetic." With a dramatic sigh, she pushed herself out of his embrace and got off the bed. As she glanced around in the moonlit room, she noticed about her, scattered on the floor a green belt and red lipstick.

They were really in love, weren't they? It suddenly felt unreasonable to break their happiness apart. The past couldn't be altered, however. What is done is done. With these afflicting thoughts in her mind, Rin made her way out of the room quietly.

Through the half-open door came the sound of deep, long-drawn breathing, the regular, steady breathing of a tired man, so tired that, even to listen to it made Rin almost want to go to sleep herself. "Gosh…" Rin's heart clenched as a sudden rush of guilt seized her.

She began throwing her clothes into her bag not wanting to stay a second longer, when outside the bitter wind began to howl more cruelly and drove the rain in cold streams against the windows. The night was full of the singing voices of the wind and rain, but the pitter-patter was not enough to dampen the sound of an overwhelming guilt.

 _"_ _He was only happy…For once, after two miserable decades, Kakashi was happy. I took it away from him. I thought the pleasure the planning and executing brought would be much bigger. I thought liked what I had become. That monstrous switch in my heart…Now all I'm feeling is shame. What have I done to you, Kakashi? What kind of a friend does it make me?"_

She fell on her bed as she thought these painful thoughts and buried her face in her hands. Tears streamed from her eyes, and with the bitterest remorse at her heart she decided upon composing a letter to him.

She would confess it all and relive her soul from the marring remorse. It was eating her up alive. She'd turned cruel merely because she knew that he could not love her, whilst she knew that he had given her no actual reason of offence. She must write that letter and give it to him, because she knew now that in doing so, she could remedy her sin; that deadly sin of ridding him from own child and lover.

For the first time during many days, rather; many weeks⸺ she acted upon consciousness and not upon emotions. It now occurred to her that all the evil deeds done in favor of love were simply in favor of self-hatred. She thought her plan would work out marvelously and Kakashi would realize who was the only person truly mattering.

And he did so, he did. But it was not her; it was never her. No matter the amount of hatred and jealousy seething within her soul, there would never be a time when she meant more than a friend to him. An avalanche of soul-annihilating guilt twisted against her heart again like grotesquely gnarling trees, as she recalled all those sweet memories out in the meadows, the hours spent laughing at the park or at the bar; the common missions and the sleepless nights at the hospital. He was always kind to her, in his own, selfish way.

The pen fell from her hand but she picked it up from the floor and wrote;

 _"_ _Dear Kakashi,_

 _You may never be able to forgive me for what I have done to you. I am not going to ask that kind of generosity from you, not anymore. I wanted to be good enough for you. I never was, and now I see it why… The Serpent is behind everything. You must not let him kill them! I made a horrible mistake! It was theatre, Kakashi. It was all but a trick…_

 _-Rin"_

Upon finishing, she folded the paper and left it on the Root folder in the living-room.

It was time to leave.

 ** _A few hours later…_**

Upon coming to his senses, Kakashi opened his eyes about four o'clock in the morning. He lay outstretched on the shuriken blanket, with head pounding from last night's fiery nepenthe and one of his legs reposed upon a green notebook, and amidst miscellaneous earrings and bracelets, mingled with half-eaten bars of chocolate.

The woman must have been in a hurry the last time she left, he thought, and desistance descended on his spirit. This emotion, the emotion of giving up loving at all—changed everything. It tinged the outer world with gloom, draping it in darker colors, stealing something from the sunlight, reducing enthusiasm, and acting as a heavy drag, as it were, upon all the normal functions of life.

The rays of the newly risen sun poured in upon the windows in the living room, lighting the room with brilliant gleams of joy. He did not see the joy; he pulled the curtains to shut out the violet and emerald tongues of fire.

He made a big mug of dark coffee and sat at the short-legged table, under the faint light of a lamp. Yesterdays' conversation rushed vaguely into his mind as he stared at the Root folder for several long, quiet minutes. A hundred questions sprang up in his mind and rushed to his lips, chief among which was something like "Why would Danzo kill Mother?" and "What in the name of heaven did Father and Danzo talk about?" But none of these questions found time to express themselves in words, as there was a sudden knock on the door.

As he stood up too abruptly, the coffee in his hand poured upon a piece of folded paper beside the folder. Kakashi hissed but left it both on the table and stumbled to get the door.

"Huh?" Was all he could ask when he found himself facing the postman.

"I brought this for you. They said it's urgent."

Kakashi frowned and took the letter and opened it at the door.

 _"_ _Special Meeting at the Residence at seven o'clock in the evening. Commanders and jounin must attend. Details of a new War Strategy."_

Kakashi groaned and crumpled the paper and slammed the front door behind himself. The loud sound of it eased his mind for one brief second. He picked up the coffee-soaked letter from the table but upon seeing Rin's handwriting, he considered it better to just throw it out together with the invitation. The mere idea of her upset him, and the last thing a hangover man needed was a woman's thoughts.

He sat back down and traveled his eyes back at the folder. A wave of vague emotion troubled him as his eyes fixed tightly on it with all the concentration that was in him, but he could not grasp its reason. "Let's see…"

The folder was stacked up with photographs of the most private nature as well as pieces of diaries, personal notes, and confessions. Long documented torments, questionnaires, records of the family tree, illnesses, jutsu, and whatnot fell out of the pile.

In a letter from Rain's Hand E311, a whole page was blotted with blood and, upon the opposite interleaf, were the following lines, written in a hand so very different from the ordinary characters of the Root leader, that he had some difficulty in recognizing it as Sakumo's:

 _"_ _I am finished with the preparations. No harm shall come to you or to our son. Trust me, Hana. He will not hurt either of you."_

And in a report attached to it, it read:

 _"_ _The mission has failed. Hana Hatake is dead by accident. Make sure that "suicide" is written on her death certificate."_

"Mother…They killed her…By accident?!"

Upon seeing this, he fell into a great rage and was about to throw it away in disgust, when he felt his attention somewhat aroused by the paragraph which followed:

 _"_ _The power of the Ninth has been transmitted into the child. We must keep an eye on him, at all cost. Sakumo remains a thorn, however. We must pull it out before it taints everything, or let him ruin himself."_

"The power of the Ninth? Transmitted?" He furrowed his brows and took a quick sip of his tea. "Does it mean…My powers? The ten Keeper, if I recall correctly..." This dawned upon him quite suddenly as he pondered and turn another page. He saw a piece of paper, upon which a few lines were underlined in pencil. This was definitely Danzo's handwriting.

 _"_ _I am losing the power._

 _Soon my mind will be two_

 _My consciousness is fading. He is leaving me. He is leaving this body._

 _Find_

 _new."_

Even if at first it seemed nonsense to him, it was not. The recognition of the sense itself alarmed him. Kakashi's first confusion about the lines written so hurriedly on this paper were not nonsense even if they did sound as so. Vague recollections of the past rushed back upon him suddenly and they brought with them an atmosphere of prophecy, almost of prevision, and certainly of premonition, an atmosphere that began to accompany him, more or less, with haunting persistence from now to the end.

And its first effect was singular: all that a man says, he now became aware, had two meanings, and not merely one. The revelation arrived as clearly as though it were whispered to him through the letters so hurriedly penned. There was the meaning of the sentences themselves and there was the meaning, beyond the first one, a meaning, that is hoped to be heard by the listener but never in fact uttered. And this hidden meaning, this message is the most significant of the two, since it includes cause as well as result, makes of every common sentence a legend and a parable. Gesture, the tone of voice betray its trend; what is omitted, or between the lines, betrays still more. The words upon the paper dealt simultaneously with the past, the present and—the future.

Kakashi had been sunk too deep in his own mood to notice that the day was passing rapidly; the coffee upon the table had already grown cold and the sun's light was beginning to lose its strength. The permeating light and the lamp deemed too faint to keep on reading; he rose up on his numb legs and upon a second's stretching, he pulled the curtains away. "Let's see…Yamato said that Danzo was not himself anymore…They did not mean to kill Mother…But…me? Orochimaru is a Keeper…He has always known Danzo…Does it mean, perhaps…Can a Keeper travel between bodies?! If so, why would he switch vessel? Who is he really trying to kill? Me? Or the Keeper, in me?! Why didn't he do it yet? _What is he waiting for_?"

Puzzled, and still a little hangover, he stood in the middle of the living room, thinking. It was the growling of his empty stomach that reminded him of his human duties to feed himself; with heavy thoughts hanging about his mind, Kakashi headed to the kitchen and put the water to boil for the ramen.

Evening arrived with an unusual gloom. The great clock of the church had sounded the seventh hour of the autumnal evening. The square lay silent and deserted, and the lights in the Residence's chambers were dying fast away, except in one.

Kakashi arrived at that obscure study, where yesterday's events were simply tales of the past. He glanced at the dropped Icha Icha Deluxe Edition books, whilst he bowed to the other members present. He had but the slightest idea of the reason of his summoning, and showing his disinterest, he was nowhere near bothered by his own smell of sweat and whiskey.

"Thank you for coming at such a short notice." Tsunade's soft, yet deep ringing voice reverberated in the air as she passed behind him and dragged herself to the Hokage's chair.

Kakashi's first instinct upon seeing her was to turn and leave, his second to yell and kiss her. He shuddered at the thoughts and took a seat with the others.

Tsunade then was beginning to speak with a great deal more effort and reluctance than she usually did so, and sighed often, and seemed at times nearly overcome. But at this time her manner was not agitated. It was more like that of a sinking patient, who has given herself up to some deadly cause. She spoke in details about the change of plans, about her withdrawal from the battlefield in order to stay in Konoha if aid is needed; she also entered into details about the possible effects and outcomes of these sudden changes and at last comforted those at present about the proper backup of medical teams.

Faculties of Kakashi, meanwhile, were so concentrated upon the causes operating in the fascinating personality opposite to him, that he could spare no part of his brain for the explanations and sentences that came from the woman's lips. He did not hear or understand a hundredth part of what the Hokage was saying, but occasionally he caught up the end of a phrase and managed to ask, with eyes all laid on him. "May I have a question?"

"Yes, Kakashi...-sama." The Hokage nodded and pulled a peeled ginger root from her pocket and took a bite of it.

"Why? Why is the sudden change? Why aren't you going to be fighting with us?" "He asked, while a sickening suspicion overpowered him. "Aren't you the leader of this village?" He carried an atmosphere of ice about with him as he furthered: it was his voice and manner that produced this impression; his mind was alert, watchful, determined, always sure of itself.

The air grew cold and for a moment no one dared speak.

"Your Division is not influenced by my decision. Don't bother with it, Kakashi-sama." Tsunade said in a low voice, forcing herself to meet the odious dark eyes of the man she loved.

He ventured another time; "I am asking instead of everyone present, Hokage-sama. I believe we deserve to know." Kakashi turned his eyes full upon her own, so that their soft blaze came over the others like fiery flames of untamed emotions, almost with a sense of passionate warmth in them. Elder Utatana cleared her throat as she was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"You want to know, Kakashi-sama?" Tsunade cocked an eyebrow and swallowed the piece of ginger she bit off. Was he trying to pick a fight? For what reason? She would stand her ground; she did nothing wrong last night.

He spoke a little sharply, which only she noticed. "Yes. I do. Or you cannot possibly tell me that you are simply trying to save your own life."

"I am trying to save a life much more important than **mine** ," Here, she took a deep breath and added with emphasis; "or **yours** _,_ as a matter of fact." She retorted and the atmosphere grew threatening.

Kakashi clenched his fingers into a fist; he was relentless but he did not show any sign of it. "Oh really? Would you enlighten us about the details, Hokage-sama?"

Tsunade narrowed her eyes and dropped the piece of ginger on the table. She felt it absolutely imperative upon her to say something that should convince the man that she was not afraid of him. "Most interesting! Now you want me to talk, Kakashi Hatake."

Elder Utatana was swift to cut her off. "I believe it is enough. Let us assume that the Hokage has her reasons for a change of plans." She cleared her throat the second time. "We should call it off, for tonight. Let us all return to our chambers. We will carry out the plans according to the new changes. Anyone against it?"

No one lifted their hand. Kakashi scoffed but did not avert his eyes from her; he sought eagerly for signs to betray the unusual appearance.

Her skin had that pallid tone she wore after Pain's Assault. She appeared somewhat dehydrated and the eyes were red from crying.

Just what on earth happened to her? Was it guilt consuming her treacherous soul? Was she finally getting what she deserved? No, it was something else. The stab of fierce emotion her sight caused him passed and vanished; the afflicting memory of yesterday was forgotten too. He shuddered to shake off the feeling but the longer he kept his gaze on her, the more he suffered from worry. _"I need to talk to her… We are being childish."_

The members of the Council and the jounin gradually vacated the chamber, only Utatana and Kakashi remained. However, the elder was faster and beckoned the shinobi to leave. The study's door was locked on the inside; he could not enter anymore. Curious thoughts began to trouble Kakashi's mind, bringing in their train unwelcome sensations. He stood a few moments at the locked door, hoping to make out anything useful from the sounds, but the conversation went on in a low voice; he eventually vanished from the scene, his heart harboring.

"I brought you the paper you requested, Hokage-sama." Utatana sighed, concern and pity hiding in her voice. She handed her the file with reluctance.

"Thank you." Tsunade's nerves showed signs of being frayed. She became a trifle sullen as she spoke, a little frightened as well, and in her gait and gesture lay a disconcerting hurry and uncertainty, as though, hesitating to make a decision of something vital. "Where do I sign it?"

"Below…" The elder bit upon her thin lip and as in a hurried disagreement, she placed her palm upon the paper. "Are you certain about this? You work well. People are satisfied, so is the Council."

The two women stared steadily at each other for several seconds, and then she said earnestly and in a kind tone; "It is the wisest decision I can make, Elder Utatana."

The elder sighed long. "When shall I present it to the Council?"

"Three days after the war."

"All right." She nodded with a heavy heart and took her hand away at length.

Utatana had not expected this to happen, and through lowered eyelids, she observed an expression of momentary uncertainty on the Hokage's features, as though she felt she was not absolutely master of the situation after all, as if she imagined her leadership should have ended in a different outcome.

"Konoha will really miss you, Hokage-sama." Utatana tried one more time to change her mind. After all, she was the first female leader, with a few little addictions, but nonetheless the most passionate about helping the people. Tsunade Senju was a fierce warrior, afraid of nothing and bearing some kind of a timid, motherly love for anyone who sought comfort. The Residence's doors had been open ever since her arrival and not once did she refuse to help, even if it was just about a cat stuck in a tree.

Children loved her for she was funny, especially when tired and drunk. Students of the Academy liked her because she was a teacher who wanted to teach. Her words would ring with compassion. Men fancied her for her look and fierceness, whilst women respected her for cold honesty. Tsunade Senju was a good leader. No, she was great.

Tsunade winced at the sound of the words and quickly took a pen from the table and signed the paper with the title saying;

 _"_ _Resignation"_

"Here is my recommendation letter. Please take it. And vote for him." Upon putting the pen down, the Hokage pulled a paper, ⸺little stained, out of her cloak's pocket and handed it over.

The elder opened it and nodded as she read with a little surprise. "Kakashi-sama?"

"He will be brilliant, elder Utatana. I doubt he would busy himself with paperwork; that you have to force, but the rest will go just fine. He has perfect tactical skills and an intuition none of us Sannin had about battles and strategies. He sees the enemy as if he was thinking with their own brains. Please, vote in favor of him." She gently pleaded and the glow of pure affection in her eyes betrayed more than what she merely uttered.

The elder hardly found the right words to say. "But⸺"

Tsunade knew her feelings were unveiled; of course, it was always impossible to pretend there was nothing in her heart for him. She was in fact long hoping they would not have to live in secret anymore; that she could hold his hand on the street and kiss him under the thick crowns of majestic oaks.

Oh, just how much she dreamt such dreams during the day! If only things hadn't turned out to be so somber…

She cut the woman's speech in half. Tsunade knew exactly well what was the elder struggling to say. "He doesn't know. He will never know. Whatever is going on with him, I am not going to put my child's life at risk. Halt him. Declare him as the next Hokage and make him stay just enough time I can make my traces disappear."

"You are asking too much…"

"Please. This is my only request. Konoha doesn't need me anymore. But I do need to get away. I was always better alone. Please, elder Utatana. There is no one else I can trust."

With a sigh, she nodded at length. This seemed like a cruel agreement, however. "Fine. I will do as you asked."


	17. Burn

**_"I feel like I'm dying, I got one foot in the ground, never knew what love was, until you came around..."_**

 **Au's Note** : Thank you for the reviews, due to them, I updated this chapter and lengthened it. Hope you will like it! Thank you always for being the first to comment, and **U3fan**! :)

Please keep reviewing so I can write a story we all enjoy!

* * *

In her nightmare the room seemed all but dark; she heard what she knew to be the Serpent walking from the door round her bed slowly, his long fingers caressing the edge of the velvet covers. A portion of the room was now uncarpeted, and she distinctly heard the peculiar hiss of a snake, the mischievous chuckle of a demon.

He walked with a light stealthy step, but at every tread, the whole room shook heavily; she felt him disappear at the bottom of her bed, and saw a pair of green eyes staring at her in the dark, from which she could not remove her own. Then she heard the Serpent whisper in unholy tones; "The time is finally here…I'll rip the child apart. To a million…little…Pieces!"

And with a long, hideous shriek, the demoniac beast began to creep up upon her feet; the shriek continued, and she saw the reflection of the up-turned green eyes upon the bed-clothes, as he began slowly to stretch himself up to her body towards her stomach. With a loud scream, she woke.

The light, which of late the Hokage was accustomed to having in her bedroom, ⸺if nausea urged her to the bathroom, had accidentally gone out. For a brief moment, she was actually afraid to get up, or even to look about the room; so sure did she feel of seeing the green eyes in the dark fixed on her from some corner. Her hand rested unconsciously upon the small little bump of life and Tsunade took several deep breaths to calm the mad drumming of her heart.

She had hardly recovered from the first agony, which nightmare leaves behind and was beginning to collect her thoughts when she heard the clock strike midnight. Her heart was thumping furiously; she felt bewildered and feverish; she sat up in the bed and looked about the room.

A broad flood of moonlight came in through the windows; everything was as she had last seen it; and though the domestic squabble in the back lane was, unhappily for her, allayed, she yet could hear Iruka sensei singing on his way home. Taking advantage of this diversion she lay down again, with her face towards the bookshelves, and closing her eyes, did her best to think of nothing else but the song, which was every moment growing fainter in the distance.

The sun gradually greeted the world with its autumnal light. From early morning until evening, the Hokage was so incessantly occupied and hard-worked, that she had no time to think about her personal matters or chance to call the grey-crowned shinobi to talk. At length, she was seated at the large dining-table in the Residence's dining-quarters, having ended a comfortable meal.

It had been another god-forsaken day before the war, and she had thrown one of the large windows up as high as it would go. Tsunade was sitting near it, with a ginger root and water at her elbow, looking out into the dark. There was no moon, and the trees that are grouped about the building made the darkness round it supernaturally profound on such nights. She felt easy to drift off into a deep slumber, having exhausted her mind with work and her body with the hardships of pregnancy.

The interruption to her thoughts came with startling suddenness, as the roaring night descended against the windows with a thundering violence that shook the walls and unveiled a sudden motion by the windows. Tsunade sprang from her chair and shut those left open. And she was still standing, trembling and uncertain, in the middle of the room, when a deep and sighing hush followed sharp upon the elemental outburst, and in the hush, like a whisper after thunder, she heard a curious steady sound that, at first, she thought must be a footstep by the doors.

It was then instantly repeated. But it was not a step. It was someone knocking on the oaken panels—a firm, authoritative sound, as though the new arrival had the right to enter and was already impatient at the delay. The Hokage recovered herself instantly realizing with keen relief the new arrival at last. And she went over quickly, without a further qualm, to slide the doors open.

And a tall, cloaked figure passed her swiftly with a gust of angry wind from the impenetrable blackness of the world beyond. On the threshold, for a second, her outline stood full in the blaze of the lamplight with the sheet of darkness behind it, stately, erect, commanding, her cloak torn fiercely by the wind, but the face hidden by a shroud; and an instant later the door shut with resounding clamor upon the hurricane, and the two women turned to confront one another in the little room. "Mei-sama!" Tsunade, in her utmost surprise of her visitor needed a second to recuperate the words to speak. "The war is only tomorrow…" She examined her searchingly, but with a touch of passionate curiosity.

"I know." The woman began, sounding like flowing iron. "But I needed to speak with you." She approached, with a certain modest decisiveness about her and put her cloak on a chair.

"I see. Would you like me to get a warm towel or some food prepared perhaps?" She said respectfully, busying herself about the room and handing the woman a bottle of saké.

"Thank you." The Mizukage answered courteously and opened the nepenthe, pouring it into a glass. "The problems that I bear are of another kind, though ones that you shall more happily, I am sure, relieve…"

Tsunade glanced at her, moved by the decisive tone and took a seat not far from her.

"I've read your reports about the medical tactical plans. You were quite exhaustive with your arguments." Mei resumed, lifting her eyes a moment uneasily from the glass of saké in her hand.

"Thank you for the compliment."

She ignored the woman's polite choice of words; Mei was too afflicted and entangled beyond recovery. "I need this medical expertise of yours."

"Why did you need to ask that in the middle of the night, shrouded from the world? Do **you** …need it? …For yourself?"

The Mizukage poured herself another glass. Though laughter and joyous moments could float about her brain, there still clung about her heart the past's aching, pitying terror. She shuddered but remained demure, strict. "If I tell you, Tsunade-sama, you cannot ever speak of it to anyone."

"What are you expecting of me, Mei-sama?"

She lifted her eyes at her as she said to her the following; "That you keep this secret and help me…" Then she added on a little lighter of a tone and after a short pause; "Of course, your generosity would not go without acknowledgment."

"Well…" The Hokage did not have to think long before the reply was conceived in her head. "I need to disappear."

"From work or from someone?"

The question took her by surprise. It was too private, it was too honest. "Does it matter?"

"It does matter. A Senju goes missing. There is no Hokage for the Hidden Leaf."

"I have already signed my resignation. Kakashi Hatake will be elected Hokage after the war."

"You really thought this over, didn't you?"

"I did." She sighed and as they both grew quiet, Tsunade drove a piece of ginger from her pocket to fidget with it. "It's not work. It's the other."

"I thought so…" The redhead scoffed. A second passed and suddenly it seemed some wind of unutterable despair passed in the breath as she asked, now almost pleading; "Will you help me then?"

"Tell me the details." said the Hokage, so soon as the bottle of saké with which she had supplied Mei began to exercise its genial and communicative influence.

Mei, sitting near the door, set down the glass, and looked at her with a bitter heart, while one might count to seven, without speaking a word. At length, with great effort she said; "I…I have a son."

Tsunade almost dropped the ginger root as the shattering truth had dawned upon her soul at last.

"He is almost a year old. But he is dying ever since the day he was born. The medical nins in Kirigakure are not skilled enough. We have been trying everything…"

"What is wrong with him?"

She took a long breath before she answered the other, and then it was not very coherently. "His lungs never developed…Uh⸺…The circumstances of his birth were not…favorable. And he's suffered."

"Are you keeping him alive thus…By machines?"

"And jutsu…"

The Hokage lifted an eyebrow and drew the ginger towards her lips. "Jutsu?" She took a bite and exhaled to be rid of nausea.

"Well…He is not entirely uhm…human." She felt her heart in her throat as she spoke; she thought it would be much easier to confess; in her head, it was much easier to think of it.

"You can't possibly tell me⸺…" The horrible truth was swift to unveil in her brain. "There is only one clan I know of possessing deadly, inhuman genes."

"I am not expecting you to understand, nor accept it. Sometimes I cannot even comprehend it myself either. But my son is there."

"They could hang you for this. This is betrayal…The worst kind of treachery. You are a Kage, Mei-sama…"

"We all stumble on the road, don't we?"

She was not wholly unreasonable, Tsunade had to admit it. Love was a wicked thing; it shut down rationality. "You are keeping him away from sight, is that it?"

Mei dropped her voice towards the close of the sentence and nodded significantly. "The med nins who fail to help us…I called you because I can't keep up doing this. I have to kill them. Otherwise, they would reveal my secret."

A silence followed her confession. Tsunade at first could not believe her ears, but the Mizukage's features spoke most earnestly. She would go as far as to ruin this world if it meant seeing her child alive. Tsunade could not despise her for that. Perhaps a year ago she could have used common sense and her sense of duty to refuse and reveal to the Council what had just been uttered, but now, all she saw was a helpless woman, begging for mercy.

"You kill everyone who is unable to ease his suffering?" She asked point-blank.

She looked earnestly into Tsunade's face for some seconds and sighed deeply. "Yes. I'd do anything for him…He is the only thing I have left, from Kisame." She nodded with a heavy, guilty heart.

"We are going into a world-shattering nightmare tomorrow, against that very group into which he used to belong, Mei-sama. He is one of the reasons why this is happening to us. He had abandoned both of you… _For this._ Are you aware of this?"

"I have fallen," Her voice drew the loneliness of uttermost space into its piteous accents and she resumed on that oppressive, afflicted tone. The rain and wind wailed past the building mournfully. "Yet a fall that was no part of any accident... For it was no common fall," the woman added with a significant gesture of bitterness; "while yet it broke my heart in two… Please, help our child, Tsunade-sama."

With a shiver impossible to control, half of affliction, half of pity, she said then; "I'll help."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." Mei now whispered and wished that there was more saké to numb this maddening sorrow.

There was vivid human conflict in the moment's silence. At length, Tsunade said; "How can I get past Kirigakure's gates?"

"Once you arrive, say the words: Wunduniik Yah Aaz." She spoke, struggling with the control of emotions. "It means that you are seeking shelter. It is Saarin, our language of the ancient times. The scrolls about the first Mizukage were written in it."

"O⸺Okay. Thank you…I shall remember." Tsunade faltered, sympathy rising in a flood.

Another pause followed. The two Kage were alone in that large room; Tsunade was sitting near the re-opened window, looking into the dark night air. Mei looked again for a while in Tsunade's face before she asked; "Is it helping?"

"What is?" The Hokage lifted her eyes back at the other.

"The ginger root. It didn't help me back then."

"Oh…Er⸺" Her large golden eyes fell instantly, and a deep blush mantled her cheek.

"Are you sure about this?" Mei asked with a tint of concern in her voice.

Tsunade Senju was running away with child. She did not know which part sounded more unbelievable, the fact that the most powerful kunoichi was afraid of something or that she had fallen in love and thus, by its fruit in her womb, she became… _fragile_.

"About what?"

"Running away."

"It's not running away. I am not scared. It's leaving!" And something quivered in her as she said it.

"Of course…" Mei smiled with pity. "So you're certain, then?"

"Yes." Tsunade lowered her voice a trifle, as if unsure within the trueness of its sound.

"If you allow me, Hokage-sama... But I doubt that a man falling in love with a woman like you would let you act irresponsibly for too long."

Pale as she was, the red came up in her cheeks, and her eyes flashed with nervous anger as she said; "Do you want me to help or not? Then keep your part of the deal, and I'll keep mine. Your son will live. I am not the one needing to be saved, so please, Mei-sama, keep your predictions or whatnot to yourself!"

Tsunade here hesitated a moment, as though about to add something, but in the end said nothing. She shot her eyes at the glass of water at her elbow and a long minute of silence ensued.

Mei looked at her as much as to say "You might be making a grave mistake", but in the end she decided to keep her distance. She rose from the table and robed herself in her cloak. "Good luck tomorrow, Tsunade-sama. May the will of Fire be with you."

"May the cloak of Mist protect you from harm, Mei-sama."

The deep, stark night came, ushered ominously in with a thunderstorm and dull torrents of a depressing rain. Earlier than usual the streets grew silent; and by three after midnight, nothing but the comfortless pattering of the rain was to be heard. Tsunade sat in the dining-room for a few more minutes and listened with a sinking heart the pouring of the rain.

Later, she was lying in the attitude of sleep, in that large, antique bed. She was really wide awake, though she had put out the candle, and was lying as quietly as if she had been asleep; and although restless, her thoughts were running in a cheerful and agreeable channel. "Kirigakure is not that bad of a place…It should be fine, for you and me…" She caressed the soft curve of her stomach as she murmured. "I promise to take care of you…I will do anything to keep you safe..." Slowly, as she uttered so softly, and drifted off to sleep, a wild cold dawn had by this time broken.

 _ **A few hours later...**_

Unnatural madness howled in the wind. Through the fevered lands was creeping a curse, which all knew was viler than the plague; it was the horror of the war. It was a dismal, clouded morning, with death threatening in its aspect, and the darkness, in which the troops were lined up, was made deeper by the grand melancholy of the lonely mountains and the enchanted forests about.

Their hearts were in their mouths as they marched quietly against an enemy whose power seemed unparalleled. Most felt like they were running straight to death and shuddered as the sensation heightened when the encircling mass of gloom, that was the forest, enveloped them.

Mountain Graveyard was the scene of the first terrible slaughter and the horde of evil reached to the Land of Lightning, climbing through the hills of thousands of corpses. Faint daylight flooded the spacious plain and the battles between good and evil were a spectacle which no mortal, having seen it, could ever forget.

Shrieks and growls echoed over the landscape and eerily mixed with the sound of shattering bones, skulls and limbs. Swords and shields whistled against one another and saltant forms and silhouettes flooded the cold soil with their oozing crimson blood. The scene was altogether unthinkable, like a grotesque vision of madness.

The night as it came brought a darkness almost material. That tenebrousness was indeed a positive quality, for it obscured the remains of the severed platoons.

The atmosphere lay utterly still by dawn, charged heavily with pungent odors stinging the throat and making the eyes water and smart. No one knew when it all end and no one dared to imagine how. Thoughts of being ripped apart, of being smothered like rats in a trap, of being caught and done to death by this merciless force they could not grapple with, rushed into the minds. Then they thought of fire—of suffocation—of being roasted alive.

The tension, for most shinobi, was very near the breaking point when at last the cause of the war reached its peak.

On the second night, Kakashi stood under the pale watching moon, the horrible shadows, the grotesque trees, and the titanic bats, and inhaled the sickening odors lingering in the gently moaning night-wind when his eyes met that singular stare. From his whole person of that masked figure, something emanated that was forbidding yet overmasteringly persuasive. It was that man, watching him long under secret stars and sleepless nights.

He met him that day with Asuma and there were other times when he would simply sense that foreboding aura of his. He was aware of rushing, but it was the soul in him that rushed the harder he pondered to find reason. It experienced dizzy, unutterable alterations. Thousands of emotions, ⸺intense and varied, poured through him at lightning speed, each unwholesomely painful, yet gone before its name appeared.

The moment of truth had come, and the mask fell off the face and landed in the bloody soil.

The black hurricane of night, the terror of frozen peaks, the yawning horror of the great war outside all three crowded into Kakashi's mind with a slashing impact that blocked delivery of any word or action. It was not that he refused; it was not that he withdrew, but that life stood paralyzed and rigid. The flow stopped dead for the first time since he had left his mother's womb. The god in him was turned to stone and rendered ineffective. For an appalling instant god was not. "Obito…"

"So there is still doubt in your heart." Obito smiled as the Chidori from his enemy's hand so quickly faded. Years flew and brought no healing on their wings. On the contrary, the deep corrosion of this hatred bit deeper over time, until the heart emptied the love and darkened by the plague of loathing."You have had several chances to kill me if you had really wanted to."

The Uchiha approached the Hatake at last and the world about them vanished and the true face of Kamui's dimension revealed itself in front of the shinobi's eyes. Meanwhile, Obito resumed and that look, that marring remorse, and pain on his former comrade's face seethed the fire in him. "Is it guilt? Are you feeling remorse over the fact that you couldn't protect Rin and keep your promise to me?"

"Obito…Let's stop this already!" Kakashi entreated slowly. After losing him, his childhood friend stayed in his thoughts and haunted his dreams with persistence year after year, but the man standing in front of him was not that person he knew. He was someone different; someone distorted from loathing. The recognition struck him like icy blades; he did not yet want to admit to himself the only solution to peace. After all this time…This could **not** be how their friendship ended!

Obito meanwhile was burning with lethal desire; he needed to see that same torment in his eyes. How could he win it all? And yet throw it all away, unappreciative of the chances still given.

He sent furious flames towards his enemy but Kakashi halted them with a summoned mud wall. Obito sneered and resumed, always approaching the other. "I know everything. Kakashi… I know that the pain consumed you. I saw you, day after day sitting at my grave, telling about yourself and her. But to me, you're still a liar who couldn't protect Rin."

"I took her in, Obito! I took care of her even when I couldn't take care of myself!"

The Uchiha appeared from behind with a hundred shuriken blades. Kakashi was still answering in defense and charged two Chidori to create a wall of lightning. The blades vanished upon touching the surging energy; they were genjutsu. "Obito…I know I have failed you. But you must have something left in your he⸺"

"There's nothing in my heart!" He now shouted with uncontrolled anger. The next moment, Obito threw a punch at the shinobi's face. Kakashi halted the strike with his forearm. Obito growled and attacked him again. He delivered a forceful strike against the shinobi's chest. Kakashi groaned and spat blood. Beyond doubt Obito became extremely quick between his charges; the grey-crowned shinobi had to focus to deflect them all.

The Uchiha suddenly vanished from Kakashi's sight and reappeared behind him, saying; "I know. Reality is cruel. Things don't always go the way we want them." He said hatefully, and rushed upwards the other and slammed him to the ground with a hammerfist.

Kakashi groaned against the floor and lifted his weight on his arms. He endeavored to get up when black rods from Obito's palms impaled him. The Uchiha resumed; "Just like how it was with me. Just like how you couldn't get there in time!"

"I may be a trash as a shinobi and most surely I am a horrible friend…" Kakashi's eyes lit up with blue flames and electricity crackled across his now white-blue robe. The surprise upon Obito's face was evident; he retreated and Kakashi jumped on his feet, conjuring a Chinese straw hat in his hand. He added, on his general, calm tone as he lifted the hat on his head. "But I have learned my lesson."

"You taught me, Kakashi, that in the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum. And those, who don't care about their friends' feelings, are even worse scum!" The words tore wildly, impotently out of him as he was facing his opponent.

Obito's heart could not be filled with anything else but hatred; what was there for him to love? What was still around to hold on to, apart from disdain? His spirit embittered during the gruesome ages, and like marble, he grew cold and became alien to that once cheerful, clumsy child that died during a mission they were never supposed to receive. So he tended a horrible loathing for the sole person ever caring about him; _his friend_.

If he ever admitted to himself that Kakashi was innocent and Rin ⸺ the sole reason of him fighting for life, the angel in his nightmares ⸺ was nothing but a tainted woman with selfish intentions, would have been devastating to accept. There was no reconciliation, no peace in it. A man hating another man was different. Hatred was justified.

"Am I really the sole source of your inhuman hatred, Obito?" Kakashi couldn't accept this fate bestowed upon him; why was he the one doing the dirty work again? Why did it never stop? Why?

"This hatred in me, Kakashi…It is hers too. This is with what you have left us! Pain. Hatred."

"I won't abandon my memory of the old you." Kakashi said with resignation in his voice and conjured his Lightning Staff. So there was really no way out of this, was it? There was no light at the end of the tunnel, no hope for them?

There was no hope indeed.

"Right now…All I can give you…is death, Kakashi." Obito rushed towards him with his blade ready, his pale furious face showing whiter against his black hair, his dark fierce eyes blazing, his hands clenched around his weapon, and looking more ungainly and deformed than ever in the convulsions of his fury and pain.

"Then I shall do the same, Obito." Was all could the shinobi whisper, and knocked his cane against the ground twice before he set upon his opponent. It was a mere second that the grey-crowned god was faster; perhaps Obito knew it too, perhaps he wanted it to be this way.

There was no way out of the dark pit of suffering, only if his life was taken for good. Who else could have done him such honor, than his best friend?

Kakashi slammed his Staff into Obito's chest and sent surges of electricity into his body, electrocuting him in an instant. The air grew cold, the silence grew absolute. The Staff fell from his grasp.

"Please forgive me, Obito…" It was death. His heart burned for his friend. He remembered the tear invisible upon his cheek at the time of his first dying. The agony of his struggle that ominous, hateful day. He shared suddenly with him. Yet with Obito was the reality, with him a sympathetic reflection merely. Obito was already too far gone.

Kakashi crouched beside the lifeless body and lifted him into his arms. The dimension was falling apart. And as he looked at him, into those lifeless eyes, Kakashi felt that they both had been borne to realms of greater loneliness than any they had previously known.

 ** _Meanwhile…_**

"I should have left…I should be there…"

"The number of injured is 15% less than what we have originally calculated, Hokage-sama. 25% of the village is able to perform basic healing techniques and another 6% can stitch a wound in mere 5 seconds using traditional healing." Shikaku said kindly. His whole being radiated kindness, intelligence, desire to help the woman unreasonably nervous.

"Still, Shikaku-sama…" Tsunade sighed and kept pacing up and down in the chamber, occasionally stopping at the large full window to take a look outside. Pandemonium unfolded in front of her eyes and she was enflamed with both worry and desire to fight. Tsunade loved fighting, after all. "Don't you feel it too?"

"Feel what?" Shikaku replied and took a document into his hand, reading the new analysis of the White Zetsu's abilities.

"Something is not right." She turned to look at him and with a foreboding sound in her voice she asked; "Any news? Is there any news?"

"The message about Madara's Moon Plan reached Naruto."

"Finally." An immense sigh of relief proceeded from the little figure half lost in the depths of worry. "I will be back in a minute…" She groaned as she noticed there was no more ginger root in her pocket.

Shikaku smiled, and Tsunade, who had recovered her composure by the hopeful news, bowed silently and went out to get some air in the hallway. She threw a window open and inhaled the cold air. She was still pale and her manner a little nervous, but she endeavored to soothe the affliction away. "Everything will be all right…" She muttered to herself and let her long golden hair fall upon her shoulders. She took off her heels and tightened the Hokage's cloak about her, endeavoring to soothe the nervousness. "There was no word of Kakashi dying…I hope he is really okay…" She felt a faint smile flash across her lips as she thought of him and for a brief instance, blissful warmth softened her nerves.

"Kakashi? Kakashi Hatake?"

The voice behind her stopped her that was like a collapse in heaven. Some crashing, as of a ruined world, passed splintering through her little fiery heart. She did not yield, but she understood—with an understanding which seemed the delicate first sign of yielding—the seductiveness of evil, the sweet delight of surrendering the Will with utter recklessness to those swelling forces which disintegrate the herioc soul in a warrior. She remembered that voice. She could never forget that voice. "How?"

She heard the man behind her take a step closer. She shuddered with unnamable disgust. She felt on the verge of fainting.

"They said it is Reincarnation Jutsu. I saw that pitiable father of mine too."

"This means… that Hashirama-sama reincarnated too…" Tsunade whispered, unable to move.

"You and the Kakashi brat? Haven't you learned your lesson, Sugar?"

The smell of his decayed robe and body rushed upon her with attack in it, and she felt that her mind was arrested close upon the edge of madness. To hear him use those words, that very nickname, struck her with sudden violence. Before she could have answered, however, and certainly before she could have mastered the touch of horror that rushed over her, Tsunade heard him continuing in a whisper. She choked a cry and trembled, motionless. It seemed that he spoke to himself as much as he spoke to her.

"I never thought you would become a Hokage. Someone so bitter and unlovable as yourself, always a nuisance."

A strong memory stirred within her as the man spoke and she at length turned to behold the black, liquid, deep-sunken eyes open in madness and the thin, shadowed lips part as if for a loathsome smile of triumph. There dwelt in that ghastly and aristocratic face all that was impure and dark.

"It is **you,** who made me bitter!"

His expressionless face was handsome to the point of radiant insanity. He shrugged his shoulders slightly and traveled his eyes at his daughter's. "You should thank me for becoming someone. You owe me, Sugar." He replied smoothly and brought his hands swiftly together. "Mokuton: Houtei no Jutsu!"

Tsunade had only two options in that dreadful moment; she either entered into battle at the Headquarters and thus putting others' lives at risk apart from her own, or get her father's reincarnated vessel out of there. Thinking no further, the Hokage grabbed the loathsome man by the shoulders and jumped out of the window with him.

Ijeharu Senju was the sole offspring of Hashirama and Mito who reached adulthood. Burying his three siblings, he rapidly became acquainted with the temptations of Death. The youth's intimate knowledge of elder things was abnormal and unholy, and he tried his best to hide it. When Ijeharu would mention some favorite object of his boyhood archaistic studies he often shed by pure accident such a light as no normal mortal could conceivably be expected to possess.

Debating between locking him away or not, Hashirama's relief was immeasurable when one night Ijeharu appeared with a girl with whom he wished to continue on with his life. There was something quite out of the ordinary about him. The man was a horror, pure and simple, standing apart from normal humanity and perhaps that was so abnormally captivating in him. Although having no interest in respecting his clan's wishes, Ijeharu effortlessly advanced on the ladder of shinobi and by the age of fifteen, he was able to perfect Hashirama's every Wood Release Jutsu. The family knew well that he drank too much, and had more than a passing acquaintance with drugs, which worsened after his wife's passing. The first signs of insanity appeared weeks after the burial and escalated with Tsunade's upbringing.

With a violent thud, they both smashed into the ground. With similar ferocity, both Senju sprang from the cold ground and went into Sage mode.

"Aren't you a little old to fool around with children like him?" Ijeharu sneered and summoned a wooden axe with a blade sharp as shark's teeth. "Is this your way of rebelling against me, Sugar?"

"Don't fucking call me like that!" Notwithstanding her present condition, Tsunade, breathing vengeance and aggression, and quite willing to wreck herself provided she could repay Ijeharu, gathered her immense chakra into two large deadly blades.

"Watch your mouth! You ungrateful nuisance!" He spat the last phrase with sheer disdain towards his child. He circled her slowly around, looking for the perfect spot to attack. "Do you think I enjoyed raising you? You were the worst thing ever happened to me! Always giving me a headache! Always ruining my days with your bullshit!"

"Enough!" She set upon him without further thinking, but the shinobi was swift to use Hashirama's Houbi technique and thus protect himself by a dome-like structure. "Stop talking! Just stop talking!" The moodiness of her usual temper now suddenly increased to hatred of all things and of all mankind. With an ungovernable outburst of a fury, she smashed her fist against the Houbi over and over again, cracking the wooden shield at last. "Come out and let's end this!" She screamed, panting.

The elder Senju appeared behind her and flung her against the Residence's wall. "You are not only stupid but slow, Sugar." He smirked as he approached her, his gaze piercing the woman on the ground. "I thought the Hatake was a smart clan. Or perhaps that kid is using you for the same reason I did." He felt a sudden twitch of desire burn high with the madness inside him. "After all, you look so much like your mother…"

Summoning his axe, and indulging in the vision of her cracking skull and cries, he aimed a blow at his child which, of course, would have proved instantly fatal had it descended as he wished so. But this blow was arrested by the hand of the Hokage. "He is trying to fix the mess you have made me! I love him, and I hate you! I hate you!" She cried as she broke the axe in two.

Goaded by the interference, into a rage more than demoniacal, Ijeharu dragged the woman upwards by her hair and yanked the head back with a furious desire to break it. "You good for nothing whore. I should have forced you on your knees much more often. **This** is where you belong, **this** , Sugar!"

Tsunade gasped in pain and wrapped her hands around his wrist. A moment of flame and vision rushed over her as for one single second—one merciless second of clear sight—she saw her father as the tall dark man of her evil dreams, and the knowledge that she had suffered at his hands in the past crashed through her mind like the report of a cannon. It all flashed upon her and was gone, changing her from fire to ice, and then back again to fire.

With a precise strike, her elbow landed against his nose and broke it with a loud crackle of the bone. Ijeharu released his painful grip and she slid away from him, with the certain conviction in her heart that the time for her final settlement with the man, the time for the inevitable retribution, was at length here.

Ijeharu growled a vile madman and yelled, his face quickly masked with the oozing blood from his nose; "Mokuton: Mokuryū no Jutsu!"

The earth shook violently and a gigantic wooden dragon appeared behind Tsunade. She knew she moved faster than the fearsome beast; Tsunade screamed and ran at her father, striking him repeatedly at the torso and at the head. The dragon, defending its master, howled and caught her between its sharp teeth. She cried out and used her chakra scalpels to free from the deadly grasp of jaws.

"Sug⸺" Ijeharu began but upon using just a few muscles, he fell upon the ground, shaking uncontrollably.

"Pressure-points." Tsunade panted, wiping the blood off her face. She fell on her knees and focused the decreasing amount of chakra in healing herself. "Now die!" With one last charge, she slid across him and grabbed him by his decayed uniform. Her large golden eyes now burnt with pale blue flames. Out of control, a Lightning Staff appeared instantly in her other hand with which she impaled him and kicked the Mad Senju away with an upwards kick.

Had it not been for Shikaku's sudden appearance in her sight, she should have by this time become quite convinced of her own madness. "Hokage-sama!"

"Shikaku-sama, run!" Tsunade screamed as she beheld a titanic red bomb falling right towards the Headquarters with unstoppable force. With an awful sense of foreboding and dread in her heart, she made a run for it; the Ten Tail's attack hit the building with unwholesome power and brain-shatteringly gruesome became the scene in an instant. The place exploded and so did each and every human being in it; hideously incongruous limbs and pieces of flesh fell like heavy rain on Konoha.

Icy thrills ran through the trembling shinobi upon beholding the demoniac savagery. "Ho⸺Hokage-sama!"

"Shit. Shit." Tsunade groaned in pain and the green dome-like shield vanished around them. The will of Fire died from her eyes and she collapsed into the Nara's arms.

"Hokage-sama!" His nerves quivered suddenly; there was blood dripping between her thighs. "I need a fucking doctor! Get me a doctor!" Shikaku shouted into the crowd of villagers and a breath of cold air stole in among them. "You saved my life… I'll do my best to save yours." He whispered.


	18. The Cherry and the Shark

**"Everyone's living in black and white, we see each other in a different light. That's why I look at you like I do like nobody else is even in the room."**

Dedicated to IdleInkling!

 ** _SMUT. Sexy sharks._**

* * *

A storm raged with great fury outside; the sky was entirely overcast and poisonous darkness covered the horizon. Mei's eyes were bent fixedly before her, and throughout her whole countenance there reigned a kind of stony rigidity. Several minutes elapsed, the time lingered. With a sudden sigh, she straightened her back in the chair and pulled it a little closer, so that woman in the bed could drink in the hideous import of her words.

"I feel like you are a person whom I can trust, Tsunade-sama, so let me relieve my pain by telling you my story. It is something I could never share with a soul, let alone a living one, and madness such as this cannot stay under control for so long. I am glad that you are here, and meanwhile, I know you will not be happy when this all ends, somewhere, sometime, I hope that we may meet again and perhaps become friends."

It was Hearthfire, and the sky was soft with haze, yet still empty and hungry for the swallows. Round balls of vapor pretending to be solid were being driven by an upper wind across the stars, but the stars were brilliant and shone through the edges of the vapor. And the night seemed in a glow. The wind did not come down, the roofs were still; the mass of Kirigakure lay like a misty furnace far below, bright patches alternating with deep continents of shadow. I heard the town booming in its sleep, a thick and heavy sound, yet resonant.

I rose from my chair and walked to the large window in the office, and at first, I saw only the mist that thickened around the rooftops so ominously in the air.

The Residence's office was dark and silent, but I heard a murmuring as though the night itself was talking in its sleep. The dizziness of the last mission was still about me and remained a little even when I lit a candle to see the time. I always had a preference for candles and disliked the strong gleams of lamps.

It was four o'clock. The room wore a waiting, listening air, as though one moment longer and someone at this unlawful hour shall disturb it. My instincts proved correct when the door opened and the long-lost Monster of the Bloody Mist appeared in front of me.

"You should really do something about the security here." Kisame's large silhouette greeted my eyes as he entered my office that ominous night. Blood dripped from the blade he had just put back upon his back and a wicked smile danced around those vile lips as he studied me from head to foot.

"The wayward son of Kirigakure at last returns." I said as I sat upon the desk and crossed my legs with a leisure motion.

"That is not how they call me."

"The Monster of the Bloody Mist, ⸺if that is your preference?"

"Better." He smirked, pleased that I knew with whom I was dealing.

But did he know, with whom he was dealing?

"If you didn't come here to apologize and atone for your crimes, I suggest you leave, Handsome."

"You are well aware of the monster you are talking to, yet I see no fear in your eyes. Impressive."

"Oh, you can come closer and take a better look at me. Let's see what a creature like you can discover."

"You have nerve and insanity…I like that." He narrowed his eyes as he spoke and I folded my arms as I answered to him.

"Let's get to business then. Why are you here?"

"What is up with the "Missing nin" title?"

"Does it hurt your ego, not being declared a big bad shark,hm?" I smirked, tilting my head to a side as I began to play with a blood red curl of my hair.

"Hmph…"

"My decisions, my responsibilities. I know what I am doing, Kisame-sama. Don't worry about that."

"Surely you can fetch a little piece of your secret, can't you?"

"Not yet."

"Not yet?" This was the first time my answer befuddled him.

"You have really no idea of who you're talking to, do you, Handsome?"

"A strange woman with a loud mouth, whose head would look prettier in my hand; hanging from it. But I guess I am no fashion expert."

"You haven't changed a bit."

"I…know you?" The surprise on his face was evident. For some minutes he watched my face in silence, his eyes intent, his features slightly twitching. I knew at once from his manner what he was driving at. He pondered how to approach the subject without awkwardness and circumlocution, for it was something he really disliked, not feeling sure whether the subject was of heaven or of hell.

I stopped him firmly in further inquiry, lying. "Someone is coming…And I am guessing you don't want to attack a whole village right now, do you? So please, leave."

"We are not done." He warned but in that warning, there also sounded a boyish curiosity.

"We are, for now. I will not declare you Rogue, Kisame-sama. Go on with your little boy band, let's see where does that get you."

I haven't seen him for a while after that first short encounter, however, my attempts of luring him back to me remained relentless. How? I made sure the past would never be forgotten; the Monster of the Hidden Mist remained a missing shinobi waiting to be found and rescued. It cost me a couple of "soldiers", ⸺convicts made shinobi by having to choose between instant death or surrendering the blade of the tall nightmare Kisame was.

In was in the dark light of midnight when our paths crossed again. I had just finished reading a report in my chambers, throwing it indignantly to the bin. I rose from the desk with a heavy sigh escaping from my lungs when the scent of ocean came to my nostrils.

"What are you trying to achieve with your pathetic attempts, woman?" He asked point-blank, standing behind me.

"Pathetic, you say?" I smirked as I turned to face him. "They seem to me to be working just fine, these…Pathetic attempts."

"Answer me."

"I want you back, Kisame-sama. Back in Kirigakure. To stand and fight with us, as one of us."

Kisame scoffed, indignant. "And this is how you want to convince me?" His endeavors to ask such question casually effected him to speak in a voice that hardly seemed his own; his interest was piqued, his heart already harboring. I knew that. I knew that man well. We were just the same.

"You think I don't know how much easier it would be to announce you Rogue?" I asked and locked our eyes together. I wished to read from those round, stern eyes, for they always told more than words might express. Kisame was silent. I resumed, decided about the cause. "You have been acting like a coward ever since you joined them."

"How dare you say that to me, woman?" The giant answered with a forced calmness, although his voice was near the trembling point. No one dared accuse Kisame Hoshigaki with such atrocity. Well, before me, of course.

"If it upsets you, then I am right." I pressed on.

Thoughts crowded thick and fast and his patience was running short. I noticed the twitch of his fingers, yearning madly to reach for his sword and cut my throat with it. I noticed the glimpse of savage lust in his eyes to prove his strength over me, and thus, over the loudest memory of his past. He loathed me already; he loathed me for being one of them. And yet, he wouldn't leave. Somewhere deep inside, he knew Kirigakure was his home, even now. I wanted him back. I wanted him to realize that the world is able to change for the better. Nothing ever lasts, not even evil.

"It upsets me because you're just a worm on which I can step on if I wish."

"Then please, be my guest and do it, Kisame-sama."

Kisame's finely sculpted lips parted and the sharp, deadly teeth growled in muffled anger. His long fingers gripped the hilt of his sword and pulled it off from the back. But I resumed. In that very moment of truth, I really had nothing to lose. We were alone and whoever won, it would be a significant moment. I wanted this long-lasting battle to end finally. I craved to see the direction in which Kirigakure was heading; without me, or without him. But I had to know.

"Can you really rest at night when the faces of those comrades you had betrayed still come alive in front of your eyes? Is that what you're trying to prove me? That their cries and pleas to stop your cruelty find deaf ears in you? Is that it, Kisame-sama? That you don't regret one bit with your soul all the gruesome crimes you have committed? All the good lives you had taken, friends, family, even…. All those people… Trusting you and believing in you!"

"Enough!"

My words, like a shock of fire it came home to his heart and a moment later I felt my back smash against the wall and his large hand grip at the garment of my robe. He was fueled, but it was not with rage, it was with a disgraceful guilt.

"I know how you feel. I know it would be easier if this land openly sought your elimination as Rogue. You could focus all that cruel remorse in us. Everything you hate in yourself, every sin and sorrow, you could finally direct it away from your own heart. Every murder, rape, slaughter, it would all be justified. There would be no shame in you anymore. I know your darkest desire, Kisame-sama. You are an open book to me."

He threw his fist an inch away from my face; the wall cracked and my heart skipped a beat. But I would never leave his gaze with my own. "The Kirigakure who betrayed you is no more. That world is no more, Kisame-sama."

"You are naïve if you honestly think that, woman." He corrected me and resumed, with an expression that brought the chin up closer to the lips and made the eyebrows almost stern. "As long as there is free will, there will be corruption. There will be lies and betrayal. People do not deserve will of their own. Akatsuki is my family, not you and your filthy land."

"Then give me a chance to prove you wrong, as your friend."

"My friend?"

My request had taken him aback; for a second confusion clouded his vexation. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I was the one saving your proud ass from that deadly blast, during the Chuunin exam."

"The Cherry and the Shark." He muttered and let go of me. He didn't back, however, and I stood prisoner between his large frame and the cold, cracked wall. "Your face was so flushed in all that hurry, that I called you Cherry-face."

For a moment, then, we stood there in the dark chamber, talking of a hundred half-forgotten things, as the haze of memory lifted, and scenes and pictures, names and faces, details of fun and mischief rained upon him like flowers in a sudden wind of spring. My voice and face bridged the years like magic and the stiff composure lightened for a short elapse of delightful time. There was still goodness in him; in fact, it never left him. That was the source of all his inner suffering; the impotence of killing without remorse.

"Kisame-sama…Please, let me show you that the world deserves a second chance, just like you do."

"The sole atonement for me is death, Cherry-chan." He sighed so lightly hoping I wouldn't notice the affliction. "Whatever you're doing, is useless. Even if now things seem better, once you die, you will rot away with your dreams and hope for a better future. People are not good, Cherry-chan. Me neither. Declare me Rogue and our business is finished, you and I finally choose sides."

"For the sake of this land and for the sake of our friendship, I cannot change my mind either. I cannot let you walk away like this, Kisame-sama. You will never be a Rogue for as long as I live because I would be a horrible leader if I had let you live on with a clear conscience. You must keep suffering then. You must keep remembering the lives you had taken. You must die regretting your life, then."

"Do you always talk so much, Cherry-chan, or it worsens by age?"

"Always a flutterer, Kisame-sama." I growled and pushed him away. If I could have, I had surely pierced my eyes through his brain; I was short on patience as well. "I guess I forgot that it with your giant frame comes a giant ego."

The monster of the Bloody Mist chuckled at me. "Do you know what else of mine is giant, Cherry-chan?"

"Your sword, I presume?"

"My contempt towards the likes of you."

In our heated conversation, silence ensued suddenly. I felt his stern stare on me, observing every little feature of mine. What was his goal; I did not yet know it. But I felt somewhat uncomfortable. No man ever made me feel that way, I was always in charge. My lips were fixed, compressed by an unhinged mind. My features wore this expression of curious pain I thought he could not attribute to anything. He watched me for some minutes, surprised and fascinated. It came over him that he almost knew what that was in my mind. Another moment and he would discover it, I thought and I sought to stop him.

I pressed, speaking with conviction and authority; "I don't believe you. I think you have a heart. You can shove your fake contempt up your ass, and ⸺"

And before he could restrain himself he drew me towards him, seized my hand and kissed me like the Devil. It was that kiss, combined with my blocked sentence and uncompleted gesture, rather than any more passionate expression of our argument that broke the ice and shattered every piece of common sense within us.

I do not know what made him act so carelessly, so honestly, at that moment. In his arms, I felt like a lamb offered to a wolf; Kisame did what his urges dictated and I let him prove to me that the world was cruel and gentleness had no place in it.

"Kisame-sa⸺"

"Shut up, Cherry-chan."

I drew a sharp breath from my lungs as he trailed his lips to my neck. I could speak no more, and rational thinking was no option either. I surrendered in that moment. I surrendered to the Monster of the Bloody Mist. The cold touch of his teeth as he trailed his mouth onto my neck sent shivers like bolts of lightning through my whole body. I leaned closer to him, as close as two bodies could ever feel against one another and he growled with satisfaction. Wild lust stirred in me, something I have never felt before. Every inch of me obeyed to a will that was not my own, despicable and unholy moans passing through my wet, raw lips.

The monster's large hands meanwhile roamed my frame like a hunter familiarizing with its prey before complete eradication. I felt him stiffen at the closeness of me, my scent darkening the madness in his brain. He devoured me with his mouth like a true predator, and I longed to feel him on mine over and over again.

In the moment that followed, he locked me back against the wall and against him, this time, wishing to leave no chance for escape. He smelled like the ocean; endless, unknown, untamed.

"This is contempt, Cherry-chan. I'll break you with the same vile pleasure I slaughtered my friends and your body will obey me as my sword obeyed my commands." Kisame warned me bitterly and his words had taken me aback. Right then, I did try and push him away but he grabbed my hand with a calmness that was unnatural at that moment. I slapped him and he smiled and looked at me. He looked at me for the longest of time, not bothering to conceal the urge that was burning wild in him.

"Show me the monster you claim to be then." I asked it with a shudder that put ice and fire mingled in my blood.

I felt the need in his actions to conquer me as a man conquers a woman, making me his slave in both body and soul. He reclaimed my mouth in long, battling passions and I heard the material of my robe rip between his fingers. He surely wasted no time to own me. My legs wrapped around his waist involuntarily as he lifted me up.

I gasped, his motions frantic, wild. Have no doubt Kisame was equally proportioned in every part of his body, making me bite my lips bloody as he broke inside me with the force of a stallion. I grabbed at his shoulders and leaned against him in a futile attempt of comfort. Gods help me, I cried at the sensation of being split into half. The forceful swaying of his loins brought an overwhelming pleasure, which rapidly replaced the pain. I never imagined something so brutal, so animalistic could bring so much cursed bliss. With my nails sunk into his hard shoulders, I drove my hips against him, urging to sink into me and we moved in a hurried, frantic rhythm.

There was no gentleness, no joy between us. We fucked through the whole cursed night like mad animals seeking redemption. His thrusts felt to tear through my body as he claimed me over and over again. He shuddered at the promise of release and those glowing bright eyes now dark with violence bore into mine.

A sudden stir of dread washed over me and I arched my back to free from him. "Don't… Please don't!"

Kisame was a man to keep his word; with tremors of sheer pleasure wracking his body, it was my ragged plea that at length made him jerk inside me with a guttural cry that broke forth from his lungs. I cried in completion half of passion half of disgust. I wished for him to release me, to escape from the prison of his wide frame glowing with drops of sweat in the pale light. It took a while for us both to move as we had been panting like dogs in heat.

"Give up, Cherry-chan." He gasped against my lips as he claimed them one more time. "That is the wisest thing you can do." He added and placed me back upon my trembling legs.

For weeks I did not hear of him, but I remained unwilling to change my mind. Distance held meaning for him; separation was a kind of keen starvation. I knew that he thought of me as much as I thought of him; why? For one thing, the pain of the past did not stir in him alone anymore; there was joy and delight carried with it. I knew he remembered the exams, the traps we had laid together to save ourselves, that meaningful conversation under the black stars of the Night of Terror, and the final battle, and the Purge.

And for another thing, the number of Kisame's killings ceased, compared to other Akatsuki murders. I knew our encounter had affected him and I knew he was gravely indignant over that. Thus, to prove his apathy towards us, the people of the Past, the people of the Bloody Mist, he came to me again, entering the chamber already so familiar to him, with a head in his hand.

"You are insane, Cherry-chan." He told me and threw the bloody piece at the futon and I dared not show any emotion.

It was one of the darkest nights and he found me yet again in my bedchambers, stirring me from sleep. There was a little lamp lit on the bedside table, barely an aid against the thick blackness. "Didn't you learn your lesson? Wasn't that time not enough for you to understand that you and your dream are worthless?"

"Is that why you came here, to tell me that?" I muffled a groan as I grabbed one of my uniforms and covered the head by the deficient light. I would bury it outside later, I decided.

"I am here to warn you." He said, his tone calm yet his eyes menacing.

"Warn me? That you will kill me if I don't stop?" I scoffed, folding my arms as I straightened my back, standing in front of him. I was hungry for his voice and touch; his presence excited me—and yet I was half afraid.

"Yes."

"Kill me now then, Kisame-sama. Let us end this once and for all. I will not give up until then. Your place is not in Akatsuki." I shrugged as if our conversation was made of desultory themes and sat back upon the soft covers of my bed.

Kisame stood there, his whole strong frame tensing with rage and no speech came to help him for a moment. The thing passed him like a dream; the anger, the emotion left him; the nightmare touch was gone. My boldness, his simple nature did not at once comprehend. The faint wrinkles around his lips and the tremor of his gaze betrayed that he felt my tenderness pour over him.

A spring of little joy rose bubbling in him that no words could tell. And for that, he felt afraid. But the fear was no longer for himself. In some perplexing, singular way, he felt afraid for me… "Why are you insisting so adamantly, Cherry-chan? Are you truly this fucking stupid?" He endeavored to hide what I had known already. He was a horrible actor, something I am certain he was aware of.

"You are my friend, Kisame-sama. Friends do not give up on each other. How could I protect these people if I betray my own friend?"

He was bewildered and delighted; he was also puzzled—for the first second only. "We are not friends, Cherry-chan! Friendship means bond. I have no bond, except with Akatsuki." Somewhere he had been untrue to himself, and now, he almost betrayed himself.

"So it will take you no effort to finish me off, right now."

Why did I remain so adamant all through this time? Why did I offer to die so that he could prove his right? It was the very same reason for me too; I wanted to prove my own right. The sweet, careless memories of youth never ceased to burn within my soul and in that moment they ignited once again.

I hoped that the old Kisame, who had a heart, was still deep down, that the reason for his cruelty was the simple reaction of unwillingness to face his past. That he was too much in pain to relive it once again.

I closed my eyes and undid the button on my nightgown. I sat bare in front of him, my hair brushed behind so that he could cut my throat deliciously. I sensed the bed sink beneath his weight. I heard the whistle of Samehada, and I heard the growl of the Monster. I gulped and compressed my lips as I said my goodbyes to everyone I have failed for a foolishness as this is.

A touch of pain pricked him like an insect's sting, but a pain he could not account for but it made him hesitate. His blood boiled at the same time, as I was so effortlessly prepared for his deadly swing. "Look at me."

I knew his heart swell as he looked into my eyes. I knew that beauty somewhere astonished him; and I knew that in the dim light of the bedchamber my long fiery locks and sharp emerald eyes glowed and burned like a veiled star. Suddenly, he reached towards me and pulled the silk gown over my bosom. The monstrous sword rested on the bed by his thigh as he spoke. "I will not kill you. I will kill everyone I know you care about."

I laughed, bitterly and the bitterness in my voice surprised him. "I have no one, Kisame-sama." I began and I lost my gaze in his once again. I relished my soul in his ocean scent and the honest character of his. "I am a survivor of the past as you are. I had lost everyone too. I had committed things I wish to take back but they live with me up until this day. I had suffered. I grew up in the land of the Bloody Mist like you. So if you wish to kill someone meaningful to me, then you should end yourself."

He rose suddenly from the bed and paced to and fro in my room. There was no moon. The night was drowned in stars. I could barely see his silhouette anymore.

I heard his heart sink a moment, then start hammering irregularly against his ribs. "Stupid woman." He growled through his sharp teeth as he pondered over things unknown to me. Something frightened him. I knew because upon glancing back at me, he must have caught in my face an expression he could not understand—the struggle of many strong emotions—anxiety and passion, fear and love; my eyes were shining, though the lids remained half closed. "Cherry-chan…"

"Do you remember what I'd told you during the Night of Terror?" I asked softly and stood from the bed, keeping my distance. "That the curve of the earth may hide us from each other's sight like that,"

"…but we feel the pull just the same."

The lamp gave one quick flicker and went out. Deep stillness followed. There was a silence like the moon. A murmur as of leaves was audible, or as of a pine bough sighing in a breeze.

He made a sudden gesture; his movements were swift. I braced myself as against attack. I gasped. His power over me was greater than he knew. Beneath the pressure of torments such as these, the feeble remain of the good within me succumbed to his charms completely; desire and passion became my sole intimates, the most luscious and wanton kind.

I had no power to shake it off anymore, for he left me no room for my rationality. From that moment onwards, neither day nor night knew I the blessing of a peaceful mind. Kisame had power, ⸺incumbent, eternal, upon my heart. And each time like this, heated, enraged, mad, we would find ourselves in each others' arms, kissing, fucking and then kissing again. Slowly, very slowly, there came love blooming in us. None of us planned it, but none of us could avoid it. We never said it to each other, but we knew and felt that it was there.

After those sleepless nights together, I'd wake in the mornings with a sense of uplifting joy beating the rhythm of some happier life. A new lightness pervaded my very flesh and bones; it would send me along the narrow passage to the bathroom—dancing, much to the astonishment of the cook who caught a glimpse of the phenomenon as she cut the salmon; it made me sing while I sponged himself, waking the servants earlier than usual and stirring in them an unwelcome reminder that they were all under my command.

Splashed in my bath I'd go on singing just because I couldn't help myself; my voice was sweet, and it would always come out. I dried myself, standing in a warmed up towel, feeling as if I stood right in the sun.

Such a deluge of happiness, confidence, natural bliss seemed in me, seemed everywhere about me too. I could not understand myself, but neither could I deny the joy his presence brought me, and therefore it was real. In the rise and fall of some larger rhythm than I had ever known, I swung above a world that could no longer cage us in. I saw the bars below us; the corruption of which he talked the power of Akatsuki... Alarm, anxiety, worry, even death were but little obstacles that tried to trip me up and make me stumble, stop and give up existence as too difficult to face.

Loving the Monster of the Mist made it all seem as if they lay below me now. I saw them from above. I was in the air, which is how I felt.

I wonder if you have ever felt this way, Tsunade. Have you ever been that happy as I was? So happy, that it made you laugh and sing to think that such nightmares could ever have frightened or discouraged you?

And, though later and by degrees, the airy exhilaration would leave me, so that I came down to earth and settled, the descent was gradual and without a thud. Something of lightness and of wonder stayed. The memory of some loftier purpose would guide me all day long amid the tangle of little difficulties that usually seemed mountainous.

Thinking of him and the gradual gentleness of his every touch, the rare but precious moments of his wicked smile made me rise so effortlessly above all obstacles that opposed and hindered. I saw them from above, that is, I saw them in proportion. Stepping on each in turn, I flew easily over everyone; they served their purpose as jumping-off spots for taking flight. I felt like a bird with open wings towards the limitless sky.

But as every evil thing, good things too come to an end and the gates of Heaven closed behind us before we could have perceived it. Cast out of joy we fell straight into Hell. Of that day I have no distinct memory; the picture seared into my soul is of one scene only, and the hour must have been long after midnight; for a waning crescent moon was high the vaporous heavens.

The place of my end was at the ancient cemetery of Kirigakure; so ancient that I trembled at the manifold signs of immemorial years. It was in a deep, damp hollow, overgrown with black grass, moss, and curious creeping weeds, and filled with a vague stench which I attributed to rotting stones. On every hand, I could glimpse at signs of neglect and decrepitude.

Over the valley's rim a waning crescent moon peered through the noisome vapors that seemed to emanate from unheard-of catacombs, and by its feeble, wavering beams I could distinguish a repellent array of antique slabs, urns, and vaults; all crumbling, moss-grown, and stained, and concealed by the gross luxuriance of plants.

My first vivid impression of my own presence in this terrible necropolis was the taste of the unhealthy vegetation beneath me as I stumbled and fell, or perhaps was thrown at the ground. I groaned as I dragged myself on my knees but I could step no further; the rapid, yet all the more feeble kicks of my child in my womb signaled the dread in his small, fragile body and I stopped to caress the fear away. He mustn't know what waited for us…

No word was uttered, for the spot and the task seemed known to them; and without delay, I felt strange arms seizing my hair to force my eyes to behold him.

He stood there, facing me, and his eyes turned full upon my own. The love in his face was plain to read, though he was not conscious of it. He waited in silence when someone else broke it;

"I could finish her off with a ritual. Really, this is fucking boring." Someone groaned, sickening me with disgust.

"No, Hidan. Kisame must prove his loyalty once and for all." Another one, of a voice much lower and lifeless, announced it loudly, urging the Monster with certain impatience, as though they were in some delay.

The intense and burning desire to help me rose upon him, the desire to protect. But I knew what he had not yet known, that there was only one way out of this madness. "Cherry-chan…" He began as he stepped close enough to end my pitiable life. His words were but whispers yet the spoke to me on notes only I could comprehend; there was conflict, sharp and dreadful.

"It's okay." I soothed him but I failed, just as I had failed to soothe the child inside me. I forced a smile upon my lips and placed my palms over my womb as if wishing to protect the sign of his betrayal.

The sight of me, of us, reduced his resistance to utter impotence. He backed, but he was halted. "How can this be okay?" He felt unsure of himself again. A hand on his shoulder landed. The voice was deep yet comforting.

"We all make mistakes, Kisame-sama. This is your path to forgiveness."

But having weighed the sacrifice against the joy, he did not want to carry it out. I knew that indecision could not linger for so long. I reached my fingers towards him and he came back once again.

"You must do it. If you don't, you die too. I can't fight like this…You can finally belong somewhere without attachments to the past. Don't hesitate more. I forgive you, Kisame. I forgive you." I whispered to him, only to him as I stroked the cold blue skin of his finely molded cheek. He shut his eyes to perceive nothing of this ghoulish nightmare around him, except my touch.

The seconds lingered; it was the minutes that rushed. A spasm of acute and aching pain shot through him as he pulled Samehada off his back and looked into my eyes. He winced and the sword trembled in his hand.

"Just kill that little whore already!" The white-haired demon groaned but none of us were concerned with it.

I saw on Kisame the tormenting wish of wanting to turn and vanish, yet he was forced rooted to the ground. He could not escape. It had to be…

"My Cherry-chan…Remember…that…the curve of the earth… may hide us from each other's sight like that,"

"…but we feel the pull just the…." The sentence, however, was incomplete because the breath that framed it into broken words failed suddenly; my heart, so strangely given into his unworthy keeping, fought to remain beating and my consciousness faded in a painful daze.

He turned and faced them, empty as he was. The blood of our child, and of mine dripped from the deadly blade, each small drop fell lonely upon the ground, streaming into the pool of crimson that flowed languidly from my body.

The soul in him, after completing the gruesome command, stood erect to meet the misery of lonely pain that inevitably lay ahead. "We can go now."

I heard him vaguely and then there was silence. The next moment, he came…He told me that Hanazame could be saved if I was willing to make a sacrifice…

Mei sighed and an unknown sensation gripped at her soul. She then resumed, shaking the unwholesome feeling away. "You are the sacrifice, Tsunade-sama. I know no details…I never asked. I hope, that one day, you will forgive me, just like I forgave Kisame. I know he had no choice. I had no choice either…Our son is alive and well… You are going to fight for an experiment, one of his creations. He told me to lure you here and make you stay. I cannot kill you, no harm can come to you until he comes…"

She rose from the chair, her throat dry. "One more thing, Tsunade-sama…This is not personal. I think you are a good person…But for a mother, it is always the child, who comes first."


	19. Wicked Game

**"** **What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way."**

 **Au's Note:** Here is more Shikaku for Hansolo's Butt.

Thank you for every reviewer; **You Are the Most Amazing Readers** on this site!

* * *

 ** _A few days later…_**

It was a cold misty morning when Tsunade awoke, stricken with surprise at finding herself somewhere wholly alien from what she had known to be Konohagakure. "Oh god…" She groaned with a headache and lifted her hands to her temples. She heard the rattle of chains as her hands moved. With a dumbfounded look she looked around, asking; "Where am I?"

"In Kirigakure." Mei's voice echoed in the chamber as she sat with legs crossed in her chair; only she knew how many hours have already passed since she had first entered. "You sure like to sleep, Tsunade-sama."

"Why am I chained here?" She did not half like the metal around her wrists; for one thing, in this old, traditional world, noble blood ran in her veins and for another thing, she was a former leader of a village, if one must forget her title as one of the Great Sannin. Enchainment was nothing but grave atrocity, of which Mei was quite aware. However, she set her own rules in her own kingdom.

"Well…Sorry about that little precaution but I wanted to make sure you did understand the rules. You are staying here until you save my son." She focused on each word she uttered for lies came hard even to her. "If you cannot, or if you decide to part ways sooner than that, I have to kill you. I have no other choice, you do know that. And you also know that, whilst it would be quite likely that you kill me before I kill you, you can't do much alone against a whole village, especially in a condition as delicate as yours." She had a nature as direct and undeviating as a bullet.

"I know. So I am your hostage until I am free to walk away." Tsunade's reply came easily and naturally, it surprised the other. She was not a bit afraid of being in a life and death situation. Perhaps somewhere she enjoyed it; the tension was in her nature.

The Mizukage resumed and leaned back in her chair. "Upon fulfilling the duties bestowed upon you, yes. And meanwhile, of course, you will be treated as a guest here."

Tsunade nodded. "I understand. I am here, aren't I?"

"Yes. You were brought here by two of my spies. It wasn't easy to get you away from that handsome scarred man but he believed our lie."

She took a brief lapse of time to recollect the memories she had last reserved in her brain; the night of the war, the explosion and… "Ah, Shikaku-sama."

"Is he, by any chance…Lonely?" She cleared her throat, a little nervous at such honest inquiry.

"No." Tsunade smiled to herself, forgetting what kind of character the redhead was.

Mei Terumi came of a race noted for vigor and ardor of sensuality. There was passion in infinity and there was infinity in desire.

The question is not yet settled, whether this mad hunger is or is not the most glorious disease of human nature. Those, who dream by day, become aware of many things which escape those who dream only by night. In their blissful visions they obtain glimpses of eternity, and thrill, in awakening, to find that they have been upon the verge of Infinity. They earn something of the wisdom which is of good and more of the mere knowledge which is of deliciously evil.

"Here are your files." Mei began and handed her over a few documents. "You received proper care at our hospital and were taken here by my command."

"How long have I been out?" Tsunade inquired whilst she ran her gaze across the penned information.

"A couple of days. Your son is all right. Everything is on the papers."

"Oh…A boy?" Tsunade smiled as she read the results of the blood test. It seemed like the Hatake line would remain unchanged, for now.

"Yes, you are expecting a boy." Mei echoed languidly. "If I may suggest, try and not get into a fight with anyone here. It is not really good for that poor thing in you. You should be a little more responsible."

Tsunade Senju did not like being told off. "Responsible? Like you were with Kisame Hoshigaki?" She snapped at the other and closed the document.

"Point taken." The Mizukage narrowed her eyes but decided to let the remark pass. The reason for the blonde's presence was far more important than some bold retort. "I have breakfast served for you at the dining hall. Please eat and come to see my child. We should begin work." And as she uttered that last sentence, she rose from the chair and unchained the hostage, her eyes still fixed upon the other as if she was lost in observation. "I see the dress fits. Try and not ruin it, we are not a rich land like yours."

"Er⸺" She looked down on her frame and it was only then when she noticed she was indeed out of her usual garments. She wore a hanfu[1] made of blue silk and white brocade and cotton, having been embroidered by patterns of Kirigakure's symbols on its cross collar and sash.

Once out of the chains, Tsunade entered the main hall of the Residence and followed the servant at his heels. No matter into which room she glanced, there hung a cloud of intense gloom and devout sorrow over the whole building. Upon finishing her breakfast, they passed through the corridors of the Residence and reached the basement.

Through walls of piled bones and casks and barrels, a marble staircase led to the inmost recesses of the catacombs. Long forgotten time's remains' hung like moss upon the walls. They were below the water's bed. The drops of nature trickled among the bones.

"So this is where you're keeping your son?" Tsunade murmured in a voice that sounded like someone else's and was only half under control.

"This is the only place where no one ever comes." Answered Mei, as if expecting the question to be uttered.

They passed through a range of low arches, descended, passed on, and descending again, arrived at a deep crypt. At the most remote end of the crypt there appeared another, however less spacious. Its walls had been lined with human remains, piled to the vault overhead, in the fashion of the great catacombs of Kirigakure.

Three sides of this interior crypt were still ornamented in this manner. From the fourth, the bones had been thrown down and shelves had been hung on the wall. At one extremity of this "chamber", there had been a desk placed with a chair and several cabinets upon which trays, scrolls, and pens were dropped or forgotten. Within the wall under the shelves, Tsunade perceived a still interior recess, reminding her of a bedchamber.

"My son is there…But the papers you must read before you do anything, are here in this room." Mei spoke, lowering her voice not to stir the "child" inside the hidden recess.

"Shouldn't I take a look at him first?" Tsunade turned her face towards him, but the Mizukage was decided about the matter.

"No." She said shortly and pointed at a mound of documents at the desk. "Read those first. I do not want you to rush into some rapid conclusion without taking your time." She replied quickly, hoping to gain more time with such nonsense of a demand. She needed to make sure that the former Hokage would stay for a long time; of course she had to halt her.

"Bu⸺"

"I said, you read the papers first, Tsunade-sama." Mei cut in, unappreciative of others resistance. Her nature was complex in another matter, apart from that incessant fire burning in her loins; she could not take no for an answer. She could not accept resistance. Mei grew up in a war zone, in a land where the soil was nourished by blood instead of water, where crimson rain fell from the sky and where the birds' soft little chirp was but a mere fantasy amidst the cries of tyranny. The only way of survival was the drowning of emotions and killing the warmth in the heart. Mei was altogether a good person, embittered and tormented by a vision of complete peace; a kind of harmony which could not be attained with mercy and soft-heartedness.

"Whatever you say, Mizukage." Tsunade gave in, emerging from the conversation in a state of sheer vexation. However, she offered no room to fight and instead she threw herself on the chair, grabbing a pen. "Get me ginger, at least. And ice cream. And another chair, this one is hurting my back. Please."

Twilight was deepening by the time she finished with the paperwork. One would have thought after resigning, there were no more forms and notes to deal with, but the former Hokage could not have been more mistaken. A smile flashed across her face as she wondered if the task was just as unpardonably dull to Kakashi as it was to her. Reading, taking notes, re-reading, correcting, and ripping useless papers apart; a never-ending circle of pure boredom.

She sighed as she stepped out of the vault's secret exit and turned to face the road; it was time to retire for the night.

The air was cold and misty. The paving-stones, loosened from their beds, lay in wild disorder amidst the tall, rank grass, which sprang up around the feet and ankles. Fallen houses choked up the street. Smells of litter everywhere prevailed in the air and the ghastly light of lamps ⸺which, even at midnight⸺, never failed to emanate through a vapory and pestilential atmosphere.

Tsunade covered her mouth with the sleeve of her dress and rushed through the abandoned road to the servants' living quarters. To be able and live quietly, undetected, one must have to blend in, the Mizukage said and naïve she was to blindly agree with her. It did not matter anymore; she was not a finicky woman. Whatever was offered was fine.

The room, in which she found herself then was very small and humble. There was only one narrow window as high upon the wall as to be deliberately inaccessible from within. Feeble gleams of the pale light made their way through it, but the eye struggled in vain to reach the remoter angles of the room. Dark draperies hung upon the walls. The general furniture was comfortless, antique and tattered. Many books lay scattered about but failed to give any vitality to the scene. There were some robes and torn garments on the bed, supposedly bitter remains of delightful times.

She gulped as she pondered what unholy desires came alive in this air of stern, deep and irredeemable gloom. Tsunade felt that she breathed an atmosphere of pure sorrow, pervading the soul the instant she walked in.

"So this is supposed to be the nicest room..." She frowned and with a sigh she brushed the garments off the bed and sat upon the covers. "I am sorry, son…Maybe we should have disappeared somewhere else. At least we are helping a kid…That should be a good thing, hm?" She admitted half upset, half bitter. "I should give you a name, shouldn't I? I don't want to keep calling you son…Let's see…" She endeavored to carry the morose feeling inside towards something a little more delightful. This place was depressing enough alone. "You are going to be so much like your father, aren't you? Yeah…I am pretty sure about that…So lightning…and thunder…"

She patted her chin as she pondered. "How about…Rai-to[2]?" Tsunade smiled as the sounds echoed in the misty room. "Yes. Raito…Like lightning." The sweet moment was terrifically disturbed by a frenzied set of knocks upon the door. She arose from the bed and throwing open the door, saw standing out in the darkness a servant maiden, all in tears, who told her that Hanazame had been seized with epilepsy a few minutes ago and that it seemed he was no more! Her looks were wild with terror and she spoke to the woman in a voice so tremulous and very, very low.

"Just give me a second!" Tsunade gathered her hair in a loose bun and rushed after the servant under the waning moonlight.

It was almost midnight. The lamps burned flickeringly in the vault. An icy chill ran through her frame as she beheld the "child" in his mother's arms sitting on the ground with drops of blood and saliva glistening on her dress. "You said you would help! What the hell did you do all day?"

"I had to read those useless files you threw at me." Tsunade retorted, half calm half vexed. "It could have saved more time if you had let me do my job instead of reading hours of bullshit."

Mei spoke no word; and Tsunade, not for the world could have uttered more syllables. A sense of insufferable anxiety oppressed both. At length, the mother lifted her "child" back upon the bed and remained with him for some time breathless and motionless, with her eyes riveted solely upon his person. "Do something!" She cried, hoping her act was agreeable.

The woman nodded and walked to the bed and sat on the other side. "Do you have a stethoscope?"

"A stetho⸺what?" She looked visibly dumbfounded by the request.

Tsunade frowned and put her finger upon the child's wrist. "I am guessing nobody uses old medical techniques in this world."

"We all have faith in the power of chakra." Mei retorted as she kept squeezing Hanazame's hand, a part of her wishing to soothe the unconscious but another hoping to calm her own false-worried soul. _To be a good actress, one must believe in the word that is ought to be spoken._

"Chakra usage may do more harm than good, sometimes. Our medical knowledge is yet so scarce, and we rely on something we cannot yet comprehend." She whispered, counting to herself. Then, she took her hand away and reached feebly in her medical gown's pocket and penned down swiftly three ingredients. She beckoned the servant at the other chamber to take it and mix it in a mortar before returning.

Tsunade then resumed, looking into the Mizukage's eyes. "Sharing spirit energy, that is called chakra, is a quite formidable thing to do, but sometimes the other's spirit energy is not compatible with ours. This is the basis of the different uses of chakra, the reason why Hashirama excelled in taming the powers of the forest, whilst I can do but little with it. Sharing chakra is one thing but forcing it inside someone else, locking the energy to a host which cannot control it, can be fatal. Madara was fortunate. But he is only one of the thousands of experimenters, who had failed before he could have succeeded."

"Are you telling me that perhaps I have been hurting him by…trying to cure him?"

The Mizukage was a woman shorter on patience than Tsunade was. The Senju knew that well by now. She, in fact, felt like trying to spend a whole day with herself, and the more she was around Mei, the less she understood how Kakashi could put up with her own madness. She was just not that lovely person, nor was Mei. "Would you like me to be fully honest or lie?" She at length inquired.

"Be honest."

Honesty was a tricky thing when it came to people like Mei. She thought about it for a second and thus began; "I believe that the problem is the fact that both the middle and inferior lobes have cartilages around them, and the trachea of the lung resembles rather to a cartilaginous tube than a trachea itself, presumably due to early birth and Kisame-sama's rather…" Here she paused to find the politest words possible. "Unique features…Since it is not treated properly; the energy that is given simply strengthens the bad genes' vitality." Tsunade's manner was straightforward and direct.

Mei, then, changed in a flash and narrowed her eyes in sheer anger. Of course, the woman had been puzzled, worried, harassed into a state of alarm by something she could not comprehend; forced to deal with things she would have preferred to despise, yet facing it all with dogged seriousness and making no attempt to conceal that she felt secretly ashamed of her incompetence. She became upset with her own ignorance but rather aimed it at the other. "What does this even mean? Are you trying to make me look stupid?!"

"No, no. It means that the problem is solvable. I will work up a balm which reduces cartilages by strengthening the human cells and reducing vitality in those of the shark." She spoke with conviction and its sound calmed the other a little.

"You won't have to hurt him, then?" The mother inquired whilst her eyes dwelled on the pale face of her son and caressed the soft cheek of the face. She was truly the sole light in her heart, she dreaded the idea of it extinguished.

"No. I won't do that." She answered gently.

"How long will it take to help him recover?"

"I need to see if all the ingredients are available…And once everything is gathered, it should take a few days to properly mix it and create the balm. After that, he should be fine day by day. I say three or four months until full recovery."

"If all goes well, you will not have to be here if you don't wish to, by the time your son comes." She resumed in lying.

Tsunade offered a faint smile and nodded. "Yes." The servant returned with the requested mixture of herbs. Tsunade took it with a thankful bow and handed it to the Mizukage. "Here, this should be enough for three doses. If he ever experiences any signs of another seizure, put this under his tongue. It should calm him instantly."

"Thank you." Mei whispered and took the medicine.

She nodded in acknowledgment and rose from the bed to give them some privacy. "I will be going now."

And the evening closed in upon her thus; and then the darkness came, and tarried, and went, and the day again dawned, and the mists of a second, then third and fourth night were now gathering around, and she worked restlessly in that solitary laboratory in the vault…And still she sat buried in calculations and thoughts about the case. The task was not easy, but determination never faltered.

After a fortnight, her Medical Encyclopedia arrived from the Land of Waves and her study could take a quicker progress. Silence, meanwhile, grew more silent, and darkness darker outside. Sometimes she looked up from her notes to listen in vain for the rumble of a cart, or the dull clamor of a distant bell. There was nothing but the sound of a rising wind, which had succeeded the thunderstorm that had traveled over the mountains quite out of hearing. With a sigh, Tsunade leaned back in her chair and listened to the tired breathing of Hanazame in the other room. "Poor thing..." She then glanced at the half-eaten sandwich on her desk and the ginger root now brown from leaving it outside too long.

The sickness ceased little by little but the irredeemable fatigue remained. Raito resorbed her sweet, powerful chakra like a mortal plunging in the fountain of eternity; each drop meant survival, and each drop made him thirst for more.

 ** _Meanwhile, in Konohagakure, 28 days after the war…_**

The outlines of his figure were indistinct, but his features were the features of a god, for the mantle of the night, and of the mist, and of the moon left his face uncovered. And his brows were narrowed with concern, and his eyes wild with care; and, in the few wrinkles around his eyes, one could read the tales of sorrow, and weariness, and disgust with feelings, and a longing after solitude.

And he sat upon the rock, and leaned his head upon his hand, and looked at the village. He looked down into the low unquiet dwellings, and up higher at the rustling heaven, and into the crimson moon. And he turned his attention from the heaven and glanced out upon the dreary sea. Slowly, with a heavy heart, he rose from the rock and resumed on his way. And the night waned and the moon shone timidly.

He walked up a grass-grown street, under the boughs of ancient noble trees, whose foliage, dyed in autumnal red and yellow, returned the beams of the western sun gorgeously. "Home sweet home…" Kakashi sighed as he stood at the front of the house; it was a large and melancholic mansion, with signs of long neglect upon it; great wooden shutters, in the old fashion, were barred.

Outside, across the windows, grass and even nettles were growing thick on the courtyard, and a thin moss streaked the timber beams; the plaster was discolored by time and weather, and bore great russet and yellow stains. The gloom was increased by several grand old trees that crowded close about the house.

With a sense of great involuntariness, Kakashi mounted the steps, and looked around; the only cheery influence in this scene of antiquity, solitude, and neglect was that the house and landscape were warmed with the ruddy western beams. He smashed the time-worn door panel with his elbow and pulled it to the side and entered the house.

There was but little light in the hall, cast by the setting sun, which little lost itself in darkness in the background. The hall was very spacious with a little library on its side, which, when the door was open, was visible at two or three points. Almost in the dark, he led himself across with ever slow steps. Memories long buried stirred awake in his mind and clashed upon him like the fury of a raging ocean.

His parent's bedchamber was small, with folding screens hanging from the ceiling. The furniture of this timid chamber was old-fashioned and clumsy. There were bamboo-coverings still to the windows, and a traditional sunken hearth was placed in the middle on the floor. The windows were two in number, looking out to the trunks of the trees close to the house.

A sliding door at its farther end admitted to the room that was Kakashi's old bedroom. It was decorated with folding screens of old battles, like his parent's. It had a small short-legged table, a few pillows scattered around it, and a little shrine in one corner and in other respects was furnished in the same old-world and traditional Japanese way as the other room. Its window, like those of that apartment, looked out upon the gloomy forest.

Somber and sad as these rooms were and Kakashi looked about them for a while. The recollections of his earliest years were connected with the chamber of his parents. There died his mother. Herein he was born. But it is mere idleness to say that he had memory about the place; there was of course a remembrance of eyes, of sounds, musical yet sad, memories like a shadow ⸺vague, variable, indefinite, unsteady; and like a shadow, too, in the impossibility of him getting rid of it while the sunlight of his reason shall exist.

In that chamber, he was born. He gazed around him with a startled and ardent eye and knew that he loitered away his boyhood in books amidst these walls, and dissipated his youth in mournful recollections when he was taken away from here. And as the years rolled away, the noon of manhood found his soul still longing for the comfort in the mansion of his parents. Stagnation there fell upon the springs of his life and introversion took place in the character of his commonest thoughts.

 _The realities of the world affected him as visions, and as visions only, while the painful desire of belonging somewhere became, in turn, not the material of his everyday existence, but indeed that existence utterly and solely in itself. Kakashi, by living within his own heart, and addicted, body and soul, to the most intense and painful meditation of past tragedies had separated himself from the troubles of the outer world. He wished to make no real connection with it anymore. There was nothing there to love, anymore._

His noiseless steps fell upon the cold wooden ground and as he walked around slowly, he traced the furniture with his long fingers. How long has it been? Almost 30 years that he had last entered this chamber? It was almost 30 years indeed. Kakashi sighed and crouched beside his parents' bed and lifted the mattress a little higher. It flashed upon his mind a vague recollection of his mother writing a letter to him once he would be old enough to understand its content. Sakumo never gave it to him; it was merely brought up during an argument, a few days perhaps before his suicide.

Within the mattress lay a little box. It was of no remarkable character and he was certain he had already seen it before. But how come, then, that upon opening it, the sight of the letter made him shudder? His eyes at length dropped to the time-worn paper as he opened it at last.

 _"_ _Dear Kakashi,_

 _There are hard times ahead of us. As much as I trust Sakumo, I have a hunch that things might not work out as fortunately as we pray them to. But fear not, my dear boy! I will always be with you!_

 _In any case, if we must wait a little longer to see each other, then be it! I will love you from above where the light reaches up high and darkness cannot prevail. I will be there, my dear boy. And when you come, you will tell me everything and so will I._

 _Until then, I can only dream that you will be a happy child. I only hope that your life will know joy more than it knows tragedy._

 _My dear Kakashi, don't be afraid of loving. Don't be afraid to show your heart, because what you have is golden._

 _I know that you will excel in most subjects, and perhaps you will sleep during classes like I used to. Don't be so rude like me! Also, there is really no need to show that you are better than them like I did! It is really no use…People will not like you._

 _I did not mind it, however. But you, son, I hope you will resemble your father and that you will be kind and caring. Life is much easier that way! I never asked for help, I thought I never needed it, weak people needed it. It turns out I was foolish. I thank the gods for your father because he showed me that I could be loveable. He showed me that asking was not for the weak but for the strong, to admit one's pain._

 _I hope you will have friends who will keep your heart warm. Life should not be a fight against the world, my dear boy. Life should be joy, shared with others._

 _Don't drink too much, all right? Sakumo will surely believe anything you say to him, my dear Kakashi. His heart is tender and he has never been happier than he is, since I told him you are coming to join us. Go gentle on him! Don't argue so much, all right? I over-succeeded in that task by now._

 _Don't do drugs, Kakashi! No addictions, if I may ask you! It is enough that I accidentally spent our income a few times on betting on horses. I really don't know how Sakumo can put up with me, sometimes…_

 _I have this other hunch, my boy. You will be popular! I imagine you like the most handsome boy of your generation. You can't be any different; you are our son, after all. Your father is quite handsome himself. And if you can't meet me now, know that I was pretty too._

 _Hopefully, the person you choose won't be boring. Don't go for boring, Kakashi! I know it is not in your blood to settle for such. Find someone giving you a hard time. It will be painful but it will be just as happy too. Be honest. Always be honest, even if it hurts. Lies are much worse…_

 _Kakashi! I love you already. I loved you since the day you betrayed your presence in my womb. I loved you more each day, living for nothing else but you and your father. You two are my world, son. If anything happens…Don't blame him, all right? Give him time. Give time for yourself as well._

 _And Kakashi, remember..._

 _You are not alone!_

 _Always with you,_

 _-Hana"_

He read it again with excessive sorrow in his countenance, a natural pain of a son for the ultimate loss of his parents.

He laid his back against the wall and remained for some time absorbed in meditation. His reflections were of no consolatory kind. A thousand vague and oppressive fancies took possession of his soul and even self-riddance flitted across his brain. He shuddered at the thought of self-annihilation as the most decided of atrocities and slapped his own cheek as if upset with himself for seeking the same loathsome path on which his father had so abruptly stepped upon.

Oppressed with a tumult of memories and judgment, he at length returned with a palpitating heart to the scene of his disastrous past. Kakashi folded the paper and placed it carefully in his pocket.

He did not go home to rest, nor did he return to the Residence to resume in the work he had been so remorselessly neglecting. In that strong longing of solitude, there was still someone with whom he hoped to share the qualm.

With a heavy heart, Kakashi entered the hospital and bowed a dozen times until he passed everyone in the long, melancholic corridor.

His demure steps were heard upon the cold floor and a series of quiet knocks rapidly succeeded.

"Come in!" Came a voice from the chamber and Kakashi stepped in.

"Hokage-sama!"

"Don't call me that, Gai." Kakashi sighed and grabbed a chair and pulled it to the invalid's bed. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I was reading the book you gave me." Gai smiled and pointed at the Icha Icha book on his lap. "If you come a little later, you would have found me in an awkward situation." The heavily-browed man chuckled and so did the Hokage.

"Ah…The part with the wicked blonde…That part is good, yeah…"

Seeing Gai alive and cheerful filled the man's heart with a faint beam of joy; he was his best friend, if not the only.

"What brings you here, at this time of the night?"

"I did what you had previously recommended…"

"You went home?" The surprise upon Gai's face was evident, but it was a good kind of a shock to plaster over his face.

"I did…I thought I would find something but…I did find something, but it was not what I expected."

"What was it?"

"A letter from my mother. Here. Read it." Kakashi sighed again and pulled the folded paper from his pocket and handed it over. Looking about them at some objects in the room he waited patiently for his friend to finish.

Kakashi was not in a hurry; after three weeks incessant searching, there came the sense of resignation that perhaps some people ⸺well, Tsunade, did not want to be found, and the most selfless thing he could have done to her was to let her live in peace, having but no connection to him. But the paperwork at the office or the meetings with the Council could not halt his mind from tormenting thoughts; everything reminded him of her; the chocolate papers in the Hokage's desk drawers, empty bottles of saké hidden in the bookcase, drawings of little hearts upon the wooden surface of the desk… Kakashi had no chance to get rid of her. And yet, he was all alone.

He hadn't heard from Rin either, nor could he attempt to talk to her, free time was a long forgotten dream for a Hokage. So then, after weeks in this pitiable nightmare, Kakashi took a day off and went home. And even there he felt like he failed all expectations.

"Look at me now, Gai. How I labored, how I toiled, how I lived…I never knew the word "ease". It's lucky she did not meet me. Through sorrow and through joy, through hunger and through thirst, I fought. Through health and through sickness, I fought. Through sunshine and through moonlight, I fought. Things she hoped I would embrace, kindness, friendship, love…I fought against them all. And now I am here. And I have become the person she never wished me to become."

"Kakashi." After listening to him for some time, with thoughtful attention, Gai's expression became suddenly grave.

"What?"

"You are the Hokage. That, in my opinion, is the clearest sign of people loving you and believing in you."

"Why? I have never done much for them."

"Killing Madara Uchiha was clearly nothing. And every mission you have ever done for this village must have been nothing too." The heavy-browed man shook his head disapprovingly, just like the times Neji Hyuuga refused to participate in what Gai called "Team Tournament of Youth."

"You don't understand, Gai…I've failed Obito…I have failed Rin…And worst of all… I have failed Tsuna too."

"Tsuna?!" His eyes widened with shock as he stuttered in repeating. The sound of her name in such an affectionate form echoed so strangely in his ear. It was too sweet, too honest...It was truly pure. "You mean-…The Senju?"

Gai could found no doubt about the ardor of that extraordinary affection which lit up in the eyes of his friend upon uttering the name again. Kakashi, of course, did endeavor to hide it and in that instant of realizing his eyes' betrayal, he averted them away and rubbed the back of his head with a nervous tremor.

"You certainly seemed happier the past few years…" He concluded while the other grew acutely quiet. "All through this time, you and her?"

"I mean…" Kakashi fixed the mask over his cheeks, hoping it hid the reddened face. "It has been a few months only that she and I⸺…"

"Felt the power of youth rise again, hmm?"

"…We can put it that way." Kakashi waited a moment before he at length gave in. "I miss her, Gai. I feel like all I have ever been doing was making a mistake one after the other. Nothing ever went well…I could not save anyone. She is gone too. How can I keep fucking things up?"

Gai patted his chin as he wondered. "If she was dead, I think we would know…I remember when they found the Kazekage's body after the Chuunin exams."

"Don't mention it." Kakashi frowned, refusing the thought of the woman dead.

"What was in Shikaku sama's report? He was the last to see the Godaime."

"The report?"

 _The report!_

"We all had to submit a report…You are not getting any paperwork done, are you?"

"Well…It's horribly boring." Kakashi confessed, knowing Gai understood him.

"He must have something that can help you. I never imagined someone like her could go missing. She has some temper issues to begin with."

"An issue is something you can fix, Gai." He sighed and rose from the chair. "Something very serious is amiss there," he said gravely, at length and then added after a short pause. "I will go and ask Shikaku-sama. This is a very good idea of you. Thank you."

"Come tomorrow and tell me what you learned. I will finish the book in the meanwhile." Gai gave him the thumbs up and watched the Kage exit the room.

The first faint streaks of dawn gleamed from over the tree-tops, by the time Kakashi stood at the Nara's porch.

After an unquiet slumber of some three hours' duration, Shikaku was glad to arise, as if finding an excuse to keep himself awake. The war took its toll on everyone; nightmares and depression grew frequent like fish in the river.

"I am sorry to bother you at this hour…But it is urgent." Kakashi bowed in both politeness and apology.

"Of course." Shikaku nodded and carefully slid the sliding door back. He seated the Hokage at the chess-table on the porch where he and Shikamaru often played for hours. He leaned his back against the house's wall. "We can speak here undisturbed." He said and lifted his gaze at the faint sun.

"I am not finding the report you had previously submitted to me, after the war…The amount of piling paper in my office is just threatening, to say the least."

Shikaku chuckled and glanced at the grey-crowned Hokage. "You would like to know what I wrote, is that it?"

"Yes." Kakashi nodded. "Can you still remember?"

"Which part exactly?"

"About the Godaime. You were the last to see her, weren't you?"

"Ah." Shikaku nodded and took a brief second to gather the recollections of that day. "Yes. She collapsed in my arms. I uh- I found two med nins. They said they would take care of her." He wrinkled his forehead as he thought. "I never heard of them after. I didn't see them either, for that matter."

"What happened to her? Was she injured?"

"Well…She looked all right…I think something might have happened to her child, though."

"Sorry…You said what? A ch⸺…" At first, he was beyond convinced that he heard the man wrong. But upon staring long at his face, Kakashi had to realize the sentence was a correct utterance of truth.

"Oh? I thought that is why she resigned…She's pregnant." Shikaku answered, curious suspicion glowing in his eyes. His news about the woman surely took the Hokage by surprise. He only wondered why.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes. I noticed a few days before the war. Then I heard some small rumors amidst the walls of the Residence. Tsunade-sama was looking quite ill all the time. I made my deductions. Yoshino was just the same."

The atmosphere seemed to suddenly bear an unbearable air in it; he thought to be suffocating. He heard Shikaku's words repeat again in his ears with a kind of terror and a sensation of fear, of loss, of nightmare bewilderment came over him like cold wind. His lungs yearned for the cold air's touch as if it had long been out of reach. He pulled the dark mask off his face and inhaled long breaths until the frantic throbbing of his heart ceased a little.

He could swear that in that very moment he experienced the most overwhelming and singular shock of surprise and terror he had ever known, or can conceive as possible. Now, the fearless man was gently trembling, and the nature of his panic sprang from insufferable fear; fear for the safety of those two, now nowhere to be found.

"Is everything okay, Hokage-sama?" Across his face, as he inquired, flashed a kind of confused concern he did not know where to put. Shikaku could count on one hand the amount of time he saw the man display any emotion apart from boredom and now he was shuddering and gasped for air. Clearly, he was debating many things laboriously in his brain and Shikaku could only wonder what afflictions might have tormented him.

"Shikaku-sama…" The Rokudaime whispered at length, lowering his voice perceptively as if he dreaded unseen ears to hear that was truth. He needed a few moments to recover his cool and got off the porch. He faced the Nara as he stood in the garden, his broad shoulders hiding most of the pale sun's light away from the other.

"Yes?"

"That child…" He began and looked fully in the other's face. "That child is mine."

Shikaku nodded, more understanding than surprised. "That explains the Lightning Staff."

There was another shock freezing him for a second. "What staff?!" Kakashi felt like he must have been comatose and the world meanwhile had turned completely upside down. Could he be this ridiculously blind and thus pass over everything that was in fact important? That was so typical of him; the blindness, the need to alienate himself from the world. And where did it get him at the end? As a matter of fact, it got him nowhere, apart from a state of panic.

"Tsunade-sama killed her reincarnated father with a Lightning Staff." Shikaku resumed on his generally warm but demure tone and stepped beside the Rokudaime in the pale sunlight. The air was still and the dawn peaceful. "I saw it for a mere second only. But I was certain it was made of Lightning."

He began walking to and fro in the Nara's garden with both hands plunged deep into the pockets of his Hokage cloak. "Transmitted…The Keeper's power is transmitted until the Final Battle comes…Yes…Yes…It was transmitted to me…And now…It is going to be given to my child…"

"Uhm⸺…Hokage-sama?"

Tremendous vitality streamed from him. Kakashi had a tall, lean figure yet somehow, when buried deep in disquieting thoughts it made one think of a formidable king, plotting the destruction of worlds. His manner always remained resolute yet gentle, soothing almost and the words uttered quietly yet always with some wicked passion. Most of what he uttered was addressed to himself rather than the other.

"Danzo…" Kakashi said softly, pacing to and fro in front of the other. "If he switched bodies…I mean… If the Keeper switched bodies indeed" —here he glanced at Shikaku for a moment "…What if it's…" The light dawned in his mind at last. "What if it is Orochimaru? He must have changed vessels, once he realized he cannot take the power anymore from Father…Because it was given to me!"

"I did not understand one bit of your mumbling, Hokage-sama."

"Shikaku-sama." He stopped a moment in the middle of his walk, and a deep silence came down over the garden. Something foreboding had crept into the world about them. For, undoubtedly, there was a disquieting thought, as well as holding terror in the picture his words conjured up: the conception of an Elder god reaching its deathless hand, spiteful and destructive, down through the ages, to strike the living and afflict the innocent for more power. "The Serpent is after them! He has always been after us! That's it! Fuck, I should have figured this out sooner!" There was really nothing else to say. The facts were indisputable; Tsunade and Raito were in danger.

* * *

[1] Traditional Chinese robe

[2] Rai: Lightning


	20. Abyss

**_"_** ** _Lost communication with the world outside,I fall into my own, into the abyss…"_**

* * *

 ** _6 months later…_**

He watched the glow of approaching sunset with keen mournfulness; it was rather a mixture of several emotions, in fact, melting into one stream of sorrow. Despair, longing, anger and pain harbored in his heart as he stood at the large full window, listening to the people's voices, the gentle drops of the primaveral rain and the pleasant lassitude that follows upon hard physical exertion combined with the even pleasanter stimulus of the whiskey to produce a state of absolute contentment with the world.

Through the murmur of feet and voices, then, stole out another sound that introduced into his half-peaceful mood an element of vague qualm. He moved nearer to the window and looked out. The source, however, was invisible; the endless forest towards the other villages hid it still; he could not see its outline. But he heard the echoless mutter of the paws, and he knew that it was coming nearer. The unsure recognition of the sound stirred in him so much as that the blood in his veins went pulsing in rhythmic unison with the remote clashing of waves in the waters.

"Can it be—…?" He stopped. The rest of the sentence remained unspoken. The words rushed down again. He swallowed, and with a gulp, he ended "Pakkun?!"

The next thing he knew was that the whiskey was dripping on the ground—had been pouring it into his glass for several seconds. The small figure melted back into the crowd. The throng closed round it. His eyes searched uselessly; no space, no gap was visible; the stream of people was continuous once more. Almost, it seemed, he had not really seen it—had merely thought it—up against the background of his mind.

For ten minutes, longer perhaps, he stood by that open window with eyes fastened on the moving crowd. His heart was beating oddly; his breath came rapidly. "I will see him again somewhere," he thought; "It has to be him" He looked alternately to the right and to the left, until, finally, the sinking sun blazed too directly in his eyes for him to see at all. The glare blurred everybody into a smudged line of golden colour, and the faces became a series of artificial suns that mocked him.

He did, then, an unusual thing—out of rhythm with his normal self,—he acted on impulse. Putting the glass and bottle on the piling papers, —for space he had none upon the desk anymore; he quickly took his mask and jacket and went downstairs. There was no reflection in him; he did not pause and ask himself a single question; he ran to join the throng of people, moved up and down with them, in and out, passing and re-passing the same groups over and over again, but seeing no sign of the particular figure he sought so eagerly.

The sun was down behind the immense mountains before he gave up the search. Sunset slipped insensibly into dusk. The throng thinned out quickly at the first sign of chill. A dozen times he experienced the thrill—his heart suddenly arrested—of seeing the pug, but on each occasion, it proved to be either a cat or lost racoons. His eyes ached with the strain, the change of focus, the question that burned behind and in them, the hope—the strange rich pain. "Dammit…" He groaned to himself and rubbed his temples with discomfort. The sun set and the first faint beams of the stars lit up on the sky.

There was quietness on the street for a considerable time. Kakashi did not return to the office. With a heavy sigh, he walked home wildly, hurrying his steps as the streets and the vast space did not bring him comfort anymore.

He shunned the shining stars and the swans on the glistening lake and shuddered at the sight of scurrying squirrels. There was a gradual change in the Hokage, taking its effect day by day; half a year had passed, half a year spent in solitude, in longing, in feelings with no return. He was left with nothing but a position he had not asked for, a title that constantly made him question himself of his own worthiness, a promise of a family that now seemed a mere fantasy, an image of a lover he would love, but then hate for betraying him.

And the sky seemed to know all his secrets, and the moon shone with a mocking light, laughing at him, despising him just as much he despised it too. There was no consolation in Nature, but recollections of a past hideously sweet and joyous.

He arrived breathless at the door and fumbled with the key for a second before he entered. He switched on the light and the lamp flickered and went out in that instant.

"You should get a new bulb." Came a sound from the darkness.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes and summoned his Staff with which he forced the lamp to work. "Pakkun?!" A sudden wave of relief and qualm came home to his heart when he discerned the pug's silhouette in the faint light.

"I've been waiting for you for hours."

"I've been searching after you on the streets!" He exclaimed with a stroke of indignation in his voice as he dropped off his boots and entered the living-room.

"We never meet on the street, Kakashi." The pug raised his little brow, frowning at the smell of alcohol. "I have news."

"News?" Kakashi scoffed, his face incredulous. "If you have news like last time, you can save your breath."

Pakkun took his time with replying; his dark round eyes followed the Kage's motions as he dragged himself towards the fridge and took out a gods-knew-when-expired dinner. "I found the "nurses" who took the Godaime."

The plate fell from the man's hands and his heart skipped several beats. He froze to the spot in that instant and the eyes widened with the biggest bewilderment. "Say that again."

"I won't." Pakkun answered and jumped onto the sofa, making himself comfortable. "They are two spies of Kirigakure. One of them is directly working under the Mizukage's command, meanwhile the other is the head of the Strategy Unit and Interrogation Division."

"Did you follow them? What else do you know? Is she alive?" He now looked at the pug sharply, something suddenly alert in him.

"Uhei, Shiba and Urushi are in this moment following them but it seems that they prefer to remain in the vicinity of Kirigakure."

"I think I will go there and meet them myself. Keep an eye on both for me, until then."

"Understood." Pakkun nodded and with a groan as a hound does when having to abandon a comfortable place, he vanished.

"Tsuna…Damn you, Tsuna."

Have no doubt, although angry with no limit at her, the yearning never lessened; he was sure she remembered him that same, deep loving way as he remembered her whenever his mood was rational and cool. He persuaded himself that she thought about him; she doubtless knew that he was missing and needing her.

He folded her green cloak, which she had forgotten to take with herself that Wednesday when she scampered off from his place, having some urgent matters at the office—and kept it in the drawer beside the dagger of his father's.

Occasionally, he took it out and touched it, felt it, even ran his fingers through it; the thread and the perfume belonged together; worship raised love to a higher level. No, it was not anger reigning in his heart; it was an irredeemable affection now causing him but pain.

The pain, nevertheless, was acute and agonizing. There were alternate intervals of numbness and of acute sensation; for each time thought and feeling collapsed from the long strain of their own tension, the relief that followed proved false and vain. Up sprang the aching pain again, the hungry longing, the dull, sweet yearning—and the whole sensation started afresh as at the first, yet with a vividness that increased with each new realization of it.

Midnight passed towards the small hours of the morning, and the small hours slipped on towards the dawn by the time he forced himself to rest upon the bed, but no dreams came to him.

Kakashi had always known difficult times. His inner life was in a splendid tumult more often than it felt peace. But he fell in love with abandonment and a delicious, infinite yearning; it was an entire, sweeping love that left no atom or corner of his being untouched.

Kakashi turned on his side on the bed and sighed as he kept thinking. He knew the difference between real and unreal people. The latter wavered about his life and were uncertain; sometimes he liked them, sometimes he did not; but the former—remained fixed quantities: he could not alter towards them. Even at this stage, he knew when a person came into his life to stay, or merely to pass out again.

Tsunade, although having known her for but three years, belonged to this first category. His feeling for her had a curious strength in it; it gathered weight and mass, it was irresistible. From the dim, invisible foundations of his life, it came, out of the foundations of the world. It was real; it was not to be avoided. He knew. He persuaded himself that she knew too, even know and that she cared. That it mattered to her just as much as it mattered to him. This could not be over. They could not end like this. It was all too real to end like this.

And when at length he closed the exhausted eyes, the eastern sky was already tinged with the crimson of another spring's day.

The faint purple dawn was approaching when Kakashi woke with a torpid uneasiness. He watched the first lights making their way through the window and in a few minutes, he was already putting his feet over the threshold. Turning the key in the lock Kakashi betook on the streets and hurried his footfalls to the hospital. The streets were already thronged with people.

Rin was standing in the hall and was busying herself with reading some records of a patient. It was five minutes to eight. With a lingering glance at the conclusion at the end of the document, she placed the paper back in its folder and turned to go into the next room. And it was then, in the act of stroking a tousle of hair behind her ear, that she saw Kakashi standing in the shadows of the narrow passage, staring fixedly into her face. Rin jumped. The man was so very close, yet she had not seen him come in, and in the eyes was such a curiously sad and appealing expression.

"I need to talk to you." Kakashi spoke and reached his hand out to grasp her arm. Rin did not resist and followed the man to the storage room. Kakashi locked the door behind her and released her from his grip.

Rin gulped, reddened as she stuttered. "Kakashi…I mean…Hokage-sama."

"What do you know, Rin?" He asked, straightforward.

"What do you mean?" She queried a trifle softly, confusedly.

"You left. You never sought me out again. I see that you have moved on with your life. So something has changed. What changed? _What do you know, Rin_?"

"You didn't read my letter?"

"I didn't."

"Oh…" She gulped, avoiding the man's gaze; his eyes pierced into her soul like cold winter, making her shiver and the hair stand on her skin. She thought she was over him, yet his closeness and his scent all awoke in her that earnest longing she thought she had forgotten. She endeavoured to gather her thoughts properly and then she said; "It was a plan. Everything was planned out meticulously...You finding Tsunade-sama and the Serpent in the office…My actions, me befriending the Godaime…"

"Why?"

"The Serpent said that he needs you to conceive a child with the Godaime but once it happens, you must part, no matter what it takes."

"Because the birth would be the only time he could kill me…" He murmured, more to himself than to her. The pieces of the puzzle were coming together; Kakashi was seconds away from shedding light at the whole, ugly truth.

"Kill you? I thought he wanted to kill Tsunade-sama!"

"Not **_me_** exactly…Nevermind." He shook his head. He resumed in thinking and Rin gave up the attempt to comprehend his _other_ words. "He asked you because you were close to me…"

"And I wanted to hurt Tsunade-sama…Yes."

"As Danzo, he could not get closer, especially once I left Root, but he could keep an eye on me. And once he knew my feelings for Tsuna, he switched bodies…And he did make sure we would part…" Scarcely aware of her presence, however, Kakashi was searching almost fiercely in his thoughts, searching for the connection. He knew there was a connection, he felt sure of it; the feeling of rage had not come with this overwhelming suddenness without a reason. Something had brought it.

But what?

Was there any recent information in the air that shed light on the whole mystery if one cared to pay attention? He stole a swift glance at the woman beside him: would she, perhaps, tell him? No, Rin would tell him anything if there was any chance of them becoming friends once again; Kakashi could always read her effortlessly. "But is it Kirigakure indeed? Mei-sama did not show up at the Congress last month. She said she was ill, but what if she lied. For hell's sake, I need to leave."

"What are you talking about? I am a little lost here, Hokage-sama."

He ignored her question and asked; "So tell me, why? Why did you agree to help him? Because I asked you to move out?"

Rin longed to suggest him to sit down somewhere more private; perhaps even another time when she looked better, to speak with an honest heart and open it fully to the man she had always so dearly loved; to say anything, in fact, that might re-establish that intimate friendship between them again. But her tongue in this respect seemed utterly tied. It was just this kind of friendship which seemed impossible of approach—absolutely and peremptorily impossible. There seemed a barrier between the two. So she answered with resignation, speaking words she did not wish to say; "Because you were not in love with me."

"I was never in love with you. I used to look at you as a sister."

"You thought of me as your sister?" Although uttered on a voice of iron, his words echoed so tenderly in her ears; Kakashi had a noble heart and she began to feel that it was not him so selfish all this time, but her, Rin Nohara, the daughter of a monk, a medical ninja of the Hidden Leaf.

Kakashi nodded and said so simply as if the words had no meaning to him at all. And indeed, they had not. "We always understood each other well and…there were things only you knew and others only I knew of you."

The truth and how lifelessly it had been uttered, shook her tender soul; _she made a horrible mistake when she sought out Orochimaru_. "I thought you regarded me as a friend and…I wanted to be more. I wanted you to love me like I did…But you loved me in another way I never thought I'd be worthy of…"

"So you wanted to hurt me by hurting the person closest to me."

The stroke of contempt in his voice like a thousand blades pierced further in the wounded soul; she cried out, with eyes drowning in pleading drops of remorse. "I'm so sorry, Hokage-sama!" Was all she could say in a breath and Rin fell on her knees and hugged the Kage at his thighs. "Please, please forgive me! I wrote you that letter, telling you honestly what happened and I stopped trying to contact you because I wanted to prove to you how sorry I felt! I know I really messed this up but it was all because I _love_ …loved you so much!"

Kakashi exhaled a long breath and closed his eyes to remain patient. He had no time for this; he was inches away from complete annihilation of his sanity.

She resumed, ignorant of his mood. It had to be all about her, after all. "My feelings were consuming me…I could not control them anymore! I was so weak, Hokage-sama…I know I am weak!"

"You are not weak. You are still alive." Kakashi answered whilst he leaned down to unfold the woman's arms from his lower body. The situation did not look so innocent; the two of them in the storage room in the beginning of the day, the leader of the village making a woman bend on her knees, igniting remorse so he could take advantage of her state. He was definitely not that kind and he would definitely not desire anything from Rin Nohara.

"Kakashi…" She muttered as she was forced to stand back up.

"I think it's the best if I go now…Thank you for your time, Rin."

"Hokage-sama please, wait!" She gasped and grabbed his hand and pulled him back against her bosom. Damn, he was too close, and her mind felt hazy again.

"What is it?" He looked down into her eyes.

There was a second's difficult pause. It seemed ridiculous not to speak. Their eyes met. The woman blushed furiously.

"I think…I mean…If I am truly honest, Hokage-sama…I think the Serpent cares about Tsunade-sama. He never gave me the impression to feel otherwise. He spoke of her always with respect and the mention of her death would always fill him with sorrow."

"He cannot care about her if he wants to kill her." Kakashi scoffed and took a step further from her. He felt greatly uncomfortable; the subject was delicate at least.

"I think Orochimaru-sama is too absorbed in his own world…Like I was. He doesn't know how to live otherwise. The thought of mercy sickens him, to be open and vulnerable."

"Why are you telling me this, Rin? Should I feel bad for that evil Serpent trying to kill my family?"

"Because as much as I wish that you can save them…In case you cannot…I hope you will not become like him. You have already picked up this horrible habit…I can smell it on you." She bit upon her lip as she spoke earnestly.

"I guess I cannot cope with this kind of nightmare so well anymore." Kakashi shrugged, not bothered by the facts.

"I cannot be there for you again, to help you stand back up on your feet…I know I lost your trust and I wouldn't forgive myself so fast either… But people need you. You are the Hokage. And the rules…"

"We have always lived by the rules; my father and then his father before him. And all the teachings I received as a child, all taught me to neglect my personal feelings and put the needs of other people in front of them. Where did it get us? My father was mocked for his mistake. Was it really a mistake, though? Did I make a mistake ignoring the rules and going back to at least save you? Where did it get us, Rin?" He spoke, making little pauses after every few words.

She couldn't argue with him so she listened.

"Whoever is the leader, they must sacrifice a part of their lives for others'. But where is the line? And at what cost? Is my family not a part of this village? Am I selfish to save them first and then the rest? Am I evil to mourn first before caring about those whose life never changed by my own tragedy? Tell me Rin."

"Family is everything…If one is lucky enough to have their own little Paradise…You are right…I am sorry."

"You know…You are not the one doubting my mental stability. Lately, I feel like I am an inch away from going insane. Tsuna is my only hope now. You can't ask me to carry on as if nothing happened just because the village needs it."

"Kakashi…I'm sorry." She felt a wave of selfless tears stream down her cheeks.

"I feel like I have already run out of time. I cannot feel that way, Rin. So I must leave now and find them. That's the only acceptable solution here. I can't fail again. I have failed Obito. I have failed you; we are strangers now. I never did too well with my team either. I've failed my clan…Can you see that there **can't be** other option?"

"If you need me…I will be here."

"I won't need you ever again. But thank you." He added, solely for the sake of politeness.

Her visitor had disappeared almost as though he hadn't ever been there at all. And again she felt the hair rise on her skin; she shuddered a little, and something put back the ice against her spine. "I miss you, Kakashi…"

 ** _Later at the Residence…_**

It was a fine primaveral afternoon when the eastern wind blew gaily through the fresh green leaves. There was a scent of brilliant flowers as of a fairy dream that mingled in the cold soft breeze. Cheerful sunbeams blazed and lit the clear blue sky with joy. Birds flew by but even the atmosphere could have no effect upon the silver-crowned man's mood.

Utatane sighed as she was standing in the doorstep for several minutes now, but no perception from the Hatake invited her inside.

She knew well the source of his new character; long months of bitterness having elapsed, an observable change came over the features of the mental disorder of the Hokage. His ordinary manner had vanished. His ordinary occupations as a Kage and shinobi were neglected or forgotten. He would pace to and fro in his office with hurried, unequal, and objectless steps for hours, thinking, growling and sighing. The pallor of his countenance had assumed, a ghastly hue, assumedly from the lack of sleep and eating, and the furtive luminousness of his eye had utterly gone out.

The once alluring huskiness of his tone was heard no more; and a tremulous quaver, as if of gradual despair, habitually characterized his utterance. There were times, indeed, when she thought his unceasingly agitated mind was labouring with some oppressive vision of the future, which he struggled to overcome for the necessary courage. **Things shall be worse soon** , she knew. Everyone knew in the Council but Kakashi had yet to accept that.

Kakashi paced as he would in the chamber, but this time the habitual manner of his rushed footfalls changed; it seemed to have a purpose. The man was stepping from drawer to drawer, taking things out and throwing them in a black backpack.

Utatane raised her eyebrows and at length, curiosity overcoming the silent pondering, she stepped inside the chamber. "What are you doing Hokage-sama?"

"I am packing, Elder Utatane." Kakashi replied hurriedly and grabbed a half-emptied bottle of fine white whiskey, throwing it out to the bin. He must be sober from now on.

"Why?" She queried as she approached him.

"I will be back in a few days."

"You cannot leave, Hokage-sama. Your duties await you."

His answer came swiftly. "Duty calls."

She shook his answer off, for it was disagreeable, dishonest as well. Stepping to him, she took the man by his wrist and halted him in further packing. "I am afraid I must stop you." What she spoke was more of a command than of a simple statement.

"Excuse me?" Kakashi's deep dark eyes narrowed.

"You are looking for her." She looked into his eyes as she resumed. "I understand. Trust me, Hokage-sama but please, consider our request; you have been neglecting almost all your tasks since you have been given this seat. Konoha needs a good leader, not someone who neglects a thousand of people over two."

The words were venom in his ears for having been uttered so plainly with no importance, and placing importance on things so unimportant.

He felt angry with her for sounding like a mother scolding her son to not go after some young, immature wench for there will be many more, and doubly disgusted with the rest of the speech for the village did not need him at the moment.

"Did you help her leave?" The question came like an instinctive bullet through his mouth; he did not in fact thought of it. The countenance of the woman and the guilty glow in her eyes unveiled the mask so carefully worn for months now.

"I did." She admitted without hesitation and stepped away from the man. She did not dart her eyes away from his, however; Elder Utatane was a powerful, wise woman, after all.

He pursed his lips whilst he asked; "Why?" Kakashi's mouth tasted bitter with rage but he swallowed it down.

"She begged me."

"You cannot trust someone's competence of seeing clearly, when their words are filled with emotions! That is **not** how rationality works!" He smashed his fist against the desk and the grip over his backpack tightened. He grabbed it from the furniture and threw it over his shoulders.

"I know. But keep your voice down, Hokage-sama."

"I apologize." He answered on a steely tone and placed his folded uniform to the top of the desk. "You let her leave, with my child in her womb. I had **no** idea about her state. Chances are, I am already late and you helped them die, just because you listened to some emotion-filled plea. And yet you are here to tell me to sign fucking papers about cats on the trees and more vegetables in the market? There **is** peace, gods' sake! Konohagakure is prospering because I **do** take some time to focus on the people and their needs! So now, please, excuse me, but I need to leave." He said and passed her as he walked towards the door.

"Once you return, the Council will need to speak with you." She spoke with resignation but did not look after him.

"Whatever you wish, Elder Utatane."

 ** _Meanwhile, in Kirigakure…_**

The blackness of eternal night encompassed the medical nin and the child in the rooms. The intensity of the darkness seemed to oppress the atmosphere although several small candles had been lit. All was intolerably endless. A fearful idea now suddenly drove the blood in torrents upon her heart for a brief period, but she shook it away quickly. _No…That simply made no sense_ … "No, Tsunade, this is not making sense…Six freaking months and nothing."

She argued with herself quietly in the chair of that chamber-like extremity of the crypt. Her talents were of no common order ⸺her powers of mind were gigantic. Yet she struggled to solve the mystery of the dying child a few meters away from her. All her attention had been called powerfully into play; saving lives was no game for a healer; if it flagged for an instant, an oversight was committed resulting death. She had been wasting too much time and each day meant less chance of keeping her promise. _But…This made no sense_.

And then abruptly she found that she was staring at the child, spread on the bed looking so lifeless. She had been staring at him for some time, but unconsciously. _Now she saw him_. And there was something about him that she did not half like; it only struck her now, that she grew so lost both in contemplation and observation. Absurd as it seemed, her change of mood had to do with the air Hanazame's body bore. A faint shiver ran through her. She looked away. She then looked back.

"With alpha genes, the experiments should be already working…Unless…This child is not real." It came to her then, with the suddenness of a lightning and Tsunade sprang uneasily from her chair. She turned with sudden energy to the shelf of guide-books, scrolls and encyclopedias, threw them open to affirm her suspicions once again.

"Cloning allows for the creation of multiple copies of _alpha_ genes to beta, gamma, and delta etc. variants. To accomplish the applications described above, biotechnologists must be able to extract, manipulate, and analyze the alpha genes' nucleic acids. Rapid Reproductive Cloning in feeble multi cellular organisms, thus RRC risks the new variants disability to properly function. In cases such as these, slow nervous reaction and degraded vitality may occur." [1]

"This child is a damn clone!" She growled in sheer indignation; the Senju did not like to be fooled, especially not under such circumstances as this. "Now you are going to explain this, Mei-sama!" She stood in the small hidden chamber motionless for the space of a single second. Then the candle on the desk flickered and she was gone—gone utterly—and the door framed nothing else just the clone enveloped in darkness.

 ** _A few moments later…_**

Mei slept usually like the dead. It must have been something very loud that made her open her eyes and sit up in bed alertly. There was a noise against her door. She groaned as she listened with suspicion. The room was still quite dark. It was early morning. The noise was repeated. "Who's there?" she asked in a sleepy whisper. "What is it?" The noise came again. Someone was scratching on the door. No, it was somebody furiously knocking! "Just wait a second, dammit!" she demanded in a louder voice, wondering sleepily whether she was presentable. Either the village was on fire or the servant was waking the wrong person for some useless request.

Nothing happened. Wide awake now, she turned the switch on, but no light flooded the room. The electricians, she remembered with a curse, were always on holiday. She fumbled for the matches, and in an instant she was out of bed. She lit a candle. "I'm coming," she called softly, as she slipped rapidly into some clothes and opened the door at last. "Sorry, I was sleeping too well."

"You lied to me, Mei-sama!" Tsunade stormed into the woman's room, a great deal of vexation visible all about her.

"Wha⸺? What are you talking about?" Mei frowned and tightened the night-gown around her frame.

"Your son, Hanazame-kun. I can't heal him. I can die trying but it will never work. You already know why, don't you?!"

There was a moment's silence. "I do." Mei nodded without visible emotion in her voice. A sudden chill ran through Tsunade as she said it.

Mei began pacing to and fro in the room, walking ever so demurely as they resumed in conversation.

"He is not the real one." The blonde repeated the truth to herself and clenched her little hands into tight fists.

"No. My son is alive and well. He is two chambers away from us, probably sound asleep."

She stood still, staring in mute consternation, her eyes full of bewildered questions. She heard the blood singing in her veins with rage but she forced herself to remain as calm as possible. "Why? Why did you do this?"

Mei sighed as she glanced at her before riveting her eyes away. "I am sorry, Tsunade-sama. I had no choice. I did it for him, not for anyone else."

"Why?"

"As I have previously mentioned…" Here she halted both in movement and in speech and turned to the other. "The circumstances of his birth were not in the least favourable. The only way to save him was a promise. All I had to do was promise that you would come here and spend time in Kirigakure. **A lot of time**." As she finished, she resumed in her pacing, finding it quite soothing for the moment.

"Who asked you this? Who saved your child?"

"I cannot tell you. I cannot tell you more, Tsunade-sama. But you must trust me when I say, I am sorry. I do not feel bad though, and I would always choose Hanazame over anyone else, yet I still am sorry for whatever reason you are needed here."

"I see…" A dead silence followed for the space of half a minute, when Mei at length stepped close to the other and gave a candid squeeze to her shoulder.

"If you want, you can try and leave, but I believe the time is ripe." She spoke a trifle sweeter. "Your son is coming in a few days, isn't he?"

"Yes…" Tsunade looked down at her round stomach and with a sigh she confessed; "I can't leave anymore."

"Go to your chamber and rest. You don't need to go to the vault anymore. Rest as much as you can. Perhaps it will make it all a little easier." Mei caressed her cheek as if soothingly. She did indeed feel sorry for her, but the love for her own blood was greater than any other emotion. And Mei knew that somewhere Tsunade understood that too. "I will have some soup delivered later today. Try and think about your son and the moment you see him."

"Will I, Mei-sama? Will I be able to see him?"

Utter silence reigned after. Mei couldn't move. Her heart clutched with painful bitterness as the question kept spinning in her head. _What had she done...?_

With trembling hands, Tsunade opened the door, and she walked down the stairs and then out into the pale sunlight and drew a deep breath of the cool air blowing in from the sea.

She saw the fading stars as she exited the Residence. The dawn was cool and fragrant, the sharp air waked her, and the last vestiges of tiredness went flying. She had been drowsy and confused, had obeyed the instincts of a mother without thinking. She now realized suddenly that she was engaged in a plan of madness.

Her thoughts became busy about it; she could take no part in the morning chatters on the streets and at the noisy market-place, because something lay at the back of her mind, bothering her, and claiming attention with great persistence. Something was at work in her deeper consciousness, something that had threatened her with a vague sense of unpleasantness and nascent fear, reaching below that second skin she had grown. She remembered the images of her nightmare, horrible recollections that so easily sprang back up in her mind. They felt too real.

The wicked visage of the Serpent rose before her then, cool, smiling, and implacable. Somehow, she had expected this 'something' to be Orochimaru—this unpleasant thought that was troubling her. She was not really surprised to have so effortlessly labelled it, because the man's behaviour at the Residence and the persistent nightmares with him had made an unwelcome impression upon her thenceforth.

She stopped nervously on the street, and looked around. She did not expect to see anything out of the way, or to find that she was being followed. It was not that exactly. The act of turning was merely the outward expression of a sudden inner discomfort, and a woman with better nerves, or nerves more under control, would not have turned at all.

But what caused this tremor of the nerves? Tsunade probed and searched within herself. It came, she felt, from some part of her inner being she did not understand; there had been an intrusion, an incongruous intrusion, into the stream of her normal consciousness. Messages from this region always gave her pause; some would have called it instinct but she never truly believed in such.

Nightmares may have haunted her once or twice but there was something so very much worse about these now; well, if there truly was, she could not seize and analyze it. There seemed no adequate reason to explain her emotion. She was always stronger than him, after all. And somewhere deep she believed that they were friends. So why this did wicked man stir this nascent fear in her? Why would those nightmares with him be different from those that had already faded?

Puzzled, and still a little nervous, she stood in the road, hesitating. In front of her, the dark walls of the buildings rose in massive steps of stone. Overhead white dark clouds sailed across a deep blue sky; the wind sang mournfully among the chimney-pots, making her miss Konoha and the forests. Tsunade caught herself shivering a little with discomfort at the sight of the sky and scent of the wind. Then she looked back at the great Residence and its vault and the sudden change of thought from the trees to the chamber, from life to death, somehow landed her straight into the discovery of what caused this attack of nervousness: Orochimaru had changed. He was _not_ her friend. And the nightmares were _real_.

The wind moaned and sang dismally, catching the ears and lifting the medic gown of the woman as she quickened her pace towards the servants' living quarters, where that horrible chamber was supposed to be. She spent months sleeping in the crypt's little room, either on the chair or on the desk, but now it was best to take Mei's advice; she would get some rest, pack, and vanish before anyone noticed. Raito should still be fine before due date, perhaps even until she returned to Konoha. With such hopeful thoughts but also with that furtive nervousness which she was unable to shake off upon discovering Orochimaru's possible part in this, she rushed and hurried to the chamber.

Waves of nervousness were now upon her, and she fumbled a long time with the key before she could fit it into the rusty lock at all. With a last glance at the misty, cold Kirigakure, she passed quickly in, and the door slammed behind her with a roar that echoed prodigiously through the furniture. But, instantly, the echoes of the slamming door died away, and in the intense silence that followed she turned to lock it back so no one could enter until she was ready to make her leave. She slipped the key into her pocket and reached for some matches to light a candle. For a short moment, she felt safe; there was silence and there was no one around her. She took a deep breath and smiled a little; a few hours and she would be gone.

She would go straight to Kakashi, and tell him everything; explain him again, if she needed a hundred times that she loved him, only him. That there was nothing really going on that night in the Residence's office, that she left because she thought would be best for all of them. She would definitely be kinder to him while apologizing for her recklessness; but she did it all because she wanted the best for the three of them…Every action was for this mere reason only.

Yes, Kakashi would understand. He is a smart man. And…He must still care about her. He is not shallow. And she was such a fool hurting him for it. She would have definitely believed the same that night…Orochimaru's behaviour was too perfect of an act…And she was stunned, she did not know what to say, so there came no proper explanation. No, Kakashi was definitely right misjudging the moment. But once back to Konoha, she would be patient, she would be nicer and she would definitely apologize!

"Yes! Just a little nap and we are off, Raito-kun". She smiled as she said, with the affection of a mother and caressed the kicking unborn softly.

As she took a step forward from the cabinet, however, she noticed the key falling from her medical-gown; the pocket had a hole. "Oh dammit." She frowned and reached down to pick it up, when the most unexpected happened; the sudden dampness between her thighs halted her in motion. For a second Tsunade stood shock-still, catching her breath. The Godaime's water broke; there was no time for her to escape anywhere, anymore.

A sudden wave of pain seized her in the following second and she reached for the cabinet for support. She groaned, tormented by the forceful motions of the fidgeting child inside her. "Your fucking luck, Tsunade." She groaned in pain and anger as she met the evident decrees of what to her was Fate. She must come up with a plan; the door was locked, there was no way she could have aid, although she was not too bothered by that.

"Think…Think…What do we have here?" She took a deep, long breath and gathered her strength to stand properly. She shuddered a little with concern and fear, but forced her mind to focus. Her vision fell upon the candle on the cabinet; she took it and placed it on the bedside table. The sheets and covers on the bed would suffice blanketing and cleaning the child and with the few bottles of water beside the bedside table were sufficient to clean him. Yes, Raito would be okay…

"Don't forget your tools in the drawer. That scalpel may be needed." Came a voice behind her in the room.

She felt as if her spine had suddenly become hollow and someone had filled it with particles of ice. Tsunade froze to the spot and not even the contractions could make her move.

His steps were light but certain; he stepped to her and lifted her face to his own with his finger on her chin. "Tsuna…Tsuna, Love. Our history comes to an end tonight."

She knew his voice well but she hoped, oh how dearly she hoped the echo came from someone else instead. She dared not to employ her vision; she shot her gaze away from him like a child wanting to become invisible by denying the existence of the surrounding world. She dreaded to glance at him; it would confirm all her fears about the moment, about the endgame. It would confirm that she really messed up this time and instead of protecting people, she merely hurt them all.

What a deadly mistake.

Seconds passed. There was no hope. At length, with a wild desperation at heart, she lifted her eyes at him. Her worst thoughts, then, were confirmed. "Oro…"

* * *

[1] Don't take this seriously, I kinda made this up.


	21. My heart is a fist Part I

**_"Crash and burn, s.o.s., somebody help me get out of this mess of a dead life_** ** _…"_**

* * *

It is sadness that came with spring. For spring, with her lavish, short-lived promises of eternal beauty, is ever a symbol of passing human happiness, incomplete and always unfulfilled. Promises made on earth are playthings, after all, for children. Even while one makes them so solemnly, they seem to know that promises are not meant to hold. They are made, as spring is made, with a glory of soft, radiant blossoms that pass away before there could be time for realization. And yet they come again with the return of spring, as unashamed and glorious as if time had utterly forgotten.

She was sitting gently on the bed, so that her outline could be perceived in the light through the window where the branches clambered to come in.

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

"You must know that this is not about you and me…This is about something beyond us; beyond feelings. If feelings were indeed the key of my actions, trust me, Tsuna, I would have never awaited your end."

She scoffed and looked away from him, instead, broken and useless sitting in the soft, deep, comfortable bed.

And she loathed his words.

A dull and evil fury rose within her. Where was Kakashi? He would get her out of this misery if anyone could. And where was her dear, wicked friend he could mostly rely on? Who was speaking to her such words through the mouth of her Orochimaru? And, with this last thought, came some faint touch of sorrow so gentle that she was conscious of a sudden resignation of hope.

This affliction and anger ran races for possession of her mind, and she knew not which to follow: both seemed real, and both seemed true. The cruel confusion was an added torture. Two sets of sensations and outcomes seemed to mingle. "I thought I knew you."

"You do, Tsuna. You know me better than anyone else."

She inhaled and swallowed the anger that so easily built up in her, and fixed her eyes steadily at his own. She looked as wild and picturesque as the moment that framed her. Her thick golden hair hung loosely over her back and shoulders as she was sitting against the wall; her clothes consisted of a heavily ornated blue robe which showed her bare legs as it lay rolled up, on her thighs.

Whether the face was beautiful in such a painful hour or not he could not tell; he only knew that her whole character attracted him immensely and with a strength of appeal that he at once felt furiously irresistible.

She remained motionless against the wall, staring fixedly at him till he riveted his eyes from her with a flushed face of a teenage boy. Then she spoke: "You never hurt me. Even when you betrayed Konoha and our sensei, or when you and Kabuto attacked me and Naruto…You always played your cards so meticulously so that you wouldn't raise suspicion yet never really hurt me. So who are you?" she added in a clear, strong voice that yet was soft and even tender. "Where is the old you?"

"The old "me" is making sure that you shall feel no more pain than necessary…" He tried hard to speak naturally and easily, but his voice shook. So deep was the two comrades' love and intimacy that he could not help but be honest. "Since you are going to die with your son, I guess it will not hurt to know the truth."

"What truth?"

Across the darkening landscape, the sound of distant barking had floated to them on the afternoon's wind.

"There are powers far greater than us, Tsuna. Chakra is a gift of another world, another realm with which mortals have been blessed. And there are some special people who were given even more insight into the game of greater gods. Every realm is guarded by entities; let us call them now Keepers. They watch over the land and its dwellers, be it human or animal. The worlds had been created by the sensitive notion of balance, and balance is something of which everyone thinks differently. The Keepers protect their worlds from unknown forces and whichever Keeper stands highest, decides about the kind of balance he wishes to see in its realm. The other Keepers obey the First's commands and do as he wishes. But every once in a while, there is a war, where the future of the world is decided; Keepers may stand higher or perish and a new era may begin."

She tried to interrupt him, but the word went lost before she could pronounce it. Thought fluttered and went out with a wave of pains and she exhaled the air slowly. Then, after a prodigious interval, she regained her strength and focus and ventured to sum up his words.

"You are telling me that you are some sort of an…" She paused to find the right words and observed silently the regularity of contractions. "…⸺immortal?"

"I am not wholly immortal, you see. Keepers do not take forms by themselves. Think of them as minds or souls, able to think, having will and beliefs and morals. But no tangible form. So, in order to work and exist here, on a land as this is, they must be welcomed by hosts."

"And you did that…When?"

This time there was a thrill in his voice that seemed to pierce down straight into her heart. She said nothing at first, however. The unexpectedness of the words he used, together with the note in his voice that moved her so strangely, had a disconcerting effect that kept her silent for a time.

He was her friend after all, well, he definitely used to be. Now he was a demon split into two worlds, finding a home in neither. The false joy he wished to consign to her had struck into her like the shock of sudden steel itself, causing her an indecipherable emotion of both pity and pain. Orochimaru was more miserable than she was in this moment, and yet he had no idea.

"Not long ago. Tsuna, this new soul in me, this power is similar to mine; a _Necromancer_. The artist of life and of death. It is beautiful what I can do with it, with the Keeper. It is really a gift." He kept on, as if by convincing her he would gain full conviction as well.

"You know you are lying to yourself and to me, Oro." She sighed and rubbed her stomach to ease the pain. "What does this have to do with me or Raito?"

But instead of saying the words he really wished to say aloud, there issued from his lips in an inaudible whisper, as though control of his voice had passed a little from him. He cleared his throat and gathered his conscience and then he said instead; "You see, Tsuna, as I mentioned, they are not immortal…A Keeper is immortal but the body of a man is not; it decays." He spoke soothingly, while his hand stroked her forehead. "So the Keeper seeks a new form, preferably someone similar to its previous host."

Recognition shook her pieces together with angry violence. A degrading nausea almost vanquished her. "No, Oro. This is insane…No…You must be joking." Her heart was racing now. Some fighting blood surged uppermost but it was forcefully channeled into the impatient positioning of the child inside her. She leaned her weight on her arms and pulled herself closer against the wall. "This is insane." She groaned, suffering.

"I have always known you were smarter than the rest." He tried to speak on a lighter tone although both joy and worry tainted his mind. He lost focus for a second and wished to near her, but it was best keeping a little distance.

"Kakashi will lose his powers…" The little blonde Senju muttered.

A touch of sadness entered the voice, the eyes held pity in them as he replied. "Not everything, of course. He is already a quite powerful shinobi, but most certainly, lately, he has been taking quite an advantage of his unearthly skills. But all shall be passed down to your child. Unless I kill him before he is born. He must be between the moment of _life and death_ ; when a second separates the body to breathe in life the first time, or die, suffocating, stuck in the flesh of the mother."

"The process of birth, hm…?" She squirmed and bit her lip, finding no movement comfortable anymore.

"Yes. The very last phase."

"This is why you kissed me that night at the office, didn't you? You were always two steps ahead of us." The strange, swift instant of recognition passed and disappeared.

"I was always fifteen steps ahead of you." He smiled as he watched her; eyes gleaming, face white as chalk, perspiring like midsummer. "You succumbed to the feeling of love and had no idea about what was happening around you. It was hard for me to know it will end so abruptly. I have never seen you so genuinely happy."

"I never was…" Only, now, the recognition had somehow strained the prison bars, and the yearning escaped for a moment full-fledged and vehement with passion long denied. The knowledge swept deliciously upon her that they had the right to be together because in another life, tied with a red thread they were always together. She had the right to be with him. Her mind was certainly a mere field of longing, ungoverned images. "I love him with all my heart."

"Not even Dan could make you so sickeningly joyous. I remember that time. He was a good fellow, though, but he is not a Hatake. That clan definitely has its charms."

"I can't follow which side of you is talking now…" She noted with a half smile.

"Believe it or not but when it comes to you, I cannot help but talk a little from the heart as well."

"Ugh…" an agony of pain made both voice and body tremble. The waves of suffering were gradually becoming more and more intense, leaving no possible evasion of Fate.

Oro looked around and emerged from the bed to place the bottles, the kit and sheets to an arm's reach. "Their closeness may help you feel a little better. It will give you the impression that things will be fine."

"They **will** be fine. I will **not** let you touch my Raito." And her voice, when she spoke, was firm with a note of steel in it; intense, yet devoid of the wasting anger that passion brings.

His face grew solemn, his voice deeper and more earnest suddenly, the light in his eyes seemed actually to flame with the enthusiasm of a great belief. "Of course, Love, of course…" He smiled and sat back on the bed and took the other's hand in a grip that might have killed a lion and yet was warm with gentle kindliness.

"As much as I know the real you, you know me just the same. You **can't** hurt my son." Her little face showed suddenly the courage of a lion in its eyes. Her heart was ever braver than his own, a vigorous, fighting soul.

"Tsuna…Look at yourself." The Serpent replied. It seemed suddenly that his heart was filled with fire. "There is nothing to be done anymore. I will stay with you and help you until the time comes and we part. And I will mourn you, I know I will."

She pulled her hand away and upon this she made an effort to get up, in order to put her threat into execution; but before she could have turned away an inch, throes halted her in motion. "Ugh, dammit…" At length there broke in upon her a cry of pain and she could only add with much dignity, although somewhat puzzled. "For the sake of the past, Oro…You can't be like this." Either through pain or vexation, there came a few tears into her eyes.

"For the sake of the past?"

"You can act like it means nothing to the godly part of you. I know that it means nothing. But it means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me." The bleak attack of agony was again upon her with its throbbing rush of acuteness and she moaned miserably, her eyes looking towards the window as if wishing to be carried away by the cold primaveral wind.

"Don't say such things, Tsuna. You know that words have no impact on me." He said, apparently much softened at her distress.

"Look into my eyes then." She looked back at him as she said it and resumed with quickening breaths. "I have always cared about you. Not like you did for me, I admit. But I did my best to be there for you. So be there for me now. For the past. Please."

"The past…In the past, it was always you and me." He broke off abruptly, conscious that he was speaking out of some unfamiliar place where he floundered, helpless among strange conditions. He was feeling things he hardly understood himself. The words echoed in his ears while a flood of memories broke up through film upon film and layer upon layer that had long covered them.

And indeed, while inevitable disillusion had dulled his youthful dreams of love or any sort of honest affection, but its glory was never quite destroyed. It still glowed within, especially when **she** was around. At those times, indeed, it ran into flame, and knew something of its original splendour. Tsunade in particular had helped to keep it alive, fanning its embers bravely, whilst many other women, he found, who'd dream his own dream, dreamed it far less sweetly.

Also, what he genuinely loved in her, was the fact that Tsunade's heart and mind were closer to essential realities than his were. While he bothered with fuss and fury about power, scrolls, the underworld, and marvellous engines for destroying whoever crossed his path, the Senju, keeping close to the sources of life, knew more of its sweet, mysterious secrets—the things of value no one yet has ever put completely into words.

"I used to imagine you and me, together. But it was always rather a wicked joke than a sweet fantasy. We have always been too different." he smiled quietly to himself, coming back to the first reflection whence his thoughts had travelled so far—the reflection, namely, that now, at last, he possessed the freedom to speak.

And then he paused and looked at her, confronted with a difficulty; she smiled too.

For, seeing it, he knew not at first what to make of it. This dawned upon him suddenly when the sunlight splashed their bodies on the bed with its gold. He rose from the covers and stepped at the high window. The movement to the open it was really instinctive beginning of a search, as though in the free, wonderful spaces out of doors he would find the thing he was supposed to do. Now, settled back in front of her, he realized that he had not found it. The memories of childhood had flashed into him instead as their eyes met once again.

"Do you still remember when we were children?" He proposed and it was all she said;

"Every little detail."

And this revival of the childhood mood was curious, he felt, in fact significant, for it was symbolical of so much that he had deliberately, yet with difficulty, suppressed it and put it aside. During these years of concentrated toil for immortality, his strong will had neglected of set purpose the call of honest emotions. He had stifled friendship just as he had stifled that little light of goodness she always found in him. Yet really, that emotion of love he was always so ashamed of feeling, had merely gone into other channels—scientific inventions. It was a higher form, married at least with action that produced love in death and experiments instead of being experienced in her arms.

The acquirement of evil knowledge demanded his entire strength, and all lighter considerations he had consistently refused to recognize until he thought them dead. This sudden flaming mood rushed up and showed him otherwise. He reflected on it, but clumsily, as with a mind too long trained in the rigid values of immortality that knew not mercy. This softer subject led him to no conclusion, leaving him stranded among misty woods and fields of flowers that had no outlet. He realized, however, clearly that this side of him was not atrophied as he thought. Its unused powers had merely been accumulating—underground.

He got no further than that just now. He looked away deliberately but the sound of her deep soft voice made him keep remembering.

"I remember how often we would spend the afternoon at the riverside, talking about big dreams and childish prophecies about the three of us. Jiraiya would always be late and by that time we would be already settled near the campfire, roasting fish."

He saw in his mind the haystacks just beyond the stables of the last home in Konoha, and the fields where the rabbits sometimes fell asleep as they sat after enormous meals too stuffed to move. He saw the old unpaved path in the meadow that led to their secret place at the riverside.

The whiff of perfume from the oaks in the forest as they would pass through came back, the scent of grass, and the bees humming in the flowers. The rooks were cawing. He heard Jiraiya in his deep, angry voice calling in vain for the two of them. He remembered the three of them throwing little pebbles in the water, competing against one another.

The whacking that happened that afternoon when he stole the Bunsen burner from the laboratory, and how Jiraiya emerged suddenly from behind the curtain with, "It was me, Hiruzen-sensei!" That spontaneous offer of sacrifice, of willingness to suffer for another, had remained in his mind for a long time as a fiery, incomprehensible picture.

Then, with a violent jump, his thoughts flew to other things, and he considered one by one the various selfish schemes he had cherished against the day when he could realize them. That day had come. But the schemes seemed one and all wild now, already accomplished and none of them fulfilling that hungry desire that burnt with it; being at the moment of completion was boring, pitiable even.

Dreams, long cherished, seemed to collapse one by one before him just when he, at last, came up with them. He looked at the woman whose sacrifice would finalize all dreams and wishes, still relentless and strong when there was really no way out alive. She was admirable. But he had to put the thought back firmly in its place.

"You must understand how hard this is for me, Tsuna."

"I understand."

"You…do?"

She was staring rather calmly and intently in his eyes as at length she said it; "I always considered you the most powerful shinobi in this world. But just like all of us, Oro, you have one weakness too, and that is…"

"You?"

"No." She shook her head then, after a second's pause, to add to the complete amazement of his she replied; "It is cowardice."

"Nonsense," said Orochimaru hastily, as though he felt ashamed of himself or was acknowledging the fault in himself.

"You don't want to live forever because your life is so busy; you are rushing through your days like a madman, wanting to stay alive, wanting to overcome the whole damned world. To feel the world, it scares you. To become one with it; to become vulnerable. It scares you dearly. That is why you never told me how you felt about me. And that is why you always thought we could never be together. You were so damn afraid of being hurt. So you hurt everyone first as if hoping that way you can always remain protected." She eyed him again with uncommon keenness, though a smile ran from the eyes and mouth even up to the wet forehead and golden, tousled hair.

The Serpent interrupted her quickly. "You are talking as if you have always known what was in my deep dark soul."

"Of course I have." He heard the woman going on; "And I appreciated that you behaved naturally, never forcing me to acknowledge your affection." —her voice lowered and she glanced towards the window where the trees stood like little figures, cloaked and bonneted with beauty beneath the darkening sky. She took a second's pause again and inhaled a long deep breath to keep the waves of pain under control. Tsunade lifted her gaze back at him, her trembling fingers comforting both herself and the child; an hour or so and all shall be over.

"Is it getting worse?" Worry flushed in his eyes for a moment but he pushed it fast away.

She nodded, taking deep breaths and tightened her grip in the covers.

"Allow me to help you…" The Serpent's voice softened and he leaned towards her with a careful motion.

She made no audible remark nor did she contest. He kneeled beside her thighs and his fingers reached for the buttons of her robe.

Without request, the raven-crowned demon closed his eyes and undressed the woman in front of him. He relied on the sense of touching; and the long, bony fingers undid the buttons on the shoulder, and then lowered the garment on one arm. He hurried his hand softly over the neck, the collarbone and pulled the blue silk down on the other side as well.

Tsunade folded one arm over her bosom and lifted her hips upwards a little so that he could draw the robe off her body. She took it then and placed it over her chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled a faint smile and opened his eyes and fixed the pillow behind her back.

The day waned and, as its light faded away, the throes of childbirth had begun.

A new set of pain rushed through her like an unleashed star and she screamed in torment and in sorrow. "Please, let me see him. Please." She groaned, fighting to recover her breath and forces.

"You know I cannot do that, Tsuna. He needs to die with you." He sighed as he looked at the woman in labour.

"Damn you, Oro." The blonde Senju cried; the answer now was immediate, but even less audible than before. "Just once, please. Do this favour. Please." Both of her little hands curled into fists and she bit upon her lip to muffle her screams. These pains were different; she really had no time anymore, Raito was coming.

"Don't make this harder for me. I told you, I am not the one who decides." Orochimaru sighed; evening arrived and with its shadows a heavy discomfort. Gently then, he pulled her legs apart, as if knowing her attempts in delaying the inevitable.

Tsunade whimpered and groaned, agony seizing her.

"You need to push."

"No." Tsunade shook her head as she mumbled to herself. She was fighting against her own body's needs, shuddering in perspiration. "You'll kill him." Warm tears ran down her cheeks as she added.

Orochimaru looked away; he couldn't handle seeing her tears. His hands rested upon her ankles and he repeated again. "You need to push, my Love."

"Promise me you won't kill him. You need to promise me." As she stammered to utter those words, the forces of nature overcame the power of will; a spasm of blinding pain shot through her. With a long scream, she arched her back, pulled the covers in her fists and pushed. She opened her eyes. Her whole body was a single devouring pain. She felt as if burning, torn, fading. "Please. Don't be a coward. Oro, please!"

There was war in the Serpent, a kind of war he had never felt or experienced before; he summoned a dagger in his hand as he took it away, yet the motions of his fingers were unsure. "I am sharing my body with an immortal's soul. He needs this power, Tsuna."

A spasm of violent pain burned through her body like a fire, and she shut her eyes. She groaned in suffering and pushed once more; _he must hurry._

"Love me a little more than you love power. Please, Oro. You are my best friend." She pleaded relentless, knowing it was her only chance. She was too close to see Raito; she would have given anything to save him, her life at this moment mattered not.

It was the expression on the soft, weathered face that sent the blood in a sudden gulping rush towards his heart. He had seen men frightened, seen men afraid before they were actually frightened; he had also seen men stiff with terror in the face both of natural and so-called supernatural things; but never in his life before had he seen the look of unearthly dread that now turned her beautiful face as white as chalk and yet put the glow of fire in two haunted burning eyes. Her strength was always admirable.

"I'll…try…" Upon uttering those words, no matter how quiet they sounded, it seemed the god in him heard it too; the grip over the hilt of the dagger suddenly tightened and, as if by the sheer volition of the Keeper, it aimed to dart right into the woman's womb. It was a swift, but hurried motion; perhaps a second but no more passed. They looked into each other's eyes but merely saw a thing from the streams of tears that rushed down their cheeks.

The room fell quiet for a brief moment when a loud cry of a new life resounded in the atmosphere like little bells of Heaven. The Serpent missed the aim. The deep tie of friendship accounted for it. He wished most earnestly to always protect her. Meanwhile, in spite of himself, or perhaps because of himself, he watched his only friend as a wild animal watches its young. The little Senju was the only tie he had on earth. He loved her with a twisted, honest love, and Tsunade, similarly, he knew she loved him. This moment, thus was difficult, no, it was unwholesome even for him. Love alone could guide him against the will of the greater god.

Some minutes elapsed and a reply was made; and during the interval, the dying woman seemed to be collecting her energies to speak. Tsunade smiled and the white set of teeth glistened in the warm crimson that was blood. "Thank you."

"One day…thank me properly." There was the deep earnestness of love in his voice, of love that cannot end or die.

He pulled the dagger out of her body and dropped it beside her thigh.

The woman, on that bed under the opened window, sat evidently dying. Her breath came in gasps, her chest heaved convulsively, and each attempt at recovery was slower and more painful than the one before. She was unconscious. Sometimes her breathing seemed to stop. It grew weaker, as the pulse grew fainter. And the raven-crowned friend, the Serpent, transfixed as with paralysis, sat watching, waiting, an intolerable yearning in his heart to help.

With a long, heavy sigh, Orochimaru picked up the newborn in his arms and cleaned him carefully with the bottles of water and warm sheets that were placed so carefully on the bed. He put the little one on his mother's breast and folded the woman's arms over her son.

"You are terrible in timing, Hokage." Orochimaru shook his head but a secret relief passed over his lips. At first, he did not pursue the sight of the other; his presence was so forcefully palpable like the heavy smokes of wildfire that smother the atmosphere.

"No…" A shiver ran through the silver-crowned shinobi, making him tremble with an unaccountable touch of cold that communicated itself to the Serpent as well.

Orochimaru rose on his feet and turned to face the other. "You are too slow, Kakashi. Is this how you plan on keeping your son alive?" There was some reason behind his words that rang with excessive disdain yet seemed to be born from kindliness rather than hatred.

The swift answer of a Chidori filled him with content. "Aim at her. Not at me." He said and with the last word he pronounced, the Serpent was gone.

Kakashi glanced at the blue lightning sphere in his palm and shifted his eyes at the dying woman, and the meaning behind the Serpent's words were quick to rush to him; "Shit!" He felt the blood run hot and almost savage in his veins as he ran towards the bed. He was aware of how amazingly precious she was to him, how deeply, absolutely necessary to his life and happiness.

"Please don't die, please, Tsuna." He gasped and took the newborn carefully away so that the blue orb could shoot its bolts around her dying heart. His heart was racing now. Some fighting blood surged uppermost. He felt that he could kill everyone and everything, and the joy of violence and slaughter rose in him, soothing his insanity.

There was a long pause before she moved. Dead with fatigue, bleeding from numerous wounds, yet at this awful moment, the woman, lifting her hand to his wrist, turned her eyes slowly up to his, so that he could meet the flame of her ancient and undying love shining like stars upon him out of the night of time. "I'm sorry," she said in a low voice that trembled.

The lightning sphere died suddenly out and he took her in his arms and smothered her words with kisses, holding her softly to him but fiercely too, as though he would never let her go. "Gods, I thought I lost you…" He answered with an air of intense relief and drew in another deep breath, and again exhaled with joy. No details troubled him, he asked himself no questions. A profound sense of happy peace numbed every nerve and stilled his beating heart. He felt no fear, no anxiety and now no hint of alarm or uneasiness vexed his soul. He realized one thing only—that she lay in his arms, he held her fast, her breath mingled with his own. They had found each other and she was alive, and their child was alive too. What else mattered?

 _But sometimes, when things seem to come together, they are only just beginning to fall apart._

* * *

 **End of Part 1.**

 **To be continued.**


	22. My Heart is a fist Part II

**Part II.**

 ** _I wave my flag, I sound the alarm_** **_somebody stop me before I do any harm_**

 ** _6 years later…_**

The sixth spring of his life came on with a rush, and the warmth increased deliciously. While the cuckoos called to one another in the great beech woods behind the Academy, he was walking on the newly paved streets of Konoha, breathing in the sweet crispy breeze the green leaves carried with themselves.

The morning was radiant, with a sky of cloudless bright blue, soft airs stirred the poplar crests. And the meadow was ornamented with flowers that seemed to have caught from heaven's stars the patterns of their yellow blossoms. The bees droned peacefully among the fruit trees; the air was full of musical deep humming.

"I wish I could have slept more." Kiriyama moaned. The short-haired boy, due to his eyelids heavy from sleep could not or perhaps did not wish to perceive anything of the beautiful scenery that enveloped him. "I hate school." He added with a stroke of despair in his voice but such torment was answered with a giggle and a scoff. "What's so funny, you two?" He narrowed his eyes as he turned his face towards the two walking beside him.

"This is our **first** day at the Academy." Raito replied with a heart beating calmly as that of one who slumbers in innocence. He kept the pace of his comrades, folding his arms over his chest, wandering easily beside the two.

The orchards were in blossom, and the winds of spring showered their rain of petals upon the long, new grass.

"It will be so much fun, Kiri-kun!" Mirai smiled. The glee in her heart was too strong to be restrained; no clothing cold disguise the fervour of life which animated her soul for them, as she examined the two of her companions, discoursing of changes which had lately taken place in the town and in their lives. Because changes indeed had taken place in the little town. A great transformation had come over Konoha over the past 6 years: every house had gardens before them with circular, paved paths, flowers and wooden benches.

The buildings themselves were so precisely unique and lively, that one could be easily distinguished from the other by the choice of colour and shape. Owing to the vast antiquity, the style of architecture was somewhat odd, but it was not for that reason the less strikingly picturesque; it perfectly mingled with the new strokes of modernism. They were fashioned of hard-burned little bricks or dark maroon wood and the roofs alternated between bright and dark red and orange. The windows were large and deep, with decorated panes.

Electricity poles ornamented the streets and little cars travelled on the dark grey roads.

"Fun?" Kiriyama cocked his eyebrow as he queried in disbelief. _Mirai must have a fever_ , he thought but the stern expression softened the moment their eyes met. "We have to wake up so early every morning from now on…And spend hours in school and no games or fun anymore. I can't even nap during the day when I want to…" He murmured but the girl's giggling swiftly interrupted him. _He never minded when that happened, though._

"But we will be all going to the school our parents used to go! Isn't it exciting to become a part of their past a little?"

"Err⸺…I guess…" The Uchiha child shrugged his shoulders as he pondered a little; _Mirai sort of had a point_ , he concluded, and a flash of excitement showed on his face. "Your dad was pretty cool, they say."

"He was the best." Mirai's eyes lit up as she said it. "Mom promised to let me use his kunai once I pass the Chuunin exams."

"That sounds pretty awesome." Kiriyama nodded and patted his chin.

By and by they passed into a cross street, which, although densely filled with people, was not quite so much thronged as the main one they had quitted. The waver, the jostle, and the hum decreased in a tenfold degree.

"If I pass it, I think I will ask Mom to treat me to a giant bowl of ramen!" The Uchiha brat added, and the two laughed cheerfully and birds passed flying above their heads and the sunshine beamed on their little joyous faces. There was loveliness everywhere, but there was sadness too.

"Raito-kun, what about you? Are you excited about the Chuunin exams at least?" Mirai turned her face towards him.

A few minutes and they would reach the Academy's gates.

"Otou-san doesn't want me to participate." He said as if he had just uttered the most common thing in the world. But it wasn't; Mirai and Kiriyama both stopped in shock but Raito kept walking. Once caught up to him, Kiriyama placed his hand over his comrade's shoulder and forced him to stop. Raito turned round slowly, and they looked with a certain deliberation into each other's eyes.

"Are you serious?" The surprise could not be more visible or greater in the little Uchiha. He stared at him stupidly a moment, bereft of speech or wit.

"Yes." He added with a need greater for pretence rather than for truth. With a gentle motion, he freed himself from the weak clutch and continued on his way.

"Why? You can't be **that** weak, I mean your dad is after all the Hokage!" A second turn brought them into a square, brilliantly lighted by the sun, and overflowing with life. Kiriyama felt utterly confused, he simply could not wrap his mind around the words so lackadaisically uttered. Raito was an odd little being, always full of surprises.

Raito's expression didn't change, however; he wished to veil his emotions at all cost. After all, it was nobody's business how he felt or what he thought. "I don't really care, though." He lied.

"Did he tell you why he doesn't want you to participate?" Mirai queried on a softer tone, sensing her friend's discomfort.

"I didn't ask. He is always busy."

They urged their way steadily and perseveringly as the hour neared to seven.

"But he doesn't let you practice jutsu either…" She muttered to herself as she kept walking with them. "Perhaps he is just really protective of you. That is a nice thing." She said it with a smile albeit she did not feel convinced either. Something was out of place but she could not yet quite grasp it.

"So you know no jutsu, Raito?" Kiriyama chuckled, feeling in advantage. If Mirai saw him perform the famous Fireball technique, it would surely make her swoon. After all, the poor boy, all winter he had been trying to amaze her, but he mostly felt his efforts ridiculously futile; _perhaps this time things would be different…_

Meanwhile, Raito rolled his eyes and with a sigh, he summoned a Chidori, merely by will. "You can't tell Otou-san though."

The children's eyes widened at the large sphere of electricity. "O⸺Okay…" They gasped and stuttered in unison.

After several minutes, one of them broke the silence of awe. "You are quite talented…" Mirai whispered and they at length reached the gates.

"I guess. Let's just find the classroom, okay?" Raito proposed with a sigh. He felt annoyed, upset, uneasy.

They entered after the throng of children and as if pulled by unseen forces, they followed the stairs upwards to the classroom. The excitement among most of the students was prodigious; it filled the heart of every sensei with glee.

A general rush was made towards the door and everyone sought enthusiastically their places in every classroom. In Konoha, most of the children enjoyed educational times; it was a sort of rite, an entrance to worlds unknown and pasts yet undiscovered, waiting to be re-interpreted and re-experienced.

At length, Raito had also entered the classroom, however, with a distinct quickening of what may be termed his instinctive and infallible sense of diagnosis. Mirai's remark about his father being overprotective had stimulated him.

About him, he was aware of surprise, curiosity, and impatience. Willy-nilly, he began automatically to study the atmosphere and its people with a more profound interest. Something, he gathered, was not quite pleasing in the classroom. Some students were eyeing him with an odd curiosity whilst others grew suddenly quiet as he stepped in and walked to his chair. He began to wonder and to watch.

"Great…" Meanwhile, Kiriyama frowned when he realized that Mirai was placed two seats away, beside Raito.

That damn Hatake was always so fortunate, whilst he struggled with even the simplest of things to achieve. His mother, Rin, would often smile and tell him that his father was the same at this age but time and perseverance would surely change everything to his advantage; he just needed to be patient. So Kiriyama became a patient and determined boy, and also, without the intention of the sort, he befriended the silver-crowned moody brat during the third winter of their lives.

Minutes of jolly chatter and excited ramblings, screamings and rushings from place to place went by and the classroom gradually calmed down, waiting for their sensei to enter. Konohamaru Sarutobi was expected to appear, news and rumors about his first serious task as a teacher flew pell-mell about the Academy; he was the next in line to inherit Asuma's place and expectations were as high as the general enthusiasm.

However, the man stepping in was not whom all thought of.

"Good morning, children…" Shikamaru sighed rather than spoke, and he dragged himself inside the classroom as if it was the last thing he wished to do on this world. He stood now by the desk, silent, gazing with fixed eyes at nothing, his lips parted, his expression vacant.

It was certain Shikamaru did not plan to be there in that moment and the dark circles about his eyes spoke louder than any word uttered by him.

Mirai put up her hand. Something had to be done, the girl thought. "Shikamaru-sensei!"

"Yeah, Mirai-chan?" He groaned as he regained his attention. It was way too early for any proper action.

"Do you need coffee?"

Shikamaru smiled ever so faintly, glad about the girl's attentiveness. "Can you get me some?"

Mirai nodded and sprang from her chair. "Just a minute, sensei!" She giggled and vanished from the classroom.

"In the meanwhile, uh…Well, let's introduce yourselves to each other." Shikamaru began and dropped on the chair, putting his legs up upon the table. "Who wants to start?" He looked around, seeing no hands in the air. Of course, he should have expected it. "What a drag, really…I hope Konohamaru gets well soon." He muttered to himself and pointed towards a fidgeting child. "Hey, you, Kiri, just introduce yourself, hm?"

Kiriyama frowned and crumpled the love letter he was so toiling to compose. He rose from his chair and looked around; his eyes met for a brief second with Raito who decided to return to his reading instead. It was better if he did not pay attention.

"All right…Konnichiwa, I am Kiriyama Uchiha. Uh…Mmm…I am six years almost and my mom is Rin Nohara and we own a little apothecary at the end of the main street. My dad is Obito Uchiha who died in the Fourth Shinobi War. But he was a good person, everyone says. I hope I will be the strongest Uchiha when I grow up!" He quickly sat down as he said it, blush mantling his cheeks from such confession.

Gradually and at first unwillingly, the children stood one by one and spoke little things about their little lives they considered important. Mirai in the meanwhile returned and Shikamaru's mood lightened with the more drops of coffee flowing down his throat. He had known and cared about Mirai even before she was born and the feelings of respect and love became very soon mutual; he loved her like a little sister and the young Sarutobi admired him as a big brother.

It was now Raito's turn. With a loud sigh, he forced himself on his feet, closed his book and flashed his gaze across the students. His voice was cold and neutral as if he was talking to a brick wall. "My name is Raito Hatake. I have a little sister. That is all. Thank you." He sat back down and opened his book on the desk.

"Raito, don't you want to say anything else about your family?" Shikamaru asked, puzzled about his behaviour.

Raito was never a talkative child but the great lack of excitement, even greater than Shikamaru's was at this age, in fact, worried him. Children were supposed to be happy, or at least have strong feelings about things, be it negative or positive. Raito was neither. He was simply existing.

"No." Answered Raito without looking up.

"Of course he doesn't want to." Sounded these words from the far end of the classroom. A general silence fell on the rest and it was what Butsuma Shigaraki waited for; "His mom is a whore!" He chuckled as he added, his chubby face positively aglow with inbred cruelty.

To speak plainly, the child had, in spite of his age, an audacious and sinister kind of face. His nose remained buried in the mass of flesh which enveloped his round, full, and evil face; and his thick upper-lip rested upon the still thicker one beneath, with an air of complacent self-satisfaction, much heightened by the owner's habit of licking them at intervals.

Raito looked at him like a knife. The implacable thing that shone in his fixed stern eyes could not be described, nor the shadow of felt darkness that stole across his face. He glittered. Hate became suddenly palpable around him.

Butsuma met the Hatake's eyes because he accepted what was in the thoughts of them both at that moment. Oh, he, in fact, craved to feel the other's hate.

"I dare you to say that again." Raito uttered and sprang on his feet, his tone uncannily cold.

Shikamaru frowned and lifted his feet off the desk. This was not good.

"Butsuma, please show some respect towards others. Does anyone even know what that word means?"

For several minutes, although Butsuma looked Raito full in the face, he said nothing; he was waiting. At length, as no one seemed to know what 'whore' meant, he resumed. "I know, it means she has a lot of men like those ugly ladies on the street near the Konoha gates! It must be true because Mom's friends all agreed when she said it."

"All right, enough, Butsuma. Raito, please sit back down." Shikamaru was growing anxious. He bit upon his lip as the child did not obey him. Raito did not move an inch; he stood and stared.

"Okaa-chan was a Hokage too. You can't speak of her like this." The silver-crowned boy growled.

"Yes, but she is nothing now." Butsuma sneered and folded his arms over his large chest. "Mom said she doesn't even help with birth at the hospital anymore because she can't stand the sight of blood and children. She also said that you, and your sister, and your mom are very unwanted here in Konoha, but your dad is trying to stick to the rules so he just lets you stay here!"

And the nightmare clutch laid hold upon his heart with giant pincers. Raito's calm was over. The fiery red of insensate anger burst into flames, filled his throat to choking, set his paralyzed muscles free with uncontrollable energy. This savage lust of murder caught him and within the next moment, the child's eyes glowed with white rage of electricity. He lost control. He rushed headlong at his classmate with a Chidori; _the aim remarkably perfect_.

"Raito-kun!" Mirai screamed; she had never seen him like this before. Knowing her comrade's skills and behavior…No, this was definitely not going anywhere good! "Raito-kun!" She called out his name and jumped between the two boys, her arms wide open. "You could kill him with that!"

"Get out of my way!" Raito growled with the passion of a Senju. Hatred and fury in his heart had reached the point where he could no longer contain himself, and Butsuma's words which drenched in jealousy inflamed him.

The atmosphere of the room fairly pulsed with these opposing forces of loud emotions.

"You know that nothing of what he said is true!" Mirai pleaded, hoping he still had some common sense left in him.

Although Raito heard her words distinctly, but they rang far away, tiny with curious distance; they were half smothered, half submerged, it seemed, behind an acute inner hearing that kept echoing that another set of words he could not accept—in a language of sheer hate and jealousy. And the deep sense of pain passed kept burning with blinding rage; he saw red; a fury of wrath that could kill and stab and strangle rushed over him in a flood of passionate emotion. He thought he wouldn't calm down or perhaps _he did not want to_ calm down anymore; the boy's soul was too deeply wounded, he couldn't hold himself together anymore. "Okaa-chan is the best person in this world! You can't be disrespectful to her!"

"Your mom is lame! Nobody wants her or you! My mother is **much** better than yours!"

An intense, murderous hatred blazed in his heart and he pushed the Sarutobi girl out of the way. He was a second away from a future he would reject and repulse with a calm heart, but now nothing mattered, apart from vengeance.

Raito, his fist raised, clenched, about to succeed in his terrible assault, paused suddenly. His arms sank to his sides. What exactly stopped him he could not understand. For one thing, of course, he feared his own anger, feared that if he let himself go he would not stop till he had killed⸺ committed murder, and a child of his age was already familiar what it meant to become a murderer.

He knew his own fearful temper and stood afraid of it. Yet it was not only that. The calm firmness of the Hatake, his courage under pain, and something around him arrested his motions. Slowly, he gazed down at the floor and he noticed he was standing in his own shadow.

"Let's go and see your father, all right?" Shikamaru spoke as he stood a few steps away behind him, their shadows connected. His sympathy and pity had been deeply moved by the vanishing tears on the child's face and the Chidori vanished from his hand.

The theatre was over. Everyone dared not to speak or move.

"Come on, Raito-kun." The Nara said and opened the door to the young Hatake. "What a drag…," he added, only to himself.

They both betook on the way to the Residence's top floor. They walked in silence for a little for no words of any sort offered themselves to his mind, nor did the Nara attempt to speak.

The keen air stole from the woods as they entered the streets, cooling Raito's body and his mind; blossoming flowers gleamed abundantly among the thick, dark grass, lit by the warm sunlight. There were beauty, calm and life, the joyous breathing of the earth beneath the comforting blue sky.

"Please don't tell Otou-san about the Chidori." At length, Raito gathered his courage and murmured to the elder, but never looked at him.

"Why? You want to avoid being scolded?"

"I don't mind being scolded." He sighed and walked. "I won't do it again, Shikamaru-sensei…"

Shikamaru merely watched the little one beside him and listened as they passed the streets. Questions, he felt sure, would be of little use. It was better he should say his thoughts in his own way. And Raito resumed.

"I will tell Okaa-chan, okay? I promise. Otou-san wouldn't care…Or he would be very upset and blame Okaa-chan."

"I am sure your parents could discuss it calmly, Raito-kun."

"You don't understand, Shikamaru-sensei…" He walked straight on, and Shikamaru walked at his side in silence as he waited for him to continue. The child obivously had more to say but seemed to be struggling with speaking so earnestly about his heart's contents.

Through the large door of the Reisdence they passed together, Raito paying little attention to the people inside.

"He is only around when something happens and then he argues with Okaa-chan. That is all they do. He doesn't love us, Shikamaru-sensei."

Shikamaru's heart clenched a little. The hearsay wasn't entirely stupid; something was really not right in this family. But it was not his business. He was not Raito's teacher. However, curiosity got the best of him, so he cleared his throat and asked quietly. "And your little sister? Does she feel this way too?"

Raito nodded. "He did not even come to Michiko-chan's fourth birthday."

Shikamaru made no reply. He resumed walking in a dazed manner, staring in front of him as though the other had struck him in the face. Honest worry had entered his mind.

"Shikamaru-sensei…"

"Yeah, Raito-kun?"

"Please, do not tell him about the Chidori."

"I won't." replied Shikamaru, after a hesitation so slight that the other probably did not even notice it. "Here we are." He added and knocked on the oaken door.

"Come in." said a man's kindly voice. The room was grey with early morning, the air fresh and a little chill. Kakashi lifted his tired eyes from the stock of papers and placed them gently aside on the desk upon beholding his son. "Raito? What happened?" His pulse instantly quickened as the single thought of him hurt flashed across his mind.

"He got into a fight with Butsuma Shigaraki." Shikamaru said simply with the least of emotion visible on his features. The Nara's behaviour soothed the Hokage; _so Raito was sort of all right._

The Shigaraki name sounded familiar in his ear; perhaps he had someone like that fired last week. Most certainly, Kakashi recalled, that horrible scrubwoman who poured sanitizer on the ancient scrolls at the Grande Library. He shook his head at the recognition and asked; "A fight? How do you even know how to fight, Raito?"

"I saw it on TV." He said it and sank into the large sofa at the right side of the entrance. It was the most comfortable piece of furniture in the office, and when three, he remembered having spent nights on it while Kakashi worked long hours. However, such recollections now were bitter to recall. He hushed the thought away and the Nara's voice hit his ears.

"I guess I'll go back to the class." Shikamaru spoke, and with a last glance at the child, he exited the office.

 _Finally. It was just them now._ Kakashi thought and he turned his gaze from the door and directed it at his son once the Nara was out. "On your first day, Raito, really? When did class start? 40 minutes ago?"

"Sorry, Otou-san." He looked into his face and told a direct lie.

"Is it Kiriyama? Is he a bad influence? Did he teach you how to fight?" He moved no single muscle of his body. His interest seemed intense as he poured his questions onto him, unable to yet comprehend the true nature of his child's behaviour.

"What if it was him? What if it was on TV? Do you want to stop me from seeing my friends? Or from watching TV?"

Kakashi sighed at his words. "Raito, I was asking nicely. Don't be cocky with me; it will not get you anywhere good."

Raito reflected a moment with a puckered face.

His father meanwhile, was waiting for him to speak honestly, hoping he would.

"Butsuma said Okaa-chan is a whore. He told us what it means. I did not like it."

"Why would he say this to you?"

"It is a rumour going about at the hairdresser…His mom said these things about Okaa-chan." His voice and manner were admirably under control, but there was a gulp, and his father heard and noted it.

Kakashi may or may not have thought of murdering everyone speaking of Tsunade like that; his face was hidden a moment as he bent down to gather some fallen papers on the floor. There was no impatience in the movement, nor was there mockery in his expression, when he resumed his normal position of sitting at the desk, looking straight at his offspring. He had gained an appreciable interval of time—some fifteen seconds.

"Not everything they say is true, Raito. You know that." He said to him, but his words had little or no effect.

The Hokage, it seemed, spoke carelessly while he arranged his papers together with a view to standing up. "I believe his mother is just angry with me for firing her." He did not look at the boy; he said it as he at length found it better to walk about the room. He too was beginning to feel a sense of discomfort.

"And he also said that you only tolerate us in Konoha because Okaa-chan was a Kage too. Everybody knows in this village that you do not love us, but since you are the leader, you can't have a bad reputation of abandoning your family. Well, more than **this**."

The way the child spoke seemed to be doing it for the sole purpose of being intentionally rude, and thereupon, without the slightest warning, Raito directed his eyes at him and said certain other things. Evidently, they cost him effort; his broken little heart forced them out. There was a considerable pause between the two when at length, with the same amount of painful effort, Kakashi asked;

"Did he say these or you are saying them now, _to me_?"

"Does it make a difference?" He faltered and looked away. Raito wanted to disappear.

"It does, son." Even to speak to him was a torture. Did he truly feel this way? Did Raito truly believe that he was unloved by him? He resumed in queries. "Did you beat him because he said all these things? Or you beat him because he insulted your mother and whatever else he said was just more excuse for you to let your anger out?"

"I want Okaa-chan." Raito folded his arms over his little chest and sighed.

"Now you are talking with me." Kakashi stopped pacing to and fro and looked at him.

The gentle command in Kakashi's voice seemed to annoy the boy.

"I don't want to talk with you, Otou-san." Raito murmured and shot his gaze at his flinging legs.

Raito talked in utter confusion of his soul's true content, and hardly knew what he was saying. But the pain on his face and the anguish in his voice were an instant passport to the other's heart. "All right, son…" Kakashi pulled out his very simple mobile phone and rang his mother. He hung up and watched him for some minutes, longing to touch, to embrace him, but before he could have debated with himself about such desires, the door opened and Orochimaru entered the office.

"Uh, sorry, Tsuna got held up at the hospital but she should be here in about 10 minutes." The Serpent spoke cheerfully, arranging a seat for himself beside Raito.

The scene was no new to the elder Hatake but the more frequently it happened the least he could pretend to like it; the two remaining Sannin had been living together for over three years and whenever the blonde was flooded with work, Orochimaru would come to her aid, be it family matters or simple requests. Raito and Michiko, meanwhile, grew to love the vile creature, which added to Kakashi's wrath all the more.

The following ten minutes seemed a nightmare in which he was not master of himself and knew not exactly what he did or said; the whole scene was but an unwholesome vision whenever he would recall it later on.

Kakashi returned to his desk and sank into his chair with great discomfort. He could not focus on any work anymore. All he thought was the hatred, the envy, the affliction in his spirit all connected to the other man in the room.

"So, Konoha is really nice, Kakashi." The Serpent said and crossed his legs. He was obviously in the mood for an idle conversation whilst Kakashi strived for quiet and peace.

"Mhm."

"…with these new inventions and all. And the TV was a great idea." Orochimaru went on purposefully and looked hard into the keen eyes facing him. _This is not going to be pleasant._

"Yeah." The wrinkles around Kakashi's eyes deepened as he narrowed them.

Orochimaru smirked at him, ambition, hard and restless, shining about him. "Michi-chan got a little TV for her bedroom. You know, her birthday was last week."

"Oji-san, he doesn't care." Raito tugged at the material of the other's arm as he interrupted them quietly.

 _How long will it take for Okaa-chan to arrive? He was hating the moment. He longed to be away, far away…_

"I keep forgetting, silly me." Orochimaru meanwhile chuckled as if a good joke had been pronounced and clapped his thighs for the sake of theatre.

Uneasiness and annoyance had been growing in Kakashi too for some time already, his inability to control the situation adding to his anger. Emotion was accumulating in him dangerously; it was directed chiefly against the Serpent who seemed to be overly involved in his family's private life. "I did **not** forget Michiko's birthday." He answered sternly.

"Why didn't you come then? Okaa-chan wanted you to come. And Michi-chan too."

"I had to leave to Kirigakure, Raito." He spoke apologetically, watching his child's reaction. "I had to sign the Peace Treaty."

A vast sensation of distress and discomfort swept him suddenly as he said it and a shiver cooled his skin. The Past was a horrible thing to recall.

"Now that Mei retired, it seemed rational you would accept the armistice. I should have made a bet with Tsuna. You know how she is with bets."

Concealment was now useless. It was impossible, too. What Kakashi hated more than a simple interaction was an interaction with the Serpent; one of the main reminders of Pandemonium. The living, breathing trace of despair and disdain. And yet, there they were, talking.

"I **do** know." Kakashi growled with impatience.

The Serpent waited a moment. He smirked. Then his eyes fixed upon the Hokage's face somewhat deviously; there was the obvious intention behind the words he was about to utter. "I just love that about her. Well, that too. That woman is **impossible** not to love, isn't she, Kakashi?"

His nerves gave way then, and wrathful jealousy seized him. He clenched his fingers into a blue, electric fist but forced himself to remain sat behind the desk, the visible traces of his emotions hidden from the Serpent's sight. "You need to attend school, Raito. You mustn't abandon your duties after today." He said very slowly. He was thinking behind his words and eyed the Serpent with venomous fierceness.

"He is right, Raito-kun. You wouldn't want to sadden your sweet mother." He said with a little smirk and they turned their heads in the same instant and stared into each other's eyes. For Kakashi, the instant seemed enormously prolonged. He realized the challenge in the other and that his rudeness had roused it into action. It had become a contest of wills—Vileness battling against Love.

This primitive instinct of jealous murder—he called it a lust—so far he had sternly repressed. Jealous hatred pertained to savage days. But, though he hid away the instinct in his heart, afraid of its clamour and persistence, it revived from time to time, as fresh encounters with the man in front of him made it bleed anew. It remained alive, non-obliterated.

However, perhaps by Gods' mercy, there came upon him a sudden wave of pleasure, which swept over the hateful feelings when he saw the Senju enter the room. He was in the act of standing up and marching into a senseless argument with the raven-crowned opponent when the short, graceful woman stormed in hastily. She had an untamed energy about her which he loved so dearly and her mouth was exquisite in the crimson lipstick she wore. "Sorry I am late! I had a heart surgery and the aorta ripped and I fainted and I needed to wash the⸺ err, never mind." She stammered as if nervous and closed the door behind her sweet, beautiful frame.

Her pallid face with those bright burning eyes thrust forward and peered straight into his own. Kakashi rose from his desk without a muscle moving on his face. Tsunade was standing right in front of him, after countless weeks of careful avoidance. The same instant he felt the passion in the eyes that had stared him out of countenance in the conference room two months ago. He was petrified.

She stared him out of countenance now. And, as she did so, the under-current he had tried to ignore so long swept to the surface in a tumultuous flood, obliterating his present self. Something elaborately built up in his soul by years of training himself to utter apathy and now it collapsed like a house of cards, and he knew himself undone.

So completely were this man and woman involved in some purpose common to them both that their talk, their meeting, their indestructible love for each other at the time seemed natural, almost expected. The same stream kept bringing them irresistibly towards the same far sea no matter how mercilessly they wished to swim against it.

He took an involuntary step forward her as these violent feelings harboured in him. Divided against himself, the heart left no authoritative self in control; his desire to take an immediate decision resulted in a confused struggle, where shame and pleasure, love and revulsion mingled painfully. He was aware of joy and yearning and he loathed his weak soul for those.

"Okaa-chan!" Raito sprang from the sofa the moment his mother stepped inside the office and rushed to her feet with utter relief. "Okaa-chan!" He repeated on a merry tone and wrapped his short arms around her legs. The child's behaviour changed and his whole being was filled with a flood of joy.

"Raito-kun, why are you here? What happened?" She smiled with a little worry ringing in her deep voice and caressed the silver locks of her child.

However, the answer came from the father. Kakashi cleared his throat as he struggled to remain stern and cold. "He got into a fight on his first day." Was his reply.

"Oh?…Why?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow as she asked and Raito looked up at her as he said;

"I will tell you at home, okay?"

"You could…uh…you could stay. We could talk together." Kakashi said, interrupting hastily.

The surprise on the woman's features was evident but they passed swiftly from her flawless face. She recovered her countenance in a brief moment and asked, confused with his gentle tone; "You…would want _that_?"

"Yes…Tsunade-sama, I…"

"Okaa-chan, I want to go home." Raito's words intervened and he tugged at his mother's cloak. "Let's go home, please." He did not want to stay any longer.

For five seconds, perhaps for ten, Tsunade hesitated. Her motions slowed down a little. Here, within sight and touch of her long-desired objective, she hesitated. But she loved Raito more than her own selfish yearnings. "Okay." She nodded in assent and lifted her eyes at the man in front of him for a brief second.

Kakashi could easily discern that tinge of disappointment in them. She wanted to speak with him but her mouth opened for different words; "I will talk with Raito at home then. Thank you for your time, Hokage-sama." She added and took Raito's hand. "Good bye." Orochimaru rose on his feet and followed them outside.

Kakashi fell back onto his chair with a long, heavy sigh. "I miss you… so much." He sank his face into his hands and instantly felt horrible for saying such things even to himself, only quietly. "What am I saying? **She** wanted to leave, Kakashi. Don't be stupid, for gods' sake."

For over three years now, this enforced solitude, not quite agreeable, was considered unavoidable. _It was vital for peace of mind_ , as he would phrase it to himself and thus, he avoided all social intercourse, and was happy when everyone else was as busy as himself. But Kakashi, now that he saw her again, suddenly felt intolerably alone. The hunger and yearning in his heart seemed more than he could bear.

This woman… without her beside him, without her to share the sweet companionship of the earth… was too much to bear. For one minute with her beside him in the meadows, lying on the sweet thick grass, listening to the birds, her long blonde hair flying in the wet mountain wind—he would have given all his life, his past, his future, everything that mind and heart held precious...

But the pain of the Past was acute and agonizing. There were alternate intervals of numbness and of acute sensation; for each time thought and feeling collapsed from the long strain of their own tension, the relief that followed proved false and vain.

Up sprang the aching pain again, the hungry longing, the dull, sweet yearning—and the whole sensation started afresh as at the first, yet with a vividness that increased with each new realization of it. She took his soul away with her, leaving him behind to exist, but not to live. Seconds dragged out incredibly into minutes, as though time halted and he sat there, pondering, yearning, hating and loving everything that Tsunade Senju meant to him.

 ** _Meanwhile…_**

They went quietly on the streets. Drenched in light and colour, the town of Konohagakure, for a town it indeed had become, lay dreaming amid a peaceful loveliness that woke what seemed impossible, unrealizable, longings in her heart. "He wanted to talk to me…" she thought to herself, a little loud, as she walked home, old tumultuous emotions in her blood.

"He did sign the Treaty. The rumours you heard were true." Orochimaru answered to her as if there were questions unspoken lying behind her uttered thoughts.

"Do you think there's any chance that…?"

"He still loves you, Tsuna. It was easy to upset him. But…"

"He is still mad at me." She concluded with a sigh.

"I believe yes." The Serpent nodded.

"I don't know why, Oro. **He** did this to us. **He** left us."

"Maybe you should endeavour and talk to him. Again." Orochimaru spoke at length in this way because Tsunade made no further comment. He saw her tired eyes gazing into the liveliness of the main street and felt a pang strike through him. After a pause, in which again she said no word, he added: "You two have never really had a calm conversation since Kirigakure. He is trying to make peace with the Past which must be the reason for finally agreeing to end the war with Mei."

"I am **not** going to speak about the Past or about anything in general, **especially** not with him. You do **know** that." She brushed her hair back as though the gesture helped to clear her mind.

 _It was there, it was the Past we had the break—the shock—the accident that broke us shattering the dream we share until today."_ She remembered so clearly as she whispered to herself, and a shiver ran through her, making her tremble and halt for a moment with a despicable touch of qualm. Her voice had died away and she was silent.

Orochimaru took the woman's hand and forced her to keep on moving; Raito had no reason to notice his mother's agony.

"Perhaps he blames me for everything..." She added on a low voice, the sentence almost breaking. She answered with her lips only, for another part of her mind was working elsewhere, and among uncomfortable things. A touch of pain passed over her. She was not certain how best to continue but to her relief, at least they reached home.

There was a deep silence in the little house. Only the sound of the sea came in, the wind behind it when she opened the windows.

"Raito, don't go too far. Wash your hands and sit at the table. We need to talk." Tsunade warned warmly yet with command and glanced a second at Orochimaru, her mind still heavy. "Perhaps the best would be if we moved on once and for all." Said she, her heart in her throat.

"Do you really think that is possible, Love?"

"It has to be." She said and shivered, for the subject had thinned her blood. It was then that they said no word for a long time.

After several minutes, Tsunade tried to pass him.

Then a half-gesture that he made stopped her. There was something more he wished to say—to ask. He looked down, fixing her with his eyes furtively. "Shouldn't you at least reconsider…?"

"Why are you doing this, Oro?" The white face held very steadily whilst she inquired, the firm lips did not tremble, but it was evident that the heart knew the anguish that was deep and poignant.

He looked at her with passionate tenderness, but said no word for it was not needed; they read from each other's simplest gestures as if it was their own.

She lifted her hand up to his face and ran her fingers across his cheek. The Serpent stopped the gentle caressing and planted a kiss over her hand.

"Don't, Love. Don't torture me. Talk to your son instead."

With a faint smile, he let go of her hand and he passed through the kitchen, where only the most important furniture was visible, into another room that was completely dark. He locked the door behind him and the turning of the flickering light could be heard.

"Raito, child." Tsunade turned and sought the child with her eyes. Raito was sitting on the counter, eating an apple. She walked to him and placed her hands beside his thighs. "Tell me what happened today."

"Oh…Nothing, Okaa-chan…" He faltered and looked away, embarrassed about the truth he was supposed to confess.

He did not lie often, in fact, he never lied to her or his sister; Kakashi was a whole different matter but even to him lie was an act of protection for both, from pain and more aversion. Or so he thought, with a mind of an almost seven-year-old.

"Come on now, Raito-kun." She lifted a hand up to his head and drove his forehead closer to her lips, hoping that nearness would comfort his little harbouring spirit. "Did you get into trouble?" She spoke softly and travelled her eyes back at his.

Raito gave in then. He couldn't lie and running away was not an option now. "One of my classmates said cruel things. I got very upset and I attacked him. I am sorry, Okaa-chan…"

"Did you get hurt? Or did he?"

Raito shook his head in the negative. "Shikamaru-sensei did not let us do anything."

"Good." Relieved that Raito would not go to Konoha's new penitentiary, Tsunade took a longer breath, then lowered her voice a trifle. "Please, Raito, next time let words pass your ear. All right? People will always say things, bad and false ones. Do not listen to those. You know what is true, and that is all that matters."

"But he said something very bad about you…"

Her heart stirred within her. A sad, quiet look of tender yearning came into her clear golden eyes as she watched her son for a moment. She must cheer him up, the boy was deeply afflicted. "Oh I am sure he doesn't know half of just how troublesome I am." She endeavored to conceal her concern with a merrier tone. "It doesn't matter, child. He will have his little ass kicked later by some bigger and worse boys. You don't need to be that, though."

"So I should not care? Even if it's rude?" He looked up at her, confused how to feel or think.

She looked deeply into his deep dark eyes and caressed the child's hair with gentleness. "No. There will be hundreds of times when you will feel the same way; hurt, unjustly treated. But that is life. Let it go and focus on your own plans and goals."

"Okay…Sorry Okaa-chan…"

"It is fine, and I am sure your father will forget it too. Do not worry about it, hm?"

Raito's head nodded several times in succession as he was thinking. He made no remark for some minutes. Then presently he said, as though it had no particular importance. "Okaa-chan…Otou-san doesn't let me sign up for the Chuunin exams."

She seemed startled at the child's words, they came unexpected. Her face grew a little whiter than how it usually was. She stared and took a deep breath. Then, she passed a hand, as if pained, across her forehead. "Oh…Uhm…I will resolve it, all right?" She said on a hushed, nervous voice. It was the last thing she wanted to do; _to meet him again_.

But Raito's lips parted and a marvellous smile broke over his features and his voice was suddenly unfamiliarly joyous; the image all mothers long to see their children, that ultimate hopefulness and joy about their little ones. "Really?!"

"Yes…" Looking at him, Tsunade repeated the queer notes of agreeing, and a sudden revulsion of feeling rose through her. Raito was too happy, she would be selfish to deny the chance from him. _There was no other way_. "I tell you what; I need to return to the hospital and then run to pick up your sister from kindergarten but if you would be kind and get her yourself, I could see Kakashi once I am finished at work."

"Can we have ice cream on the way home?"

"Yes, you can have ice cream on the way home." She nodded and stepped away from the counter to the table where she took some coins out of her purse. She returned to her boy and added; "Here, here are twenty drakes. You can buy 4 ice creams and also ask for the sweet cones. Is this good enough of a deal? And you promise to go to school tomorrow and be nice, all right?"

"Thank you Okaa-chan!" Raito laughed merrily as he jumped off the counter, and there was an undernote of excitement in the laugh. "You are the best!" he was appraising her, for the hundreth time, and she, for the hundreth time, was thinking how much she had loved her child, and wondering how horribly she wished things were different.

 **End of Part II.**

 **I do hope you enjoyed the second part as much as the first! In case you are wondering just what the hell has happened, stay tuned for the second main part of the story, I promise it will be interesting!**

 **Also, let me ask you to be patient, the new chapter should come out in two weeks instead of one.**


	23. Venom

_**"**_ _ **You've gone and let your demons tear us apart…"**_

* * *

He stood motionlessly at the large windows, staring out into the deepening dusk. The faltering sunshine fell over the pagoda in the town centre and glowed softly upon the darkening blue waters. But he did not notice the beauty of twilight; he was lost in thoughts.

The years dragged appallingly for Kakashi. The drama of life, in a sluggish stream, went slowly by, halting, meandering, losing itself and then reappearing. Sharpest pains of past memories, and regrets, as of a thousand knives, accompanied its dreadful endless lethargy. Its million hesitations made him suffer a million deaths of agony. There was no certainty in this world, only "ifs" and "maybes". What if he had not arrived in time to save Tsunade and Raito? What if he had not abandoned his family for the sake of their safety? Maybe, he could live a happier life now. Maybe they could live a happier life now.

This despair and hope alternately broke his being, ever to fashion it anew. On some mornings, he would wake with the determination of quick resolution of these pains, of talking, of opening up and of revealing what the soul had long yearned to free from itself. On other mornings, it was anger that drove him out of bed, of blame, of regret of loving the most selfish person in this world and thus having to bear the eternal burden of that despicable love.

His torture, therefore, seemed not of this world. But hope, for a very long while, did survive. He hoped that his actions of abandonment did eventuate in allowing a much safer life for his children, away from his demons and his past. He hoped it was the best decision a father could make, in order to provide a happy, easy life without too much unnecessary struggle. He hoped he did the right thing. He hoped Tsunade understood. And he hoped, one day, he could be himself again.

The sluggish stream moved onward, forward until terror, despair and anger, destroyed a thousand times his soul, which that surviving hope—that once towering, indestructible hope—by the end of the sixth year, could not renew anymore.

Kakashi stopped hoping anymore; life had become an endless stream of things he never thought would be his intimates. He dreamt of evil things, of loss, of torture every night and shrank at the voice of those of the past. He disliked the closeness of his most trusted friends and wished to avoid contact at all cost. He despised remembering the good old days, and if he remembered, the past was never joyous, never sweet. It was a shattered madness in which he was trapped.

He loathed the sunshine as much as he loathed Konoha. He wanted to destroy everything that ever reminded him of the fragility of happiness. He welcomed the insatiable hunger of bloodlust when he started the war against Kirigakure. Vengeance and Violence were his closest lovers in whose bosom he found his old self; the self of strength and of confidence.

Kakashi grew silent whilst his heart screamed tirelessly for someone to save it. It was the sole thing he could never mute. He hated that too. He was bitter.

The door of his office opened, and the sombre chain of recollections was broken in an instant. He shuddered, but did not turn to face his guest.

"Could we talk?"

 _"_ _Tsuna…"_ Upon uttering her name, he must confess, he experienced a touch of revolting affection— though for a moment only; it passed as sharply as it came, leaving him with a violent flush of blood to the face such as bursts of anger bring, followed abruptly by an icy perspiration over the entire body. It happened every time their paths met, and no matter how determined he was to numb it, the force never lessened. And it was revolting, because the last thing he wanted to feel was love, love and hate in one person, two significant emotion set aflame ever anew.

"What do you want?" He said and remained uninterested with all his being. But his heart was dancing as he muttered it so grumpily. He became rapidly aware of his company more distinctly—of her deep, resonant voice, her sweet, primaveral air, her deferential, almost protective manner. He turned slowly, and looked into her face. "Spit it out."

The clear, rather penetrating eyes reminded him of the old passion-filled days and the laughters now ringing so painfully in his ears. He hushed the thoughts away and clutched the back of his black peacock wicker chair in front of him.

"Raito told me you do not wish him to participate in the Chuunin exams."

"That's correct. And you are here because you wish it otherwise."

She nodded slowly, demurely.

Kakashi scoffed. "Raito was **never** supposed to acknowledge his powers. Yet you and your boyfriend teach him, against my commands."

"Why don't you want him to participate? He is not some weakling. He deserves the chance." She ignored his insult with great efforts made. She promised Raito to convince him, somehow. Personal feelings must be set aside, Tsunade thought.

"He can get hurt, seriously hurt. Or hurt others in ways from which they may never recover. Raito should have a calm, peaceful and safe life. Not something so doomed as ours."

"Then you should teach him to become your opposite and I guess we are fine." Her patience could not last too long, however.

"Excuse me? Did you come here to insu⸺"

"You are such an idiot." She stopped him sharply, with impatience. "Several times already I've begged you. Can't you think of **him** once instead of your personal vendetta against me?"

The sun went out. An icy air passed up his spine. The blood drained from his face. He gripped the chair till the rods of wicker pressed through the flesh into the bone. For a moment he felt that the sensation of actual sickness was better than the emotions he struggled to master. "You are so blind if you think I am the selfish one. This is exactly the reason why you are standing there, Tsunade Senju, asking **me** to do things for you."

"Just what the hell is this supposed to mean?"

He couldn't take his eyes off her. Anger and passion both rose in him in tumultuous torrents and his brain rushed between pain and pleasure, unable to now differentiate them. "My answer is no. Go and tell him that he is **not** participating in any contest and if he doesn't go to school like normal, non-violent kids do, _I will put the blame on you_."

"We will see about that, Lord Assbutt." she insisted on a lowered voice that snapped despite its faintness and turned on her heels to exit the suffocating atmosphere. No one told her what to do; no one bossed Tsunade Senju around, **especially** when it came to the wishes of her children! What an atrocious, idiot man!

But Kakashi didn't let her leave like that. He could not, later on, explain the motives driving so sternly and decidedly towards her, but the need was there and it was unmasterable. He pressed her between his body and the wall and there came a long, unexpected pause between them while he kept his eyes on her steadily, though without a trace of expression in them, a habit that shinobihood had taught him.

"…Just who the hell are you, Kakashi?" Her voice rang rather shrill and querulous in the empty room, a new note in it. She was beginning to feel the atmosphere of the past. The thought when she was alone would not touch her, but now, with the fall of night, she was aware of it, as shadow called to shadow and the kingdom of darkness gathered power.

"I keep asking the same about you..." He whispered and pain gained upon him as he said it but he couldn't break the lock of their eyes. Her closeness was both tormenting and comforting, like a man falling into a garden of roses, and the soft red petals caress the skin whilst the thorns pierce the pale flesh.

"I never wanted this to happen." Anger flamed up in her as she said, with a petulance she was secretly ashamed of.

He waited, for he did not find the words to speak. "So you think **I** wanted this hell?" He said at length, with an obvious effort and for a brief moment, he looked down at their feet.

The moment was astray, and their desire of hurting one another greater than the problem which brought her here. She drew his face back to hers and the venomous words shot so angrily against him; "This is **your** fault, Kakashi."

"Get out of my office, Tsuna." Kakashi opened the door and stepped back from her.

And so they parted.

 ** _A few hours later at Kakashi's residence…_**

As the night wore on the silence grew deeper and deeper, and only at rare intervals, he heard the sound of wheels on the main road a hundred meter away, where the horses went at a walking pace owing to the density of the fog.

The echo of pedestrian footsteps no longer reached him, the clamour of occasional voices no longer came down the side street. The night, muffled by fog, shrouded by veils of ultimate mystery, hung about the haunted villa like a doom. Nothing in the house stirred. Stillness, in a thick blanket, lay over the upper storey. Only the mist in the room grew denser, he thought, and the damp cold of early spring more penetrating. Certainly, from time to time, he shivered.

"One of us should die…Perhaps then we could both be free…" Struggling with sleep, his brain played the endless game of disentanglement without winning a single point.

He turned on his bed and travelled his gaze at the cabinet at the wall. Only its silhouettes could be discerned but he was not really seeking it for any purpose.

"This cannot go on any longer…No…But it is impossible to talk to her. I would rather die..." With a long, heavy sigh, he reached towards his bedside table and took some sleeping pills into his palm. He swallowed them all at one gulp and leaned his head back on the pillows. "It is not my fault…It is not my fault…you've gone and let your demons tear us apart…"Then, suddenly, a great peace fell over him. The pills brought it. He fell asleep.

The alarm set off at 5 am. Rising at such an hour, unless the heart is in it, is a sordid and depressing business; he always forced himself to wake so that he could avoid meeting the throng of noisome people on the streets. He could not stand such things anymore. Kakashi dressed without enthusiasm, conscious that thought and feeling were exactly where he had left them on going to sleep.

The same confusion and vexation were in him; also the same deep solemn emotion stirred by the unexpected appearance of the Senju. Only long habit enabled him to attend to detail and ensured that nothing was forgotten. He felt heavy and oppressed with a kind of anxiety about him; the routine of preparation he followed gravely, utterly untouched by the customary joy; everything about his morning was mechanical. Before he left, he took a glance at the bedside table and noted with a groan that there were no more pills left for tonight. He must make his way to the apothecary first and only hide from the Konohanians after.

The clock sounded six by the time he entered the streets. Outside in the fresh darkness of the very early morning, there was barely a soul to pass his way. The air was marvellously sweet and fragrant; grass, earth, and open spaces brought keen perfumes. With those few shinobi he encountered, Kakashi exchanged low greetings and agreed that the weather promised to be good.

He wouldn't take too long, Kakashi pondered as he rushed through the street, yearning for the comforting solitude in his office. Rin's little shop opened quite early on the weekdays, making him a frequent customer. The sight of the store filled his spirit with a faint notion of relief and he opened the little apothecary's door with a noiseless motion.

Kakashi was ready to greet Rin with his generally polite voice, when suddenly, to his greatest surprise, he realized that they were not alone. It was definitely a rare accident to occur, but what had truly perplexed him was the type of person causing such accident. The grey-crowned shinobi was swift to hide behind a row of some sweet, fragrant balms and listened with keen attention to the conversation a few meters in front of him.

"Do you have anything for sleeping?" Tsunade asked listlessly, patting the counter with her fingers anxiously. The way she looked into Rin's face, and the behaviour that followed, however, disturbed Kakashi, so that he visibly started. Something very deep in him froze him to the spot, alertly listening, surely on guard.

"Yes, Tsunade-san…" Rin nodded and bent to pull some drawer out behind the counter. She spoke on an ever soft voice as she read the labels, but Kakashi could still hear her clear. "It happened again, didn't it?"

"I thought the nightmares would stop." She admitted and stopped the repetitive patting of her fingertips. "I shouldn't have met that assbutt yesterday." Her expression and echo of her words stopped Kakashi from moving further right then— it was that strange melody in her voice that had stirred his first uneasiness. It was as if something struggled up a moment, pondered bleakly upon the present, then sank away again.

Then, he gathered his senses and took a step closer behind the row of balms. _"So you're addicted too…"_ He was talking strictly in his mind.

"Why don't you speak with someone?" Rin knew the question was no new to her, yet she could not stop worrying for both. After all, she felt it partly her fault that two so powerful shinobi at length had been broken and for no righteous reasons at all. "Someone you can trust and could help you feel a little better…"

"I am fine. It's just nightmares... It's fine." Tsunade lied without effort, perhaps because she believed in what she said; she attributed her recurrent nightmares to stressful life, and ignored every other symptom that might have belied her state of sanity. The idea of madness or of depression frightened her. She was not ready to face mental problems when there were two children to whom she must take care. "Everything is great." She added it hurriedly, looking over her shoulder as though someone might be listening, then forced a smile and brought her eyes back upon Rin's again. "Hm?"

"You are the best medical-nin of this whole world, Tsunade-sama, you know that nothing is fine." Rin pushed and paused, expecting the other to speak but the blonde looked away in denial. "Kiri-kun said that Raito-kun got into a fight at school. Don't you think your suffering is affecting your son too?"

The flash of her sombre, angry eyes betrayed that her aim was singularly good.

Kakashi bit upon his lip and for a brief moment guilt ran in shivers through his spine. Rin was not entirely wrong, no. He was certain his own damned behaviour had its effect on everyone near him. It was only natural that with Tsunade it would be the same. He remained hidden, watching, waiting, alarmed and tormented by the pitiable, lost sight of the woman he so dearly loved until this day.

"Just give me what I asked. Please." Tsunade answered hurriedly and brought her eyebrows together. She was losing patience. She hated openness.

"Here…It will be 15 drakes with the pills." Rin sighed, and handed her the little package of pills. She knew the blonde would be back soon; it was impossible to take the medications from the hospital without leaving a trace. Tsunade would never risk that; it would be equal with admitting there was something very wrong.

"Thanks…"

The woman paid and stormed out and it was all that Rin could whisper; "Have a nice day…" She noticed the nervous fumbling at the entrance, then some awkward steps between the Balms and Herbal Lotions rows. "Hokage-sama…Here for your prescriptions?" Rin queried smiling a little sadly and tilted her head to catch the sight of the hiding Hokage.

"Yeah I am." Kakashi shivered and at length walked to the woman at the counter. He was visibly started about something, and struggled to find the words to speak. "Uh, Rin…"

"Yes Hokage-sama?" She said, the aching mood of the man so visible on his features that she gazed into his face with yearning and anxiety in the sweet brown eyes.

"How bad is she doing?"

"And you? How bad are you doing?" She asked on a soft, concerned tone and her hand stole out to meet his own.

"I am okay…It is stress that brings me sleepless nights…Nothing else."

Kakashi spoke as though a struggle were in progress in his being. He did not return the gesture of her hand, but nodded in acknowledgement of her kindness.

She got the impression that he somewhere wanted help but refused to ask for it. She understood the pathetic quality with which he endeavoured to veil the truth. His character naturally was so strong and independent. It now seemed weak, as though most fibres had been drawn out.

"You know that you can talk to me…" she hesitated for a second as she spoke, and with so exquisite a tenderness that any man would have taken her into their arms to hear and feel that gentle little being. And then she added, still more softly; "I would do anything to make you feel better, Hokage-sama." She looked deeply in his eyes as she spoke.

There was a silence that ensued in the apothecary. She was aware, that is to say, of resignation as well as resistance in him. He already felt the effortless peace which follows upon long, unequal battling, as of a man who has fought the rapids with a strain beyond his strength, then sinks back and goes with the awful mass of water smoothly and indifferently—over the quiet fall.

"Could you get me my medications, please?" Was what at length broke the silence between them. He fought back his resentment and looked away for a brief moment; if it wasn't for Rin's filthy desires, perhaps he could have been happy by now… Kakashi hated everyone once close to him. There was really no one or nothing to remind him of peace and joy, anymore… _Except…The Senju_.

Rin blushed and handed him the little package. "Yes... I apologize. It would be 25 drakes…"

"Thanks." The coins were already on the counter by the time she was allowed to utter the words.

The sky held calm and cloudless during the morning. Kakashi, upon exiting the apothecary, betook towards the Academy. His feet fell heavily on the ground, the body dragged by the limbs towards the office; captured and half-maimed, in a monstrous reality. He remembered days of rain that refreshed the town, but left these grounds, cracked with the summer heat, unsatisfied and thirsty just like a heart was drenched in the warm blood of love and pumped no more when passions left it.

"Hokage-sama, if you have a second..." A voice broke the eclipse of thoughts and the Hokage's steps halted in the misty corridor. Oh, just how deeply he wished to be left alone!

"Yes, Elder Utatana?" Kakashi sighed and ran his fingers through his thick white crown.

"We will be very sad to see you leave…" The woman spoke with a furtive smile flashing across her mouth. She cleared her throat, which seemed she swallowed words she knew were not polite to utter and yet, she stood there, forcing a conversation between the two.

But the Hokage knew what was in her mind and he wanted to be over it so that he could lock himself into his office with paperwork. And solitude.

"Of course you will." Kakashi began and lowered his eyes on the short old woman. She was almost the same height as Tsunade, noticeably smaller than most women in town.

It was one little trait he used to love in her; that she was never ordinary. If only her memory did not come to his mind upon the most trivial matters, life would have been much easier to live. And there he was, thinking of _her,_ again...Dammit.

Kakashi needed a second to recover his mood and words and upon a minute of quiet contemplation, he then added, now stern. "These past six years had been Paradise to you, Elders. Everything went by your desires; every order was carried out because you knew I would rather obey you than face more demons."

"Wasn't it a win-win, Kakashi-sama?" She queried, point-blank.

Certainly, there was that truth right there that made him say; "For a while, yes. But not anymore. It is only expected, that I will not do this any longer."

"You allowed us to take advantage of your tragedies. We only took the opportunity. And look at Konoha now; it has never been so prosperous. Its people have never been happier. Your pain was very valuable to us, and that is why we were extremely disappointed in your request. But we believe that after all, you'd fulfilled your job. Naruto-san may be able to follow this path you have so meticulously paved out to him."

"I hope. Because I do not care anymore." He replied, the air about him cold and stern as pillars.

"So allow me this question, Kakashi-sama. How will you face the world? Your past? For it is still outside, hunting you."

"I don't know. But something must change. I cannot exist like this. It has no use, apart from you benefitting from it. But Konoha is too stable now; we both know that in fact, you don't really need me anymore. Something must change."

She didn't answer, but she made no gesture in wishing to end the conversation either. Kakashi felt perplexed. "And that makes me ask you, why did you stop me? What is your purpose of forcing me to converse with you? We have been so generous with each other by avoiding unnecessary contact all these years."

There was that smile again, but the furtiveness was now glowing with a different shade; there was a strange light of selfish pride. His worst beliefs were then confirmed.

"Let's gather tomorrow for a quiet meeting, all right? At Yakiniku Q. After midnight, so you shan't be bothered with the crowd."

"What purpose does that ill-famed bar serve in your request?"

"I need you to sign a paper. The declaration will thus bear your name."

"What paper?"

"We believe that Sakura Uchiha should take over the leading of the hospital."

He stood astounded a moment. It was as though all the bones had been withdrawn from his body so that he must sink and fall. "I don't believe I⸺"

"But of course, you see just right behind my words."

The bones shot back into his body the same instant she said those unwholesome words, but red-hot and burning; the brief instant of shock passed; he was torn between the desire to break the wall with his fist or simply run away from this rotten world forever. Out of the horrid tumult, then, he adopted neither course. Without reflection, certainly without analysis of what was best to do he took up his action where it had been interrupted. He cleared his throat to confirm the request. "…You want me to agree to fire Tsunade Senju and hand her the paper in that nightclub so she could not make a scene?"

"Our last request and you will wake up as an ordinary shinobi next morning."

"And if I refuse?" He felt a sudden tremor in his hands so he clenched his fists tight to stop the apparent betrayer of his weakened mental state. For a second, he almost forgot how much politics disgusted him whilst there was always a reminder of it. This day could not get any worse, Kakashi thought.

The elder felt the agony that was in his audacious question, the passionate striving, the awful struggle to escape.

She smiled and asked, uncaring about feelings and morality; "But why would you want us to refuse your request of resignation?"

"You cannot keep me in this position forever."

"We can. We **are** the Council. Naruto-san will be still considered very young if he is elected Hokage after another 10 years. And we doubt you would live that long, considering your lifestyle."

The wind outside against the windows was suddenly audible. His eyes travelled towards the windows and he asked mournfully; "Why are you firing the best medical ninja in this world?" He felt a storm of pity, an agony of bitter, futile hate sweep through him. This was unfair. This was disturbingly, disgustingly unfair. His heart beat violently a moment, then stood still. He needed to remain calm; emotions he could not command.

"Her re-developed hemophobia doesn't make her efficient anymore. Especially that there is now Sakura-san."

"It's not Tsunade's fault. Michiko is sick, we almost lost her when she was born."

"We know that." She nodded, although without sympathy. "We know that your daughter is suffering from haemophilia, which is the cause of the former Kage's behaviour. I would certainly be afraid of seeing blood, I am sure, for it would keep reminding me that my child may die any second. This is all very understandable."

"Yet you choose to use this weakness against her. The hospital is the only place she feels confident and safe." He clenched his fists into grips again. The conversation was going nowhere.

"I appreciate your concern for your former lover, but she is not more useful than a cleaner now. Konoha's town is not going to keep flourishing by being kind and merciful only. We need expertise, order and skills. The document is on your desk. Sign it." And with those hateful words, she was gone.

For a time, he had no means of measuring precisely, Kakashi stood in that misty corridor, pressing his back against the wall, and would have drawn the curtains down to hide him had he possessed the mental strength to stretch an arm out. The pain, anxiety and qualm which he felt passed gradually away. He realized that the air had emptied, the suffocating anger her presence had stirred into activity had retreated; he was alone in the gloomy corridor of the odious building...

Then he remembered suddenly again the terrified woman waiting for her pills at the apothecary this morning; and realized that his skin was wet and freezing cold after a profuse perspiration.

He prepared to continue on his way. It cost him a great effort to leave the support of the wall and the covering mistiness of the corridor, and rush up the stairs to the office. At first, he sidled, then, finding this mode of walking impossible, turned his face boldly and walked quickly, regardless that his Hokage's cloak set some objects shaking as he passed.

A wind that sighed mournfully against the high, small windows seemed to have got inside the corridor as well; it felt so cold; and every moment his heart clenched at the thought of meeting the Senju again, bringing her nothing but further pain. Was there another thing he dreaded even more?

Upon entering the office, his first steps took him to the phone; the thought of the morning and the evil request of the Elders did not let his spirit rest; he needed to somehow ease this burden.

The idea of meeting her now struck him; he would tell her now the news, show her the document and ask what she wanted. At least she would see that he had no choice; there was nothing to do on his part. Yes, this seemed like a sane idea.

The phone rang. He sat upon the edge of the desk, his heart beating that violent, anxious rhythm again. Someone picked up at last. "Hi, uh, could you get me Tsunade-sama on the line? It is urgent and I must speak to her."

"Tsunade-sama is very busy now; she was called into Hinata Uzumaki's room."

Confusion plastered over his face in drops of perspiration; the body knew already what the mind was precautious to confess.

"Hinata? But she is uh⸺…"

"The second Uzumaki child is on the way, and there was no one else to help with delivery."

He shivered at the recognition. Pretence now seemed futile. Bloody hell! Things did get worse, much, freaking worse.

Kakashi cleared his throat and wiped the drops of sweat off his forehead. He felt his heart would leap out of his chest and his feelings were tangled, violently clashing in his ribcage. He was overly worried and furious, love and shame battled with qualm and sorrow. The moment was sheer agony.

Tsunade seemed so fragile this morning. It reminded him of that side he thought he had forgotten. He saw the mortal, wounded part of her, that one he had so eagerly wished to keep safe. He remembered that she was not all that bad he would now claim her to be. He felt pity, worry. He was horribly worried about her, in fact. And now, that feeling grew unmasterable. "But she cannot deliver babies! The last time it happened she was pulled out of the room when she collapsed on the floor in a panic attack. This is madness!"

"There was no other option, Hokage-sama." The voice in the phone shook. The woman understood the anger in his voice. "We hope, uh that things will go better this time…And uh perhaps Sakura-san and the nurses will finish with surgery in an hour or so. The others are either on maternity leave or on holiday…This is really an unfortunate event. But everyone is hopeful. You should be too."

The phone landed against the wall and the man's face shrank into his hands. "This is madness."

 ** _At the end of the day, at the Senju home…_**

Lowering clouds drew night before her time upon the world, obscuring the distant summits of the Land of Fire, but lights twinkled here and there in the nearer landscape, mapping the gloom with signals. The town was very still by the time she entered her home. Above and below it, two big winds were at work and soft rain was falling.

Orochimaru heard the door creak as she stepped in and the wet noise of soaked sandals before she walked into the living-area bare-footed. The blonde endeavoured to be noiseless but the trembling of her frame echoed in his ears like scurrying leaves in a stormy autumn night. "What has happened, Love?" He queried and rose from the chair on which he was so deliciously seated.

The moment she entered, he was conscious of a change in the air she bore; something was not quite all right. He looked at her observantly as she moved without an answer and stood in the dark corner of the small kitchen, holding a glass of warm white whisky. "Tsuna…What is it?"

She looked shattered, appallingly used up; her face so lined and strained it seemed as if she aged.

"Nothing." Tsunade trembled and downed the warm nepenthe. She refilled the glass hurriedly and emptied it at one gulp again.

"I hate when you say that. You are a horrible liar." Orochimaru sighed and approached her. _It must be something at the hospital_ , he pondered as his feet fell noiselessly on the wooden ground and he stood behind the woman, his hands upon her shoulders.

"Please, leave me alone."

There was a decision in the voice and manner that arrested him. Orochimaru took his hands away and stepped beside the woman. The confidence, the strong, resolute statement, the eager desire of loneliness, all came unexpectedly to him. He hesitated for an instant, waiting in the moment. At length, he asked; "Did **I** do something?"

"No." Her expression must have surprised him. She emptied the bottle of whisky and wiped the glistening mouth with the arm. The unwholesome recollections of the afternoon were fading rapidly, as the alcohol rose in the blood, flaming it with numbness. "Please don't force me to remember. I don't want to. It was horrible."

The revulsion she felt was actually physical, she needed to rid herself from it. It would have given her pleasure to cut the throat of the Serpent so close to her; the sound of choking—a definite, wholesome sound that explained itself—would have been a positive relief. Other feelings, though, were in her too, all over her, rushing to and fro. It was vain to seek their disentanglement; it was impossible.

He quickly understood her torment. "I heard the news about Himawari-chan..."I am guessing you were there."

There came at that moment a deep roaring in the mountains. Far away, but rapidly approaching, the messenger of an ominous storm filled the air. The westerly wind descended by the deep gorges, shaking the forests, shouting as it came. They looked out at the little kitchen window.

"Oro, she looked like Michiko. Fuck, she looked just like her…!" Tsunade whispered and she looked at him, and her voice resonated with passionate anger. She loathed this endless state of weakness, this suffocating inability of action. "You should have seen their faces. They were afraid I would hurt their child. But all I could see was Michiko…She almost died in my arms. She is not strong like Raito. I panicked again. But…I did it…I can't function like this anymore, Oro." Their eyes met, and then she stammered in her attempt to pass him when the Serpent's gaze felt as if it stared right into her soul; her discomfort was becoming unbearable. "I can't feel this way. The mothers are more afraid of me than of death."

"I am here for you, Love. You are not a lost cause." He answered softly but also with sternness.

She did not move. She couldn't. She watched him as he spoke.

"This is a great step forward that you were able to deliver that child. Slowly, things shall be a little easier, day by day." He broke off abruptly, struck perhaps by the expression in his listener's eyes. "Tsuna."

She trembled in the gesture she made of leaving, leaning away, placing both hands on the man's chest to halt him from following her. She looked up at him once again, the sentence ringing with a curious deeper meaning, a request, as she searched the answer with anxiety that bordered upon panic. "I don't know who I am anymore…And I despise what I have become."

The emotion was in the tone of her voice. She was truly afraid of losing herself in the vast ocean of self-annihilating thoughts. In that moment, she wanted him to protect her, somehow, anyhow, but do it before she became lost.

The Serpent winced. She was still so close and still so fragile. The warmth and fragrance of her atmosphere enveloped him, he felt lightheaded. "I can make you remember."

He brought her arms around his neck. Her face dropped down, so that he felt her hair upon his chest. And then, whispering something inaudibly for the world to hear, he lifted her face and kissed her on the lips.

She tried to move, but he held her against his breast.

"What are you doing?" She strove to say. But her voice refused so long a sentence, and anyhow his lips were on her own before she could have finished it. The Serpent tasted like wine and poison, his pale mouth soft yet skillful. He claimed her red lips with a kind of wicked perfection, the teeth only grazing the top of her lip so that she would tremble with pleasure.

Her heart raced like mad rats escaping the gutters and he only kissed her with a deeper fervour. They were moving, Tsunade was certain, yet wholly mesmerized, she could not protest. The demon was an artist of lust, insanely tempting in every pore of his being. He drew her breath of flowers into his mouth and she felt the darkness sneak into her own.

Without warning came the Serpent's motions, as he slowly, very carefully, disentangled her from him and his arms sank back on his sides.

For a moment she stood in front of him, gazing with confusion and deep anxiety into his face. "Don't ever do this again." She said at last, shaking her finger with a sweet pretence of looking stern, and she shivered all over as she said it, a touch of wildness in her eyes.

"I have missed this fire in your eyes." He brushed a raven tendril behind his ear, his demeanour calm yet his soul in a tempest. He kissed her because he loved her, not because she was irresistible. "You are now behaving as your old self."

"Bad way of reminding me, Oro..." She sighed softly. Her eyes were tender as her mother's used to be, and he loved the authority and strength that were so real in her.

He remembered how it was this strength that had sealed the contract her beauty first drew up for him to sign.

"Good night." She added, and before blush mantled her cheeks, she turned on her heels and stormed into her bedroom.

"Good night…" Orochimaru whispered his own voice barely audible to the ears.

Raito closed his door quietly without a sound and moved over to his bed. He saw—or was it imagination merely?—his mother bewitched by the wicked resident of their little home. Those movements… Orochimaru meant mischief somewhere. Raito sighed. He rubbed his eyes as if rubbing the images out of them, but the attempt was futile.

Silence descended upon the room. Only the breathing of the pug upon the mat came through the deep stillness, like the pulse of time marking the minutes; and the steady drip, drip of the rain outside upon the window-ledges dismally testified to the inclemency of the night beyond.

"Do you think Oji-san loves Okaa-chan?"

"I doubt it, kiddo." Pakkun groaned and turned his little head on the duvet. He was hoping to fall asleep soon.

"They never argue…" He added to himself, not expecting a response and pulled his photo album out of his pillow's cover. On top it read _; "R.H's album, Top Secret!"_

He lifted the blue little cover and turned his gaze on the first page. On it, there was glued Kakashi's old team photo of Team Minato. On the right side, as he travelled his gaze, the page was blank, waiting for his own team photo to be put there.

He heaved a deep sigh and turned the page. He glanced at several small pictures of the three of them; Okaa-chan, Michiko and him; Michi's first birthday, the first time at the Shinobi Museum, first summer and first adventures while camping. It would always be the three of them. Raito kept some pages with memories shared with his father, but right now, he felt those days would never come. Raito mopped his face and sighed again, feeling his little heart twitching. "Did I ruin everything, Pakkun? Is it my fault?"

Pakkun groaned and turned his head again but did not open his eyes. "No, kid."

"I think it is…I think it is my fault…" He closed the photo album and climbed on his bed, leaving it under his bed. He did not want to see it for a while. He shot his gaze up at the fluorescent stars on his ceiling and drew the blanket up to his chin for comfort.

"There is a serpent in every Eden, Raito." Pakkun added under the thick darkness and both endeavoured to sleep.

At the approach of the deepest darkness, the mind loves to harbour shadows. The room, empty of noise, was dark around them; darkness, too, was creeping across the mountains like a veil, deepening the serenity of its grim, unfeatured face.

The darkness and the thoughts it brought became at length unbearable. Raito longed for the rushing images in his head to cease and his heart cried out for the joy in the sunlight shared with his little sister, for the sweet air by the river's banks, for the violet lights upon the hills at dawn.

A remoteness of time breathed through him with that strange sadness and melancholic yearning that the enormous interval of silence brings. And gradually, pained, he fell asleep.


	24. Nothing to Lose

_**"You were everything, everything that I wanted..."**_

* * *

It was Saturday morning and Raito sat in his little room after having breakfast, listening to the rumble of the traffic and found the morning dull. A pile of assignments and homework lay scattered upon the floor, at the farthest corner of the chamber so that he would never, not even by chance do them.

He jumped off the bed with a sigh, having made up his mind, and grabbed his emerald green coat from the desk. Although his facial features reminded most people of his father, his taste for green was surely inherited from his mother.

And whilst Michiko often wore a mask, ⸺for one thing to keep her porcelain skin from injuries⸺, her whole demeanor, her silence and morose glow in her eyes were in as great of a contrast between his sarcastic glint, and often rude, but straight-forward character as between Kakashi and Tsunade. In short, Michiko was regarded as the lovely Hatake Princess while he considered himself the soldier of the Senju clan. And if there was any joy in life apart from his sister and mother, it was the feeling of belonging to at least one clan; but always feeling alien to the other.

He put that well-practised smile on his face, for no one must see, no one must know, no one must ever guess the existence of his rich pain that ravaged the heart in him until from very numbness it ceased aching.

He double-locked the bedroom door. He had waited till dawn brightened away the dark and dragged himself by his short legs on the streets. Michiko would go to kindergarten with their mother, and Raito preferred being alone anyway. None, fortunately, had ever noticed the change in his demeanor, his silence, his absentmindedness when spoken to, or his loss of appetite.

It all began when their parents parted, but somehow there was that faint beam of hope that tragedies as these would eventually sort themselves out and there would be what children called "a happy ending." But now, he felt like that faint beam faded away too; there was no such end for them. _"There is a serpent in every Eden, Raito_..." were the only words he heard; they kept ringing in his brain as he kept walking to the school.

And upon his mind fell similarly rushing thoughts he was unable to express and from which he was also unable to rid himself.

The school was still silent when he at length entered and drew a breath in delight of the discovery. Raito loved these early hours of the morning before life was stirred awake. He felt no fear of the solitude; its mystery thrilled his soul; but he liked the summer dawn with its soft, warm silences better than the chill winter shadows.

He passed quickly along deserted corridors. No one seemed about. The interior of the Academy was chilly, and the keen air nipped. After going up several flights of stairs he stopped at last in front of a door, he dashed inside and the door slammed after him as if afraid of any social encounter. He dropped his little bag down beside his desk and put his book on it to read.

There were sounds of footsteps approaching but there was neither excitement nor joy in him. In fact, Raito felt the complete opposite; he shuddered at the thought of being surrounded by his classmates lest he would even be forced to converse with them.

He was reading silently for a long interval of time when his eyes suddenly dropped like shot birds and fixed themselves on the door that was suddenly thrown open. He watched the flow of students without stirring, his gaze simply fixed. He seemed to be expecting someone...No, rather...hoping to find someone.

Kiriyama and Mirai stepped in and the comrades switched glances. As if their presence promised some kind of relief, Raito's hands relaxed, and he gave a kind of sigh. They lifted their hands in the air and waved the silver-crowned shorty who returned the friendly gesture. It was then that he saw, although in a glance, that the Uchiha's hand was bandaged. He wrinkled his forehead, pondering when he could have gotten injured, but no memory came to his mind. The children took their seats close to him, and he noted his friends' presence with a faint smile.

"Is everything all right with your hand?" Raito leaned over Kiriyama who struggled to pack out of his bag.

"Look." Was his answer and the child pointed towards the door.

It was Butsuma coming in, and his face purple like a bouquet of violet flowers. He avoided looking in their direction, and instead, the chubby devil stared forwards until he could reach his desk at which he sat silently, yet the air around him was malevolent.

"Big talk, no strength," Kiriyama noted with a little flash of excitement and pride, opening his eyes as though anxious to read the other's thoughts.

"You shouldn't have fought Butsuma..." he said, not with intentional rudeness, yet firmly.

"Well, it is done now. At least I'm sure he won't mess with us anymore," said Kiriyama boldly.

Raito sat still a moment, then looked back at his book and closed it, putting it away. His mind worked on by itself, as it were and he let the moment pass while he gathered his words to say. "He didn't do anything to you...And if you did it to impress Mirai-chan, you should have just said so." Certainly, he did not comprehend the inner motive behind Kiriyama's actions. He couldn't comprehend that it was based on friendly love.

"Whoever messes with my friends, messes with me... This was the only reason, Rai..."

The sound of an opening door disturbed him. Raito felt confused in his mind. "Sure..." Was all he answered and the sensei's presence broke the conversation in half. For the whole class, Raito pretended to be busy with his reading whilst in fact, he was thinking of a hundred things.

He only knew that the class ended when the throngs of children were rapidly exiting the chamber to rush into the fresh air.

Kiriyama was, in a second, standing at his desk, looking at him curiously, without speaking for a moment. "Look, I'm not a liar, Rai; but I'm not going to quarrel either. You're the only friend I care a button for apart from Mirai-chan; or, at any rate, you're the only friend that's ever been nice to me; and it's something to tell a fellow what you feel. I swear on my solemn oath that I did what I did because time was ripe, not because of some need to show off or of jealousy. I know I will never be special as you. Okay? I know it."

And as the words rolled through him Raito felt tumult in his thoughts and feelings too. There had been tumult in his life, and all his joys had long been scattered—false joys that hitherto had fed his days. The signs were sure. First, his father abandoning them, then a little sister arriving to bring joy which he could not bring into his family, and now a friend confessing how un-special, unworthy he felt beside him. Something was close down upon his little world—passing—sweeping. He felt a touch of terror. He cleared his throat and put on his best face of nonchalance. "In this case, I guess we should not be friends."

A sudden shock of surprise plastered over the other's face. Kiriyama had to ask for certainty. "What? What did you say?"

"Well…I said that we should not be friends anymore. I think it is a bad idea."

"Are you crazy, Raito?"

"No." He swallowed the rock in his throat as he lied.

Kiriyama blinked at him calmly, although there was war in that young Uchiha spirit. "Whatever you want, Raito." He lied back to him, afflicted for his comrade.

 _If the Hatake honestly believed it was this easy to rid himself from friends, then he was gravely wrong_. The silver-crowned shorty's behaviour was exactly how Mirai described it yesterday afternoon; his suspicions were now merely confirmed.

Raito was surely unhappy and lost. One would think with parents like his life was glorious, and if only people knew that it wasn't… "So, see you after class?" He said and folded his arms over his chest to seem nonchalant.

"I just said we should not be friends…"

"I heard you. But you still wanna meet, right?"

"I guess…" Raito whispered and confusion made him blush.

"We can meet like classmates. Or rivals. Do you want to be rivals?" Then, Kiriyama put his hands in his pockets and looked quizzically at the other in front of him.

"I feel like you are not taking me seriously." Raito felt a strange glow of appreciation for this boy who, with so easy an opportunity to find better people to befriend, seemed by no means bothered by his whims. "We can be rivals then." he said with ungrudging admiration that had no tincture of warmth in it.

"Good. So, where shall we meet?" Kiriyama felt excited once again.

"You could come over I guess… Okaa-chan won't be home until late, she has a lot of work I think."

"I will ask my Mom if I can sleep over so we can finish that quest in Minecraft."

"Fine with me. But we should pick up Michiko after school."

"She is much nicer than you anyway."

Raito rolled his eyes with a smile he was slow to hide from his comrade. That smile transformed his face. He looked suddenly innocent like children of his age should be, and an almost boyish recklessness appeared in his face. Kiriyama returned to his desk and the Hatake boy threw the book open with a lively energy. After a second of pretence, Raito travelled his eyes at his friends, first at Kiriyama and then at Mirai who was drawing her father's kunai in her notebook, both completely cut off from the outside world, just like how he fancied being. _Perhaps there were still little things worth to believe in,_ he thought with a lighter heart and for the rest of the day, he counted patiently the passing hours when he and his friend could play video games.

 ** _Later that day…_**

There still remained some minutes' sunlight before the huge red ball of fire would sink behind the wooded hills. It was a perfect evening, windless, perfumed, and warm. Headless shadows danced across the lawn and bats were flitting, moths darted to and fro above the azalea and rhododendron clumps.

Tsunade that day looked gorgeous. She had received the Hokage's request of meeting at midnight already in hospital, and for that reason, she considered returning home to change garbs so that the man would not misunderstand her look. But patients were plenty and paperwork was even worse and by the time she finished with her duties, the darkness had long descended on the town. Before she left, however, to calm her unhinged nerves, she downed a whole bottle of saké, unbothered by the smell that enveloped her thenceforth.

The night was so obscure that not even the walls of the houses were visible, and not a ray of light shone from the murky sky. And such was the silence amid this black darkness, that there was not even the sound of a distant dog barking, and a feeling of aloofness from every living creature was perceptible.

But the Senju knew well every single stone she stepped on, and, as she could have found her way to the bar with her eyes shut, she reached without difficulty the corner of the Street of Victory and the Street of the Fourth, where the timbered house stands with the tree of _"Rokudaime is so cool"_ carved on one of its massive beams.

When she reached this spot she perceived that the bar doors were open and that a great red light was streaming out. She resumed her journey, and when she had passed through the porch she found herself in Yakiniku Q. A dozen men, unpleasant of countenance, were sitting in the bar, where a single lamp gave just enough light to enable them to see their glasses, drinking with highly painted women, talking loudly, quarrelling, singing, and the air thick with smoke.

She sighed and took a quick glance at her palm in which the number of the room had been written and betook on the creaking staircase up to the sixth floor. The silken edge of her emerald robe passed behind her like foamy waves of fairy ponds and the golden belt around her frame would sometimes glow up whenever the Moon's light flashed it coming through the large whole windows.

"Room " She read it on the door and pushed the handle down with her hand. Cold air welcomed her when she stepped in and under the deficient light she recognized him, dressed in his usual grey attire.

"What am I doing here? Why is the secrecy?" She asked as she stepped in. She met his eyes quite firmly with a look of inscrutable anxiety, and defiance of the anxiety and of him. She left the door ajar, but before the Hokage answered, he walked past her to lock it.

Uneasiness seized her, and with a feeling of heavy weariness she awaited Kakashi's words, but for a moment he was silent, sternly and coldly, and his eyes were locked on her.

Then, Kakashi stepped to her and answered in barely more than a whisper. "The Council wished it so."

"We could have just met in your office." said Tsunade, with a glance of actual perplexity at the closed door. She disliked being in one room with him, let alone having it locked. It is not that she could not escape if she wished so, ⸺being one of the most powerful humans on earth, but the oppressing silence and the thought of intimate nearness upset her.

"I would have preferred it too; however, this chamber is safer now. It is quieter and we are alone." When Kakashi spoke again his voice was still more hushed; he put obviously more effort into controlling his feelings than it was possible to her.

"You speak like I am some mad pawn of yours." She said angrily under her breath whilst her eyes observed the chamber in which they stood.

"We are all pawns, Tsunade-sama."

"Just say it already." She rolled her eyes and avoided eye-contact.

Even to be in one room with him was painful. There were simply too many feelings too powerful to contain for long and the bottle of Saké she had downed before coming here merely contributed to the weakening of her mental barriers.

"Here." He handed her over the signed document. "We believe that you have done enough help as a medical-nin, in Konoha. We would like you to pack your things from your office and allow Sakura-san to take over the hospital's leadership."

"You are firing me? Just like that?"

"Yes." He nodded and stepped back from her.

"Because you believe I am an incompetent… You believe I am so incompetent that you have to tell me this shit in a brothel so I would not bitch around, bringing shame on you, is that it?"

"This was the Council's idea."

Those emotions Tsunade had hitherto so successfully kept under burst vehemently forth then. It had hidden between her half-calm sentences, as it had hidden between the lines of her features. It swept her now from head to foot, packed tight in the thing she then said. "And you simply agreed. You are a fucking lapdog, Kakashi."

And as he stared at her curious vexed face, she came quickly up to him, saying passionately, imploringly; "Pakkun has more manliness in him than you. What a joke, seriously."

He looked surprised, ashamed, and then vexed. He did not expect her audacity so ablaze, and it was Saturday night. He had been seven years now in the office, fed up to the throat with all its whims and caprices. "Watch your tongue. I am doing my best to treat you normally!"

Tsunade hated the contemptuous tone he often used with people way below his rank. It was an unconscious manifestation of his disdain towards people and towards anything in particular. There was no purpose behind, merely habit. Even though, she was a Senju, once his lover, and certainly a mother of his children.

 _"_ _He should be the one watching their tone and act, not me!"_ She thought, her mind buried in the thick fog of alcohol. So, being unreasonably harsh when drunk, she snapped back at him. She felt that she could have smacked him.

Her face was flushed, but her neck thin and white. She looked starved, drunk and twisted. "I am normal! I am fucking normal! Do you know what is not normal?"

"What?"

"Us!"

"There is no us, Tsunade."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Do you really wish to talk about this now?"

"Do you really think I give a shit about this document? Like I haven't known it already! Yeah, let's talk now, end this madness once and for all! I am tired of living this life! I am tired of sharing a world with you!"

"I am tired too, greatly." He sighed and turned away from her and walked to the bed. Both his mind and body were tired of this endless quarrel. And he was also tired of standing straight when all he wished was quiet and peace. He looked at her, upon sitting cross-legged, his elbows on his knees. "Say what you have to say." He demanded resignedly.

Her eyes narrowed as she stepped closer towards him. Now she would give him a piece of her mind, she thought, not holding herself back. "I wish I have never met you, Kakashi Hatake. My life was full of shit, right, but you, **you** made it worse! I haven't slept for years! My nightmares are killing me! Whenever I see you, I remember all that torment between us. I am so mad at you for leaving us! It was the most selfish decision one could ever make! You have two children, for fuck's sake! You abandoned them too!"

Kakashi laughed bitterly. It confused the woman for a second but he then said, his words clear as crystal; "Don't you think I don't miss them? Don't you think I do not long to be with them, put them to bed, read them, and take them to places?"

"So why then? Why did you do it?" She folded her arms over her chest, eyeing him.

"Because I have always lost everyone who was ever dear to me. At the end of the day I could never really save anyone! My mother, my father, Obito, Asuma, all gone because for one second I was blinded by my own things."

"You can't save everyone. But you haven't even tried to save them!"

"Of course I did! I was there when Raito was born, wasn't I? I was the one who had to cut you in half to get our daughter out! I have suffered too! But you can't fucking see from that thick veil of selfishness that blankets your mind!" And as he finished shouting, his truth was out too.

"How dare you call me selfish?!"

"How dared you leave after the Shinobi War? How dared you leave with my son in your womb, without even telling me about him? How dared you ruin my life by putting me in the fucking Hokage's chair? So you say you are not selfish? Then what on earth shall I call this? Huh? Answer me!"

"I did what I hoped would be best for Raito!"

"You hoped, yes! And me? Has it ever occurred to you that you were not alone? That you could count on me?"

"You thought I cheated on you with Orochimaru! I did not know how to convince you of the opposite!"

"You have never even tried, Tsunade! You got scared and ran! And you left me to rot here, in agony, fearing for your lives! The worst 9 months of my life, Tsunade! I was in fucking love with you! All I could think of was you! And I had to read documents and papers and hell knows what because you made me become the Hokage!"

"So it is all my fault then?" She folded her arms defensively, and the blood rushed to her face. _This cannot be true,_ she swallowed the rock in her throat as she thought. _She cannot be the one fucking everything up! She is not a bad person! She is not this bad, anyway! No…No! This is madness!_

"I don't care whose fault it is, don't you see? You fucked up a great deal and I did too, I am sure. I just cannot handle this anger anymore!"

"Say it then, say how you feel!"

There was confusion in his mind as he faced her, however, and in his heart: a struggling complex of emotions that made it difficult to know exactly what he did feel in that moment. The dominant clue concealed itself. Feelings shifted. A single, clear determinant did not offer. Kakashi, with a serene air of evil triumph, played his trump. At first, it was his wounded pride that won the battle. "I cannot stop wishing that I had chosen Rin over you. You are a horrible person, selfish, ignorant, rude, loud and a freaking gambler! I do not trust you anymore and I wish you never existed!"

With a cry of a broken heart, she rushed to him and slapped him hard in the face. "You can't be serious, Kakashi."

"How could you even tell, you do not even know me." He remarked with a bitter sharpness, his own despair greater than his empathy. Before she could have hit him again, Kakashi clutched his fingers around the woman's wrist and pulled her ever so close to him. Now, that he sat on the bed, would they only be the same height; staring eye to eye, breathing face to face.

"I swear I tried to trust you!" She cried to him in utter sorrow. "I never trusted anyone but you. I'm sorry I couldn't show it! But I just can't believe you hate me this much…!"

His face seemed confused. To keep the flame alight for six long hard years was no small achievement; better men had succumbed in half the time. Yet something in him still held fast to the woman as with a band of steel that would never let her go entirely, even when unwholesome feelings clouded his spirit.

Occasionally there came strong reversions when he ached with longing, yearning, hope; when he loved her again; remembered each detail of their passionate days in forbidden places. Or was it merely the image and the memory he loved again? He hardly knew himself. He could not tell. That again puzzled him. It was the wrong word surely... And the hateful words could not betray the undying fires.

"I don't hate you." He said hardily.

She looked away from him as he said it, wiping her tears swiftly. Her hand fell on her side, submitting to his power and Kakashi did not let her go. It was his yearning and her own materialized.

"I've missed you terribly." He said, his face close against her red lips and shining eyes. He did not wait for a response; he did not really speak to converse. The state of first love had blazed up again in him as he then turned her face to his and kissed her. The sudden intimacy was the sudden falling in love again of two people who were obviously made for one another.

In all its radiant beauty it lit his heart, burned unextinguished in his soul, set body and mind on fire. The years had merely veiled it. It burst upon him, captured, overwhelmed him with the suddenness of a dream. He met her lips in a deep clashing. Her mouth took him prisoner.

Kakashi pulled her in his lap and she obeyed the command of arms gladly. It was love that drove them, as it drove them six years ago. And it drove them with the accumulated passion of desires long forcibly repressed.

She sighed against his wet mouth whilst her slim fingers explored the familiar features of his wrinkled, flawless face. She missed the touch of his hard, dry skin that felt majestic against her tender caresses. She longed to fill her lungs with the scent of woods and spices that even after a long weary day she'd still feel in his embrace. Tsunade felt like an empty shell, without him. She needed him to fill her with life. "Please, make me forget myself."

"I will." He promised against her lips and claimed her soft full mouth with luscious fervour. The woman moved closer in his lap to his long kisses, and he relished in the delight of the nearness of her body. How long he had dreamed to touch her again, to linger his long, rough fingers over the perfect shape of her frame; he could not tell anymore.

Minutes of pleasure moulded in one long eternity of which he wished to escape not ever. She sighed little sighs against his wet, battling mouth and he kissed her over and over again with a love incomprehensible.

The confusion of their actions, in his mind was hopeless, but, as a matter of fact, he did not think at all: he only felt and he only wished to feel her. The moment, besides, was irresistible, shattering the strength in consciousness.

Her slim, warm body pressed against his as gradually, their garments were torn off the frames and she lay lovingly beneath him. There was a moment of exchanged glances where both sought the authority of luscious desires and there was that unifying clashing of lips, that sweet twirling of tongues and that magnificent cry of the sheerest, most carnal pleasures when two become one.

The moment was old but the feelings flamed anew. She lay buried under him, her heart against his heart and she forgot the very world she knew.

Kakashi's white hair fell loose about her cheeks which were flushed and rosy with his hot kisses. Her eyes were bright and wild for all their softness.

Her face turned sideways to him as he kissed, sucked and softly nibbled her mouth, and wore an extraordinary look that made his blood run wild.

He saw the parted lips, the small white teeth, the slim neck of ivory, the sweet bosom panting from his tempestuous embrace.

Her long nails clawed at the flesh of his arms and her legs wrapped around his waist as he pounded her, needing him to fill her deeper, further, harder. Tsunade loved that he was the only man familiar with every inch of her warm, tight insides and without effort, he drove every inch to tingle with untamed pleasure. She choked several moans and there were many others which she couldn't. Her body was alive, and so was her spirit.

How long was it when she felt this way, she could not remember. Their lovemaking was the paradise of a realized dream, a sparkling ecstasy they hoped would never end. And this unearthly bliss, prolonged wondrously through hollow years, now lifted them from the earth towards the very stars.

"Oh fuck!" She swore and groaned as he clashed her sweet, aching groin against his own in a sudden motion and she swore again when she felt the gripping palms claw at her waist with passionate eagerness. She knew his motions well; Kakashi would be raw and mighty when he was close to reaching his climax. His thrusts would change and she would moisten even more abundantly at the thought of his wild motions inside her. But he didn't come, not yet.

For a brief elapse of time, he looked at her all over with an open admiration that she noticed and, without concealment, liked. He, then, without notice, shoved the woman against the soaked, sweaty sheets with face turned downwards. One of his large hands returned to her side and the other gathered her loose, golden hair between his fingers, merely to yank her pretty neck back. There was no real resistance in her, and she allowed the ungraceful roughness as he claimed her again like an animal.

Their passionate cries filled the air and love and passion poured like a flood of radiant life along the mountainside at dawn. Slowly, they melted away into the black distance of the room, and their blood rushed towards eternity like a crimson sea. It was complete delirium, complete timelessness.

Later on, she would remember this sensation; this unbounded mould of pain and pleasure she had long forgotten to feel during all those lonely years. She'd remember his warm, rich seed drip all over her red, raw thighs and the cold touch of his fingers as they reached to turn her back to him.

"I love you with every atom of my being." He whispered, but his words rang so honestly, so warmly that she felt her eyes ache in tears of guilt.

And the light in his eyes was dear and marvellous as of old, reminding her of something dreamed, forgotten, lost. And he brought her back into his lap, now stripped of clothes, and of boundaries and she hesitated as though breath failed her. A moment she sat there staring at him and would have spoken surely if words had found her mind. But instead, she kissed him like a lover kisses wild and passionate the returning soldier and sank her abused groin onto his own. The timbers of the bed creaked.

A deep groan escaped from his throat and she hushed him with the twirling of their tongues, and with little shivers of pain, and joy, she rocked in his lap back and forth. Now, she dictated the pace and power and she wanted him slow, and gentle so that it would never end. His heart beat against her heart again and her bosom brushed against the warm, pale chest with every sweet swaying of those luscious hips.

The light of the purple dawn streamed on them from the curtainless windows, bathing their wet bodies in the faint sun. Her arms were around his neck and their lips locked always together, parting merely if necessary. She longed to feel him just as closely as he did too. His hands roamed, caressed and held her flawless body steady, and he relished in the nearness of her body, of her scent and of her soul.

The woman moaned carelessly in his ear, setting his blood in a rush and quiver of delicious bliss He felt himself untamed, wild as the wind and animals. Tsunade was clinging with soft, supple arms and limbs about his frame, and her weight bore him downwards to the sheets, and her lips found his own again and kissed them into silence. They swayed and rocked and moaned in the illimitable satisfaction the hours of wicked joy had brought. For a while there was nothing but desires, long buried, but never faded.

They cried their ecstasy in union and she lay buried in his embrace, her hair across his eyes, her heart against his heart, and they forgot their anger, forgot their fear and they forgot the very world they hated.

The silence that ensued was comforting, it was peaceful and if only it had lasted forever then it could have indeed been perfect. But the moments lingered and the heart was refilled with worries leaving to place for bliss to stay.

"Tsuna…" Kakashi whispered and his deep dark eyes shot open and stared within the darkness.

"Yes?" She panted still, and listened to the loud beating of their hearts. She felt a sudden wave of anxiety brush past her skin and he noticed, tightening his embrace.

"I don't want to lose you." He confessed, but the words had an unpleasant taste which he could not yet attribute to a cause.

She looked up sharply, as though something in his words surprised her. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable. A confession? Why now? Was this all he needed? Just some good time and he would be kind to her? "Kakashi…" She wished to say something, but instead with a confused face she hesitated as though breath failed her. A moment she stayed there staring into his eyes. "Don't say that."

"You misunderstand me." He noticed the slight indignancy in her voice and he sat up slowly, and she did too. "Shouldn't we try it again? Somehow, I don't know how."

"Why are you saying this now? After five years." She shivered from the coldness of the air and scanned the dark chamber for her clothes. She felt like fleeing.

"We haven't had a normal conversation in five years."

"You call this a normal conversation?"

"I mean the argument. At least I know now how you feel about all that has happened to us. We could talk. We could at least try and talk again."

For a moment longer, Tsunade sat there, unsure of the moment, of his words and of her own feelings. In all honesty, she has by now become used to anger that nourished her soul for several years now. It was, beyond doubt, much easier to hate than to forgive or to admit one's weaknesses. Honesty was painful, it was, ̶unbearable. "I can't…"

"You can't…?" Kakashi grew confused as he scanned her face for signs to betray the true content of her mind. He certainly did not understand a thing now. "You can't what, Tsuna?"

"I can't do this." Was all she muttered and before the shinobi could have pushed her to full admission, Tsunade touched two chakra points at the man's neck and he fell onto the sheets like a sack of potato.

The freshness of the air stung her cheek as she rushed out on the streets at the break of dawn. The house was only a fifteen-minute walk, so she began to run before the sun emerged from the purple sea that was the horizon.

In the early hour of four, her key clicked in the lock, and she entered the cosy home. There was a moment's silence as she listened for sounds but there came none from the rooms. She advanced, shook off her cloak, took up one of the sugary cinnamon rolls from the counter on the right, and began to munch it. She looked beautiful and careless and sorry and hard all at once.

"Late work, Love?"

A shiver rushed through her at the sound of the voice. And somehow he said it unpleasantly. His tone half undressed her.

"Leave me alone." Tsunade whispered and dropped the cinnamon roll, drowsy from drinking, fucking and running. She leaned down to pick it up, mumbling; "Uh⸺...Shit…"

"You'll wake up the children, this way. The Uchiha brat is here." Orochimaru added and approached her.

The first orange rays of the sun came through the windows from the kitchen, framing her faultless body.

"Do you want to look a complete disaster so that he can run and tell little Rin how awful a mother you are?"

"Rin stopped caring a long time ago, Oro." Tsunade sighed and looked him full in the face.

Instead of his usual attire, he was dressed in a black kimono that was richly enameled with green embroidery of typical Chinese patterns and underneath a dark purple shirt could be discerned. He couldn't wear a thing that would make him look unattractive, and she hated that. His hair was tied in a ponytail and a raven tendril hung over one of his eyebrows.

"Yes, ever since she sees no competition in you." He replied, breaking the spell that was upon her.

"Ever since Kakashi made it clear he would never fuck her." Tsunade corrected and headed towards the bathroom. She was reeking of their nighttime mistake, and she longed to rid herself from the guilt.

 _"_ _I am not so sure about that."_ The other muttered, but more to himself than to the woman. He stopped at the door and turned his back against it, whilst the Senju undressed inside.

Orochimaru glanced at the strengthening beams of sunlight, reading the time from their heat. Three more hours and Raito would wake up, and this peaceful silence would end, being filled up with energy that he truly disliked.

His further thoughts were interrupted by a sudden sound of something breaking. "Is everything all right there?" He cocked a brow and turned his head a little, eavesdropping.

"Yeah...I'm just clumsy." Tsunade answered and the opening of the tap and the running of the water could be heard. She added after a few minutes; "Could you help me a bit?"

"Yes." He nodded and entered, carefully locking the door.

"Help me get in the tub please..." She sighed, feeling dizzy.

The Serpent did as he was asked, keeping his eyes on the fresh warm water, for he wished to avoid the punches of the woman and also, there was nothing interesting to see, or new, for a fact. "Where's your towel?" He inquired as he sat at the edge of the tub.

"I don't know…I can't think straight." She closed her eyes for a moment, the water swallowing her fatigued limbs.

"So, should I congratulate you on finding the way back to each other again?"

"Don't be sarcastic…"

"I was serious."

"I fucked it up. He just wanted to see me to tell me I am fired."

"He fired you so you uh⸺ slept with him?"

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, her face red. "He fired me, we uh⸺ argued and had a stupid weak moment and uh⸺ it happened. Are you happy now?"

"I am not."

"Sorry…" She bit upon her lip, suddenly feeling a sense of discomfort.

"Was the argument helpful?"

"We…uh⸺…We definitely said more than before…I guess it was good…I mean…"

Before she could have finished the sentence of whose words she was struggling to find, Orochimaru handed her a glass of cold water to fight off the drowsiness. "Here, Love."

She nodded in appreciation of his gesture and downed the water before she resumed. "So I mean…I never knew how he felt. We would always just be rude and say hurtful things. We never actually spoke of our feelings. Now I know more."

"That's a good start. Perhaps your heart can ease up a little now…"

"Why? Because now I know he considers me selfish and unlovable?"

"Because you finally begin to understand him and his motives. And that way tragedies are easier to process. You are slowly receiving explanations of things that were left unfinished, chaotic. Now you understand the 'why's."

"I guess…It makes sense…" Tsunade nodded, Orochimaru's words most surely made a lot of sense. Indeed, she felt a little better, even though the nature of the conversation was nowhere near calm and understanding. And yet, she felt better, she felt a sense of closure; some wounds were slowly healing. A few minutes' pause ensued, after which she said; "Oro…"

"Hm?"

"Do you think I have changed?"

The Serpent smiled. "Everyone changes at certain points in life. You've changed that night I killed your father. You've changed when you met Dan. You've changed at your first Shinobi War. You've changed when you became Hokage, when you fell in love and when he broke your heart. Not to mention when you have become a mother."

"But am I still me…?"

"You are still you."

"Oro…"

"Yes, Love?"

"You have always been around me."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Personal reasons. Not always out of generosity. Mostly personal, selfish reasons."

She looked away from him and into the water, and continued to sit thinking, her mind principally occupied with the untamed visions of the night. But his voice broke the silence with that peculiar audacity she had always admired in him.

"You would be much happier by my side. Even though I am not a good person and I do not strive to be."

Here, she gulped and blushed furiously.

There was a second's awkward silence. It seemed ridiculous not to speak. Their eyes then met and he thus resumed; "We are alike, Tsuna. We have always been alike. You know that I never judged you. I never resented you. I always understood you. I always will."

She didn't answer but moved her small pupils back towards the water. She continued to gaze with a kind of concentrated detachment, incapable of attachment.

"Think about it, Princess." He said at length and before he stood from the edge of the tub, the Serpent gave a light squeeze to the woman's bare shoulder. With a gentle bow, then, he exited the chamber, leaving her alone with thoughts and emotions.

She stopped dead a moment. Her heart, it seemed, stopped too, then took to violent hammering in her brain. Life was, on her part, a great tragedy of sacrifice. Having given all her best qualities to her children, she kept none over for herself— not even enough to appreciate her loss.

Her radiance, sparkle, lightness, all her airy wonder, joy, and strength, passed from her into the two silver-crowned siblings. She had not retained enough power or will to even to understand herself anymore. But she felt and dreaded that she had changed, and merely a fragment remained in the loss of the rest recognized.

By pouring the last remains of her faith and strength in reproduction, she had not grown richer but had somehow merely emptied herself. She missed the lustre within the hollow orbs that stared back at her in the mirror, missed the fiery twist of her tongue when she spoke, and she missed the bewitching demeanor with which she would turn the heads of the town of Konoha.

And as the years wore along, the more time accumulated, the harder it was to recall who Tsunade Senju was. And the longing of rediscovering faded until that she did not care. And thus she did not care whether she could be loved anymore. Whether or not she was an exquisite woman anymore. She lived for her children. She lived for them so she could survive. Why did this man want her? What was there for him to want?

There was a roaring in her mind, and yet came a marvelous silence—just behind it. Then the roar of emotion died away. There was utter stillness. This stillness, silence, was all about her. The world seemed preternaturally quiet. She shivered and looked towards the door.

"Oro…"

And the Serpent was patient. His love for her did not falter; it waited. She wouldn't consider them being the same, but the truth was that they were. Two marred sides of the very same, old, rusty coin engraved by an unknown power. But the Serpent was patient, for he knew and he understood and thus he waited. He waited like a hunter waiting for its prey, and whenever she fell, he was there to pick her up and pick up the pieces that otherwise would lay scattered, mangled, torn. And he still waited, to put back that flawless, radiant smile that would so quickly fade from the Princess' face.

Upon an impulse, she got out of the tub and took a look at the mirror. The light had long died out of her eyes. Her image was looking back at her stiffly, superciliously, with, so it seemed to her, the contemptible simper of one who still fatuously admires the thing that has long since lost its charm. She caught her breath and clenched her hands, drawing down her rather heavy eyebrows in an expression of angry scorn. "You are an idiot. You don't know what you're talking about…"

"Am I?" He said demurely as he stood behind her, a towel in his hands.

She jumped as she noticed him and grabbed the soft cover from the man. "Gosh, you scared me!" She growled in indignation but was unable to tell who ignited the emotion; her feelings or his own.

Orochimaru smiled and watched her in complete silence for some moments. She wrapped the towel around her hourglass frame, letting her wet golden hair fall loosely around her shoulders. For the umpteenth time in that night, she was visibly struggling with her thoughts to express, vowing fiercely under her breath for sins she had not yet committed.

The Serpent tilted his head to one side and the smile softly faded from his wicked lips.

"Don't give me this look, Orochimaru. I don't want to speak about love. I don't need it; it brings pain, not pleasure." And this time she was off and out of the bathroom before he could prevent her, and the sound of her silvery steps mocked him under the dawn's light.

He narrowed his eyes and was after her in a second, following her slim whiteness through the living-room, as she glided lightly, her hair flying in the soft breeze coming through the open windows, her figure swaying like the rays of sunlight upon the pond's blue waters till at last he caught her and drew her to his arms, and kissed her forehead long and tenderly, until she closed her eyes in the fading of resistance.

"I slept with him because I love him." She whispered, her hands softly gripping his own.

"Yet you still feel you have made a mistake." He whispered as he retreated, and sought to meet her tired eyes in the dim sun's light at the door of her bedroom.

"Doesn't it bother you? That me and him…? How can it not bother you, Oro?"

"Because it bothers **you** , Tsuna. That makes me happy enough."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Then tell me I am mad. Tell me this is going nowhere. Tell me you don't need me."

"Of course I need you. But that's different."

"Your answer doesn't suffice."

"Let me rest now. Please. You said Kiri-kun is here. I need to wake up early so that I can prepare breakfast for the children."

"Of course…" He nodded and took her hand in his and planted a kiss on it.


End file.
